Key of Malta: The Food of Love

Disclosure:

I have the feeling I will be editing and re-editing this post --to get it right. Somehow Music is so hard to write about, because, well, you can't hear it on paper. But, I gotta try. I know this picture below is not totally right,(too many lines for musicians) but it was such an absurd idea, I had to use it. The moon as an E. Or a C, depending on which line you want to eliminate.

Warning: If you're not a music lover, this could get tedious.
And even if you are. It will eventually get so long, I'll be the only one, for sure.

I consider myself a sort of Renaissance, all-purpose artist type. I like it all: visual arts like painting, drawing, photography; drama in all aspects: directing, set design, acting; literature and writing. Sometimes I regret this division because I think it allows my attention to wander too much, diluting my commitment(s). See? But Music was my first, earliest art love--you know what they say about your first love.

Kid Rock:
The earliest music memories for me are pre school. When I was four, my mother was only 23-4, so she was still pretty hip about music (not much else, but music was a good'un!) We had the standard 60's Magnavox hi-fi machine in the living room, but since my father was a bit of a musician (played stride boogie-woogie on the piano and played accordion), he home-built some speakers for the basement, and ran a wire from the upstairs hi-fi, with a switch that could change the sound from upstairs to downstairs to both. Why was this important? Well, when my mother wasn't in the mood,we kids could go in the basement and blast the records we were playing without disturbing her coffee clatch. The blasting was essential. We would dance stupidly, jump up and down on the beat up old couches and chairs down there, acting in utter and total retarded abandon as only young kids without self-consciousness can do.

What were we listening to? Well, occasionally these Disney, story-telling albums, with an oval picture window; we had Snow White. Cinderella. Peter Pan. I think we had Fantasia, too. Ho-hum, they were never my favorite. But my parents had caught the tail end of the 50's Rock 'n' Roll rebellion, and had the records: Carl Perkins,lots of Chuck Berry: "Maybelline, why caincha be true?" (My parents actually had seen him regular, as he was local) Jerry Lee Lewis, Roy Orbison, Elvis, Duane Eddy! For some reason, I liked Duane Eddy, "Rebel Rouser"! even at four. I also liked the Peter Gunn theme, The Stroll, and an instrumental song I now know the name of: "The Rumble". Even at 4 I liked the dark stuff; must be built in. We were never a big Elvis family, somehow( I think Mother considered him a greaser or something). But we had a few of his albums.
We also had albums by the Drifters, The Ink Spots, Frank Sinatra (Mom's of course), The Ventures--lots of them, a bunch of piano music(Dad's), Henri Mancini, and Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.
And Gene Pitney! "Town Without A Pity"!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vAyitZPcMo

But near the end of 1963, when the whole country was depressed by the Kennedy assassination (possibly my earliest memory is that day), my parents made a trip to England, where my mother, with her short brown bob and pillbox hats, got mistaken for Jackie Kennedy by little British girls, or so she said. If you heard my mother's midwestern twang you would know how ludicrious that was. But my parents came back from that trip with two albums: Introducing the Beatles which had an unlikely brownish cover, a British pressing on VeeJay records, and the iconic black and white Meet the Beatles , which soon every white household in America would own. My life had just changed. We stacked those two albums on the spindle and played them back to back, flipped them over, played the other sides, over and over, until we could recite every word , every John Lennon falsetto scream, every yeah, yeah, yeah in perfect time. Hooo-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-wche-e-e--el-l-l-l-ll-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-a-y-ya-ah! Shake it up baby, now! And soon we had five, six of them on the spindle. I still like the memory of anticipation in hearing the scratchy sound at the end of one record, the wobble reverberating through the speakers as the arm automatically shifts, the spindle as it contracts its pin, then the soft Plop! of the next record onto the turntable. New scratch.

In that same time period, before I was yet going to school, my mom would take us to this discount store, sort of the local precursor to K-mart, called Arlan's. The draw at Arlan's was 45's. I don't know how much they cost then: I'm gonna guess 69 cents. They had racks and racks. I remember staring at one with a picture of a guy with crazy curly hair--I thought it said Bobby Die-lon--that's how I pronounced it in my head and hence confused myself for years after--I didn't pick it , though. My mom would let us pick out whatever we wanted: soon we had a huge stack that overflowed our little plastic case and we had to get another. And another. But we played them so often, we didn't really bother to put them back in the case..we just had to memorize the colors of the labels to find anything. Tommy James and the Shondells had a yellow checkerboard label, Beatles on Capitol had an orange and yellow spiral, Motown 45's were royal blue with silver writing, and a map of Detroit, Motor City. The Monkees were on a red and white label.

We never bothered to keep the sleeves, and my brother and I , with whom I shared a room with bunkbeds, got custody of all the 45's in a big messy pile, and the little kiddy record player we had. My two sisters, after the initial Beatlemania, and Monkees' echo, sort of lost their interest in our dance parties; my brother and I were the keepers of the Holy Flame. We never thought to sing to our hairbrushes the cliche way you see kids do on TV. Maybe because no one used handheld mikes then, or we were just too stupid to think of it? To this day, though, I don't like handheld mikes: they seem corny to me. I like singing to a stick instead, like the old days.

But Jay and I kept adding to our collection. Where did we get our ideas for what to buy? Well, mostly our local am radio station, KXOK ("In St. Lou-is---Mis-sou-ri-i-i-i-i "--the jingle).

http://630kxok.stlmedia.net/audio/jingles/track27.mp3

Can't believe I found this online! It's not the one I remember, because the girl singers dragged out the Mi---sou-sou-sou-sou-ri-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i- further, but close enough.

I had forgotten the main DJ's name was Johnny Rabbitt--seems there was more than one...St. Louis and Kansas City were rather important media outlets in those days. No more.
Apparently KXOK had 100's of jingles--found this great website that illustrates. If you listen to them all,(major blissful timewaster) you get the idea of how much variety there was in Pop radio then--surf jingles, jazz, futuristic, guitar, horns,60's organ, beach boysish, film noir, a capella...

http://630kxok.stlmedia.net/audio/jingles/index.htm

Even a.m. top 40 was decent then: on any day you could hear things as diverse as The Kinks' "Lola", Aretha Franklin, "Wichita Lineman", Sonny and Cher, Herman's Hermit's "Missuz Brown ,you've goh'a luflay dau'er" --Mom claims I had a crush on Peter Noone, I think she did, and fobbed it off on me, Paul Revere and the Raiders' "Kicks" and "Indian Reservation" with that incredible funky-church organ solo at the end, plus the Indian tom-tom drumbeats, or the Stones' "Paint It Black". Somehow it doesn't sound the same to hear them now on a sanitized oldie station. Jeesh, I feel for kids listening to the radio now. Also, I had one of those kitchy round Panasonic transistor radios on a chain: mine was red, and was known in my family as "the tomato radio". I used to listen to it in the woods. (What I wouldn't have given for something like an IPOD then. But, I'd probably be autistic by now if that had happened. ) Of course, we got ideas of what to listen to from Ed Sullivan, which we watched at Grandma's after every Sunday dinner.

Sometimes we bought random things, just for the name and title: we had this 45 with, I think, a palm tree? Island Records? by The Lovin' Spoonful , which was John Sebastian's--he sang the "Welcome Back Kotter" theme song-- band (also he was at Woodstock), but we had no idea who he was. The "A" side was called "Rain on the Roof" and it was a pleasant little ballady thing, but my brother liked the "B" side called "POW!" It was a fast hootenanny with crazy lyrics you could barely recite--something about stealing chickens and the peacock holdin' the bacon? We really didn't pay attention much to "A" or "B" sides--for about a year my favorite was a " B" side--the "A" being the Beatles' "Hello, Goodbye" which was a cheerful, obviously "Paul" song, but the "B" was made for my darkside, and definitely John: "I am the Walrus." The off -kilter violin intro and moody cello/That weird wind-down where it sounded like the record was slowing down and some mutant vigilante army was coming out of the hole in the ground it created--hoopah-hoopah, everybody ha ha, everybody ha ha, and "kicking Edgar Allan Poe"--so trippy.

Here's another trip, a lesser noted song from the same album(Magical Mystery Tour--everyone ripping off Ken Kesey's Blue Bus- "Furthur"): "Blue Jay Way":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXF66qZgSR8

Revolution:
By 10, I had my own room , and started thinking bigger: I needed my own albums. Besides, Jay had recognized that 45's worked well as frisbees too, and he kept winging them around the room, in spite of my anger. My first album, I am ashamed to say, was by K-tel, Believe in Music, a compilation album that was very cheap for a kid with only babysitting money to spend. The grabber song on there for me was Argent's "Hold Your Head Up". That should redeem me: they were an underknown British psychedelic band with another great organ sound. It also had Slade, the Hollies "Long Cool Woman", and the Raspberries. Next I got Superstars of the 70's,( which actually had 4 or 5 discs--and unbelievably, MC5's "Kick Out the Jams" --the clean version that said "brothers and sisters" instead of one of the 7 words you can't say on the telly) or maybe I got it for my birthday, along with (the shame!) a Partidge Family album. I denied having a crush on David Cassidy, but I watched the show with my sisters, along with The Brady Bunch. Am I right, was that on back-to-back on Friday nights?

The first real albums I bought , though, were The Beatles' Sargeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, and Elton John's Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road. Of course, my favorite song on that album was "Funeral for A Friend/ Love Lies Bleeding":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p_xAToFzck

But after that, I started getting into what was then called generically 'heavy metal': Zeppelin. The Who. (Tommy--the movie version-- was another early album I owned.) Pink Floyd. Robin Trower. Alice Cooper. I know--hardly anyone would call them heavy metal nowadays, but they just ended up lumped in for convenience. I switched radio stations ,to KADI and, even worse, KSHE, whose logo I now imagine was inspired by Pigasus--the Yippies nomination for President at the '68 convention? The station called their Pig "Sweet Meat", however, and he looked like a demented porcine version of Tommy, wearing isolating headphones, black Raybans, and in the earlier logos I remember, a joint sticking out of his mouth. I started saving up for a real stereo, with headphones. Pink Floyd, of course, necessitated the headphones, so I could hear the whoosh and channel switching right in my head. Zeppelin, too, et al.Here's the new KSHE pig:

I just discovered where KSHE probably got the idea for its pig: The Blodwyn pig, an obscure Jethro Tull offshoot.

But there was another reason I needed headphones: as much as my mother loved the old Beatles, she hated Sgt. Pepper. Success! Even more, she hated my latest Beatles acquisition; my new favorite: The White Album:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsDFxmbjZ7I
I need a fix cos I'm goin down... down to the place where I left up town. Brilliant.

From some dude on youtube:

According to Lennon, the title came from the cover of a gun magazine that producer George Martin showed him: "I think he showed me a cover of a magazine that said 'Happiness Is a Warm Gun.' It was a gun magazine. I just thought it was a fantastic, insane thing to say. A warm gun means you just shot something."

"Happiness Is a Warm Gun" is Paul McCartney's favourite song on the White Album. Although tensions were high among the band during the album's recording sessions, they reportedly collaborated as a close unit to work out the song's challenging rhythmic and meter issues, and consequently considered it one of the few true "Beatles" songs on the album.Lennon said he "put together three sections of different songs ... it seemed to run through all the different kinds of rock music." The song begins with a brief lilting section ("She's not a girl who misses much..."). Drums, bass and distorted guitar are introduced as this portion of the song proceeds. The surreal imagery from this section is allegedly taken from an acid trip that Lennon and Derek Taylor experienced, with Taylor contributing the opening lines.[2] After this, the song transitions into a Lennon song fragment called "I Need a Fix," built around an ominous-sounding guitar riff. This section drifts into the next section, a chorus of "Mother Superior jumped the gun." The final section is a doo-wop send up, with the back-up of vocals of "bang, bang, shoot shoot."

One of the most salient musical features of the song is its frequent shifts in time signature. Beginning in 4/4 time, the song has one measure of 6/4 time for the line "She's well acquainted..." before changing back to 4/4 time for the next line ("The man in the crowd..."). It then uses a measure of 5/4 followed by a measure of 4/4 for the line "a soap impression of his wife which he ate and donated to the National Trust" . The subsequent guitar solo features a measure of 9/8 followed by two measures of 12/8. This pattern is repeated in the "I need a fix..." section. This gives way to alternating 9/8 and 10/8 measures in the "Mother Superior..." section before returning to 4/4 for the doo-wop style ending. The "When I hold you..." section slows down dramatically and employs one of the few examples of polyrhythm in the Beatles' repertoire: the drums play triplets while the rest of the instruments and background vocals use a duple rhythm.
Like I said, fucking brilliant.

Outside my door, while I'm listening to Revolution #9

"Tracy?? Is that playing right? I don't want you putting your finger on the turntable again--you're going to ruin that stereo...turn it down....okay?"

At dinner: "Did I hear one of those weird Beatles songs say it was about a gun? (smurky voice) I thought they were against violence...they've gotten so strange. " But the Beatles were gone, and now I only had John to help me make my parents nervous.

Also there was Abbey Road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW6G3nh5S3I

I sorta love this, albeit rather ungrammatical, and silly comment someone left on youtube about this song:
" Fuck sex to the song, someone tell how to have sex WITH the song!" The above video sorta irritates me, though. This is one of those songs you need to, must, listen to, in your bedroom, with all the lights off, wearing headphones, on the bed, with pillows surrounding your head so not one vibration of music escapes. Videos are too distracting; this requires complete sensory depravation, other than sound. This is what I used to do.

I must have been 13-14, when I got this album, and this song--made me want someone---soo bad- who? ---no one in particular----maybe someone who could make music like this----yet, it still drove me mad. Crank it, please. My bedroom , dark, with ghosts of daisy wallpaper, everything gray and black , except one source of light --the windshield wiper-shaped, green/yellow light of the dials on my Yamaha receiver , a thin red line of the meter bouncing rhythmically to the music's beat...

So, I had gone to the cool stereo store and bought my own, with headphones. One of my first big purchases. I have to say, Fast Times at Ridgemont High got the Mall Stereo Guy, spot on: Rock'n'roll hair, cool slang, stereo-jargon master extraordinaire: more letters and numbers , model numbers and specs and Mhz without intrinsic meaning than could fill a swimming pool.

Or a stadium with bad accoustics. My friend Doug, who was also a stereo-jargon master, gave me advice: Pioneer for turntables, JBL,Kenwood, Technics,separate tuner and receiver, equalizers, woofers, subwoofers, Quadrophonic, no names your parents would buy like Magnavox , Admiral, or Quasar, Panasonic sucks, no 8-track, cassettes--you can record your own!

In the end I sorta listened, but listened more to my ear and what I heard for myself in the store. In the end I bought a Pioneer turntable, a separate, very expensive needle, and headphones, a Yamaha combo receiver/tuner all silver metal with no plastic parts--don't ask me the number, I don't remember. One big knob, two dials. Very simple compared to all the edgy black plastic models they were trying to sell me. I still see it on line selling -vintage, for $125.00, probably close to what I paid. Most expensive purchase--two, (not four)Yamaha speakers, $100 dollars each! My room was small, afterall. Later I bought a separate cassette player/recorder. I had that stereo system for well over 20 years--satisfied. My stereo was the household stereo, through several relationships.

Mice Elf:
I kinda skipped my own music playing. Not very earthshaking, however. So, to break chronology.

My dad, I guess noticing my interest in music, plopped me down at the piano at four and taught me "Chopsticks", which I hammered away at successfully, unlike my siblings. So, when I started school, I started piano lessons. And HATED them, the tediousness of scales--I couldn't get the little "Papa Hayden" piece I was to learn to sound like music with all the rules about timing, how long to hold the notes...but, I learned the basics, how to read the treble clef, struggled with bass clef..learned how to play some Indian song I kind of liked. I also watched my dad's hands as he played stride and figured out the pattern: find the bass note in low octave, follow with the chord on the down beat, one octave up, right hand melody. Easy. But, I guess I'm just an undisciplined music lover..for the next years I begged my parents to quit piano, and they finally relented, saying I would be sorry.
(Of course I am--.)

But I promised, I would still play, but my own way. I could play by ear, listen to a song, repeat it back, find the melody very easily--so I probably played several times a week all through my childhood. My mother would listen and tell me she thought I had a better touch than my dad, but don't tell him! Except, I was weak on techniques--got stuck and frustrated a lot not being able to do everything I heard on records. Also, when I hit really complicated stuff, I just couldn't finish: I learned simple stuff like "Fur Elise" but couldn't get all of the Grieg piece I worked on..lost in my ear after a bit, plus we didn't have a recording. I was really motivated, however, when I figured out all of the Scott Joplin rag "The Entertainer" (it was popular then because of The Sting), which is essentially formatted as stride ragtime--but it taught me a lot about how different parts of music work together. What else could I play? "Michelle." Some Stevie Wonder-"Sunshine of My Life". Some of the music from Godspell I'd learned in Choir, "Day By Day". "Color My World". I could play out of a music book if it had the chords and I knew the song's melody. Melody came very easy to me with a few starts. But none of this I really liked-- I needed a new instrument, and my school didn't have band.

So, about 14 or 15 I started guitar lessons. Unfortunately, I got slowed down by my friend Mary, who also got excited briefly about guitar, and the teacher agreed to teach us together. That was a mistake. Typically, before class she would say," You didn't practice, did you? " Well, I had, and she was the same way about homework...

We took lessons where my dad bought his electric organ. (You know, I really regret I rarely fooled around with that machine, but it sounded so corny when he played it.) Our teacher was corny, too, this middle-aged bald guy, who used to suck his teeth in time to some music he had playing invisibly in his head. Mary, who was two years younger than me, and patterned herself on an even more Tomboy image than me, say, Tatum O'Neal in the Bad News Bears, used to regularly call him on his corniness, asking him when the hell did he start losing all his hair, and was there a whistle stuck between his teeth?   He retaliated by calling us collectively, "The Body and the Mouth". "Hey, did the Body and the Mouth both make it to lessons today? Well, let's go!" Mary, of course, was the Mouth. I stuck with it for the better part of a year. What a creep..we were 15 and 13.

But I learned more from my new friend Randy, who knew all sorts of chords and folk music, and sent my music tastes down a new path to singer/ songwriters like John Prine, Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Arlo and Woodie Guthrie, Steve Earle, Leon Redbone,Leo Kottke, Townes Van Zandt, and country rock, blues, and psychedelic guitar oriented bands like The Band, CSNY, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, The Allmans, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Lynryd Skynryd, really it was just what I needed at that time to learn guitar from these gents, since all I had was an acoustic Alvarez with a bent neck, anyway. The teethsucker sold it to me...

Later, in the 80's, I bought a crappy punk-black bass, and slapped a Die Kreuzen sticker on it I found in Seattle. Then I got an electric punk Stratocaster (also black), for a gift, and now I have my own good guitar, a Telecaster. A girl guitar, I've noticed, lately.

Back to the 60's:
I cannot skip this very salient influence in music for me.  The ulimate, abandoned record collection. Some have assumed I am older than I am--lived through the 60's as an adult, Woodstock-going, hippie, simply by recognizing my knowledge of the music of that era. Really, I am too young, and only saw the 60's on T.V. like other kids who were my age. Those hippie-types were all approximately ten years older than me. My next door neighbor's daughter had been in a mental institution for seven years for freaking out on LSD by the time I could drive. But my friend Barb was my conduit to the inner ear of the 60's.

She was German. Adopted late in her parents' life after a trip they made through Europe. They were both WWII vets,doctor and nurse. Barb and I used to speculate that her mom was a Reeperbahn prostitute, but that's probably ridiculous, a teenage glamorization colored by our musical tastes. But Barb had two brothers, both over ten years older than us, both very interested in music (one in a mental hospital, too, never knew why, never asked), so Barb became custodian of the most fabulous collection of 60's albums imaginable--the number of those I had to repurchase before I went off to college alone--boggles.

Michael was a prog rock aficionado. So, we got to go beyond our classmates' Pink Floyd Dark Side- planetarium, laser show knowledge. We felt quite superior to know who Syd Barrett was, that he was the Crazy Diamond, the lunatic in everyone's head in the 70's. We knew what he sounded like too. And we were girls. Never mind that when we were 12 we pretended that Donny Osmond was spying on Barb through the poster on her bedroom wall. So, Piper at the Gates of Dawn, Saucerful of Secrets.    Procol Harum. The Byrds.old Fleetwood Mac (pre-celtic goddesses), Moody Blues.("Nights in White Satin" is still a hauntingly beautiful song--listen to it again if you haven't in a while, if you don't have time for the entirety of Days of Future Past--a concept album that covers all the parts of a day). King Crimson. Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention. Deep Purple, Supertramp, Tangerine Dream, Gentle Giant.  I hate the idea of getting list happy in this thing..but here I am. " Cold hearted orb, that rules the night..remove the colors from our sight.."

Then just odd random things one would miss only listening to the radio. The Monks. The Doors outside of "Light My Fire", "Hello, I Love You", and "Touch Me." Old Genesis. Spirit.Traffic, Blind Faith, and Cream.Emerson, Lake and Palmer, who did the Jerusalem hymn on Brain Salad Surgery: "And did those feet, in ancient times/ walk upon England's mountains green, etc...And was Jerusalem builded here/ among these dark satanic mills."    Country Joe and the Fish. Van Der Graaf Generator. Little Feat. The Grateful Dead ( I never really got that deadhead thing, nor do I follow Phish or any of the other jam bands, but I can see they are good musicians). Lou Reed, Nico and Velvet Underground. T. Rex. Tim Buckley. And. Most Importantly. David Bowie. Everyone knew Bowie was on Lennon's "Fame", but who the hell was he? Some strange dude..oh, yeah, he wrote that Mott the Hoople song, "All The Young Dudes" ("Carry the News, boogaloo, dudes.."  ) He hadn't done Let's Dance yet.

I remember picking up Barb's copy of Diamond Dogs and dropping it on her flowered bedspread; the drawing was so shocking. Too weird for me; I don't think I want to hear this one, I said. Bowie as a Great Dane? In the same vein as Boy George and Marilyn Manson, in their time. I didn't even want to touch it, like it might give me a disease. ( It's still not my favorite Bowie listening album, although I love "Rebel, Rebel", and yet I have the remastered album on right now). But Barb said, "Listen to this one.. "1984". ( By the way, it was 1976, so it was still the future then.) Twilight zone intro, that scratchy, ratchety guitar, Superfly piano, the operatic violins--who makes music like this? How do you think to put these sounds together? I was so hooked. Ending in Twilight Zone again. Music was definitely going to go in yet another direction, for me, for le monde. And Ziggy Stardust next --man, it wasn't a fluke, a cheap parlor trick.

"Live Music Is Better: Bumper Stickers Should Be Issued" (--Neil Young-"Union Man")

In high school of course, I got old enough to go to concerts by myself for the first time. The first two or three I went to were all at our local community college theater: maybe cost a fiver? All those 70's singer songwriters I mentioned earlier; the first I saw was Steve Goodman, who was known probably most for writing a song Arlo Guthrie made famous, "The City of New Orleans", which is a bittersweet little song about the demise of the railroads in America, a song that now can make me homesick as it mentions the Illinois Central, whose lonely whistle I could hear nightly in my childhood through my bedroom window.
"Good morning, America, how are ya? I say don't cha know me, I'm your native son? I'm the train they call 'The City of New Orleans'. I'll be gone 500 miles when the day is done."

I also saw John Prine, a great storyteller("Donald and Lydia","the Great Compromise", "Illegal Smile", "Spanish Pipedream"), and later Leon Redbone, who rather strangely and endearingly did old funky 30s songs on his guitar--not quite Django Reinhardt style, but definitely a 1930s feel--, and Leo Kottke, who was an other worldly 12- string guitarist.

I think those first intimate concerts made me severely dissatisfied with the big stadium events I went to soon after: at big stadiums in St. Louis, Chicago, and Tampa. The best of the big shows were at the MRF, the Mississippi River Festival, which was this music phenomenon hosting 30 or so bands per summer, put on by Southern Illinois University for over ten years, almost totally funded by the school, so that it cost a buck or two to get in, free if you were an SIU student. It was an attempt to be a better outdoor festival than Woodstock(but only one band per night), and in some ways it was. Almost every major 70's musician played it,(except Led Zeppelin, saw them elsewhere), most without incident. I was lucky to have been the right age for it. Like Woodstock you had to trust your car was okay parked on the highway. I can't even remember all the bands I saw there: Nitty-Gritty Dirt Band,  The Who, Todd Rungren and Utopia, America, Crosby and Nash, Steven Stills --separately (no Neil, but I'll see him later), Arlo, Jesse Colin Young from the Youngbloods, Willie Nelson... can't remember them all.   One of the most memorable was Joni Mitchell during her jazzy Charles Mingus phase. I didn't really like jazz up 'til then, but I liked it afterwards.

I think the first big stadium concert I saw was Ted Nugent, the Motor-City Madman. Opening act that night was a little known metal band called Judas Priest. Later I saw Styx, Reo Speedwagon, Zep, Boston, Head East,  a big St. Louis act that briefly went national called Starcastle, who were sorta prog-rock ala Yes, Charlie Daniels Band, Jimmy Buffett, The Heartbreakers, The Cars,  and Frank Zappa. Sometimes I was accompanying friends to see their faves, which I have since learned is a big mistake. But by the end of high school and college, I was severely tired of these kinds of shows. First, it was impossible to get decent tickets, and they were overpriced compared to what I was used to. Getting in and out was a pain. The accoustics were terrible. I'm sure they are better now, what with better technology...better be for the prices!

The crowds were idiots, always cheering and holding up lighters at the slightest mention of anything remotely drug or drink related.   You could tell they didn't know the good music, like at a Frank Zappa concert."Don't go where the Huskies go/ And don't you eat that yellow snow" got the morons going. Morons and  idiots were always falling on you, touching you whether you wanted it or no, performing ungodly sex acts in front of you, puking or smoking or sweating on you. Bathroom lines? And if the music was mediocre, as it often was, it was an incredible drag that you had to put on a good face for. Later in my life you couldn't pay me to go to one of these shows unless it was some mind-shattering band I would sell my soul to see. For that reason I never saw such big names as The Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Sabbath, etc., etc. Small venues all the way. I think the last three big shows I saw was R.E.M. with my brother, U2 (someone gave me tickets) and a triple bill of Neil Young, Sonic Youth, and Social Distortion at U.S.F. --which was a truly great concert. Those Bonnaroo, Coachella festivals always look nice on film, but I doubt I would actually enjoy being there.   I think it's one of those things people psyche themselves up to like so they can say they've been there. Small concerts, however,  are an entirely different matter. But I think I wish I saw Pink Floyd, which I never did.

College Culture Clash:
When I went off to college, the biggest pain was that I had to, had to, take my life's blood with me, in two big Peaches crates--my album collection, plus my stereo. Peaches was this big chain record store in St. Louis, to me the best place in the world--often Friday nights in latter day high school, once I had my license, were spent going through the bins at Peaches. I thought they had everything (they didn't, I now know, for example, they didn't carry many indie labels, nor did they have a big foreign selection which will become important to me later in life. ) Again, IPODS would have been an amazing upgrade to my life--as it was those Peach crates--the joke was they literally looked like wooden slatted peach crates like they used in the orchards, but with the record store logo with a smiley faced peach--took up the majority of the trunk of the car, even though I'd even left some records behind at this point (K-tel, the Partidges, Elton John and Superstars being among this detritus--the Beatles moved on with me).

To be truthful, the majority of the prog rock never got in my blood. I think I owned A Van Der Graaf Generator and maybe two Gentle Giants for about a year, but when they disappeared I never replaced them, not on CDs or MP3s either. I do still have the old Pink Floyd and Zappa; that's different. I went through a small Yes phase but never bought albums, only listened to other people obsess over them, and I got sick of them pretty quick. At college I found--no one wanted to listen to my albums with me. Not the girls in my dorm. My roommate was excited I had a good stereo, and some of the girls with older siblings wanted to come by to hear my Neil Young Harvest album or maybe Lynryd (country rock had a big moment then) but mostly they were listening to Donna Summers, Barry White, Tavares, Chic, Ashford and Simpson: Disco! I didn't have any. Do I now? Hmm.
Only if you count Blondie and the Stones.

Well, I liked a few notable disco tunes: "Brick House",( I defy someone to tell me they dislike this song! " Shaka dow',shaka dow', shaka dow' dow', shaka dow', shaka dow', shaka dow' dow'..." ) The Stones' "Miss You"( that bass line can give you a lethal dose!), and "I Will Survive"--grew on me over the years, especially when Cake remade it--but seriously! After lots of decent music compadres in Alton, I felt I was in music purgatory. To make matters worse, there was only A.M. radio--which came from the joined metropolises of Keokuk, Kirksville and Ottumwa, Iowa* and played, you guessed it, DISCO!-- in Quincy, which was two hours from any big city and with lousy reception, so I wouldn't even have KSHE for solace, as much as I'd somewhat outgrown it and its long guitar solos, too. I heard the college station had some fairly good shows (one was my future husband's) but the signal only went two blocks: my dorm was four blocks away. Where was I going to hear new music?

*if Ottumwa sounds vaguely familiar to people of a certain age, it was the small town Radar O'Reilly was from in M*A*S*H.

One of the things that I really wanted to try in college, but was too afraid to do alone, was go to one of the little honky-tonks that still existed in the woods, even in the 70's. They were the kind of places where Keith Richards claimed he saw and learned from some real deep woods blues players, along the Mississippi and into the Delta. There was a sign for one I passed when I was traveling between my parent's house and my university; my route basically had me tracing the path along the Mississippi through the woods 100+ miles and across some odd old ferries and bridges,  (One called The Hardin Bridge, lifted by a hand crank in the middle for barges and boats to get through when the river was high, during flood season.)

The sign was one of those beat-up old things you tend to see in the woods: a big splintering piece of plywood, whitewashed, with "The Hideaway" hand-painted on it with black letters, plus an arrow. The arrow pointed deeper into the woods via a narrow dirt road. I figured some devilish shit was going on there, but I was good-lookin' ( и очень маленькая) enough in those days that I think it would have been a real disaster for me to attempt the danger alone. With some of those weird country dudes likkered up it wouldn't take much in the looks department. Over 90 pounds, full set of teeth, no bruises or missing limbs was being a looker. Couldn't talk anyone else into going with me seriously. And I didn't have a car. A real missed opportunity--wonder if that place still exists.

Closer to home, my home town, there were some great places to go. We pretty much were able to get in even in high school. I never had the need for a fake I.D. in Illinois in the 1970's: they let everybody in, (courtesy of the Vietnam War),or, I seem to remember one place , called Night Gallery, that would let a whole gang in together, provided just one of us had an I.D. that said 19. The twins had this covered. Night Gallery had some incredible, straight up blues bands that really rocked, and its dance floor was always packed. I must have danced to "Mustang Sally" a hundred times in that place--weird to me that I can play it now--it's not hard. Right near the river,and near the bridge to St. Louis, one of my dad's old bowling buddies, Fast Eddie, owns a locally famous place called "The Bon-Aire". It still has one of those great old neon signs with an arrow, not to be hip or retro; that sign was always on that old yellow brick building, probably over 50 years now.   Fast Eddie also stays true to the Mississipp's tradition of playing fast electric blues. Great place, and great cheap burgers, too. But one cannot listen to the blues only.

Addendum Jan 1,2016: was just looking at an old Christmas picture: Fast Eddie played Santa Claus for us kids in that picture. My brother Jay is holding our new puppy, Nicki. My sister is in the depths of anorexia, barely able to hold up the weight of her head. My youngest sister in a new shag. I can see I am already under the weird influence of my musical tastes in that picture: I have my hair parted down the middle, hippie style, but with the grudging addition from my mother of two metal barrettes, to "keep the hair out of my eyes". I have round metal John Lennon glasses that make me look totally bug-eyed. (My bad secret is I am completely myopic, and my glasses then were thick as a brick..) Defiant eyes. The funniest detail is this weird belt I'm wearing--I remember it was too big, even hooking it on the last hook. The funny detail though, is the belt had goats embroidered all around it--yup, goats. Why? No idea-- My zodiac is Gemini, not Capricorn; my best guess is that it was yet another gift from the odd world of my Italian grandmother who had such strange taste.

Anyway the saddest note to this picture, my mother informed me today: Fast Eddie was ill and committed suicide, with a gun. Apparently, his daughter is thoroughly pissed at him for this. The Bon-Aire had already passed to his son, and is running same as ever. Except, that the river is extremely high now, well above flood stage. My parents are therefore staying with my sister for a week or so.

Be The Star You Want To Be:
(This is a slogan I have on the back of a T-shirt I won in a dance contest at The Forum Disco Showpalace in Quincy, IL..I think it was only because I was idiotic enough to jump up on a table.."She's a brick----house")

Where was I going to hear new music?
Unexpected places. Well. C'mon all you big strong men. Unca Sam needs your help again. Be the first one on your block... So, one of the random people I meet up with in college, in the school cafeteria of all pedestrian places, is a Vietnam Vet named John. An extremely handsome man who had escaped harrowing warfare with nary a scratch, at least bodily, that I could see. He was an Airborne Ranger, 101st Division, ( un famoso, I understand)... sorry, a little 60's/ 70's musical escapism , if you will tolerate...."I wanna be an Airborne Ranger; I wanna go to Vee- ET- Naam.."....

Anyway, John and I got to talking. We also dissected a overly- formalehyded black cat together--had to have been one of the nastiest creatures that ever walked the planet--probably a crack addict or heroin addict cat, the way its bowels all seemed fused together in an undiscernable mass for us future doctors/biologists, who would have preferred entrails that were color coded, not collapsed and muddy as old Scratch seemed to have been. Any,way it became clear to me right soon that John was not your average National Guardsmen-- in the late 70's, in Illinois, anyway, always 10 years behind the times, we hadn't yet got used to 'Vets who grew long hair, but John had already grown his, and what hair--thick, beautiful blonde hair that rivaled mine, and Guinnevere's, for that matter. Idiot pedestrian sophomore love-stricken girls were always suggesting he cut it, and, perhaps, take off his army fatigues. John was having no part of this conformist behavior.

He invited me to his dorm room to listen to his albums. Lights were lowered. I think maybe candles were lit. And we listened to-----the Sex Pistols. The Who? What the fuck is this shit? Music? ( Honestly, I don't think the word "fuck" had publically escaped my lips at that point in my life--after all, I was a good, Catholic country girl--not one of those Frank Zappa urban tramps--- although, I remember being perplexed, in 8th grade, when one of our Catholic bad boys from the class of '77 , regularly addressed our homeroom teacher( formally named Sister Mary Angela) as Sister Mary Fuckhead... I remembered she cried, but secretly wondered if she was as confused as I-- what did that word mean?  I think I thought it meant "rape" actually, but I probably wasn't very clear on that concept, either. Sheltered life, then.

Anyway, the Sex Pistols. Some weird dude named Johnny Rotten. And a cut up, literally bloody guy named Sid Vicious. He apparently couldn't even really play--at all. Let me wrap my head around this. This was on a new level of rebellion. Fascinating. Johnny Rotten seemed full of boils and pimples.   He advocated Anarchy. And boredom. "We're so pretty..oh, so prettaaayy...ahhhh, vacant."  The"....antichrrrrrrist." He snarled and growled in an accent I'd never heard before. It's hard to believe they were really only around for a year.

It made me a little bit afraid. (chill.)

Then John played me the Clash...much more serious business.   The lead's sense of anarchy had more purpose--it felt like the future. I felt privileged to have heard it in advance. It took me years to get the whole package of the Clash together in my mind. They remain one of my favorite bands, although I frequently forget to "list" them that way. I like Joe Strummer's history, the squatting, the DIY, the anti-establishment ethos: The Future is UnWritten is a great rock documentary, better than most with a more unusual format than the type Spinal Tap spoofs. He was a great man. I think he understood how the world should work.

I like Mick Jones as well: one of the things that made The Clash a better band than most punks was Mick's sense of rhythm, that dance-track, worldbeat sorta sensibility he had. I like his band Big Audio Dynamite as well, and especially like the songs"E=mc2", "Medicine Show", and C'mon Every Beatbox", which seem to float all Mick's influences. John also played me the Ramones, but they never stuck with me like Sex Pistols and The Clash, dunno why. I bought Never Mind the Bollocks and London Calling first chance I got. I should remind everyone that unusual records, on vinyl, cassette, whatever, were not so easy to come by in those days, especially in small towns in the Midwest. This is why little dirty, indie record stores were my favorite places in the world: this began with punk, but now made unnecessary by the Internet. Too bad those stores are slowly dying: they are the heartbeat of original music made then and now.

My first punk show was 1979-80? in some club in Chicago, of all un-punk places: the name of the club escapes me but the name of the band does not. The Crucifucks. It only recently occurred to me that this might be a reference to a scene in The Exorcist? Their name was the most memorable thing about them, I am afraid. Went mostly out of curiosity, and by accident, really. I only went there once, because I didn't actually live in Chicago--wasn't my town. We didn't even know to call this punk, then: it was just weird. You kinda felt like--I really shouldn't be here. The kind of place you knew your mother would freak, if she knew. We got there too early--maybe it got more crowded later, but while the band played its first set there couldn't have been more than 12 people in the room.
I just watched a documentary on early Chicago punk called, appropriately, You Weren't There (you can probably still find it on Youtube), looking for the name of the club I was at.

I wish I could have claimed to have been at more pivotal shows: CBGB or the 9:30 Club in D.C., but alas. The first time I saw CBGB, it had been closed quite a while. As I waxed eloquent about standing on hallowed ground, fittingly a dreadlocked junkie/wino leaning up against the boarded up window said, "Aw! Aw!! It's good to know there's still respect for the old place." 9:30 Club still exists, at a different location, and is probably somewhat more trendy these days, since punk in general is. It features in Thomas Pynchon's latest novel, Bleeding Edge, as a perfume--way too involved for me to explain that here...

However, better days and shows were to be. But the more I learned about punk, later known in America by the scenesters as Hardcore, the more I liked the idea behind it, the politics, or lack thereof, the underground weirdness and rootsy American, eat me attitude of it. The whole idea of American punk/hardcore, was to take rock away from corporations in the music industry and bring it back to the people: to grassroots. That's why there was such a garage band ethos--anything that smelled of money, ego, excess was supposed to be eliminated. So, venues were improvised.

Musicians did not stay in big luxurious hotels, but slept on the couch of the kid who helped put the show together. Shows were not in stadiums or clubs, but in impermanent ratholes: vacant buildings, people's houses, indie record stores, no-name small clubs with little capacity. In fact, if memory serves, one of the Boston punk venues was called Ratskellar. ?? Something like that. CBGB was one of the few stable clubs that was permanent and known. Advertisement was done by xerox machine and plastered illegally like graffiti on buildings, telephone poles, store windows, handed out randomly. There was no expensive equipment or laser shows. Musicians took pride in POS guitars and drum kits. No record or T-shirt sales.   People traded cassettes instead. Fans took pride in homemade. I had a black shirt I got for a quarter at a thrift store, and I used bleach to white out cryptic  symbols of bands.

The only problem was, as usual, the people. American Hardcore at some point became ridiculously clannish: the favorite sport was to be on the lookout for poseurs, and that was the worst insult that could be thrown:
"Poser."

You know, it's funny, but any of the thousands of 2nd Gen "punks" who are walking around in those Ramones t-shirts they got from Old Navy ( the ones that say Joey, Johnny, Dee-Dee, Marky in a circle), had anyone of them showed up at a hardcore show in 1980, they would have instantly been pegged, "Poser." Fans didn't wear the bands' shirts. Ok, to be totally honest, there were shirts that were acceptable. KiZZ t-shirts. An MC5 shirt would be super hep. The Stooges: def ok (BTW, that's the Iggy Stooges, but also the Moe, Larry, Curly would have worked, too). But  even a CBGB's shirt smacked of pandering. See how tuff on each other we were? What would fans wear?

Well, it depended what clan you belonged to. If you were straightedge, which meant your favorite bands were Minor Threat, Black Flag, Fugazi, SSD, Gangreen, DYS, and Government Issue, you tended to wear the following uniform:

a plain t-shirt, or maybe with some obscure graphic or possibly long underwear on cold days
offcast, beat-up preppy stuff like polo shirts or athletic shirts
a flannel plaid shirt,preferably red, but any color, unbuttoned, and tied at the waist
black, straight peg-leg jeans ( not those tight things hipsters wear nowadays): cuffs rolled up
A pants alternative, old man,plaid bermuda shorts or similar golf-style pants
skater shoes like Vans, or Chucks preferably low-cut and black, thrift store military also ok
no socks (in Florida, anyway)
a big black X on your hand with permanent marker, or a tattoo, to show you didn't smoke, drink, use drugs, indulge in promiscuous sex---possibly even eat meat.
You might own a beat up old thriftstore overcoat or raincoat like the Columbine kids had, or a miltary coat/jacket. I had a British WWII Eisenhower jacket I got in London. For 2L. Gave it to my daughter now.
any hairdo was acceptable, but it often was shaved, military style--to not be mistaken for a hippie

Now, of course there was variation, even in individual's definition of "straightedge": I knew lots who smoked, only the most militant were vegan or vegetarian. But you get the idea of how this created tension and clannishness.

"I've got the straight edge."
--Ian MacKaye

Skinheads--Music: Thrash, The Meatmen, Motorhead,Agnostic Front, anything with an aggressive, fast beat. (To be fair, there was an antiracist group promoting SHARP (SkinHeads Against Racial Prejudice) in London and bigger cities, but in Florida we had more of the racist element) Most adherent to uniform (warning flag to keep a safe distance!), and they did wear, well "braces and boots" of course. By the way, I took out the Agnostic Front graphic for this section because it was attracting all sorts of negative traffic to me that I did not want. American Skinheads were known for:

band or military shirts, especially ones that sported offensive slogans and Nazi symbols
shaved hair, including the so-called "suedeheads" although a surprising number of skinheads had crazy long,spray- starched mohawks
Pegged jeans, rolled up
Braces--just like Elton John said--Red
Doc Martin shitkicker boots
Any thing camouflage or military
Iron crosses, swastikas (natch), in jewelry or tattoo form
an ugly, antisocial, menacing look in the eye--redneck accent

Art Fags--obviously named by the other more macho groups (later the media split them into New Wave/Post Punks and Goths ): Least uniform like, but still there was a method in the madness. Favorite bands: British punk, Dead Kennedys, the Misfits, Killing Joke, Siouxie and the Banshees, The Cure, The Smiths...

Here's a CLASSIC Killing Joke video, called, appropriately, "Eighties"--Note the Soviet Flag, the fact that, other than wearing a sacrilegious priest collar, not weird by today's standards. Also, the guitar riff might vaguely remind one of Nirvana's "Come As You Are," (they influenced??)as another writer pointed out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=x1U1Ue_5kq8

Hair could be almost anything that wasn't normal or miltary style shaved. One side could be all shaved, the other shoulder length or starched and sprayed in crazy layers. Any color: black, red, and unnatural colors were most popular. (A dirty blonde like me was a real fish out of water here) The idea was to make your hair into a work of art, something no one else had. Also it probably kept you from getting a regular job, in those days.
Unusual piercings (you know)
Thrift store clothes, the weirder and more out of date , the better. Fifties crinolines were popular for girls, but maybe done in layers under, or over, (everything inside-out is good) a non-fifties skirt, or with leggings. Blinding graphics and color clashes. Old weird suitjackets. Fishnets. Victorian elegant wear was good too:silk, satin, brocade, smoking jackets, lacy shirts, poets shirts, Indian or any other obviously foreign clothes, even miltary ones--Soviet bloc would've been excellent but hard to come by, bustiers and corsets, old discarded 60's psychedelic gear,(but not tie-dye, fringe or bellbottoms, too recent and too 'hippie") old 50's style pajama shirts, Old 50's men's shirts with weird graphics, layers and layers of costume jewelry. A few went out of their way to let odd body parts show with cuts in their clothes, things layered over see-through fabric. Some of these people truly made themeselves into works of art with their clothing--others were the classic Madonna Wannabes. Some tried to adhere to a particular decade (especially girls), others were just trying to be fun, weird and colorful, and still others were obviously going for a more shocking, antisocial vibe.
Colorful makeup, male and female. Heavy black liquid eyeliner. Fake beauty marks.
Some favored all black.
Some intentionally tried to ugly up. They say Johnny Rotten smeared vasoline in his pimples to make them more pus-sy.
Some enjoyed death and torture related gear: skulls, spikes,chains, weird beltlike "devices".
Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands definitely belonged here

This girl does not:

What's wrong with this picture of a "Punk Rock Girl"?

1) Her smile

2) She's behaving coy and cute

3) Her makeup is not heavy and weird enough

4) She looks like she'd never seen/smoked
a clove cigarette in her life.

5) Her "outfit" looks like one; it matches, for chrissakes,
(lime green? Fake punk color)
-- and could go to Christian prom--

6) Her goddamn hair matches her clothes and looks
...should I say it again? Cute

7) Her boots came from Payless, not the thrift store
8)Her underwear is carefully hidden and she looks like a VTM
9) and 10) See no. 1 again, twice

I have to admit, she is adorable...however,

If she were a real "punk rock girl", she'd maybe a put a slit through one of those skeletons, hang her breast out, and put bandaids or black electric tape over it ala Wendy O'Williams of the Plasmatics, and maybe jam on a hat she stole off a cop. ( Okay, so I was never this ruff.) Quite a few real PRGs (but not all) gave the impression, when you squinted your eyes at them in just the right way, that you could see the bag ladies they might be in 20 years. There was a sort of menacing sexuality. Also a PRG would often have a big amorphous bag full of strange items: half-melted red voodoo candles, possibly from the Santeria store we had on Central in those days--The Lucky Candle Shop, which would sell you candles that supposedly brought you money, love, health or power, broken, unspooled cassettes, needle and black thread, magic markers (for graffiti), religious icons, maybe even a bottle of holy water, torn band flyers,2-3 semi-working bic lighters and cigs, loose coins,( some probably foreign--from friends she'll never see again), bottle of homemade black nail polish that had spilled on the bottom of the bag and over 30% of the coins, voodoo dolls, or dolls' heads,can of spray starch   or a bottle of Elmer's glue, ripped stockings, a spool of rick-rack,costume jewelry, a hair net,  laundry mat and subway tokens and pawn shop tickets, random empty baggies and weird little art objects she picked out of the trash for her latest project, decals, bird feathers, a smashed box of bandaids and a roll of black electric tape......

Ahem. This may be an opportune time to blow up a rock cliche: girls associated with rock are all sluts. Thank you, Goldie Hawn for spreading the mythos of the Glimmer Twin girls, and Cynthia Plaster Caster, although I sorta enjoyed your movie. And punk girls must be worse. It is not  true, if I am a case in point, and others, I think I can speak for others as well. I can count the people I've "known" on one hand.    In fact there are quite a few punk songs making fun of the rock slut idea, for both genders: Government Issue's "Notch to My Crotch" is one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDsNWd5_fyg

The Buzzcocks score with at least two "our sex life is not so cool" songs: "Orgasm Addict" and "What Do I Get?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbauu27ZIUs

And Frank Zappa's album Joe's Garage is strictly rife with satire on this practice--one song is called "Crew Slut", and inevitably Joe and the boys in the crew ( "they're all waiting for you") get wicked doses of various venereal diseases on the road: "Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?"

  There's some stupid prejudice, I think, imbedded in this idea, that girls can't possibly like this music; it must be the musicians we're after. Got to admit, I can think of a lot of musicians  who affect me like a white-coal fire, (and some of them are dead) and musicians are definitely "my kind", but...what I choose...not to do. Walk away. (Not to imply any of them would look at me twice... or is it supposed to be the roadies, 2nd, 3rd and 4th line entourage folks that get the easy pickin's? I'm not up on groupie etiquette much. ) Besides, how's that supposed to organically happen without a large handful of sleaze?   Not my scene. Atmosphere. I am a connoisseur. It's the music. I hope I've made this point throughout. Maybe some of you boyz like the idea that we're really obedient----- besides stupid and contagious.  Pretty much I think this was all beside the point in the punk scene. And part of my problem is personal--

I have a sorta psychic disconnect--I always feel more mentally connected to males and their interests, more than females, as friends. Women talk: makeup, clothes, boyfriends, feelings, gossip,Oprah, the local soap opera, pretty much bores me to death. Tedious. I'm after something more. But how many times do my interests get mistaken? Only my whole freakin' life.

But to get back to defining the artistic ones. Anything weird could have been a part of the artsy group's regalia. masks, capes, horns. I once saw a picture in a magazine of someone who had had a square of skin removed from his/her inner wrist and replaced with clear plastic so you could see all the veins, arteries and pulsing flesh that would normally not be visible. The ArtFag group is what the mainstream think of when they think of punks, because they were the most colorful.
punk fashion

I have to be true and say, when I went online looking for images to fit this category, I found very little that looked authentic to me...most of what I saw was merely 21st Century kids playing dress-up in rainbow frightwigs, fake schoolgirl plaid skirts ( I never saw one girl wear these in the 80's, the Bikini Kill girl came later, but then there weren't very many girls in our circle anyway), and those obviously 2012 platform and spike heels that didn't exist in 1980

The gents above were the best I could do...they're not bad , actually, especially the lad in the kilt...the others smack a little of leather- clad rock stars too much. Bonus points, though, if they went to the wedding in the background dressed thus. The glam platform shoes are a nice touch, on Robt- Plant- goes- punk. In 'Merica MOST punk boys wouldn't be caught dead in those Euro tight pants, either.

How about these? King's Road, though, not American...but it is closer to what I saw...notice no rainbow colored hair, no leather. Also, the "trash bag" skirts and shorts(?), probably DIY, ring true to me. The guy on the far left is obviously a weekend punk. Or maybe not. Maybe he's the craziest, and didn't need to dress the part.
"I've been trying to read the girl's sweatshirt for weeks...here's finally what I've decided it says(??)--"I'm invisible, Beware the Invisible."

The reason punk kids' hair looked so crazy, besides the Elmer's glue and starch, is that they often used off-beat things for color, not necessarily drug-store hairdye like we have now. (And that was less good, as well.) Everything was DIY, do it on a shoestring--pure $1.00 bottles of peroxide for bleaching (I did this, made my hair stiff), color from clothes dye. My friend Mary and I were once in an old Woolworth's that had ancient merchandise--and we found these 50 cent boxes of "Black Hair Rinse", from the fifties, literally! Well, naturally, we had to try it--the stuff looked like black gunpowder pulverized. But it was so old it wouldn't stick, and for two weeks when I would sweat I'd get little black beads dripping down my face (luckily it was winter). But I had this weird, greyish black hair for a bit, until it all eventually washed out. I needed hair spray to keep it from flaking off onto my clothes. I also did a henna rinse and made my hair red for about a month; that wasn't quite as ugly and cost a little more.

How about these subway sweethearts, anybigpunkcity, USA or the world? Again I think it's probably London, as I see the faint shadow of the London underground logo on the back wall in the distance. The one on the viewer's left is a little wannabe (and most of us couldn't really afford leather, at least in Fla--my hub saw more in the Northeast--hers might be vinyl or she got lucky thrifting), but typical. My best personal punk -pics came from Covent Garden circa 1985, (with authentic, stiff, statue- of -liberty mohawks! Up against graffiti walls!) but I've never scanned them into my computer, so I guess I can't post--too lazy.

If you are curious of where I fit into the mix, I was a blender. Not a spectacle. Sorta Tomboy punk..( Mary Stuart Masterson?) ...didn't wear dresses and fishnets like these girls, although I occasionally wore a black denim pencil skirt, and a black mesh top(big weave, with a black dago-T underneath. Actually, that was probably my craziest shirt. I couldn't wear it alone without getting arrested, since the crocheted holes were as big as a nickel. I could have done the Wendy O' trick and put black bandaids on my obscene parts--I just didn't want to attract that kind of attention. Ugly boys-a hassle ).

I lie about dresses--I did have several 50's authentic, crinoline skirted get-ups--wore one to my brother's wedding, but they were an effort and encumbrance in real life, although beautiful and romantic::::)))). Usually I just wore to shows whatever I had on that day, which would be rolled up jeans, my Black Chucks or nun shoes, and some sort of thrift store shirt, either a plaid Leave it to Beaver Madras, or a girlier 50's shirt with a peter-pan collar, plus this wide black belt, sorta Harley and heavy, with black X''s carved in. Lots of heavy black liquid eyeliner, and my Camels and antique Zippo. On cold days my Eisenhower bomber jacket. Big thrift store earrings. My favorites were sterling, 30's style clip-on chandaliers with no stones, all metal, deco trim, and I lost one in a mosh pit, never found it..still have the other. It looks a bit like an upside-down "W" or the letter for the Russian "Sh" sound, on a ring connecting two shell shapes...definitely a Bauhaus type of design that felt Germanic somehow--wish I could make a drawing to illustrate..

I had a sort of short, all bangs, Moe hairdo--on a good day platinum on the top, shaved and dark on the bottom. But I'm not very good at hair maintenance, so I often let my color revert back to natural dirty blonde--why I didn't like the idea of all the starch, color and fuss most punk dos took. There were really a lot of blenders at shows like me, people who looked more or less normal, thinking the spectacle was a bit precious. Look at any old show pics and you see we are the majority, the others there for punctuation. Here's what I've been looking for to illustrate; you'll see what I mean. It's   an American video with great crowd shots, filmed by Penelope Spheeris, her classic doc of the U.S. punk  underground, Decline of Western Civilization. The band is X, fronted by John Doe and Exene Cervenka (who went to high school here in St. Pete). This is probably an L.A. scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=eSqbUr2IRSQ

Did you see many band shirts, mohawks, green, blue, magenta or purple hair? One kid had a sorta weird vampire point shaved into his scalp--interesting. I love the girl who has to lift up her scraggily black long bangs with one hand so she can drink from a paper bag with the other. I'm guessing the paper bag was because she got the drink at the nearest convenience store, because a lot of those punk venues did not sell alcohol --they were rarely real bars with a liquor license or anything. There's some guy who looks a little like Victor Tsoi! In the crowd, mostly vaguely preppy looking kids with either slightly long hair or razor cuts. One kid in a "Never Mind the Bollocks" shirt: poser. Two or three in leather jackets, band buttons, and studs--they must have been hot as hell: those venues were brutal. As you could see the girls were few and tended to dress more the part.   You can also see in the video how (and I think it is sorta stupid and dangerous) we would all get out there and dance in such close quarters with cigarettes in our hands--lots of burns.

Here's a really nice interview with Exene, and in one part she must be talking about the banyan tree at Crescent Lake, where I lived nearby in the 80's-90's. I didn't know she was once married to Viggo Mortensen from LoTR, or that she was born in Chi. I missed her by two years, I guess... The son she is talking about also played an Orc in LoTRs. She must have had an interesting life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBaYytwO1pg&feature=related

This is really interesting. I think it's bizarre that these kids look almost normal today, (like I did), but the reaction of the parental units is what seems bizarre...thank you Phil Donahue for documenting a moment in time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGOQUahAmxg&feature=related

part ii even more telling:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1jN_iuvI2U&feature=relmfu

  Socially.... I never really socialized much with the local punks. Truth is it tended to attract a dysfunk-functional crowd .. so one had to keep one's guard up at all times--esp the females. It did add to the excitement and danger por moi. At Jannus Landing, our most stable (lights out at 10pm!) venue, we had the added attraction of being surrounded by flophouse winos and junkies from the infamous old Detroit Hotel. Where's mah Cheez-whiz, boy? The Detroit Hotel is shaped like the letter H, and the concert venue was on the backside, in what would be between the legs of the H. Therefore we were looking directly at the transients' windows which were webbed with a network of fire escapes.   The bloody-eyed boys used to hang out on the precarious catwalks two and three stories above the stage, shouting. I never was sure if they were getting into the music or hurling insults: probably both. (JL has got better(?), a proper venue now, my local Chamber of Commerce will be relieved I'm saying, now that it's condos--and, no longer $50 per week...)

There was also a West Coast http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1jN_iuvI2U&feature=relmfu East Coast divide,{see Gangreen's This is Boston, Not L.A.} maybe not as serious as in rap/hip-hop, but there were definitely people of the Right coast who hated all bands L.A. (there definitely was a difference in the sound, and more drugs in LA suburbia). Then there was the Boston vs. New York City rivalry--and like all things of this nature, the Bostonians were more into the divide, I think. They seem an angry bunch, the bothersome younger brother of NYC, the Boston crowd.  Boston did not have a similar distaste for the D.C. bands, maybe because they shared a tighter circuit and more similarity in their straightedge ethos. However, Gangreen, a Boston band much beloved by and associated with the black "X" boys, rather gleefully promoted Budweiser for free (I think? I hope?--naah, Budweiser wouldn't wanted them in those days) on its albums, in songs, etc. So ethos was not always a dealbreaker here--like all things, it was more based on emotional ties than anything.

Of course, the deep, delicious irony in all this is that the most basic element of punk ethos was it was supposed to validate self-expression--DO NOT JUDGE, LEST YOU WISH TO BE JUDGED. There were many people, particularly some of the deeply imbedded musicians in "the scene" who were fully emersed in and dedicated to this view. Why have weird hair, dress out of style, "out of step with the world", as Ian MacKaye sang, behave differently, hang out in places the world has abandoned? In the purely theoretical punk view, it was not to garner attention, as so many punks were accused of doing--it is who we are--what our inner voices are telling us to do--bohemian to the core. Pure, decadent self-expression: be any, any any thing--it's okay.

However, it is so difficult to live by this punk principle in day-to-day life, because it is so much easier to define yourself by rejecting what you are not--and pointing out to the rest of the world what's wrong with it. It's like that old Magritte painting, "Ceci N'est Pas Une Pipe" (This Is Not a Pipe), while showing a representation of a pipe. I express my dislike for  disco by talking about disco, maybe even satirizing it. I am not disco! Hipsters seem to have fully embraced the irony of this concept, by hanging posters of kittens that cheerfully read, "Hang in There!" because they were once upon a time so popular.   The weird thing is they do it without sneering or flinching. They've taken it to the Andy Warhol/Jeff Koons level.

Another temptation is imitating the creativity you see in another, in "homage". In punk culture, there were some no brainers to reject: the 1980's mall life and the bourgeois elixir it distilled. Life as Possessions, Capitalism, your Mom's Ethan Allen Faux Colonial Furniture in the Suburbs--some brilliant person codified rejection of middle class values by simply painting an Anarchy "A" with a circle on an old black suitjacket that had been thrown away by said bourgeois--a beautiful crisis is born.

You want to say, "Dude, you are brilliant, let me shake your hand for that classic idea," but it's a little easier to copy it yourself, put it on your, say, T-shirt in a different color, maybe adding a bull's eye to the front, convince yourself, you know, I thought of this once too, this is MY self-expression--I put it on a T-shirt, with a bull's eye!! And this method has the added bonus: someone who hasn't seen the first guy's might even think it's more original than it is when they see yours, while you avoid eye contact with the first anarchist. He'll get it, right, that I admire him? The next guy puts it in a tattoo. Next thing you know, there are fifty people with anarchy signs, and you begin to wonder if they really understand, as you do, the depth of its meaning--time to take yours off in case you get mistaken for one of these! (But this is where you go wrong>>>)

It's hard to just stop at the handshake. And it is even harder to remake something to the point where it becomes pure creativity. We all have to work with the mud of the earth.

Here's a personal one--one punk derivative of anarchy/anti-capitalism was what I'll call "anti-jewelry". While the mallrats were surrounding their necks, ankles, and wrists with preppy add-a-pearls and "understated" diamond encrusted tennis bracelets, the punk rock girls were untangling old costume jewelry from the 10-cent bins on the counter at the thrift store. And choosing the oddest shaped pieces there, and no need to stop at one, four or five is different, matching is for the preps. It's 10 cents!

Another variation on the anti-jewelry trend was to wear non-jewelry items in the usual jewelry places: the classic was Sid's razor blade, but people wore other things,screws, loose nuts (Henry, I'm thinking of you!), beer tabs, car parts, skeleton keys, any sort of metal junk you might randomly find in the gutter that looked cool. A lot of times these were just hung on either one of those cheap pop bead metal chains that used to come on rabbit's foot keychains, or an old piece of string. Ideally the objet d'art had some intrinsic value to the wearer.

I had my "refrigerator cross" that I sometimes wore as a single earring-- which has an odd history my friend Mary would confirm. One Saturday night we were making dinner for friends in my old 1930's kitchen, listening to loud music--probably Talking Heads--screwing around, dancing, when somebody bumped into my rusty old refrigerator . The bottom grille popped off , and out shot--the refrigerator cross, (a medium-sized , maybe two-inch long Crucifix, no chain, necklace, or anything!) like it had come from some parallel universe. None of us had ever seen it before, even those of us who lived in the house, and we all pretended like we were deadly afraid of it, like it was cursed or something. But eventually I picked it up, improvised some sort of fastener, and put it in my ear. The refrigerator cross became legend, and I still have it .

Then there were the punks who wore the ultimate anti- jewelry--just strings, mostly braided together, or twirled, plain black thread. They were not quite as substantial as friendship bracelets. Sometimes in multiples, sometimes in other colors. I don't know if there's an origin for this trend, possibly some club that used it at the door? I'm also guessing this might have become a viral counterpoint to Madonna's black jelly bracelets--punks tended to be conflicted about her as an icon. I think a lot of folks wore these as another indelible expression of commitment to the lifestyle--you put the string on, and never took it off, not to sleep or shower--it was knotted on you. You would have to have it cut off, an act roughly akin to Abraham killing his son.

I was sort of fascinated with this idea, and tried to make it my own. I used clear fishing line and beads, made five little thin bracelets: one alternating black and dark blue. One red and black, the red more widely spaced. One turquoise with two random colored large beads. One orange and green. The last mostly black,red, some blue, with two yellows like a car racing stripe. I did not ever take them off, for 3 or 4 years at least, unless one of the knots came undone and I had to remake them. I didn't voice this then, but I now sort of recognize what might have been underlying my bead bracelets: they were my way of acknowledging an alternative to love beads and the bohemian hippie culture that was the basement in the punk movement. This was contraversial, actually. Many punks didn't want to see the similarity in values to their predecessors, were angry at the majority who sold out.

I think the solution to the how to be your own creative director has to do with how much your display reflects your brainwaves: if your mind consistently tracks anarchy, wear the symbol, man, it's yours--regardless of who else does it too on their own agenda. A lot of creative impulses are, or should be, built in this organic way. I have to remind myself. Constantly. Like a Christian admonishing himself for judging the non-believers.

All of the various punk clans, straightedge, goth, skinhead, back in the 80's, seemed to have a general disregard then, some even a strong hatred  for ,"hippie" culture and ethics. I found this online:(bad punctuation to the original)

"There's also the old joke
A punk and a hippie are walking down the street and the hippie says,'so what is punk anyway?'
The punk kicks over a garbage can and says, 'THATS PUNK!!'
The hippie walks over and kicks another trash can over and says 'now am i a punk' and the punk says 'no now you're a poser!'"

You can hear the anti-hippie thing in many song lyrics of the day. I think Jello Biafra, from Dead Kennedys, is making fun of the Hippies-turned-Yuppie in "Holiday in Cambodia":

Braggin' that you know
How the niggers feel cold
And the slum's got so much soul--

He felt they especially needed a holiday in Cambodia.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KTsXHXMkJA

Don't forget to pack a wife, you star-bellied sneech...

Of course the Sex Pistols said it directly, on "Who Killed Bambi": "Never trust a hippie."
In the song, it sounds like it was a hippie who killed Bambi, who was a punk? But don't quote me.. It has this weird Germanic cabaret vibe. From The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle--lots of people thought this album was some sort of joke or rip-off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQfzQ79OQkY

A story: My hub has a "Who Killed Bambi ?" T-shirt. One of those off enough in punk culture to be ok.   Apparently a rare item. When he was in his twenties some little girl he knew who hypnotized him got it off of him for a weekend. When he asked for it back she said, "Oh, I hadda give it to some guy in a band: he really liked it." Turned out the guy in the band was Flea from RHCP--I think she eventually got it back from him. Since hub is a person singularly unimpressed with celebrity, I don't think this story is untrue, although I only have his word on it.    But punk was a small world. I feel vibrations from this. I don't think it fits Him anymore...

You can hear the dismissal of a hippie classic, the Jefferson Airplane's lysurgic "White Rabbit" when Slapshot changes the music to fuzz shred and the words to "One pill makes you nervous... "

When Kurt Cobain sings,

"C'mon Peopul, smile on your Brother, everybody-get-tah-gether-try to love one another-Right Now!"

in that neurotic, wobbly/angry voice on  "Territorial Pisssings" , he's repeating a common punk satire of the previous generation( I believe that's an old Jesse Colin Young tune)--the punks decided that this shit was an illusion and didn't work. Here's the original JCY:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kckGSgo95CU&feature=related

It contains the words , "We are but a moment's sunlight, fading in the grass"--very hippie-zen.

Here's Kurt:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpqVrbylLTE

Crazy great energy in this  song--notice how it echoes the first thematically.

Many punks/post punks I guess were the children of 60's freelove, and didn't believe all the drippy, dippy mush-mellow lovejunk and other such fallout. We had to wait until the hippies became gray and grandfatherly before they got a friendly vibe back...their kids thought they sucked. Well, I get the satire on the lifestyles of sellout hippies, but I never felt the negativity for the music, considering I had a whole crateful of psychedelic albums. Honestly they made more creative music than a lot of punk bands did.   I had about a two minute crush on Jesse Colin Young--he had a beautiful voice, and played a pretty guitar. But Kurt mainlined into my veins and stayed there for years, forever, I think.

In the dog years of the eighties I noticed myself getting a bit tired of the noisier, standard punk, the music lover in me drifting to the bands with more interesting sounds than the fast 3-chord, 2-minute numbers some of the bands tended to produce. I began to like PIL (Public Image, Ltd.--John Lydon'---AKA Rotten's-- second band) over the Sex Pistols, The weird voodoo rockabilly vibe of bands like the Gun Club, The Pixies became a big favorite, Sonic Youth,The Replacements, grunge, and my Bowie-loving side always made me willing to take a break from the noise with "artsy-fartsy", experimental bands like the Cure, Joy Division, the Smiths, The Sugar Cubes, New Order, Mission of Burma, Fugazi, Birthday Party, NIN, Flat Duo Jets, REM, Talking Heads,The Minutemen, (jazz punk, really),The Cult,   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4bZUCG5fmQ&feature=related

Psychedelic Furs, Kraftwerk, Yo La Tengo, Pylon... and, lately I've gone back to this time with Bauhaus and Siouxie and the Banshees , bands I didn't spend enough time paying attention to then.

My favorite local band was called Deloris Telescope, which was a strange mix of punk, straight rock, rhythm and blues (they did a stand-up version of "Poppa Was A Rolling Stone") and weird psychedelic --but for me they dated almost back to the late 70's. ( I am now sort of recognizing that Kasey, their lead singer and guitarist, must have known about Stiv Bators, as both were from the midwest. He had a similar long black messy, hairdo with bangs and the proto-punk gear with flares) I tended to like bands, musicians, who mixed things up, drew from many styles, always doing something new, which I guess is why Neil Young always kept my interest, especially his Crazy Horse , near punk stuff. I actually saw both the "Rust Never Sleeps" show and the Neil Trans Solo--where he literally played every instrument himself remotely or electronically, including having a big screen of him singing backups for himself. Lots of people shook their heads: I thought it was brilliant, especially the electronic remake of the Buffalo Springfield song "Mr. Soul."

I guess what was actually happening was that I was slipping into my post-punk phase, without knowing to call it that, as they rather astutely labeled it in Europe and elsewhere.   During these days, I used to leave my T.V. in my bedroom on all night, on MTv, hoping to catch something unusual and fetching on 120 Minutes. That was the alternative show on late night: does it still exist, on VH1, 2 or 3 or whatever number they are up to nowadays? I remember nights where I literally forced myself awake to hear a video by, say, Joy Division , Rollins Band, or Bauhaus that only played at 2 in the morning, even though I had to get up and teach a college freshman comp class at the local CC at 8 am.   In America, we didn't know what to call this music ( I myself only recently learned the term post-punk , but now see it in many places where I once was blind). We never got beyond the catchall term "alternative", which kept stretching and stretching until it became essentially meaningless in the 90's, after Nirvana broke and punk went commercial. That's when I began to flounder in music again. In the future I will go to jazz and another continent. No, not that one.

Of course, one of the godfathers of punk, David Bowie, summed up the punk thing and its fall, nicely, in "The Bewlay Brothers"--I'm sure he didn't mean it this way but it works here, too. Enough that a punkish band, Saccharine Trust, borrowed the name:

And so the story goes
They wore the clothes
They said the things
to make it seem improbable
The whale of a lie
like they hope it was
And the Goodmen of Tomorrow
Had their feet in the wallow
And their heads of Brawn
were nicer shorn
And how they bought their positions with saccharin and trust

Life circles, and history, and music, repeats. Read Or better, listen to--on Hunky Dory-- the rest; you'll see even more applies including lines about scaring small children, etc., and "You thought we were fakers."

Well, this leads me to a new section I need to start: concerning lyrics--I started this in a notebook somewhere, but it needs to be here, too. Good for what ails you in the writer's block vein.

Words for Food: (Moved to New Post)

Well. Maybe I think too much. I distinctly remember thinking, in the 70's, if this music is so revolutionary, where will it go next? What is the future of music? And then we had punk. Which in a way recycled a lot of 50's/60's stuff, but not totally--the 50's went to 9, punk went to 11. So, what will happen next? It seems time for another renewal, to me. Can we go to 13? Each time music moves forward, it seems to first have to dip back a bit into the past. Who to look to in the past? F-bombs aren't enough...punk (and hip-hop) did that. Any kind of deviant sexuality, violence, sickness, punk did it. "I saw your Mommy and your Mommy's dead/ I saw her lying in a pool of red." How do you get more visceral than that? Yeah, well, grindcore....deathcore...porncore...porn grind...all the cores......

What is the new sacred cow that needs to be slaughtered? It's cool to mix in new things, jazz, for example, like the Squirrel Nut Zippers, who I really enjoy,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdAt4qWvz_8

Also I heard this new cool music called Electric Swing. Really gone! one band is called Caravan Palace and here's a song, "Dragons"--very hot. French, I think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAlRwhkjToU

or all this Americana music: here's some of our local boys, Have Gun, Will Travel:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mx4WRKMHkY

Very pretty. But it is not the future. Where do I see the future? Russia.

I have a hard time explaining, except to say, the only music to get me excited in the last few years, is sometimes already dead, and it (was) in Russia. Listen to it if you can: It's got the intensity and rebellion we have washed out of us in America. Start with Agata Kristi. Then add Kino (means cinema) with the very famous, in Russia, rock martyr, Victor Tsoi, Aquarium, Bravo, Zemfira, Nautilus Pompilius, Splean, DDT, Bi-2, Time Machine, Leningrad. The soundtracks to the mafia Brat(Brother) movies and Stilyagi (Swingers) will help. Mumiy Troll will go down very easy for an American audience--even has done songs in English--like a remake of the old Jefferson Airplane "Somebody to Love", and they've done American tours. A good one is the rather silly, in a good way! collaboration about mama bears between Mumiy Troll and Zemfira--"Medveditza". Not sure if it's about bears (super icon in Руссия) or the constellations Big and Small Dipper--Ursa Minor And Major? Ursa in latin means "bear", and the Russian word is "Medved"---the song title is the feminine equivalent. See how crazy, fun, and layered even the silly stuff is?

  It has to do with why this music was made in the first place. Literally revolutionary. Remember, rock was taboo in the CCCP. These guys did it anyway, at risk. I know, it's not in English.   But I was sort of glad to have the experience of listening to music without the benefit of understanding the lyrics. It forces you to get the feeling from only the music--that's almost as trippy as "everybody haha." And it will be back. I promise..heheheh.

I have been trying to listen to new bands, but my music radar is awfully laser beam tight these days--I hear 16 bars and think I got the message, the influences, the trend, the derivative drivel. Everyone's retro or pseudo-retro, packaged and prettified. I harvest my kids' music (and they have decent taste), but still don't see the holy grail. When you're 20 something and only like nostalgic music, that means you have taste, but for us elder music lovers it just makes us seem hardened, inflexible--old farts.

Ok. I have a soft spot for some "newer" bands. (I'm not going to even stoop to getting into the sorry state of pop these days). I say it like that because I know some of these I'll mention aren't really so new, I am very un-hip, and, hell, LCD Soundsystem is retiring now--(always thought he was over-rated, sounds a bit Flight of the Concords sometimes, who I like, for the comedy like I do Spinal Tap; I mean, " Losing My Edge" is basically a cool beat under a mantra listing great old songs, bands, musical personages, the knowledge of which would make you the coolest hipster ever. (I've only listened to it once). Plus it feels like it could be making funna me! haha! The irony never quits! Probably it's better to be in a club with him, let it flow through your nerves and feel the beat in your chest.

I can listen to Radiohead when I'm in the mood, although I really only like the Ok, Computer, The Bends and Pablo Honey albums--and even so mostly only "Paranoid Android" and "Karma Police"--Thom Yorke's voice is a little whiny for me, (LATER--I take this back--RADIOHEAD, MUSE, OASIS, FLAMING LIPS have truly grown into my head--I know, I'm late to this party) which is my problem, bein' such a heavy-metal trained chick 'n' all, with a lot of 21st Century bands, plus, the music is so electronic, it seems like it has no soul somehow....but at least no autotune. (Here I should say I sorta detest Slipknot. Black Label Society I like, if I don't have to listen to the dumb words--kinda like Deep Purple or Rainbow). Arcade Fire is pretty decent, but so far are one of those bands with a mono-sound. Same with Modest Mouse , Of Montreal, Weezer,Wilco, Decemberists, My Morning Jacket. But sometimes when they come up on my IPOD shuffle, I'm like, oh, I should listen to this more. I like some of the ambient bands like Explosions in the Sky and Sigur Ros. I also like most of Jack White's various things, especially the Raconteurs' stuff: sounds like real music, and like him. Even when it sounds like someone else. Great 70's sounds of various kinds. One on Broken Boy Soldiers sounds way more Zeppelinesqe than any other retro band I've heard. And this is fun: the title song sounds like Rush, even a Getty Lee--ish vocal. I've never heard of anyone else trying that, although there's probably some stupid tribute band out there somewhere.

Grant, I'm no expert on new bands--my mind is interested, but my body is lazier.

  I kinda love the Dandy Warhols --although they wear all their influences on their sleeves, but it's good enough that it's fun to say--that one's the Stones, this one's electrified "My Sweet Lord" plus Cake, here's one like Jesus and Mary Chain with the Beasties! Do you hear a little Byrds, Steve Miller? Overall, they remind me a bit of the Stone Roses in energy, although not quite as. The two actually sound nothing alike, but both have a vibe, a charisma.    I dunno what makes them better than the other new musicians to me--they have lots of influences, play them well, have a sense of humor, and their singer(s?) sound badass and boss.

Russia is the answer if you are tired of your old American and Brit records.

  I have been avoiding intellectualizing them ,because they are too close to my blood. But I have been Cekpetly pushing them into other people's consciousness. My son's favorite is the "Ein Zwei Drei Waltz" from Mahn Kaif, but that's because he is a retarded gameboy. But I love him. And, I noticed, is not actually a Waltz because it's in typical rock 4/4 time?? Half of guitar club can play AK song about War, a few more can play the Farewell to USA freedom/ capitalist values song, and my hub seems to like my piano version, as he always asks, after I play it, what song is that?? Then he goes all quiet for a bit.
Russian has to be the world's most intense, most spiritual language. Wish I knew it better. Or not. Like to let it just wash over me, like a Jimmy Page lead.

Time for a Stone Roses discussion. Just listened after maybe a two month lull. "Breaking Into Heaven" has to be one of the great compositions in rock. Reeks of confidence in the writer's skills--the nerve to drag some of those sounds out for two minutes at a time--the whole thing is 11:20 minutes long, and not a boring second in the whole thing. It starts in the jungle: crickets, birds, water sounds, crocodiles, wonky village P.A.'s ,darts, like you are floating down the Amazon, past various odd music villages, some dominated by drums, some strings. It reminds me of Apocalypse Now, but the morning after.   The vocal doesn't come until  4:58ish?,when most songs would be long over. And what a vocal. Love the Manchester. "Hoongry". "Souul I can troost." "Ah'm Cummin in tonite."  "Yur noomber's oop." AAAgggghhhh. All the beautiful changeups, waterfall cascades of guitar leads. Great lyrics. I want this song to be playing while I am dying.

Something sorta creepy is happening to me...suddenly everyone's left brother is coming to me to try to impress me with their guitar playing. Have these people heard me play, for chrissakes? Some are awful, some quite good, some completely kick my butt to next Tuesday. Kids, adults. alumns; it's very strange. I feel like some sort of Earth Mother of guitarists. How did I happen to send this vibe out into the universe?

You know, there's a part of me that feels like any music is better than no music. Even though I can be ripping a musician to shreds verbally( failsafe for cool is critique, no?), I am secretly terribly pleased to see someone enjoying themselves making their own version of music. Maybe it's why
I often like open mikes better than some big- wig, superproduced show. And my poor little guitar club, now entering its 4th year?   As of today, 16 members strong!! I'm building a future army.... We may have to have multiple days to keep it from getting too out of control. Two boys showed up today, a Friday!! :one I showed "Em", the other could reasonably play "Hotel California" and a few other things. The best part, though was when we all sang "Hotel California" very loud and crazy--we were having a great old time for people from polar opposites in the world, and who had only met ten minutes before.

Reminds me of this old great video. I always like this version better than the live "Serious Moonlight" video which is a little too fast. Like the slower pacing. And it's when David had his weird teeth I like so much:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4d7Wp9kKjA

Jonesed hard for these when I was five and had to wear orthopedics:

This is why I cannot commit to one style of music, for example, punk, even given my age/interests/demographic, etc. Because I will suddenly re-hear something like this, which I have heard many, repeated times.

But, then I will suddenly hear it, as Madonna might say, like a virgin, as if I'd never heard it like this before. It never occurred to me before how quintessentially, essentially, this song is the prototype for all psychedelia that came after. Until today, September 18, 2012, 50+ years after it had been written? Can that be right? ( I've only said 50+ about things dealing with WWII and suchlike--damm I'm gettin' old.) I'm not even going to say the name of the song, just listen. And the rest of the album will also send one into space. Listen....do you wanna know a secret? That cat's something I can't explain...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ht_XP-tfyrc

I recently found this buried video from the early days, but I'm not sure which one is Syd: they all look the same rock-star skinny. "See Emily Play"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SelYfLtLi_Q

And these three Zombies'oldies, never old:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfwFpRnOeGg&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27uvVtCTiWc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5IRI4oHKNU

One more: Mungo Jerry: such a classic video too--really gives you that late 60's view

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yG0oBPtyNb0 Weirdest/best jug band song ever.

Oct 19:

I just realized through stupid experimentation that David Bowie is my ideal singing partner--right mix of blues twist and hold, rock ballsiness, rhythm!, and theatricality--and our tone blends well. Too bad he's probably retired, and never heard of me. Now, I just have to find a glam band with his vocal types, sax, stellar guitar that needs me..

Cheesy 80's section: What to think?
Super Duper.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OG3PnQ3tgzY&feature=related

A Rock song about--chess? Why not? There's nothing as 80's as dancing girl backdrops in boxy suitjackets and no pants..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9mwELXPGbA&feature=list_other&playnext=1&list=AL94UKMTqg-9AOevNkzt9o6NTVEd6ixg3p

Frankie say: cum? Saved by the Kubla Khan intro. Not in this version, tho.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyl5DlrsU90&feature=related

80's Theme: We're not Gay, Just British: This one not bad. Pet Shop Boys.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3j2NYZ8FKs&feature=related

Oct 21: I want to write a song about the following borrowed image:

" A dozen pairs of claws or fins laboring slowly in the slime." I think it might go with music I've already written. (!!!)

Dang it. Wrong again. Diamond Dogs is an amazing album. Flawed. Not perfect like Low. But many parts worth multiple listenings. New guitarist on my radar. Well, new to my radar, old guitarist I've listened to for years--just starting to sometimes identify. Still like Johnny Marr most of all.

Carlos Alomar. Bowie and Iggy's guitarist

The hologram on his glasses >>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
reminds me of a watch I had had forgotten
I had back in my punk days--it was so cool,
until one day the hologram quit working and
it became just a plain black rubber watch. I
didn't have one of those strait-edge Black X watches--too pedestrian and clannish for me.
My watch had a hologram that was intended to look like the glass face had been shattered by a bullet hole--like someone was trying to stop time.
Damn, I loved that watch....it was so me. I'll see if I can find a picture online...nope.

Another guitarist I am starting to fall for, slowly, is Rory Gallagher, who apparently grew up in my Irish ancestral home, Cork, Ireland.
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] (This above ^^ happened because I fell asleep at the keyboard: my dream typing. If I start erasing it, for some reason it starts speed-erasing everything below it!

I once went to Cork, home of a clock like Big Ben in London, only, the Corkers call it "The Four -Faced Liar" ; it seems a sort of tribute to the Irish' lack of sense of time--each side of the clock shows a different time. I wonder if that's where my distain for time, and love for the days when I can avoid knowing the time, derives.....somehow living in time's warp always creates my best memories. I would LOVE to live in a time and place where time keeping is not so necessary.

  Another odd memory of Cork: upon arriving from the West of Ireland, we ran into a traffic jam-if you can call it that --on a two lane dirt path.  It turned out the locals were all coming to visit a statue of the Virgin Mary,in one of those eerie in-the-middle-of-the-road crooked, sunken shrines they have there,which, someone claimed, had raised its arms into a different position. Gotta love the Irish knack for adhering to medieval, Santeria-like religious superstition. My mannaw was from there, and used to sing the praises of Daniel O'Connell, the famous Irish Catholic lawyer who fought for the Irish free state in Cork well before Rory's time. I've been doing my dip back into the blues, where I go sometimes to find the source of it all.    All dead. All the great ones.  How the piss do you bend a harmonic??? The Shit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxiEMpcI83E
Just like to watch him play.
Good keyboards, too.

I'm really starting to feel how to take a bit of control of the band. (FEB 2014--HAH! But I am getting to play guitar--I'm the Sid Vicious of the band) So I've been obsessing this Leadbelly song "In the Pines" that cemented into my brain thru a Kurt Cobain MTV unplugged youtube. Here's Kurt, in his grandpa cardigan, sitting on a soft office chair, with his flipped upside down, Jimi Hendrix style acoustic, belting the shit out of this traditional blues hymn. I remember Sissy Spacek singing just a snatch of it, in Coal Miner's Daughter"...in the pines, in the pines, where the sun never shines.." I think she's either working on a garden or singing to her babies on the porch..can't remember, but i really love that movie. So did my gramma.. cos she was an actual Coal Miner's Daughter. Levon Helm of The Band (one of Dylan's great bands/) plays her father in the movie.
I listened to an actual Leadbelly recording too, but I think Kurt is the one who nails the pathos of it. Even if he isn't black. Or the victim of a lynching. I spent the entire day humming this song, even had people staring at me at Mazzaro's Italian market while I was buying bread--it haunted me that much.

At practice we take turns picking the songs to work on. I regularly bring new ones: sometimes they flop. But I was determined to get this one right...waited until my 4th pick. Then I just picked up the acoustic and said , boys, this one goes like this..slow blues Em-A- G. -B-Em. Once I got them into the pattern I just bawled it out..."My Girl, My girl, don' lie ta me..." It was magic. Could have recorded it on the first take. I thought for sure Bruce would hate it because it's such a depressing song. But I was channeling Kurt with a hard on....At the end everyone was quiet for about ten seconds. And then Dick said( the Curmudgeon).."That was good." Everyone agreed; it goes into regular heavy rotation.

Bruce said, (oh yeah, Bruce has this theory that the best songs go into the 2nd or 3rd set for the bar band format)..."Definitely a 2nd or third set song". I was pleased. But on a more cosmic level. I have finally found my voice. Not the sticky sweet jazz voice I have thus far been known for. This was AK raw. Psyched grody to the max.

Nov. 10- Dick requested my "Pines" song. It was pretty good this week too, but half-way through I stopped everyone and asked them to play slower--like Neil Young used to say, the 4- in- the -morning heroin crawl. I was glad I could somewhat replicate last week's bawl reasonably even though I wasn't in the mood. I'm starting to get the cadence and power I'm trying to steal from rock gods like Robert Plant. Strange that singing in that rock format tears up your throat quicker than stretching for high notes or anything else. I've been working on sounding rougher and rawer on everything, even jazz standards, to make them more interesting--do I need my Camels back? Ken figured out this incredible droning vibrato thing,low-E to do that is the perfect sound at the end of each verse--like it's swamp-driven, slow and mad...love it.

This is the latest push I have for myself in music, something I've always sort of instinctively known, but couldn't quite figure out how to do on a real instrument--could only admire it in others.

Perfect Note Placement. The great ones do not fill up all the space with as many notes as possible--that's a guitarzan mistake--shows skill, but not artistry. But I am guilty of it as well. The dead air (Like Harold Pinter's pauses in his plays) is as important as the notes sounded--and the length of the hold on the note, etc. Jimmy Page is a master on guitar--don't know if it's instinct with him or if he just got to that level of skill early in life-- Peter Green in old Fleetwood Mac, Duke Ellington and Thelonius Monk on piano. Jack White has perhaps the instincts for it. Here's an unexpected Example of it: Iggy Pop's "Fall In Love With Me":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8C6OfhbC6U

By the way, that's Carlos Alomar on guitar. Bowie playing piano--guessing it's that weird little descending note motif. One of my favorite Iggy tunes, rarely fails to make me feel happy and alive.

It's my main criticism of the music in our band--my favorite saying is--too many notes. But I haven't said it in a while because our guitars are working on it.

I just watched a documentary called Classic Albums: The Making of The Dark Side of the Moon. In it the idea is repeated that I have been saying, the key to this album's greatness is its simplicity. Simple notes chosen , just right. With feeling. Roger Waters says that now as a producer, he always recommends the musicians leave space--he says, just there, only play half a bar--room for something else (or nothing, if that works.) Indeed.

Me, I think I've started to work it out on piano first. Summertime was my Waterloo, because there is something odd about that song. The chord structure is so flexible you can almost throw any note in, if the next one brings it back to the central theme: What a disaster waiting to happen for overplaying!!!

It was the criticism I always had of my dad's playing: he flowers it up with little tinkly extra notes, that is partly to diisguise that he is avoiding all the hard chord variations in the song. For example, I think he plays Georgia (on My Mind), with all major and minor chords, when it actually has some odd chords (7 chords, 6 chords, 7b5s and 7b9s) that are what make the song beautiful. He criticized me playing it that way, saying "That's the hard way, you can simplify it..." Yeah, and then cover it up with a bunch of flowery walks up the keyboard: no thanks, I'll learn it the hard way, even if it takes longer and sounds like shite for a time.
(Yeah, here's me being stubborn again).

So, my big challenge was to take out every non-essential note in Summertime--just like I tell my kids in their writing, if you pick the right word, the perfect image, it doesn't need to be dressed up in a lot of buffalo skins and due-to-the-fact-thats. And low--the stripped down Summertime sounds so much more plaintive and full--each note counts so much more. And I realized the extras were also cover-ups, for mistaken fingerings to b.s. my way back to the right melody.

The boys have all shifted places in band again, feeling the pressure of a boring gig.
Arrrrrgggghhhhhh.

My new favorite song: fits my mood---" Тоска Без Конца" My favorite thing to do is wail out the. "конца.a..aaaaaaaaaaaaaah---YA!
Ёлы-палы киска, всё такая ерунда! А! А! А!"   Very cathartic. It's like the Smiths--happy music, sad words, I think. Bust up the gloom and inertia. Heh.

The truth is, for my own playing, I'm getting less and less interested in playing other people's music. Not for listening, mind you: I'll always love that. But to copy and learn. Seems like mere exercises to me...once I get the basic idea of it, a lot of times I don't want to take the time to practice and perfect it just so I can show someone else I can.
I'm sure I come off as a strange musician/dare I say teacher? Facilitator, how about,because I can show someone chords, patterns, tell them a lot about different aspects of a song, but if I play it, I can't do a quality rendition..mostly because I don't get interested enough to spend hours on it. It bores me, frankly. Like that RHCP's song "Snow"..I get how it's put together, worked through the chords, but I really don't like it enough to play it as well as some of the other guitar club members...really that's all I am, just another member. It leaves me open to criticism, I know, but I'd rather work on coming up with more original stuff, and using other music as grist for the mill. That makes me much more satisfied.

But there will always be a few other not original songs I like to work on:

presently I like The Dandy Warhol's "Godless" on accoustic, and Jack White's (The Raconteur's) "Steady As She Goes" on electric. "Steady"   is the rare song I like with the treble turned up and the bass down, to get that scratchedy sound when you play chords 2 and 4 from the bottom up. On my Tele. Fun.

Finally. Rolling Stone puts out a major interview worthy of reading: 10- pager on Jimmy Page. Now I have to go search all my references to him because I have this habit of spelling his name with an "i"--just looks cooler to me that way--he's in my top 5 guitarist/music arrangers. Alchemy, chemistry, devil deals must have happened. And I feel redeemed for my taste once again--"Kashmir" has always been my favorite --and it turns out it's Jimmy's go-to favorite, too. Here's another great thing in that article: interview asks Jimmy what he plays at home. Answer: Acoustic, no scales. Well, I am tempted to take that advice except that I really only started to seriously play scales last spring--haven't probably put my time in--but that muscle memory is a wicked good thing, mate. Once I start to do it again, it just kicks in, no need to do much, I think. Although it does hurt a bit if I wait too long.

Also he starts with riffs. That's what I like to play with too, but wish I had his inventive skills. Out of the Ether...He likes Muse. Must investigate. Have others who mentioned them. He has horrible insights into the creative restrictions on today's music. Goddam corporate egos strike again. Rich fuckers ought to do us all a favor and commit suicide by jumping out of their Lear jets, thinking they are invincible.

It just occurred to me re- listening to Zep tonight, that Jimmy's not that much of a blues-bender...

Muse: Not too freakin' bad: think I hit a good one. Excellent energy and rhythm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8KQmps-Sog Other selections, not loving the pretty-boy 80'sish vocals

So.. I listened to "Kashmir": turned it off in the middle--how weird. Felt muddy, and like I've heard it too many times. Time to rest it.

I do have a new band to talk about from the old Leningrad Rock Club, as I understand. Their name is Auktyon, in English-ish-skiy . But I really can't do it yet. They are putting a true zap on my head that goes far beyond logic and words.

Have you ever had a song that has so much impact on your fragmented life and soul that you cannot stand to listen to it? I mean a great song. I have now. It just makes me feel too much, in too many directions at once . Is it a time thing, like Morrissey implies in "Rubber Ring"? Will this pass? The song is Auktyon's "Moya Lyubov","моя любовь", In Cyrillic Russian . I often wish I'd never heard it--it did something to me, broke something that should not have been broken. No, I am not going to post it here because that would give yet one more place to be tempted to listen to it. I have it in several places. It pretty much hurts me to hear it. I sometimes, though, click several songs above a playlist I have, knowing it will at one point reach that one, if I let it go long enough. It's like musical Russian Roulette.

I hear music---vaguely, faintly--in some far recesses of my brain that I am trying to coax out like a shy child. It is due to many new influences, and will put me in a new direction. But I'll have to learn more instruments, or find sensitive musicians... Cannot be garage banded. It will take some time for percolation.

Someone said something (about a piece of music's "potential") to me that really made me rethink something...it made me recognize how easy it is to fall into established ideas that possibly aren't actually true--just said a thousand times until they seem true. The specific idea I was struck with is perhaps the idea that creative people, musicians in particular, sense, i.e. for musicians, "hear," the music they are going to create, in their heads before they set in down, either on paper or by playing or singing it. If that were true, it would be so much easier to write music, I am realizing.

I started to really think of the process I have gone through when I wrote music--and realize it did not start off "playing in my head" before I wrote it (see last two paragraphs). It certainly isn't like the songs you can hear that get stuck in your head--I have a real capacity for that, I admit. Like right now, I can take a song, say" Тоска Без Конца" --and I can just run it through my head, maybe with the occasional memory gaps where I can't remember a set of words, or how many beats a note is held, or keep repeating a certain phrase or section of notes (does this factor into my timing issues?)

No, the music writing process has thus far been much more fuzzy for me. I think it's more that I start with some sort of music idea--example, 'heavy bass" or "drone" or inspiration from a song or musician, or some musical style I admire. Then I start playing around with chords and notes, maybe in a sort of imitation of something else. I may just start with chords I've figured out from other songs, that I've liked the sound of, and start building . So I maybe start with a major 7th chord, add a minor chord--I like minor chords. I think this is why I like Eastern music so much, sitar, middle-eastern sounds, Arabic, Russian--more minor than Western music? Odd chord changes. More intervals, notes in the scales, I think? That's maybe what makes it seem minor to the western ear.   And it seems like so many western people, Americans, anyway, seem uncomfortable with music with too many, as Shakespeare says, "dying falls"...wonder why.

I often try to put two chords together that I think don't usually go together..no 1-4-5 patterns! That's where it first starts to be written: in the literal playing---am I being too nice about detailing this?--not in some abstraction in my head. Interesting. To me, anyway.

The bottom of this is, actually, explaining to myself one way I've been going wrong in creating music--I think unconsciously I've been waiting for the music to come to me, when I need to go to it. Pick up the guitar, sit at the piano. Start fooling.

Dec 23:   Definitely think there's something wrong with me.
Went out on a walk to collect some nature for my little Christmas tree that is too small for regular ornaments. So what Christmas music did I listen to while doing this quite festive thing? Bing Crosby? Christmas Caravan? Blue Yule? Noooo.
Black Sabbath. 3 albums' worth. Demented.   Merry Christmas.

It's official. I just finished,in entirety, listening to the CD I bought at Nick's this vacation of Nirvana's 1994 Unplugged.

Kurt is my role model singer.

From now on. It's not just "Where Did You Sleep?/ In the Pines". His voice is everything I want mine to be.

Jan 20: So. Some good things came of our Brit Pub Gig this weekend. First, although the crowd there was small, they seemed to really like us..seemed to be listening to, responding to, dancing to, etc., rather intently, to most of the songs, even some of the lamer ones. People were even coming out of the kitchen to listen. I have to admit, for all our weaknesses on material, we are a pretty tight band--we're at that stage where we sorta can feel each other's vibe and play off it, which is a lovely thing. Guitar and Bass, both much tighter, and, seemingly unconscious, not forced?? I think it's funny that the crowd seems to really react to me playing guitar...it must torque the other guys off secretly, because I'm playing the easy rhythm parts, but the crowd makes a fuss. So silly.

Some dude said, we should have better management--we should be famous--psshhht--that's nonsense about ten ways. Some other guy kept coming up gushing and talking to me--said I sounded like a blend of Janis Joplin and Ella Fitzgerald--damn, what a combination to call. Flattering. The owner wants to give us his heavier, Friday nights, and asked me to come by myself , to sing and play with some regular Blues/rock guy they have on the 2nd and 4th Mondays. I'd like to, if I get time, because it may give me some new music experiences I can't get with our present band. Perspective, however..

Feb 13: Just thought of a great name for a funky song ( memory from my childhood): "Bomb Pop". We play McNally's again this coming Saturday: after dinner time. With harmonica....twee...

Ok--here's more complication to add to life and the creative process...in opposition to what I said before about music NOT playing in a musician's head. I've been working on the above song. It's intended to be somewhere between jazz, funk, and rock. I first played around with a lead, without thinking, just right on my guitar, that has at least 32 measures, 64 if they more or less repeat--the notes are somewhat malleable in their melody. This morning as I was laying in bed, I started thinking of words, practically nonsense words, repeating, that went with the lead. I got two stanzas. Then, all a sudden, out of nowhere, I start "hearing" an upright bass plunking away--it works perfectly with the song. THEN! A rhythm guitar part--four bars, 8 if it repeats with variation<<<<<RIGHT IN MY HEAD>>>>so I better go write it down or play it before I forget. Screw dreams this week. Sunday morning...always the fertile time...

I'm running into a roadblock on this song, The bass line is somewhat giving me trouble, because it keeps changing. To keep it in my memory, I have to associate it with the beginning of The Cure's "Love Cats" with that sort of upright bass, downbeat hesitation--but I don't want it to be a copy!! I know the second half of the song needs a changeup...but what? I need a new head to get me out of this box I'm thinking in.

Like Iggy said, "I need somebody, baby....jus' like you." When I'm trying to be the crayzzeee driver, I need somebody, willing to jump up on the windshield while the car is moving, dangerous, and push my perspective around. Trouble is, I got no one reliable for this. Someone with madness in his method.

Our band ain't got that...they are all perfectly happy to just keep the beat, repeat the rhythm, follow the rules. It's partially why I don't share what I'm doing with them. The attempts I've made, I've had a hard time getting anyone to tap into what I'm doing.   Frustrating.

Mar 29: Trying to work on the old, garage band, roots rock thing. Not so hard in concept, but exhausting, in terms of energy output. Lennon--bring you're bipolar self to possess my throat and fingers.

May 28: Working on the ryddm for ZZ Top: "La Grange"--how-how-how-how.

Last year, my son bought me a cool book, The Encyclopedia of Punk. By Brian Cogan. Not bad, particularly since it avoids clannishness by taking a more inclusive view of punk. It gives all the conflicting theories about where punk originated, what it is, how to define it. (Mostly it ,smartly, I think, brings it back to the DIY and anti-authority ethos.) Nice to have something to stimulate old memories, and make links to things I never knew--I like to just dip in once in awhile--too much of it can be overwhelming, sometimes. So here's a small nugget for savoring:
One of the great things, I think, about punk was the creative anarchy it generated for names. Small case in point: Stiv Bators. What a fucking awesome name that was---what does it mean, and why does it seem so damnably subversive? Yeah--it reminds one of onanism, stiff, stimulate, alone, loser, so British, simulate, Bating the rabble..I could go on. Fronter of three bands, the famous Dead Boys and even earlier(1975!), a band called Frankenstein, which was banned after 4 gigs in Cleveland, land of the Rock Hall of Fame--are the Dead Boys entombed there? The third, I didn't know was Stiv's, (real name, incredibly, STEVE Bator) was one I also liked from 120 Minutes: Lords of the New Church.   All could completely suck and be memorable just by names alone..Shakespeare and his" rose by any name" be damned.

I seem to keep running into things that are directing me back to the very beginning of punk, like the Dead Boys--who remind me so much of my home band Deloris Telescope. I really like one of their songs called "Ain't It Fun". Even earlier than The Dead Boys, though, is a band from Detroit called DEATH. Many unusual things about Death, who were African American, all brothers, who bucked the Detroit Motown trend by refusing to play rhythm and blues or soul. This of course, made them extremely unpopular. Also, they were Jehovah's Witnesses--although not hardcore.

Unlike some early punks, though, they were actually good musicians, although self taught They just listened to their favorite rock records like Jimi Hendrix and Alice Cooper, and tried to imitate them, every day, from 3-6, which was when their mother allowed them their music time. The neighbors would complain and hold their ears.

They eventually got noticed by some of the Detroit recording industry (at one point even catching the ear of Clive Davis), but the deal-breaker was the name--they had to change it, and the oldest brother, David, refused--he was the creative, charismatic leader--including lead guitar and song-writer. The other two brother followed him--to Death. They kept the masters, but never got played, even when they pressed a ton of 45s themselves and distributed them. The DJs said the same thing--"we can't play a band named Death!' This was 1973--just imagine ten years later!

Well, what happened was the band split up, David succumbed to alcoholism and an early death, and the other two brothers joined a reggae band. They taught their kids to listen to and appreciate good music, taught them how to play, worked terrible jobs to send them through college. One day, one of the brothers' sons was at some cool hipster guy's party, and the guys says, You gotta here this rare 45 I got, gotta be early punk!--worth $800!" Well, you guessed--it was his dad's old band, Death. It's a good story, and I saw it in a documentary called A Band Called Death. And, yes, I like the music. You can buy it on Amazon.

Another old punk band I've been listening to: Gang of Four. "Damaged Goods" is cool and been remade by others.
A newer one I like, that I found for my play, is Franz Ferdinand "Shopping for Blood" . I liked it as soon as I heard it, one of those. But I was afraid it might be one I only had a short, impulsive like for. Nope, it's sticking. I've probably listened to it 10 times and it just gets better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKo0MKm8e5Q

On the Russian side, I'm digging bи-2. I guess the anglified would be Bi-2? Again, the combination I like; good rhythm, nice change-ups, intense vocals, not that wimpy hipster whine. One of my favorites is "последний герой"--"Last Hero". I can't find their version on youtube, just Victor Tsoi, so maybe theirs is a cover.

July 27, 2013:

I've realized I've completely discontinued the chronological aspect of this blog, except that it follows my own nose in music, contemporary, backwards, whatever.

Last night I watched this Classic Album documentary (on Netfix instant)--did VH-1 or somesuch do a whole series of those? I think. Anyway, I watched The Making of Dark Side of the Moon. Really well done, I must say, because it stuck to the music much more than bio about losing Syd Barrett, etc.

They didn't even talk that much about the lyrics, more about how they put the album together. Very interesting for me...I once sat at our electric keyboard and just played chords along with the whole Darkside album, and realized the majority of it used two easy, basic chords--I think it was Em and A or something--but obviously with other craziness thrown in.

  One cool thing the doc told me was that Richard Wright, their keyboard guy who I never paid much attention to, came , like Manzarek, from a jazz background, and he explained that the keyboard chord progressions in "The Great Gig in the Sky"were jazz progressions, and that this one set of beautiful keyboard chords that I've always loved, on "Breathe"--you would know them too if you heard them--were straight off of Miles Davis' Kind of Blue, one of the jazz albums I  love when I'm in the right mood. I'm going to have to go listen for the matchup.

Jul 29--I listened to all of Kinda Blue--what a great album, so cool to isolate one instrument and follow it all the way through. There's only 4--Mile's trumpet, which is hard to tune out because it's so good, upright base., subtle, subtle drums, and the piano, brilliant little modulated chord progressions. Anti-Liberace---no show-off flourishes. I couldn't find the chord progression I was looking for the first time, but I narrowed it down to two possible songs: the "Blue in Green" song or the alt "Flamenco Sketches"--the last song. They seem to have the right key? piano parts. Also, I could hear a bit how Pink Floyd was sort of borrowing that understated Miles Davis style of jazz composition--a continuing set of basic chords (Em and A?) from which various flights of fancy can fly from--In PF's case, on electric guitar, keyboards and various simulating devices--it was interesting to see how they made that robotic sound on the album--it's just electric keyboard speeded up.

What's a jazz chord? I'm no expert, but they're chords that don't stick to strictly plain major or minor chord progressions, like rock n roll 1-4-5 patterns do. Something like Gm7b5 is a jazz chord.

so, that documentary got me to listen to Pink Floyd's Meddle because they were off and on playing clips from it, in particular the last one "Echoes" which I imagine on the original album took up the whole second side. I've had this album on my I-Pod for sometime, and have listened to it, but in a dip in an' out kinda way. But this is one of those, you have to listen to, with no distractions---like the PF depravation cave I used to make in my room as a kid---

It is quite good. It was the album they made before DSOM, I think, definitely in prog rock mode, but you can hear the concept album idea coming--not quite there, though. It doesn't quite hang together as tightly as DSOM. It has great parts--I especially like the 2nd song about sleeping, in and out of consciousness (where I had just come from..) About being surrounded by a cloud of Eiderdown --"softening the sound". And a candle dies. Nice.

But then, I got a sort of gradual shock, if that's possible, when I listened to #5, "Seamus"--which has some funky delta blues slide, with the nice addition of a dog howling, hopefully off the back porch, and I thought, kinda dreamily, wonder if this is where Tom Stoppard and company got the idea for the slide-guitar blues combination (with the dog howling) on the opening soundtrack to the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead movie. Then I heard a funky blues piano in the background, and said, that sounds like the same piano, too, amusing. But when it got to the instrumental break, I sat straight up, and said wait: That's IT! That's the song in R&G!! and it was, all the way to the final dog howl in the end. The dog, BTW, according to the lyrics, is Seamus. I checked it on the Internet; I heard right.

Learning the 7/8 time, bass-y opening riff of "Money". Fun.

Oct 9, 2013--learned how to play "The Man Who Sold the World" which is, not surprisingly, a pretty rhythmic, percussion-y Bowie song--I think the version I learned took the chords from Nirvana's MTv Unplugged show, because it sounds pretty lively on just an acoustic guitar, with no drums or anything. It has a slightly off-kilter part in the 3rd? line, I think, in each verse that changes up the rhythm for a second to make it more interesting--of course, if you're lazy you can just play it through...

Today I had an interesting time selecting test music for my ESOL II class: two piano players, one Turkish kid--, one Chinese "rocker"--none of them liked the same thing. So they all agreed on JAZZ.
So I played them three or four Django Reinhardt songs--finally, one asked, "Can you change the music? It's making me sleepy. " So I changed to Duke Ellington--no!! Both were too old fashioned, they thought.they all said. Then I put on Frank Zappa--instrumental, of course. They listened for awhile, then one kid objected to how strange it was. But they didn't think it was old-fashioned. So then I played them Medesti, Martin, and Woods, who played an entire tour with аукцыон. Old-fashioned!! They said--turn it off!! Finally we settled on Radiohead,which they decided was modern. They listened through 3 songs of OK Computer before the bell rang. And I thought I had a hard time finding music for my American kids....Peng, one of my better guitarists has been trying to play "The Shape of My Heart"...that one's pretty challenging--I'm having trouble with the first F#m fingering.

I wonder sometimes if the Chinese kids were dissuaded to listen to "rock" music just as the Russians were. If so, it seems to have stuck more as a negative label in China. I don't know how many times I've played them songs that they insist are not "rock" --songs they like, such as "Stairway to Heaven", just as a handy example. They will insist it is NOT rock, even when the Western world labels it such.
Funny.

Some of these days I'm gonna learn this Spanish Gypsy scale> Maybe Today?

Nov 14: Ok, yeah I tried the Spanish Gypsy, got it enough to feel the rhythm of it, but I still need tons of practice to do it smoothly. Actually, I have two different versions, one Adam wrote out for me, and another, somewhat shorter one I got from the Internet..so of course I am mixing them up, sometimes. I will eventually get it though--it is an extremely nice sound--really like it. What ever new song I write will be influenced by this, and I realize the last one I wrote has some rudimentary elements of it, as I was already thinking in that direction…and so much of my musical instincts are---well, just a blind feel. Today I played around with an additional lead to add to the song I've been messing with for months, based on the Gypsy scale--adds a lot to the mix, I think.

Music is coming. I was all psyched for a new band, but the military has interfered. However, I have a good feel about my girlfriend Denise--our musical instincts are quite in sync--maybe not as much as with my fallen comrade, but enough to make me keep prodding her. Today --her idea!! we worked on "Lake of Fire"--that's a cool song to play!! And all the chords are sorta simple--but putting it all together can be a little tricky--typical Nirvana arrangement. Also, out of the blue she says< I just love his Voice (about Kurt)---I felt like she had read my mind, or at least my blog. Maybe a girl band, that isn't lame? Our voices aren't totally in sync, but I am infinitely adaptable..we will work it through. She also wanted to know if my band did "Importance of Being Idle".. I had to put down my boyz' adaptability a bit, as they are NOT. Like pulling teeth with them to get them to consider being creative.

Me and Adam really play together rather strangely, and in an odd way I sort of enjoy it--I actually play better with him than I ever did with Yef--probably the intimidation of that. Somehow I always get psyched out. Even though Adam's better than I am too, and Meier, but I don't feel that frozen feeling. Here's what happens with me and Adam. We may actually start out playing a song together--me rhythm , he lead (or both). It's nice that we sort of instinctively play around with timing and volume together a little, but he probably thinks I suck, compared to what he's used to. Anyway, I actually like how I sound with him. We don't really look at each other. Anyway, eventually, we'll drift off--to do our own thing. But every once in a while I realize he's actually listening to me and playing off what I'm doing..it's kinda cool. With Meier it's more of a structured, social sort of thing, an actual "song" with a beginning, end, etc.

I have this strange notion that if I was put in a room (with good musical equipment, of course) with my choice of people, at the end we would come up with some great stuff. It would take many, many hours--like 36 or 48? Straight? First, you'd have to work through that stupid uncomfortable stage--here's what I already know how to play-- here's what I feel like playing, right now. How about you? What are you in the mood for--what are you loving? Then there would be a little fun jam, but ultimately, it wouldn't amount to much..would feel flat at the end. Then there would be a long period where you'd just stare at each other, feeling empty as a pocket. Wrung out and depleted--completely without any talent or vision. But if you stayed in the room, you'd eventually get to the bottom--turn a corner--give up enough that you suddenly hear/feel something good, new. Then it comes. Or, at least , that's what I imagine, in my fantasy recording session where I have no other life commitments to interfere.

Nov 17: Goodness--there is a crazy idea coming…not the earlier one, although it would be great to musically relate them. First, some totally discordant notes to start with,< blam>!!!…like "Your Majesty's" or some weird punk mess. Charles Mingus. Auktyon: "Moya Lyubovb?" Maybe slightly layered on top of one another--1/16th a measure from each other, (low F, C, and F#???? Maybe needs more notes. ) building to a worse and worse sound--but then blending and resolving to some sort of strange minor jazz note? Maybe a Mission of Burma -like drone. What's that oddest note in the middle of of the Spanish Gypsy scale that throws it into weirdness? I think it's an F. F that can shimmy between F and E. Then fade. Two big kettle drum hits. Boo-boom. Maybe twice: Boo-boom. Words in Russian… 'cos I'm scared to really say them out loud in my own language:

Да. Между тем, как я делаю мою вселенную, я вижу, вы .
Да. Между тем, как я делаю мою вселенную, я переделать вас .

Good lord. just decided to match opening notes to "Moya Lyubov"--guess what it is? F and E. crazy. also an Ab features--or as I would rather say--G#!! Definitely utilizing this scale.

Nov 20, 2013:

I don't know why I have never said this. Here or anywhere. Screw the Drugs. Rock and Roll is …is..is. Nothing else but. Sex. Everything about it, from primal Mick Jagger screams to creeeeepy AK perverted xaxaxa lyrics to screeching guitar bends that sound like spasmodic orgasmic spurts to subtle lyrical light evocative brushes up your arms and back. I should make a list. Not a Barry White--oh, baby, baby list. Not a "Oh, my love, my darling, I- hunger- for- your- touch", list. No. The real, subliminal sexual list of Rock.

Some people are just better at it than others.

This is something to do.

'Cos my theory is--that deal with the devil? Robert Johnson? The Crossroads? Mephisto? Is all about getting some sort of seductive prowess, not only musical , technical skills. The-eh-prowess--can exist entirely in your own head.

Here's my first choice. I'm not going to claim that there is any particular order to this list, other than it's what first came to mind. Which probably means something ??? of course, many of these songs will never mention sex at all, but some may be rather explicit. The best ones, however, would be the soundtrack to the very best of my sexual dreams (hah--what a liar I am).

My very first thought: "Моя Любовь" --Аукцыон. What the hell is going on in that song?? See, I first think, how would this make me feel if it was playing…you get the idea. Makes my fingertips ache.
Sly and the Family Stone: "If You Want Me To Stay" : Arrogant. Confident. Don't-you -Wish??? This is a man who wants the whole world to want him. The Messssss-a-a-g-ge.
The Dead Boys --"Ain't It Fun?" Too high …loser sex is the most hopeless, beautiful thing of all. That cloying guitar. The Lords of the New Church "Russian Roulette" also--hard to choose between the two, --so decadent. Suicide is Sexy.
Iggy Pop "Fall In Love With Me" I coulda picked a number of other Ig songs (Danger, Need Somebody, Search, Dog)…gnarly sex. That guitar. Aooooowwwwww!!! Cheap Furs, In West Berlin….
Nina Simone--"I Put a Spell on You". The original, Screamin' Jay Hawkins is good too, but that one is so voodoo crazy, it may scare me too much.
Земфира – Любовь, как случайная смерть Ethereal , heavenly stuff. Static electricity on your skin.
Portishead-- "Glory Box" What can I say--us girls know how to give the ultimate. There's also an incredible, dark, zizzy guitar riff and boom-boom drum.
Marcy Playground-- "I Smell Sex and Candy". I want this perverted song out of my head, but it won't leave. Here's a deep, dark dissection--contrast the somewhat silly--"I want Can-dee" (The Strangeloves, which is only a small bit sexy) To " I sm-yell sexxx and Cahhn-n-n-n-n-dday. eye-ay-uh. hmm. " The long languor over the N on the roof of the mouth tells the story of someone who knows how to savor the experience. Ha Ha: minor tempest in a teapot..apparently several folks have unwittingly posted this song in various places (YouTube, VK) and attributed it to Nirvana. I have to admit, when I first pulled it up on VK and it said "Nirvana"- it threw me for about 45 seconds, cause the guitar is all grungy and low-fi: my brain made several half-spins in different directions--1st thought--Kurt never does overt Sex songs. He just says , "I'm so horny--that's ok, my will is good"…his typical ironic self-effacing thing. ... 2nd thought--they do like to make odd covers... 3rd thought--but this vocal is word for word, note for note, intonation for intonation!! What's the point?? Not Kurt... 4th thought--who the hell is Marcy Playground? Besides this I never heard of them--maybe it's a Nirvana alias!!….5th thought…good vocal, but not as deep or rich as Kurt's, maybe Novoselic?? Hence the alias??…. 6th thought--no. and no. Someone made a mistake. Which turns out to be true, the proof being the song came out in 1997 after Kurt died. Here's evidence of the mistake:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11KQRgTIKEk
Morrissey--"Jack the Ripper". More sick twisted, obsessive do-it-or-die, middle of the night love.-no-one-else-will know……funny, how the king of celibacy….

See, that sort of makes the whole point of this, perhaps. I don't give a damn if Morrissey is gay, straight, celibate, whatever. His voice evokes a handsome devil languidness that is just dead-on about how, eh, tactile, love can be--it doesn't matter if he's writing about his own lonely bed, a lead colored river. And let me discuss the opposite of that. Some musicians try to write a sex song, but often those really graphic ones totally and completely miss the mark--example? Name a hair-metal band. A lot of metal bands just don't get it--watch Spinal Tap to figure why! Maybe that Sigue-Sigue Sputnik song, "Love Missile F1-11: Ugh. None too subtle. Maybe only good in an over the top humor sort of way. Guys like Frank Zappa, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, have zero sex appeal to me. Grateful Dead and their long tirades of escapades with abandon. Well, Zappa's probably doing that ironically on purpose. Generally I like subtle, but occasionally a really graphic song will seem very real to me…NIN--"Closer". The thing is, it's generally more the music than the words.
Later: just watched some videos of Steve Vai. Changed my mind bout him. Mea Culpa.

Metallica--"Enter Sandman". Why is this band so giant, so universally loved? Because they made heavy metal feel sensual, which apparently a lot of metalists can't figure out. Here's a song that has almost zero sex content, and yet. Master of Puppets has that S & M motif, but it also has the right music mix.
Alice Cooper: "I'm 18." Again, almost Zero sex content--just a mixed up kid. It amuses me that Alice was nowhere near 18 when he wrote it. The Music, again. "Poison" also.
The Who: "Eminence Front"…this is probably my weirdest pick. Gotta think of a pre-sex dance ritual. But, even so, it has the right slow, grinding rhythms. You'll never think of it the same way once you hear it my way.
T.Rex--"Mambo Sun". Again, like Iggy, this was a hard pick---Cosmic Dancer, 20th Century Boy, Bang-a-Gong---they all ladle on the seduction like hot honey. It was that line about, "I'm Dr. Strange"and "I hear you're weird" that made me swap out 20th Cent Boy for this. I'm gonna have a similar hard time with Jim Morrison….знаешь-- у меня есть дикие потребности
Agata Kristi: "Kill Love"--this makes me think of one last final, intense…but again, I could have picked many others from this band--"Секрет", "Ветер"," Споем о Сексе", "Opium for No One", even " Четыре Слова"--it's the intensity of feeling in the vocals. Hard to tell when that level of love is gonna turn to destruction. A fine line. No wonder girls threw themselves at them.
The White Stripes --"In the Cold, Cold Night"--- this is probably way too much, TMI, from me..I have a sorta cold fetish-- cold, on top of warm---nevermind. Beyond that , even more, this song makes me think of some sort of supernatural, lucid dreaming sort of thing. Hard to explain. Really, I went way too personal here.
Romeo Void --"I Might Like You Better"--one of those sex and confidence songs, but also something else, because this song has the sensitivity to see sensuality and love in the oddest places.
Bad Brains --"Sacred Love"-- There is something completely effed up about the idea of this song. Yet.
R.E.M.-- "Crush With Eyeliner". Normally, this band would be my last choice for sexual lyrics..but, as the Pixies say, there's something about this song…
Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs--"Heads Will Roll"-- This band can definitely milk the sexual energy a bit too far for me at times, but this one has good control. It keeps the sex on the dance floor.
Bauhaus --"Third Uncle". The totally weird kind.
The Pixies--"Bone Machine"--kinda like the Sex and Candy thing--people out of control, in complete Id land. "Cactus" and "Gigantic" are good too.
Мумий Троль--- ah, damn, which song? "Contrabandy? Utekay!!! Someone to Love"? So, this shows, two people, singing the same words, can evoke such a different response. The lead's vocals are like olive oil dripping. ( Russkiy Men rolling RRRrrrrrrs-ga!)
Steve Miller "Abbracadabra"--I can't explain this one. Like that funny little twang in the middle. Bo-o-i-ing!!
Jimi Hendrix--"If 6 Was 9" Or any of his songs, really. Again, not about sex per se. But when I hear this, or any of his songs, I just imagine watching him strutting down the street as if there's music playing in his head, long lankiness in some odd coat only he could look good in, long, long fingers flicking ash from his cigarette as he goes, talking to himself--making odd little noises, occasionally stopping to talk and gesture to someone in that eccentric way he has. Definitely was a man marching to his own drum---he couldn't help letting it ooze out of his pores

I'm trying to decide if I want the following in here--Rolling Stones, Bowie, and Led Zeppelin. Odd but Robert Plant has never had any appeal for me--strutting around without his shirt. Similarly , and even less appeal is Roger Daltry. It was always Jimmy Page for me. He's the one. But I want to hear him more than look at him--maybe we can conjure something together…. "The Rain Song" or a whole mess of others...Mick has too much ego for me. I probably would be most inclined to choose "Wild Horses" but, I'm not even willing to commit to that one--"Miss You"?? The bass line? Bowie--his sex thing is kinda too weird for me, although he interests me as a fellow human being. I imagine him being too distracted. However, a song that just got my attention: "Win"?--I have to think about. May be one I can relate to. Someone like you should not be allowed to start any fires.
Jim Morrison--Just don't know which song to pick. All. "Crystal Ship" is tempting. Maybe "Alabama Song" or "The Cars Hiss By My Window" or "Ghost Song" Sonic boom. Boom.
Bjork(Sugar Cubes)-- "Cold Sweat" . " I stand by the window I will not finish. Until I'm fully satisfied."
The Gun Club--"She's Like Heroin To Me"--this one it is more the words. Intense.
Psychedelic Furs "Into You Like A Train"--graphic but clever? I like their others, too. "Love My Way." "I Wanna Sleep With You." Still, it's the music I like.
Nautilus Pompilius--Ястребиная Свадьба--oh. I still feel northerly, glacial sensations--(yes, that is good for me--I realize from my limited connections this may not be common;) when I hear this one…that vocal. Especially when I hear it accidentally, like just now. I can only make gutteral noises in response. I just realize I have no idea what the title means. Oh, wait yes I do--Hawk Wedding. It just exists outside the words for me. I now hear wings, birds, summer, youth, sky, etc in the lyrics. There is nothing like this song. It's up there with Moya Luybov. It's like pure music, like Percy Shelley writes poetry about……aggaagaaa. I didn't realize that high voice in NP was a girl, until I put 2 and 2 together from watching Брат. Even though it's a high pitched voice, it sounds sort of masculine…круто.
Motorhead "Damage Case"-- In reality, I would run and grab a big stick for protection, but in fantasticka---Lemmy. ..what do you want?? Stranger Danger.
The Cure "Hot, Hot, Hot." Lightning: it threw me around and left me for dead. The other song I'd pick from them would be "If Only Tonight We Could Sleep"…in a bed made of flowers.
The Runaways: "Cherry Bomb." Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch ch ch………
Steppenwolf : "Born To Be Wild"
The Dandy Warhols: "You Were The Last High"-guy's got the sex voice.
Bob Dylan can occasionally be languid, not too often, but once in awhile--"Lay, Lady, Lay" and "Just Like A Woman", also maybe "Isis" and"Rainy Day Women?"
More old guys: The Beatles: "I Want You (She's So Heavy), and "Girl"- John noises..
Stone Roses: "Driving South"..I like other songs of theirs better for the music, but this one sounds the most dangerous. Oh, no. I just noticed, this song might have borrowed its idea from an amazing Jimi Hendrix blues solo--all instrumental though. Still, Stone Roses kill it, and the words are so great--Jimi's is your show-offy blues jam, an amazing one, granted. But I like the Stone Roses version better--sticks.
Soft Cell---"Tainted Love"--don't touch me. Please. Marilyn Manson did a good'un, too.
Clutch ---"Electric Worry". Guarantee for me…those heavy-bottomed, Southwest, Tex-Mex, guitar driven songs put me in a state every time. I'm liking this band Tito and Tarantula for the same reason--they kick SRV's ass to Maine.
Lords of the New Church--"Dance With Me". Little Stranger.
Shakin' All Over: This is a song that just naturally drips, no matter who does it, and many have. I don't know who wrote it, but The Who did a version, Iggy did, (meh --but I still love 'ya Ig!) but my two favorites are Suzi Quatro's and , of all things, The Guess Who's. Another song that tends to do that, as long as someone does it well, is "Spooky".
Robin Trower--Bridge of Sighs--listened to all of this on a road trip today, and his guitar is quite emotive. Most of the album, although the title song, and "About to Begin' really are the central work that get me. Probably some people would think this is sorta metal corn, but I've always really liked it--has stuck with me all these years--great midnight walk music. He's not much of a lyricist, I admit, but he also never goes too far, sort of the "silent type' like Gary Cooper. His voice has a nice timbre, but is not what's great---he just has that sense of where to put a note, how long to hold it just right, never milks it too far. Fragile, like the Bridge of Sighs--you might easily fall.
Depeche Mode: "World in My Eyes". okay. Bring it, that world of yours. I'll sit still and let my mind walk.
Сплин: "Новые Люди" : Sad, sad longing for something ephemeral, hard to contain, part of love.

*********************************************************************************

DEC 21:

Dreamed a song--words and music! It reminds me of a cross between the radiator lady, Portishead, and Liz Fraser:

Goes like this:

Melody Open G -B-(As 2F) Open D--slide through Eb to E on same D string , hold on E and repeat.

Variations can be to skip the open D. Hammer on the Eb and E, vibrato the E, go back to the G--this as perhaps the tempo gets faster.

Also repeating a run through Open D,Eb,E and backwards as well.

2hd verse: start on the E 2x, G,F- F# slide

(major delete/drop)…….

It's my career

Ehhh. Don't like that last--too much rhyme. New Verse:

Jan 25: I dreamt some more of a song, (just the main image and sound) but, I think it can go with the above--making that part the chorus--this gives it more shape:

Coquina Моя (I have the music in my head, too, sort of Spanish guitar, with that little warble between
-------------------------notes, like in the Nautilus song "Posle e snova?")

Coquina Моя
Немного и красивая
держал тебя в моей руке

Felt life vibrate
В моей руке
В моей руке
В моей руке

так что вы вырыли в песке
Я наблюдал за тобой
as you disappeared

Chorus:
Ты здесь не, ну
Tы исчезнуть
Ты здесь не
My mind strays

Но жизнь все еще вибрирует
Песчаные измельчает
и перемалывает

Jan 27: (sis's b-day) Edited the above where it was too corny/\ maybe more should go?

Jan 18: Queens of the Stone Age' new album Like Clockwork, I think?!!! Almost got to see them, but got the flu.

Feb 3: Used this weekend to start collecting odd percussion instruments--for whatever. Band, my music, drama class. Got some sticks, a cow bell (!!) ordered a vibro-slap online since I couldn't find one locally. It's that sound that is in a number of songs, including Ozzy's "Crazy Train" and some Rolling Stones' songs. Also, Traffic's "Low Spark of High-heeled Boys". Ozzy's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0N-l0tCHhM

I bought a tambourine a few months back, and somewhere in my house I have one of those Celtic drums. Also made some DIY shakers out of aluminum cans, dried beans, corks and rubber bands--just to get a variety of percussion-y sounds. One thing I just got the idea for is to have drama do this old Stevie Wonder song, "Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing" cos--well, it's joyful-- and good for school. But most importantly, I think I can learn ,then teach, someone else the simple piano part, (ack--ryddym is not that easy, but doable--found a piano tutorial online, and I worked out the intro and opening verses--when muscle memory kicks in it will work!!)). It has an ensemble feel that can mix in a bunch of simple percussion elements, and we can learn the very cool harmony parts, I hope!! Also, the intro's kinda funny and weird. Here it is in SWs version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOz3p6k5O2g

I think it's that Jamiroqai band that sent me back to Stevie--they are definitely on his channel. Don't watch the video, just listen, because the pictures ruin the ones I had in my head..\/ Wait. The Virtual Insanity Vid is cool the other, meh...

First I heard: "Virtual Insanity"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JkIs37a2JE&feature=kp

But this is even better: "Cosmic Girl"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-NvQ6VJYtE

Feb 5: That golden circle/
Your iris/
frozen.

Feb 8: I got most of the parts for the piano figured out in "Don't You Worry" --now to teach it? I think I better learn to play it myself with proper timing, just in case. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to make it sound funky and rhythmic, but thankfully that came pretty easy once I got the intro in my head. Now, I just have to make the transitions more smoothly between all the various parts. Not sick of it......yet. I gotta get a portable keyboard for my room. Drama budget???))) Andrew, my pianist, BTW, had great rhythm, even on my stupid homemade cans!!!

Feb 12: Andrew is killing it on piano!!

(Later)--well, maybe not killing it. But, he will.

Also learned, more or less, Husker Du's "Don't Want to Know If You Are Lonely", mainly because Luke is learning it for the show. It was sorta tough at first from tabs (still hate tabs) but then I got the idea, and it flowed pretty easy. In fact, we played it in Band practice today--the guys just joined in and it sounded all right, except we couldn't find an exit. Said maybe we should play it if I bother to learn the words beyond the chorus....it's a kinda cool, different, song...

Feb 13: This morning I got it in my head that I wanted to learn that rock classic I mentioned earlier, "Shakin' All Over". Watched a video, sorta had the idea in 5 minutes. Sigh. Bittersweet symphony. On the one hand, I am glad my skills at guitar have improved enough that I more easily recognize patterns, can execute them fairly quickly and accurately. I am --Guitar George--I know--all the chords . xa.

But then the boredom with other people's music sets in . Again. Here's my newest thoughts about leads--since audiences tend to get bored with them::: they better be either killer, or evocative-- and simple. Mine are definitely never killer, and possibly never will be. On a good day I might be able to evoke--something, but not consistently. Bottom line? Only the greats should attempt long leads for audiences--they have to feel like they've never heard anything like it, or if it gets their adrenaline pumping. Happens less often than people pretend, I think. But you can tell when it really happens...some just have The Knack. Not me. I am a rhythm guitarist, at best. Or worst. Really, I'm more a concept musician, whatever that means. I think I mean, I like the bigger picture of putting together the idea of a song--a writer, or whatever.

Later, a non-guitarist in SAT wanted to learn "Highway to Hell" . I figured out the four chords on it pretty quickly (not quickly enough for the non guitar dude to try) but couldn't totally pick up the rhythm--(to be fair to myself, I was doing this without having heard the damn song in like 3 years, probably.) Adam to the rescue--in 10 minutes he had it perfect. He really is good--can't believe I was idiot enough to question his gifts long ago--envy. Still can't say I dig all his musical proclivities, but there is definitely something interesting going on in him.

Feb 16: Through volcanic layers of influences I decided to try to learn how to play The Smith's "Big Mouth Strikes Again"---Criminy, is that a fuckin' fun song to play. Screw "Highway to Hell" ...and to the tune of "now I know how Joan of Arc felt......" I sing--

"Now I know a Johnny Marr song--la-da-dee-dah." Life is good.

Feb 18, 2014: I have been thinking this for a while, but thought I'd finally say it out loud. I have had this odd new musical phenomenon in my life. It has to do with my online Russian database of music. See, the site adds music chronologically, as you listen and decide to save them. For me, certain sections of the database have become these warm little time capsules--they seem to be pretty affective, infective? of bringing back a few moments of my life over the last few years--which have turned out to be rather significant for me personally and musically. I mean, who would have thought, at my old gamby age I would find so much continued joy in music?

I swear, I will go back to a row of , say, five, six songs--and completely be able to recreate the moments when I made those lists--they mean that much to me. Doing Yoga in the morning with headphones, answering e-mails, grabbing my guitar to figure out the chords, notes, all the boring shit I do everyday--some moments of perfection freeze in my memory, because, well, as I got to school at 7:30 a.m. and turned on my computer, moy droog sent me The Who's "Eminence Front"--a song I probably haven't listened to in 20 years--and it hits me just right at that moment--makes me want to lock my classroom door against my students, and DANCE--playing it over, and over and over and over.. Dancing with the lights off. 90% of that database nostalgia is just the way the music made me feel at that moment, maybe connected in part to the outside world, say, by a friend I shared it with, the intense--and I mean ---intense--- like orgasmically intense-- bond it created. I cannot hyperbolize this-it is impossible, because it is so true. Sharing music with someone who you imagine (or just know, really) loves it, feels it like you, is almost like a new way of being intimate: I've been trying to describe this idea in my head, but it is staying on a nonverbal level--maybe it feels like someone else is whispering ideas to your brain, doubling the charge of euphoria because they are sharing theirs too. An electric arc. Think about it--you are tapping into your most passionate, intimate feelings. How else can I explain that I practically feel guilty (good Catholic girl hangover) committing these acts??

This is just one example of probably --IDK--1000??--- similar moments over the last 3 years. They aren't all just physical..they can tap into sadness, longing, confusion, morality, nationalism. Anything one feels.

Sometimes this might concern a song I decided to learn to play, to sing. Let's see, it could be--can I even explain this at all? Will it be exorcised from my primitive spine? I need to maybe give an example?

Well, I suppose negation can help. We have all had the experience of wanting desperately to share a song with someone --that you want them to love it, feel how it makes your blood pump, and..
You look into their eyes and see, not passion. Just politeness. "Oh, yeah, that's cool." Bland head nod, empty eyes. Polite shadow of a smile.

I'm really, really, sorry. But I can't do it. I've been looking at lists of songs, and it's sort of like trying to explain the feelings you have in a dream--why the random things in it felt so intensely pleasant or horrifying. I will try again another time, in another mood. Ok--a striptease-fan peak-- my super obsession with "In the Pines".

Sometimes I was merely revisiting stuff I'd " loved" years ago (those "" serve a deeper purpose than irony but not sure how to express), but somewhere along the line became a little stale. It is lovely to know it is quite possible to crack open an old love like a walnut and find the seed you craved still pristine, intact, full of life. Vibrating, alive, like a newborn bat with radar. Let's see--that would be--The Smiths. The Cure. Bowie. T-Rex. The Clash. all my old Punk buddies from DC, Cali, Boston, Detroit, England. Then Iggy. Oh, Iggy. I don't think I truly appreciated you like I should have the first time through. Love Me Two Times, babe. You are now mine. When you die some day, if your old crocodile hide can die, I will mourn you with streams of mascara running down the creases of my crows' feet. I'm not sure I would have said that 5 years ago--heheh--at least YOU'RE older than me.

There's a bunch of bands This pirate database allowed me to go deeper into--that I either grazed the surface of once, or planned to investigate--now I see /feel the frankenstein open its yellow eyes. Siouxie and the Banshees. How the fuck did I ever ignore this band? So in my soul. The Dead Boys. The Cramps. Nick Cave. Bauhaus. The Melvins. And all the innovative covers of--well-everyone good.I have to remind myself that it really was difficult back then to access this music--even to hear it--ANYWHERE unless a band came to town or a friend had a copy: I didn't have that many punk friends.

Shit, I've even listened to obscure Pink Floyd and Mainstream Led Zeppelin these past few years in a way that I hadn't really--really, with my ear flattened on the ground as the vibrations spin permanent cobwebs on my bones--no, I don't think I had ever really listened to them like that. Maybe. Maybe I just can't remember. I just know there's a lot I never really concentrated on, never really NOTICED. It's one thing to listen to an album sorta while you are doing the dishes and yelling at your kids--background noise. It's another to strap on the Bose headphones and **Listen--слышь** and make the world go away. Adults don't always have time for this--a shame.

A bunch of Bands people have been telling me for years I would love. Radiohead. Oasis. Stone Roses. Muse. The Flaming Lips. Modest Mouse. Jack White, Nina Simone, Morphine, Portishead, Yeah,Yeah, Yeahs, Queens of the Stone Age. Then all those stupid obscure things I seem to be adept at finding : subgroups of the famous, oddballs like Ian Dury And Root-Boy Slim, Gogol Bordello, Sixto Rodriguez and Death--

God, I hate this listing business. I'm not even going to attempt the massive list of new Russian bands I've been exposed to. Love to friends<3.

Maybe it is a matter of age, timing. Now, I can. Parts of your life are so absorbed in OuterLife. Kids, Family, Work. I'm feeling the end of the importance and centrality, of these things. Maybe I am breaking away from all that--back to the onanism of high school, alone in my room. I'm remembering how good it was, the fantasy of it all. I am so glad my brain is weird enough to do this.

FEB 19, 2014: MORRISSEY IS COMING!!!!!!

I've been on a major Morrissey bender, because I got tickets to this small intimate show. I am quite over the moon about it. So, I've been expanding my Morrissey solo repertoire, since I was more into the Smith's era stuff. Although probably the first thing I ever heard was "Suedehead" followed by "Every Day Is Like Sunday", both Morrissey solo efforts. My long time favorite was always "How Soon Is Now?" Which made me realize it was Johnny Marr I really admired. Anyway, in spite of my Johnny Marr idolatry, I see there is really a ton of good Moz solo stuff. I really love "Jack the Ripper". You have to admire his-lay-it -on- the- line guts as a writer--very interesting. Much I empathize with. The longing for strange midnight encounters --so romantic. God, but some of it, really, is stuff I could never stomach in my own life--like this song I have newly discovered. "Let Me Kiss You"---beautiful music and melody--he really is quite a singer and knows how to scan a line in unique and passionate ways. I admire that as a singer. This lyric, though..."Close your eyes, and think of someone you physically admire--and let me kiss you." The harmonies soar beautifully--rhapsodic. But the idea in the words? I could never... kiss someone who has to think of someone else? Sorry, mate, can't do that. That I need to manipulate? It is tragic, I say. He can't really believe it--it's a poor me pose. But--still I will love every minute and sing along...with my eyes closed...))

Feb 24 : Ladies and Gentlemen, my next song is called, "Love Makes You Retarded." I gotta headful of ideas that are driving me insane. Which ones to take the time to write? What to dredge out of my seething subconscious? I learned to play, fairly well, not brilliantly--I am never brilliant on guitar--a new Tom Waits song with jazz chords called "So Long I'll See You" heard it first in my other time zone, in Russia-xa. Somebody called Billy's Band. It's Am-- 3xx033----2xx202---x7678x --slap. ( I think that's that "Jimi Hendrix chord"--9#7---something like that). I 'm never good at remembering the math of music. I can play it finger-picking style and strumming--like it both ways. This song has a cool percussive beat, and playing it is making me miss Kowako, because I know he woulda dug it. All my little coquinas.......

Mar 5: In a horrifying attempt to dissuade Nima from doing "Monday, Monday" in his atonal, semi-rhythmic way, I spent upwards of 3 hours working on " California Dreaming"--which is also difficult, but not impossible. After about 15 listenings, I figured out the weird rhythm of the 2nd verse, how the harmonies work--they are almost, essentially call and response, but with slight drops on the echo's final notes. I figured out a key I can sing it in, if they get no one else--that is, capo-ed on the 2nd, rather than the 5th, as the original was done--my voice is deeper than Cass's , hard to believe but true. Hope he will be persuaded.

The pisser is someone in Drama misplaced my capo today, and I'm about to chew nails until I find it---Owen has been lusting after it all week, but boy, with your $1600 Martin, I think you can afford to buy a $7 dollar capo of your own!! Plus, it was an unusual design that I probably won't easily find again. I truly hate children who constantly encroach on my kingdom....

Mar 6: Nice moment, yesterday--besides sending me his new music, Adam posted new Eaea(or whatever it is) material, and told me about it--total over the top silliness with perhaps the American getting restless with the other's solipsism ))) Still, very bizarre, cute, and fun. Then, he and Hunter came after school and hung out for 2 hours while he taught himself keyboard chords on my stupid classroom keyboard, while Hunter worked on Johnny Cash. I like that I am nurturing all sorts of musical sparks--blowing on them and promoting the fire.

Mar 10: Nima and I worked on "California Dreaming". It sounded better than I might hoped, and we both fell kind of naturally to the separate parts--but I'm doing the guy's voice while he does the echo. EVERYONE, including Nima himself, makes fun of his singing voice, but I think he's one of those people who sort of naturally sings the lower part, it's what he's hearing, somehow, so I don't think we sounded all that horrible together. We were actually harmonizing in places, although I think there are parts we need to smooth out, work on one going higher, the other lower-like in the chorus. We spent almost the entire class on this, and I think some of the other kids were looking at us sorta cross-eyed. Oh, well. It's not like I spend tons of time with Nima. We had actually both learned the guitar part separately --but exactly the same way. It would probably be better if one of us did something a little different. Also! One of the new girls, Francesca, can play the flute, so we're gonna try to work her into the mix. She's pretty good! And it's a simple tune, I think. Reminds me I have to e-mail her the notes/chords.

Adam this morning sent me his new cover of Bad Brains' "Sail Away". He worked on keyboards again today, while Hunter and I figured out some Silversun Pick-ups song called "Lazy-Eye" I think. It's an easy, drony thing good for a beginner, plus I taught him the basics for doing a shuffle--which seems to relate to the style he likes to play in. Amazing how many different styles guitar players can have---sorta inspiring, really.

Mar 11: NIMA! Doing "Twist and Shout" and making it his own! I could feel the whole room wanting to get up and do the Twist. That's the way to do it, boyzz...what a good surprise.

Mar 12: And, for the umpteenth time, I taught someone how to play Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" )))

Mar 16: Several nice music things today, in spite of the stormy weather. 1) Adam came in to SAT early to "write a punk song".. it sounded like Jethro Tull "Aqualung" on speed--I definitely cannot keep up with Adam..not sure I want to)). 2) Taught Hunter the basics of a SRV-style shuffle. Sucked at guitar all day, myself--one of those where my fingers just don't get it. I think I'm depressed, too. Life walls closing in. Price you pay for truth. 3) Luke and Denise came in after school to do guitar. Luke worked on Husker Du, Denise showed me parts of a song she's working on writing. God, her instincts are so like mine--all sorts of minor chords and made-up, no name (at least for me) chords. I like her vocals , too. So different from Kowako's playing, it's funny. I mean, her weakness (rhythm) is his strength , but she's got the creativity with sound, what sounds interesting together.

Mar 31: Keep forgetting to write about music, been doing so many movies and books. Getting truly frustrated with my drama group--buncha drama teens, afraid to try something that's a challenge or stretch. We've had so many good ideas with potential , and they get excited when they see what it could be, but when it comes down to memorizing lines, working on music that doesn't instantly sound perfect, they give up. The History of Rap could have been killer, for example. Not everyone, of course. But a good number of the talented girls--lotsa head drama going on, So, tomorrow's ultimatum day. I made up a list of the programmed performances, and printed them out--this is the show, man. You are committed to this, sorry. Not going to do it? Bye-bye good grade.

Me, I have gone back to an old favorite--one of the first songs I ever learned on Electric Guitar--my old black beater. "Psycho Killer". Talking Heads--one of their best-best. Back in the 80's, I realized, I used to play only the first parts, but when you put in all the little subtle chord variations, it really makes the song fun and interesting. Oh, my god , how understated is that? Even back then, when I super-sucked (as opposed to just regular sucking, now) I knew this was a great song to play, if I ever got it right. Even then I knew it did variations on "A", and I didn't even have the internet then. It made me realize how much hard work I used to put in just to get the basics of a song---I had to do it all by ear then--no "Ultimate Guitar"! First, I had to write out all the lyrics by hand. I have a notebook full of this stuff, BTW. Then, just listen carefully to get the right chords, notes. I have lots of pages on bass notes back then, because I was really big on learning bass--just like the deep bottom sound you know, and the being left-handed was pretty frustrating to me for good strumming guitar.

One of the songs I have written out in my notebook is Big Black's song that went like this.."He was a plug ugly son of a bitch with a fist where most folks get their face." There was even a song me and my then Boston boyfriend wrote together, called "Lies in Wake"--totally dumb song. He wrote the words, me the music...sorta surprised me to remember I was writing music that early. There was another strait-edge thing he made up--he was totally straight edge--more than me, flannel shirt , tattoos, and all--called "The Core Can't Accept". It was sort of this weird dynamic between us that I knew the basics of how to play and he didn't--I knew he was envious of even my lame skills. That I could make a chord. I tried to teach him, but he wasn't the type to take an underling position too well. I always manage to pick guys with big personalities--everyone else bores me, I guess.

Anyway---"Psycho Killer!!" Once again (and especially since I've now got it better!) one of my FAVORITE songs to play. I feel like I should put that in, like, PEARL HARBOR BOMBED typeface--cos that's how I feel. It has everything--great silly, but meaningful lyrics. EXCELLENT rhythms . That's what's so good about it, and what I couldn't really deal with in the past. CRAZY FUN to sing--so over the top and serious at the same time--I like how the loudness varies throughout, the muted chords versus those played out full, and how they sound in contrast together. Easy, yet interesting chord combinations. Not so easy, though, that it's boring. IT's IN MY RANGE, and for some reason I don't feel self conscious playing it---I was just playing it on the couch after dinner tonight, and about half-way through I thought to myself--damn--i think you've gone up a level, performance-wise--this is all out!! Best I've ever played, perhaps? And that added to other songs I worked on tonight, for fun. I've definitely improved over the last year in the percussiveness of my playing, was one of my goals--given I've always seen myself as a rhythm guitar player--definitely not lead--plus that's not a realistic option for me as a lead singer--some rare few can do both well.

There's someone I really really want to play this with, and I have this intuitive feeling he's been working it too..

Apr 4: I feel a big music writing jag coming on...but, I don't have time to think deeply.

Later, had a lovely afternoon playing guitar, etc. Мой друг, but he seemed distracted--not so interested in the songs the way I'm used to seeing him. I thought things were pretty mellow, but then.. hope all is well. Maybe I'm projecting, because I'm feeling pretty mixed up and shitty about a lot of things.

Influenced by my Dylan/Biltmore article I am writing for a history magazine, I got sorta intrigued by the Sara/Dylan/Joan Baez triangle, and listened to songs that were related to all these diamond faceted and screwed up relationships. Not sure anyone came out the better, or did they? It's odd, but I think old hippie Joan may have been much too practical and straightforward to keep his love--he needed something more mystical and otherworldly--maybe Sara was that--she is often described thus, but in the movie to me she came off as sorta a wonky prissy Radcliffe type--all that precise New England diction that sounds almost British. Bob's lyrics are definitely covered in layers of misty imagery and intrigue more than Joan's, probably why he considered her a lousy poet. What she is better at than his notorious vagueness is clearly describing her emotions and being deadly honest about their relationship. It's rather heartbreaking in a different way. She is also much too wordy--imitating him? But she doesn't have his gift for phrasing a song. He may not have a pleasant voice, but there is no better phraser in music than Dylan. I'm sure it's just the massive amounts of music he's listened to, plus native intelligence--no college)).

This all made me want to learn her notorious song about their relationship-"Diamonds and Rust". It's a beautiful song based on basic chords, but the trick is how they are broken up with some hammer-ons, a great rhythm, and a little finger-picking riff up the G and B strings--I figured it out by ear in my old style way--no tabs, by listening over and over until I got it. took two days, but I know it now. It's a little tricky to do perfectly in rhythm , but I pretty much got it.

Owen (Haowen) has been pushing me to learn (or help him learn) this really tricky finger -style version of some pop song (1000 Years) by a girl named Christine Perri. It's pretty in the finger style, the original- meh, but Owen has really stuck to it and has a large part of it down--I'm pretty proud of him. He's certainly got more of it than me A) finger-picking is not my favorite thing or style--maybe my bad right hand, dunno. It's VERY difficult, arranged by that amazing Korean kid, Sungha Jung, that Owen is in love with. It has chords that span 5 frets, for example--eek. My short little nubs. Wish I had Jimi Hendrix's monster slims. But I wanna learn some of it, cos Owen needs me to do that with him now--
I'm back to thinking he has some serious potential.

Luke burned out on Husker Du, asked me for ideas, so I suggested the song "School" on Nirvana's Bleach --their first album. It's kinda subversive as Kurt is, but no dirty, offensive language, just a sorta restless angst against school--"No recess!!"I think it will pass muster for a school show but feel fresh--he's really set on doing some grungy electric. He likes it. I am eternally amused that persnickety high school boys look to me, a middle-aged old lady, for musical taste--what a weird situation. We put one of my classroom guitars in drop Db so he could play "Heart-Shaped Box"--how annoying is it to have a guitar sitting around in Drop Db!! Can't play nothing else, hardly, and you don't wanna undo it cos there's so much effort putting it back. There it sits, 2 days, playing mediocre (me) and bad (L) Nirvana.

Andrew and Jay are rockin' Journey's "Open Arms" on keyboard and vocals)). Sometimes I love my job. For about 30 seconds every day.

April 15: Tax Day. Just found out --Andrew Lloyd Webber's version of Jesus Christ Superstar is making the rounds in North America. Here's the best part: John Lydon, aka Rotten of the Sex Pistols and P.I.L. (Public Image Limited) will play King Herod.

Apr 16: Forgot to mention!! Owen came through!!, and replaced my lost capo--and not only that, he found one of those weird wrap- around kind with big teeth that I like (rather than the metal clip kind). Turns out you can buy them on the Internet for $2, as opposed to $7? for the metal clip at the music store. Funny irony--Owen bought himself one, but he doesn't like it. He also was complaining to me yesterday that he doesn't like the low-E on his Martin because it sounds too deep!! XA. I guess he would hate Nirvana)). Owen, I'll take that guitar with the deep low E off your hands, brother. hehe. All those Sungha Jung songs he loves are capo-ed up to like, the fifth, even the 7th fret--very high, ethereal and pretty. I still love me some grungy bass)).

Apr 18: Yesterday, spent over an hour with Andrew after school working out the piano for "Open Arms". Somehow we changed keys like 3 times. And, he kept insisting it changes keys during the chorus--it does not. Anyway, after he left, I took another hour, and I figured it all out myself in the C key he wanted--he'll still play it better than me--at least now it resolves back to C for the 2nd verse.

This morning I tested it out on our piano at home, and it still works. So.

April 21: New song in my head:

Opening note: Some crazy, shrieking distorted electric guitar with ear-splitting feedback--something like what might be in a Jack White song: doesn't "Dead Leaves.." start that way? Yeah, that's the one...but I don't want that bass line. This is gonna start slow, and build speed. Like Maruzzella, "Pirate Jenny", or some eastern accordion thing that varies in speed. Inspired by, no comment. It should sound like musical anxiety. The drums should sound relentless, like boots marching in cadence, faster and faster.

Cos I feel better angry than stressed))

Слов: He--- (kick drum)
Was----(cymbal roll)
A-------(silence)
One-man, (guitar kicks back in, with crazy loud drums) Maybe start in G? to C? to C#?
High-stress
Band.

He was a---
One-man,
High-stress band.

He was a one man,
High stress band...

He was a one-man, high stress band.
(pa-pa rum-pa-pa, pa-pa)

Digging in his heels, kicking up sand,
There's no way out of it..
Here he comes again

" I should come
To your attention"
Do it, it's me again

One-man, high stress band,
Kicking up dirt, kicking up sand
Kicking in my door
Cos he has a plan
(Pa -rum, pa-rum, pa-rum, pa padi pa)

<Crazy Guitar Solo>

one, two three, four--stress!
five, four three, two--stress!
seven, nine, three, один..

Stress! Stress! Stress! (etc).

April 25: God, I love this song, still. Tito and Tarantula, "After Dark" . I learned how to play it half-way decent in about an hour-minus the solo, and it's a fun one to play. There's some weird strum you have to do, I've been doing it from the bottom up, with the pick completely sideways instead of flat like you would usually play--I mean, like the thin edge just skims up the strings, and half the time its more my thumbnail that's catching the strings. Dunno if there's a better way--I was doing it on acoustic--it's really on electric.

More or less have a solo, too. Nothing special, as it's slow and sultry.

Also April 25: Adam gave me an interesting job to do. He wanted me to suggest some "Dark Country" music for him to listen to, because he's planning on making a "dark country" acoustic E.P. So, I spent most of SAT class compiling a list for him: his example was some guy named Charlie Feathers. I suggested Link Wray, Duane Eddy, The Gun Club, Hank Williams III, Tito and Tarantula, Nick Cave, The Cramps. I think he wants heavy reverb, rockabilly, slow Devil driven darkness. Not quite surfer stuff. Good instinct, Adam. I wonder if he needs a dark country backup singer? I know he does not need my guitar.

May 4: I need new music. Again. Been listening to the Smiths, again. Really restless to make something new again. Something that mines my veins. I need it so bad. Johnny Marr just makes me--what? Wanna jump off a building, fly--stand on my head, kiss someone so soft they die (Renaissance style)))).

May 6: Haha. My bad influences spread--today I had an all-Cure morning in my classroom--even the pretty obscure stuff, like all of 17 Seconds and Disintegration. Pretty good music to work by, and I was happy that so many kids kept asking--"What is that music??!!"

May 8: Tomorrow's the big day--talent show. 13! acts lined up--4 comedy skits, plus lots of different kinds of music: Girl duets, piano-singer number, grunge guitar, finger style pretty guitar, classic 60's acoustic with singing, girl soloist a capella, then Nima and Adam, doing Black Dog, the Kinks, and "Twist and Shout"--I hope Nima gets the rhythm.....

May 9: Show is over, thank god. Went better than I hoped, the big comedy skit wasn't perfect, and had some dead air. All the music turned out pretty near perfect, except Jay's Acoustic cord on Owen's Martin failed halfway through --I don't think anyone cared since Dani sang so well. And at the last minute! In fact, I should be happy everything went so well considering how slapped together the tech equipment was, and everyone only getting one practice with mikes, amps, etc. Nima kinda overshot the beginning of one verse in "All Day and All of the Night", and messed Adam up for rhythm, but they recovered, and "Black Dog" kicked butt thanks to Adam's leads. And Nima was great on" Twist and Shout" again--it's too bad the crowd started thinning out as the school day ended--the ones who stayed seemed seriously impressed. The "drama" girls all were great--even though an hour before they all begged off, saying they were too nervous. Nerves are good for performance--means you care.... I'm happy.

May 14: Rain. Sick. good day for these words: земфира-----"Блюз"

Покатаемся по городу
Отвези меня, пожалуйста, к мосту
Ближе, ближе, здесь я дышу
От луны такие грустные
До неё подпрыгнуть хочется
Давай выпьем прямо здесь и сейчас

И меня моя милиция
Заберёт и не подавится, смотри
Дальше, дальше, здесь никогда
Покатаемся по городу
Отвези меня, пожалуйста, к мосту
Ближе, ближе, здесь я дышу

I respond (in English--) to images in accompanying video, more-so than words--

Song I am writing--videoed myself playing pieces of it, but I have since sped up the intro and added notes here and there-- music is not as ready as words:

Земфира's Glass Box:

Your hand
Reach me
Glass wall
No iron
I see you
I can see you

Palms flat
So hard
wrists run
two rivers
one
from each

(deep breath--the rest)

The accident has occurred.

Can I claim a city where
I was not born
Can I claim a city
Where I’ve never been

Can I claim a city
that rejects my blood
Type A, not P
Can I claim ...

You laugh,
But what I say
Isn’t funny

We laugh,
But what I say
Isn’t funny

~~There are actually 3 more stanzas which I do not wish to post. Maybe 4,~~ depending on how I divide them up. But I like them. Stanza 2 has double meaning. I still can't read this or watch the video again without feeling a strange electric course running in my veins, reliving the moment I first saw it. Early morning.

нет---нет--нет. I do not like the lead. эта история . Done--maybe use it elsewhere, but not at the beginning of this. The words mean too much to me for this throwaway. This needs to be supreme. I will wait if necessary.

May 15: However, I've been listening to The Smith's "Last Night I Dreamt..." I kinda like that key change from piano intro to a new key when (the guitar? ) lyrics come in. It's more dramatic than the shift from guitar to piano in "Layla". I think the hand appearing in the video warrants a dramatic shift like that.

I wish I wasn't so groggy and sick so I could concentrate better on this. Later--with the above in mind, got a new direction, starting with A7 some Jimmy Page style weird chords--with a heavy transition. Better, perhaps.

It's hilarious, but the Chinese kids absolutely seem to hate Dark Side of the Moon. I thought it would be pleasant background for testing, but they keep looking at me with puzzled eyes. Finally when the alarm went off in "Time" I had to change it. Back to the Cure. I guess Robert Smith always had a slightly Asian bent...

May 19: Apparently they like the very strange Mr. Bungle.

May 19, again: Jello solidifying in my brain...I'm starting to find a name for some new (to me) 90's music----had no Idea it actually had a name. Trip Hop. Weird juxtaposition of jazz, punk, funk, layered in odd and interesting ways. "Hop" because it uses samples. I've already mentioned some associated with this: Portishead (and Moloko) /Massive Attack. I guess one of the originals was this Jamaican dude named Tricky who's from Bristol--why does that part of England tend to spawn great music? Tricky even spins off my girl Siouxsie Sioux --and what a great old punk song that one, "Tattoo" was on its own. The girls tend to sing like my jazzy side, low and sensual, but how cool to have a better, more modern atmosphere to put all that in. I'd like to do that, but add some kick-ass rock guitar somehow. For shiver. All those primitive percussion beats are the base. Then build. \/

Some of it, honestly, is a little too fluffy for me. Music needs more Zemfira.

I know it's been done, but it's giving me ideas.
May 20: New Garage Band update is, too ;))))))))))))

9 pm: I love Zemфira. Tonight I cannot get through one of her songs without tears swelling like tides in my eyes. And I am torturing myself by also watching Вогаиня как я полюбила Goddess: How I (Learned?) Love": Renata Litvinova. But I have to stop it every 10 minutes, not because I don't understand it, (even though the only way I've ever seen this movie is all in Russian--I don't know of any English versions), but because I understand it all too well. Im afraid i am like this. How to stop?

May 21: Actually started a GB file for my red hand song (above) --absolutely nothing even close to this lame guitar thing I was doing. Weirdly, I think it's sorta Nick Cavish--watching the Renata movie last night might have influenced that. Plus just messing around in the new hip-hop files in GB. I still can't quite place the vocals, although the lyrics are short and need drawing out, blending. I think it's my bronchitis, I can't reach my intense range right now and everything sounds shitty.

<blush>--I kinda like it. Kinda. Sometimes--but if I play it too long, it has no staying power. But it's noisy.

May 23: Hate/Love Hate /Love. Still no vocals, but I figured out 3 or so Johnny Marr-like guitar chords stolen more or less from "Big Mouth", but in a different key. Haven't recorded them, but at least it's real, homemade music. Still no melody! I put in a canned guitar blues riff that sounded okay when I was just playing my song, but hitting the speaker button on the clip--in the new GB is synchs it perfectly when you do that, waiting for the right part of the measure, but when I added the track officially, I couldn't hit the same mark, and it sounded terrible. I don't really want the guitar to be a loop anyway, that's just too canned. The whole canned aspect to this enterprise is starting to chafe me a bit--is it real music this way?? It's fun to experiment though.

I today also went through every key change variety--settled on C#m for a change but also liked Am--(must be my Cure side)). But, after I made a new I-tunes version in C#m, I went back to the Cmaj and it sounded fresher?? It all just starts to blend after awhile.

The one thing I know I have to do to improve it is get rid of the repetitive bass-line--same damned thing through the whole song!! It's boring that way, but it's at the bottom root of the whole thing, I'm afraid if I change some of it, I'll mess the whole thing up. Guess I can always replace it with the boring bass again. I have completely messed up GB files in the past by making these sorts of "improvements". I have an idea, though--wondering if those clips that are sort of named together , same description like "Edgy Rock Guitar" and then have version 1,2,3, and 4, if they are meant to play together--gonna try that.

Yep: It worked. Just what I thought: those files are meant to go together. I also managed to fade out the ending: Easy and on the tool bar. My problem is I just don't like the words with the song, so I think I'm going to follow my instincts and make those two different projects. I have some new words rambling around, anyway--partially due to new life changes, partially due to rewatching The Doors' movie. What can I say? Jim inspires me to be crazy, too.

May 24: Got the blues guitar finally in the right place--I guess because the whole thing has more structure, I knew where to put it. First try too, so strange, musical intuition. Now I'm thinking of this as a different, semi-intrumental song, with only a few words from the original. It won't tell the story--I'll have to write a second song for that.

Also restrung my newest favorite acoustic--it is a Fender like my 2nd class-room knock around guitar, but it is made of better wood, is smaller, and somehow has a much richer, deeper sound. It is in perfect shape.

It was one of my old students who baled on guitar club years ago, and I got a nostalgia jolt when I opened up the nice case (full of various guitar paraphernalia ) : sheet music, and at the very bottom, a tab and lyric sheet for----The Cure--"A Forest". Because this guitar came from the guy who was the vocalist for my favorite guitar club moment---the 4 hours or so where we actually made a band. For only a day, with a lame 2nd guitarist, we played "A Forest" --wish I coulda played two parts that day, myself. But I got stuck with keyboard duty, which was fun, but I couldn't hear what was going on in the rest of the room...except for awesome lead guitar........so mad I didn't record it.

11:00pm : Overproduction. I think I now understand the concept in real time....I think I just did it. Hate my song.

May 26: New fun guitar song to play that I never suspected could be a good guitar song, cos it's more keyboard: The Door's "Love Street". So good, so fun, has fun key changes throughout that are pretty intuitive.

May 28: I am watching the Doors movie (Oliver Stone) for like the 1000th time. Actually, for the 3rd or 4th time this week, not that I've watched the whole thing each time. I love the movie (flaws and all), I love Jim Morrison's approach to life. He would be quite a bit older than me: almost my mother's age--but, how much does age matter with a person like him? He is outside the boundaries that harness reality. So, in light of the happenings this week, some poor, unloved smuck shooting up U-Cal Santa Barbara cos he's never got laid...I started thinking what the present day world would have thought of Jim. He's A stalker!! He followed Pam home, climbed her tree, kissed her in the first five minutes of meeting her, in front of "her old man"!! Yet, Jim is a romantic icon. Some other guy, yugh.

But, Jim sang about wanting to rape his mother!! Kill his father? All sorts of weird scenes. But, my opinion--that's where art has a value, a message. Do I think the real Jim Morrison really wanted to rape his mother and kill his father?

Of course not. First, his father outlived him by 50+ years, and seemed like a decent guy...don't think his mother has ever accused him.

Jim was fulfilling his Shaman duties, sacrificing himself in art for the tribe...saying what we were afraid to say, but thinking. His motives were out there, but pure. Unblocking the taboos of human nature. It's all on some fantastic level that we somehow need to hear to feel whole, to feel human. Someone needs to be willing to express this. Not sure why. I think it prevents the real crazy from acting out. It makes more sense to me then the way super-Christians handle things.

Let me point out, however, I wouldn't have wanted to be Pam, or the Occult lady, or any of his girls--I'd be too angry and egotistical to hang around for that. I can love him from afar)))

Jim invokes the Pablo Picasso rule..Jonathan Richman (and the Modern Lovers) wrote this song about how Pablo Picasso could get away with staring at girls and not be called an asshole...how? He wasn't particularly good-looking. The UC-SB shooter was most definitely an asshole. A pretty boy, but, a creep. He didn't seem bad-looking, until he opened his mouth. Has nothing to do with facial symmetry, all the other beauteous attributes. He was definitely creepy, and I wouldn't have wanted to spend five minutes with him in a grocery line.

Well , my only explanation is, your soul, its motives, shines through. I would have been grateful to have had the opportunity to spend an hour on Venice Beach, or anywhere? (Beaux Artes?)) with Jim. I think it would have been a valuable moment in my life, even if I hadn't known who he was, would be. I'd be hungry for more. Ok, I'd have been even sadder that he died, but look at how he lived. That doesn't mean every asshole who offs themselves at 27 is just like Jim...you had to have had that light. Too good for the world. Idiot who hates, offs himself at 22? No light.

Jun 10: Shouldn't I be too old to let music effect my blood so strongly??? When I say blood, I am not speaking metaphorically. Damn, it is happening at this very minute--listening to that goddamm old Alice Cooper song "Poison": it came up randomly--randomly always affects me more---I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much...." I can feel my blood surging stronger through my arms, especially. Maybe my neck, too. Some things stop me so strongly in my tracks I have to sit down for a second and let the dizzy feeling pass. Земфира did that to me at least twice this month--"Блюз" and " Не Отпускай". Not to mention later making me cry, which I never do any more in my real life. Well, they affect me like this because of my real life--which I want to get more real.

I didn't really talk about Morrissey's concert, and I should. (Morrissey can do all these awful things to my blood and eyes as well). I liked the Creative Loafing review of him, which showed better sense and understanding than others I saw.

I could be a horrible typical fan and sigh and carry on about the lack of favorites: Smith's material, that is. I do honestly feel that, unfortunately, but I am quite capable of rising above not hearing "Asleep" or "There Is A Light" or "Handsome Devil" or "Heaven Knows" or "Barbarism Begins at Home" or "Big Mouth"or "Rubber Ring" or {total fantasy: "How Soon Is Now?"---with out Johnny Marr? Sacrilege!!!} Or solo hits like "Suedehead" of "Jack the Ripper"--love that one.

But ever since I've had the experience of being even in a lame band that does repeated (and repeated, and reeeee-peeeat-ed r.e.p.e.a.t.e.d REPEATED reep peet ed rëpéated рипитыд рийп ет ед ) material, and trying to make it sound fresh and heartfelt each time--well, I am so sympathetic to the world famous who must be completely over certain songs in their repertoire --avoid them like nothing else.....taking long,long breaks before they can feel the beauty again.

So I know why Morrissey only did two Smiths songs, and mostly new material: which was also quite good even though I couldn't have my nostalgia buzz. And, to his credit, the two most intense songs of the night were old Smiths songs: neither on my usual list of favorites, but still well -loved.
"Hand In Glove" and the notorious "Meat Is Murder." I am so glad I had the foresight to start recording "Hand In Glove", although my picture wasn't so hot, blurry and jumpy, because a bunch of people in my row got to the concert just as it started, so I was trying to film while standing up, smashing into my raised seat, having people walk in front of me, readjusting jackets and bags and whatever--glad I got a video of anything! It didn't matter, because Moz found his way back to that song. I think that was my favorite song of the night, and it has a new meaning for me anyway--probably for the same basic human conflict Morrissey wrote it for (concern for outside eyes on what should be private/personal), but not under the same circumstances--I'm sure Morrissey was feeling eyes on a same sex relationship--

I always liked the music of "Meat Is Murder", and have felt awe at how Moz/Marr (Johnny is vegetarian, too) managed to make such beautiful music that included rather odd, even ugly, background noises. And make it sad--the kicker. This version was quite different. The instrumentation was for a more ballad-like, old-fashioned croon (something Morrissey is quite good at and has the voice and phrasing ability to do). "Hand In Glove" was quite near the original, but upped the percussion and tied it to the light system. Instead of trying to replicate Johnny's guitar style, the lead guitarist just did it his own way, which was cool. Later, on a newer solo song, there was a Marr-like chord progression, I noticed, so he must have been a fan.

There was a certain aggression coming from Morrissey by the second half of the very short show, if not from the beginning. Should be expected..I'm glad he hasn't mellowed as time goes on. This is yet another place where I feel a kinship with Morrissey--go out with a bang, why fuck around?
We are very close in age...both born 1959, both in the sign of Gemini (why we are so screwed up, both) . He's 18 days older than me. BTW, I just did a thorough reading of my horoscope, at midnight. Not that I believe that stuff totally. Actually, it seems like the daily stuff is really stupid to me, but for some reason, during major changes in my life, my horoscopes suddenly seem spookily, deadly, accurate. What I read last night scared the hell out of me. But it would be very cool if it were really true--what I think I want. But oh, so scary. But I digress....

So, Morrissey seemed offended by our local press, although he railed on about sink holes and other Florida dumbness rather than talk about the condescending review (one article repeated the usual inane Morrissey blather--king of Mope, a whiner, depressing, oh, the worst! "an adult in diapers"!) He likes to talk to the audience between songs, which requires some circumspection by the audience, who you think would want to hear what he had to say. Some folks seemed to think they were at a Limp Bizkit concert--hollering during, between songs, while he was talking. Finally, like a school teacher, he said, "Why are you yelling at me, I don't understand!" Bravo, Morrissey.

Then, after the "Meat Is Murder" montage, which some were making very strange noises during--I'm not sure what it was I was hearing: booing? mooing? Moaning?Anger? Disgust? What were they expecting? Well, he pointedly responded by saying, with testiness,--which was especially emphasized since the crowd had gone a bit quiet, maybe not knowing how to respond to what they saw--"Thank you, anyway, to those of you who listened. " I gotta admit, the whole thing sorta got to me, and pushed me a little further towards vegetarianism--even Dick, a consummate male meat-eating hamburger/hot-dog/steak kinda guy said afterwards, "You know, maybe I should cut back on eating so much meat ..it really is bad .."
(Lately, even chicken is starting to make me feel sick).

I am rather cheered up strangely by Morrissey to know he has not gone all soft and mushy with age like so many other musicians, doing their own greatest hits/albums like some sort of nostalgia cover band of themselves, doing parlor music, whatever. Good to know it is possible to take Dylan Thomas's advice, and "Rage--rage--against the dying of the light." Rage on. I'm 18 days right behind you.

Jun 17: I will soon be speaking gushingly, endlessly, about Morrissey's autobiography. And here I thought I might not like it...)

Jun 21: My favorite line so far--already put it on my VK profile, after having my favorite Yeats' line there for well over a year...("How can we know the dancer from the dance?"). That says something.

"If you must sing every night, could you at least sing something we know?"

   Morrissey claims his neighbor-out-the-window said this to him. At first, I just thought it was really funny. His typical, dark, lonely and self-effacing humor. But, the more I look at it, the more profound it seems. Especially for someone aspiring to be an original musician, because it arrives at the crux of the entire crisis. We want to connect, but we want to be ourselves, unique. The easy, cheap way to connect is to sing a song everyone knows, maybe can even sing along to. As long as we feel it, that's also good. But creative people are easily restless, bored, and eschew repetition. Live inside their own heads. Might even start to dislike an audience that loves the hackneyed. But, Music feeds a mainline to our emotions--how can that become overly-sentimental?

I already wrote a song/poem about this line--I may do more, because to me this seems a deep vein to mine.

Confession: I feel awkward about this. So, I've had this sort of unspoken competition with "the boys in the band" for years, really, about me playing guitar. And I pretty much won them over--about 6-7 of our best songs has me playing rhythm guitar (while I sing, I might point out, which is not exactly an easy thing!!) . Some are pretty easy, but there are a few with tricky rhythms, the Sly Stone is straight out funk. Plus, there's a few more I could play, but we (or I) decided it detracts from the intensity of my singing on some of the harder songs, trying to multitask. There is no question that *** is far superior at doing leads. I suck at that.

Here's the awkward thing. Two weeks ago, I don't know why this happened, but *** was playing "Blue Bossa"--a classic jazz song I always assumed was too complicated for me--"a jazz song"" woo. He was just messing around, and I had my guitar, so, I started following him...I said, ok, Cm, Fm7, then what? , so he showed me the whole chord progression, through the 2nd line too, then he said, that's it. I said that's all? I tried it maybe 3X, and by the third time, I could keep up with him pretty good. He said to me, rather sheepishly, you really have improved. I don't think that was easy for him to admit: he's made so much fun of my playing over the years.

That weekend, when band practice started, the boys started playing, first, "Blue Bossa"--it's our boring warm up song, and just instrumental. Only this time, I sat off to the side, in a chair, unmiked, and played along on my acoustic. I pretty much nailed it. I think I'm making *** nervous, that I learned it so quickly--he really has to work at it.

So this week, while he was gone, I listened to Astrud Gilberto singing "Girl From Ipanema" and a few other songs--god, she has such a pure voice. So, I'm wondering if I can come closer to her version, with more clarity, less frills. I think--not sure what key she's singing in--well, I'll just strum it on guitar. We have the chart. I should mention--***'s been practicing "GFI" rather meticulously for months on classical, doing the two-finger plucking style--so I sort of automatically did it sorta that way, once I took 20-25 minutes or so to figure out the best, most efficient finger patterns to make it easy. Well, by the end, I'm thinking--why is this so hard for him? I'm doing it, and singing, too. Now granted, my string clarity is not as pure--but, I'm trying to concentrate on singing it, too.

I just know, if, when he gets home, and he realizes I figured out the chords to "Girl From Ipanema", it's going to make him feel bad, once again. Already, I'm probably learning 2-4 more songs per month on guitar than he is--I have to be so careful to find just the right ones that he'll agree to try with me. Not all the ones I know are brilliant, or anything, I just know in the initial stages I'm faster at picking them up, AND , sadly, I sometimes can get the rhythm more easily too.

Why should I have to feel bad about this? Fuckin' sexual politics...

I thought it was a big breakthrough, and funny and sad at the same time, that one Saturday he actually said to me--"so, Ok, show me the chords to 'Stairway To Heaven'". Strange moment. Maybe it's cos he decided to start A Guitar Club at his school. Copycat....

Jun 24: ok--I've improved my "Girl From Ipanema" (guitar not vocals, although I might be able to do that too.) I found this pain -in -the- ass video lesson guy, but he seems to be doing an interesting, nice rhythm pattern, that adds a few easy hammer-ons on the e and B strings, much improved from what I was plucking. Not sure how close to the original, but have heard people play it this way. Very pretty song--I feel quite good to have learned this. I will have to show Owen when we get back to school. He will like it.

Jul 1, 2014: Woke up, the last two mornings, to the sound of train whistles--best sound in the world.

July 6: Knew it. This" Girl From Ipanema" was gonna turn into a failure to communicate...more later.

Simple. Simple. Less is More. Reach out and touch Faith. No, that is NOT part of the melody. Semplice. Простой. Just fucking listen...those notes are NOT there, in spite of what your intellect thinks. Just feel it, goddammn it. Stop trying to impress me that there is a logical progression to melody---no, there is not.

I cannot believe I am stuck back here again. No, I am not comfortable on this lap. I am trying to carry on. Please. Please, please, let me....

July 7: I am about to dive into a deep and heavy seclusion with the album Strangeways, Here We Come, which I've never actually listened to intently as an album (my introduction to the Smiths coincided with my extreme poverty and fairly exclusive use of copied cassettes for new music, back in the bad old 80's--so in that context, "Stop Me If you Think" comes on right after "Suedehead/I'm So Sorry", followed by some Buzzcocks and Joy Division) . The songs I knew, just not in this order. Hatful of Hollow, The Queen Is Dead, and Meat Is Murder are probably the main three I've listened to as albums, and, that, well after the 80's ended.

This new context is courtesy of what I'm reading, new background info included, Morrissey's claim that it was the best they ever did (the debut album the worst because of the production, not the writing or playing or arrangements). Strangeways, for anyone who does not know, was Manchester's prison. Adding a dying strain of melancholy, the Smiths break up 2 days or so after the album is finished. Two listens in, I am rapt.

July 10: 1:37 am: Morrissey must have really been drawn to the idea of "You just haven't Earned It Yet, Baby," (on Louder Than Bombs) as he wrote a song with that title--elaborating on the idea, but repeated it on Strangeways in "Paint a Vulgar Picture", something I never noticed before, not having listened to that song too carefully--song about a dead star and a record company meeting. From the book I know the context, sorta--"tacky badge"--has to be some sort of commentary of the demise of the Smiths and their severance of the relationship with Rough Trade Records. It sounds more snide--like it was what the record company said to keep them in their place, even though they were The Beatles of The Eighties.

July 10: 1:51 pm: Morrissey:"Within pop music, sexuality is always, always, always artificially aroused. "
I'm wondering now, if much of Strangeways some sort of odd love letter to Johnny Marr: his one true love. 'Course, love doesn't need to be sexual. I was expecting big ugly nastiness about Johnny in the book ala the tabloid version, but there seems to be none. Morrissey's view seems in fact, quite the opposite, and lovely. Good to know. Dogs of publicity...

I'm half-way serious about forming a Smiths cover band...

August 12: Django.

August 24: Something made me go back to Led Zeppelin this weekend. Maybe it was realizing all my old albums are worth more.)) Anyway, found a new lesson on "10 Years Gone" and learned it pretty well. Dude knew the right chords, even if he didn't know their names. Love the ones with the intuition. мой брат.

August 25: Held the first accidental guitar club today. 5 kids showed up, out of the blue (well, one was my regular grunge dude, Luke--gotta think of a new song for him to suit--he's not into my Zeppelin vibe right now--gotta march to your drum , man, don't follow me...)

But I am still on my LZ thing, so when these newbies showed up, I started walking them through "Tangerine" (even though I was a little rusty on it myself, but I got it back...) It's not my usual beginner song, except with Joe, my son. Anyway, several changes in dynamics--first, although not one person brought his/her own guitar, there was enough to go around from my closet--and I even got to play the busted Fender for demo! (The "good" darker Fender I've kept at home so it doesn't get damaged--I like it so much I may put off my plans to buy a Taylor--although I played one again at Sam Ash w/ Owen this weekend ;/ ). Krit, who is Thai, I think , was with me alone first, and he picked up everything right away--arched his fingers nicely, easily saw how the chords worked--I even started him doing the little hammer-ons right away, cos I could see how fast he was getting it. The girls were a little slower, although Joy, who's kinda funky and artsy, could make better strumming, even though the other made noises like she knew what she was doing.

After a bit, when I saw they were interested in strumming patterns, I went back to old reliable "Venus"--Goddess of the Mountain Top. You know, back a few years ago, I sorta picked that song at random, because it started in Em and went to A, but I'm now realizing it was a sort of intuitively brilliant choice for beginners, to get them used to the idea of guitar's rhythm dynamic. I can teach down-up stroke, mute-slap, and lots of people get it fairly soon, and have fun with it. It's this sort of weird, genre neutral song that everyone kinda likes. These girls were obviously enjoying the rhythms of the song, even though they'd never heard it before. they were laughing and having a good old time, and begging me to let them come back again tomorrow.

Yeah, I already took Owen to Sam Ash--what a prima donna he is.

I was running errands on Central Ave, and the sky was brewing a storm, and who do I spy, in one of his crazy artist outfits, (a shirt with stylized roses, and his signature Chinese walking shorts) walking on the sidewalk in the threatening rain with his Martin guitar. Owen. I stopped to pick him up--said, Owen, you're gonna ruin that guitar if this sky opens up. He was taking it to Mad Music to get it restrung--but he was unhappy about something. Now, he still has a a thick Chinese accent, but he has improved so much--well, he talked me into taking him to Sam Ash in Clearwater. What a character--he had those guys tightening this and adjusting that...the funny thing is, Owen doesn't really know what he's talking about, but he has all these superstitions that he thinks are facts. He thinks, for example, if the Sam Ash guys "tighten his bridge"??, it will make his E string less bassy-- some weird obsession he has.

I am amused that a guy who is so into guitars still hasn't bothered to learn how to tune himself, (well, he thinks he knows, but he's not very accurate, doing it by ear), let alone figure out how to change the strings. He somehow decided the Sam Ash guys would do it more "professionally" than Mad Music--which is nonsense. I thought he wanted something else done, or else I wouldn't have gone all that way--although it was a pretty good diversion for me anyway--I wasn't doing anything, and it got me out of the house. He kept saying his guitar neck was broken, but I never figured out what he meant, and it played fine after the restringing.

Owen is a funny guitar guy--kinda a show-boat, but of a different stripe than the typical American Heavy Metal riff-ters. he likes rhythms, beats, harmonics--guitar tricks, but he has a good ear for music, and can keep a decent beat. (Not as good as Kowako, yet..) He amuses me, and there are things I could pick up from him. Although I'm a little tired of his shtick already. We kinda got in a little tiff today--why do I fight with the kids I like? He's taking advantage.

I am at a weird place for myself on guitar--trying to redefine and retool. As much as I love some screaming punk/metal/ macho guitar work--I can't see myself up there doing the kind of blistering solo work that somebody like Yef can just do naturally and look cool doing it (not everybody does). I don't care how good I could get at it, I'd look stupid---there's only a certain type of woman who can possibly get away with that, and I'm not it--I think that's partially why I never bother. I hate to limit my sex, but we just weren't built for sexy guitar solos. It's a male dominated art-form. We can do romantic, beautiful chords, harmonies, melodies--but no in- your- face-kick-ass--it just seems silly. I can see myself doing a Johnny Marr type guitar piece, even Jimmy Page, actually, cos, if you think about it, he doesn't really go in for that in your face blues face-off sorta thing that you see with lots of lead guitarists--hair band style. No, he's more subtle, and dare I say, pretty? for one of the most famous rock guitar in the world?--my appreciation goes that way.

I'm just wondering, at this point, if I'm going to bother to improve at guitar...what's my new direction?
I've always been willing, and like, to experiment with weird or hard chords, chord combos--I think I still want to work the rhythm vibe. What else? I suppose that's enough for now. I just never seem to impress anyone but myself (if that). I still need to work at making my strings sound clearer, purer.

August 26: 3 new kids for guitar today--plus three regulars: Luke, Owen-with-daggers, and new regular Joy. She must've spent 3.5 hours in my room today--think we like each other. Well, she got 10 points higher on my placement test than anyone. She is smart, and I guess that's where we insta-bond. So Joy brings this new Asian kid with her, and he says, is this where I come for guitar club? And precedes to grab my guitar from the chair where I laid it. I was just about to lay into him for not asking first, but then I froze, switched gears, and said--my goodness, you're good! Of course you should come to guitar club, and help!

I'm thinking of telling Owen he can choose to go to regular English if he wants--he scored pretty high, and I think he resents being in ESOL again--maybe why he's acting up. I'll miss him, but he can be a pain in class. I know he'll go if I suggest it, but it will be good for him. He learns fast. There's always my guitars to attract him, anyway.

August 28: Yes, boys and girls, it is Thursday, time for the official guitar club, and boy, what a monster I have made after all these years!! It's kinda cool, but I don't think I could stop it now if I wanted to--there would be riots on the grinder if I disbanded guitar club, я думаю. This kid from Shanghai came in today, a classical guitarist, playing only one year, but boy, is he talented. Not my style, completely, but he plays so beautifully, and with real feeling. Natural talent. His teacher is a concert level classical guitarist named Ye Fan ( I can't help thinking how close that is to Yef--are these magic guitar letters?) Now this Ye Fan dude, who I have never heard of, is quite something--his notes are so clear it is like they descended from heaven, and he plays all around Europe, it seems.

My new thought? Owen (Haowen) with all his percussion-y guitar playing? Is really an amazing bass player in the making. I need to push him that way, although I think he may have already started that idea himself.....he would be awesome on bass. I gotta talk him into buying one.

With that idea in mind, I gotta start thinking about a potential (sorta selfish) idea for our next talent show. Well, Alex the Shanghai kid can play his Guitar 2000 piece---it is awesome. But--how about a new version of my dream band? Alex on guitar, Haowen on bass, me on vocals and/or rhythm guitar (depending on how hard the singing is), and, I dunno, Joe on drums? But what should we play? It will drop everyone on the floor.

So, I think the new thing I'm going to do with guitar club is to at least partially make it sorta like a band practice, with everyone attempting to play the same song together--some lead, some rhythm, some singing. Now to come up with a list of songs where we can do this. "Susie Q" is a stupid no brainer to start, but I'm so sick of that song--but it could give everyone the idea that it can be done maybe. Hmm. What about Sly Stone, "If You Want Me to Stay"--Owen would love the funky rhythm, I think. I love singing that song, but I wonder if I should sing it the way I do in our band---I kinda go a bit overboard on the innuendo..

What else? I even have a little girl, Koko, who shyly told me she likes to sing, but she can only sing Asian songs. She kinda secretly wants to learn to sing more Western music, but it seems overwhelming to her. She shook her head vigorously against the idea of joining Chorus, for example, in that way that makes you know she means it. So, I told her I would teach her how to sing western songs, if she wants. She gave me the biggest smile. So, I've always wanted someone to harmonize with--have a background echo or trade melodies. This is like a gift being thrown in my lap, a mission I can succeed at. She did come to guitar even though she doesn't play.

We had our first band practice (the Doctors/) in two months--nasty summer for getting together. Weddings/landmark birthdays/ funerals all caused delays. So, how did we sound? The first 30 seconds of every song featured someone forgetting something--a chord, a lead, a drum rhythm, but each song, after one time through the repeatable measures we got it together and got our sea legs. Almost always ended on a high note, just as good as when we left. For the record, the singer hardly missed a beat, other than slurring two or three words unobserved. Ken actually sounded better overall, cleaner, crisper, less extraneous notes--all better except for the few things he totally forgot. His classical lessons are really paying off-tone, note confidence. Makes me think mebbe I should...Considering it was a half-ass practice we almost didn't have, with people just sorta randomly and unexpectedly showing up at our house--which forced a last-minute instrument dusting...it was pretty great. I think we are (Lead guitar is?) ready for new songs. So which? (BTW, we haven't played some of the lamer jazz standards in quite some time.) Hoo-ray.

I have been told, by someone who might know, that my "right-hand" guitar work is pretty good, much improved (that is, strumming, rhythm; I'm getting pretty good at muting, and making different sounds by doing so), and that what needs work is my left hand. Weird, since I always thought it would be the opposite, especially since I'm left handed. It's why I tried Jimi Hendrix style for awhile. Ironic, also, because I've gotten more conscious of my left hand position--especially trying to pay attention to super-arching my fingers into an almost straight up and down position, and I know my formerly difficult Open Chords--like the "pretty G" sound much clearer and nice than two years ago.

I think bar chords continue to haunt me on some level, since my index finger is very crooked these days--I tend to overshoot it off the fretboard: I think it may be in some sort of pre-arthritic state that I can't correct. My index joints frequently feel a little swollen and stiff. So, I'm thinking of trying to correct by actually not using full bars when I can--like putting my index only on the A-string for the bar like you would for the corresponding jazz note, muting the E strings when appropriate, except on chords that need the E's to ring out too. Then I have to do a bar, but I'm going to have to work out how I'm going to lay out my finger more tightly. "After Dark" , for example, sounds perfectly fine with only the A-string instead of a full bar.

September 2: It flabbergasts me that you listen so intently to what i play. Why??

September 4: Guitar Club--again, 50% new people--the two Brandons--one an Eddie Van Halen Wannabe who I have to be impressed with---last year I was struggling with him to learn "Wish You Were Here" and now, 4 months later, he's doing pinch harmonics and Loooooooves the Whammy bar.. Ok, he and Owen are alike in being sort of show-offy, but hey. The Jimi Hendrix doc I just watched taught me: Jimi went through that phase, setting his guitar on fire, stealing the old blues-guys schtick of playing over his head, with his teeth, rubbing the strings on the mike stand. But later he realized it was a futile move--putting him in a box that fans expect, and a habit he'd have to break them of expecting.

Сегодня, I didn't get to develop my--"Let's learn a song and be a band" version of guitar club. I suggested it to Owen, and he was pretty excited about the idea, but not eno!ugh to concentrate on anything...see, he was there to teach some girls who showed up ;)---can I just say that girls are always fuching with my creative aspirations in like a million ways??)) Alex was no show, and Jay was sick--there were about 8 kids, though. The other Brandon I was briefly excited about, because he brought his own guitar (A Taylor!) but not a particularly good one, although the action was nice and flat. He said he knew a few songs, but it turned out it was "7 Nation Army" and some Metallica song he actually only knew 1-2 bars of---but he's a classic rock dude with potential, and was really excited to be shown the opening measures of "Stairway to Heaven" and "Smells Like Teen Spirit"--even those power chords were a challenge to him..nice kid though. Got Luke playing the Clash's "Brand New Cadillac" which he dug.

Heard some great guitar playing later in the night....

September 9: Tried to teach Owen "Girl From Ipanema" this morning. He liked it, especially the bossanova rhythm. He got the first two chords fairly well, but struggled after that. The concept of chords still seems to be more difficult for him, maybe because he learned that fingerpicking style first, but I maintain he needs to know how to do both if he's going to get serious about guitar.

I want him to teach me this kinda jazzy song he learned this summer that doesn't have as many crazy beats as the other one. It actually does have some chords, so he can do them with practice. He definitely has talent, potential and motivation.

Luke stayed after school for several hours playing. Lessee, taught him most of "In the Pines" but he still doesn't really have a good feel for bar chords. B hurts for him. He gave me the chords to Oasis' "Wonderwall" which I picked up in about 3 minutes--it's not really that interesting a song to play, and it's not just because it's only four or so chords--there are other 4-chord songs that are dynamite to play. And, even though there are Oasis songs I like (not that I have a catalogic knowledge or anything), this song never hit me very hard--it's pleasant enough. so I doubt I'll remember to play it very frequently. One of those Em, G,D,C things.

September 11: Guitar Club day. Lots of people came. It is a monster. But, my analytical skills are starting to take over my emotional, excitable ones.

Let's just say--my guitar club is "good". But not good. What do I mean? Well, if some random non-guitar person walked into my room at 3pm on Thursday, they may be seriously impressed about the noise, the variety, and appearance of knowledge of music. Which to me is not the same thing as pure knowledge of music. How to explain?

Goddamn, I knew at the time I was being spoiled, and as usual, I was sooooo right. Let's just say, I am not as impressed as that random outsider --not this week. Last week, mebbe. I have a history with this club.

Lessee--Alex is still great. Skilled--and tapped into emotion. Ha--he put on Brandon's super cheesy- cheep flying vee--yes folks, this is the way Brandon rolls, and people are impressed. More on this later. And tried to go all rock star, but...no, I don't think so. He's a classical guitarist. Stop. No energy for the other. Very pretty player, though. No devil inside. We all do our thing.

Owen plays music competitively--he's got to be faster, flashier, more ambitious, and able to do tricks others can't. There's something missing, He tends to go for pop songs that have been overhauled for maximum impression. There is some baseline emotion he is missing about the importance of music, how it grinds into your soul---his choices are always admirable but never soul-piercing. It's like he didn't get the heaven sent message about music. I love the kid, his spirit: don't get me wrong. There is bubble-gum in his soul, like that bad $4 sirloin I once got in Quincy, IL., at Pondagrossa. Here's a weird thing about Owen--he loves the bam-boom-bam, but he does not keep good time.
Yet. Competition right now trumps the rules of rhythm, the heartbeat of life. I think it's worse when Alex is around--he gets both excited and intimidated by how well Alex plays, and that makes him put on a macho show. He's better when he's alone with me.

Brandon--an epiphany for me today..... he's over in the corner, taking on the overly strangulated Mustang amp we have, on maximum distortion, imitating Mr. Van Halen to the best of his abilities. He tells me he's just surprised!! that I don't know how to do that tapping thing, never tried it really. How do I say this without hurting his feelings? Ok, I was once rather impressed, then more mildly so, as I watched and realized what it consisted of: it's in the manner of a cheap parlor trick that I don't really ever see making any song I play or write have the feel I want. It's just masterbatory fodder for middle school boys. Acch, I do feel the pressure---but you're the guitar club sponsor, our adult guru, don't you know how to do this?

No.

Will this put the above in perspective? So, I'm figuring a tapping expert must be some sort of soloist--right, A lead player--capable of a simple little melodic thing? I did this in all sincerity, BTW, assuming Brandon had been practicing scales, etc? He claims he's destined to be a lead guitarist---can he/will he, do the lead????? He told me he had been playing, taking lessons all summer. I was pretty impressed at how much he had improved in such a short time.

So, I say, Brandon--I'm trying to get a group thing going--can you do a simple lead--I'll do rhythm . He says sure.

But it was bravado. See, I thought...from experience, mind you. One of the no-brainer, let's practice being a band!! E-Z, play-together nice little bands to imitate, is Creedence Clearwater Revival. There are so many covers of them, they hardly ever chart or even register in music history. the only one I know of is the Gun Club's weird cover of "Run Through the Jungle"--great song, but hardly on the ordinary citizen's musical database. AND-- of all the most basic CCR songs to cover, to practice being a band, fer crissakes--is---"Susie Q." Any one who wants to "go-go music" together should be able to do this simple thing. Unless you just want to sit in your room playing onanistic leads till 2 a.m.

Even my neighbors, these burnt-hippie types, who have an annual, love-in family/friends party in their back yard (I wanna go!!) play "Susie Q".

It is telling that "Susie-Q" is the song my band can do at the drop of the hat, without rehearsal, even with me playing guitar!! --even if we haven't rehearsed it in , like a year. For filler. AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! Telling of the band life((.

каждый день, last year? Kowako and I would play "Susie Q" together, trading leads and rhythm.

So, I say to mr-van-halen-brandon, it's a really simple lead, basically a blues run down the open fretboard--which meant nothing to him, understandably-- so I showed him, note for pains-taking note. He worked it. And worked it. and after 45 minutes, still didn't really get it. Eventually he got something together not too bad--but when I added the rhythm, he kept coming in a half measure too early. So, I say--how about you do the chords, I'll do the leads? He say's um, yeah...chords aren't really my thing..."

Damn. I miss Kowako. I miss my Russian. I might even miss good ol' BM. Adam and Nima. We would all be bored with this. CCR obviousness. We get it. Oh--tried to teach Brandon the "Smokestack Lightening" riff, too. What's funny is I see him trying to teach other kids--but hey, we all have our niche skills--he's showing Owen tapping today. Owen isn't sure if he likes rock music--pop--yes. But he likes tricks so he likes Brandon's tapping trick. He learned it.

The Asian kids all favor that finger-picking melodic style that's made for classical guitar. I have little to teach them in that, although I have been considering lessons from Ken's classical teacher, who's a real bear for technique--he'd probably force me to learn to read music too.

I don't think the Asians like American Rock music very much. They seem to think it's ugly, and too noisy. Only Jack seems to like it, and, in fact, he plays both styles. Tellingly, he has an acoustic and an electric guitar. He's pretty good, too, but not the type to bring attention to himself, so hardly no one notices he is good. Eugene was a bit like that. Gene supposedly has a band in Melbourne now.

Luke--the king of open chords. I spent the majority of guitar club playing with Luke, we think more alike, like band members--playing"Wonderwall", and another easy Oasis song "Live Forever" and by the end of the hours I had finally re-remembered the good version of The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" I had learned for Eugene-- which has a few tricky parts--it's "Limp Biskit" to the younger set....

At least I feel Luke has a genuine love and feel for music, even if he's a little afraid to step out of his cool zone. Not that Owen doesn't--oh, dear.

September 16: So Joy came with her new free "First Act"guitar, and we went to get some cheap Bronze A'ddario strings for it at Mad Music--she was all interested in the various guitars they had there.
Owen also came briefly after school to ask me what might be wrong with his adventurous song. I video'd him playing it, and advised that in a few places he's losing the rhythm, particularly when he moves between the three major sections. I pointed out that he quits tapping his foot as he's making the transitions. It's a really advanced song, though. I can't do some of the techniques he's doing, in particular the first note, which requires you to simultaneously hit the guitar with the fat thumb part of your palm, while hitting the side of your thumb next to the nail on the low E string, and actually make it sound. It seems a limited use technique to me, but I'm going to keep trying to do it, as it just seems a matter of getting the touch right, kind of the way harmonics work. One of the things I personally dislike about imitating Owen's style is the fact that he likes to play more without a pick, which is quite opposed to my likes.

Right now, I'm just more interested in composition skills rather than guitar tricks--how a piece of music gets put together -- and not just guitar parts. I've been listening to songs rather intently for that quality, and I'm really interested in this new Nick Cave documentary 20000 Days on Earth, I think it's called. It's supposed to be about his creative life, and I was intrigued by the central idea that was excerpted in a news feature: he thinks the whole "great,mad artist" creativity legend is hogwash--being creative and making things like music, books, movies can just plain be chalked up to hard work--sit down and do it. No waiting for ideas to hit, drug-induced states are over-rated. He says doing creative work plugs into its own altered state of reality, and I am completely down with that idea.

I mean, I don't know how many times this happens to me, but its pretty often. I'm talking to someone about an idea I've been thinking about, and it's like the details have kind of vanished--I can't access them. It's like I can't concentrate on talking and thinking in the slow way I need simultaneously.

  But, if I sit down alone, at my computer, or with a guitar, or whatever, it taps into some deeper place--full access. Ideas, multi facets of a thought, even names, details, come pouring out of me, I don't know where from. It's a great high for me, and I cannot explain it, but I need it like air. That creative altered state.

Sometimes I go back, revisit something I wrote, an idea I had and think, damn--I didn't know I knew that! Cool. I think I do something similar when I sing? It's somewhat of a similar experience. If I sing on headphones, in my car, I get there. On microphone for some reason I can, too. But, if I'm just messing around with other people, singing like everyone else, my Strong voice gives me like a busy signal. "We're sorry, but this call cannot be completed as dialed." With music, though, I really wish I could learn to do it better with other people in the room. This is for music writing purposes. I think there's a confidence element, but there's more to it than that. I think one of my friends is right that you just plain have to have access to numerous skills that you know automatically before it can flow in the way I envision in my future.

I've been trying to improv a solo over the rhythm of a Sly Stone song (my favorite one! мой любимый!) just to practice this, and because it can make for some cool contrasts--the kind of slow, rhythmic lead I like...

Sept 17: re previous post: It's really dumb, but just as I've been actively giving up the idea of ever doing leads/solos, I find myself practicing them more-or experimenting, really, in this sort of intuitive, just listen to my own heartbeat and the rhythm kinda thing. Well, I guess what I'm doing is not from total ignorance and is based on scales and chords I know. But, I'm just listening, and I really like doing it that way. I hesitate to say this but I think I'm actually starting to get better at it? I mean, I kinda like the leads I make--maybe they are sorta underdone, spare and unfrilly, but I like that better than the too much/ too many notes kind of lead. Whatev.

Sept 19: Poor Joy: her new free guitar is a piece of junk. At first I thought it was because Owen restrung the right side (the standard GBE side) backwards so the strings were rubbing on the machine heads below--strung on the outside, not the inside). But, I changed it for her, and they are still a buzzing mess, especially the B and E. My old Alvarez, my first guitar, was like that--the low E buzzed like a bad phone connection, and no matter what strings, who put them on, bridge adjustments--nothing, cured it. I finally got rid of it in a yard sale. I was told it was because the neck was bent, warped, something.

September 20: New song roaming in my brain. Russian lyrics--the rhythm works better that way. Actually the music is from awhile back, but I never liked the words for it--well, I didn't hate them either. I morphed some of them in this version. The new version is called "Таракан танца"...haha! like the Russian alliteration!! It means, "Cockroach Dance"--see how much better it sounds по-русски? I might like it better plural, in past tense, for more syllables to match the beats-"Тараканы Танцевали"..." The Cockroaches Danced".
It sounds like a joke song, but I want it to be somewhat serious. Funny, but serious. Like a David Byrne song.

In English the lines will say something like :

The Cockroaches danced
Dance, cockroach!
Cockroach, dance.

They dance the bomb pop
pop, pop
Dance cockroach ,
Cockroach, dance.

Cockroach, show your English teeth
Dance with your teeth!
Dance with your teeth!

Cockroach, twitch your mustache
First left
Now right!

Here comes a shoe
Bigger than you
Dance cockroach
Cockroach! Dance!

Cockroach and Girl Friend dance
They dance the Bomb Pop
Dance, Dance!

Here's the Russian, which may need some tweaks in some lines for scansion:

Тараканы танцевали
Танцуйте, тараканы!
Таракан, танцуй.

Они танцуют бомба поп
поп, поп-
Танцуй таракан.

Показаете свои английские зубы
Танцуй с ваших зубов!
Танцуй с ваших зубов!

Таракан, дергаться усы
Первый слева
Теперь направо!

А вот обуви
Больше, чем вас
Танец таракан
Таракан! Танцуй!

Девушка и Таракан
танцуют ла Бомба Поп
Танцуйте! Танцуйте!

I'm not at all sure if I have these endings right on Dance! etc., because it's probably the imperative case: I had to turn in my 500 Russian verbs book (I had a 73 dollar fine!) that conjugates all the weird tenses, so I am relying on translator help, and my book that always seems to steer me wrong. I just bought a new verb one on Amazon for $12, since my daughter quit her book store job, and probably forgot her promise to find me one: she's going to go become a professional student-writer-teacher :)

Many new things in my music life: Peng has come every day to practice his "Sunflower " song for the talent show---Peng has been extremely shy about playing in front of people, to the point where he hardly ever comes to guitar club. I suppose he's less shy about playing in front of me--and I know his nature well enough to just pretend to not listen, then give him the occasional feint praise--it's how I would have wanted to be treated at his age. So today I took him, and Owen, the consummate music store whore, to Mad Music for new strings--we are going again to Sam Ash on Sunday (for church, of course) because: Peng might want a new guitar/ Owen wants to buy a bass!!!! (haha! my evil plan worked!)/ and Joy is unhappy with her horrible free guitar. She should be. Owen wanted the heaviest strings possible, because now he thinks, "Martin Strings Suck" which of course they don't, but for some reason this week he's in love with the heavier A'ddarrio strings that are on my stupid Carlo Robelli, knock-around class guitar (a.k.a "Excalibur") --this is his preferred instrument of the moment?? Who knows what winds blow through Owen's mind.

I took Peng"s "broke" guitar home with the new strings, found a replacement saddle for the bridge he had missing, in my stash of stray guitar junk, and, voila! Peng has a guitar again--I put on the strings mahself. I do want to talk him into buying a better guitar, however. He plays so much--I've watched him for two years, and he plays every spare minute I let him, so he's definitely a lifer, in my estimation, and pretty good. He needs at least a decent guitar. Plus he wants a tall order that requires more money: an acoustic with a cutaway so he can play up high. His present guitar has this, but sounds awfully brassy when you play chords. But he doesn't, so maybe it's ok for him. He plays so lightly--opposite of Owen.

Well, you might well wonder, if Peng is so shy of playing in front of others, why is he practicing for the talent show? Funny you should ask---see, I asked Jack to be in it in front of him, and added--"Peng, I want you to play too, but I know you are too shy, so I won't even ask..." Well, that same day, he and Jack show up after school to practice for the show--they are gonna play together;) So cute.

But--new music I love!! Some crazy German DJ named Shantel::: wow! He dresses like some Holocaust immigrant, and mixes in a lot of gypsy jazz, Hebraic sad chords, fuzzy synth, old word instruments and melodies into his beats--it is so cool. His band is international, and caught my ear, besides the groove--when I suddenly heard "я хочу" in his lyrics---wait!! That's Russian--what is this? And!! This would of course not be so weird if I heard it on VK, but no.

Where I heard it? Locally, on the most local Tampa Bay radio station of all: WMNF!! I like practically stopped my car in the middle of 5th Avenue to listen to it--and I hardly ever play the radio anymore, so it almost counts as a miraculous harmonic. As soon as I got home I whipped out my laptop to scour their playlists, and....it wasn't there. According to the schedule, they were playing old school hip-hop like Tribe Called Quest and KRS-1---aaaaauuuk! So, I just googled the one lyric I remembered repeating throughout the song---"DEESKO, DEESKO PARTI-ZANI". Praying it was the title, that it was spelled like that--it was. Thank you, god of small favors; you're alright with me. And the Kiez is Alright.

September 25: Thursday, and guitar club--things continue to be good. Had around ten kids over the course of the two hours, most stayed the whole time, including Owen, Alex, Brandon, his girl, the other Brandon with his backpack Martin, a new little kid who plays saxophone in band, but new to guitar--he was pretty easy to teach, and thought playing guitar was so cool! Saran came, to work on the talent show with Brandon--wants to do an Adam Levine pop song--I forget its name now ("Lost Star"?? forgettable words) , but it sounds a bit like Bowie's "Space Oddity" chord structure-wise: Fmaj7 and Em7. Not a bad sounding song on guitar.

Owen is getting the rhythm of his difficult song down! He wants to fix my old bass, but I said it's probably not worth the effort. Luke came, and wants to buy that old lefty guitar I've had in my closet rotting away for $45--he offered $75, but I said that's too much for that piece of junk, and I'll take the money just to invest in random guitar club gear. We shook on it. Oh, I wonder if that's enough to fix the bass, so we have a classroom bass?? !!!!!!!!!!!!! It's missing machine heads, tho-- What Luke really wants, though, is my old black Stratocaster--I'd have a harder time parting with it, even though I pretty much hate playing it--so much history, plus it was a gift from my old Boston boyfriend.

September 27: Boy, is my memory faulty. I brought the bass to school--Luke is in lust with its old school punkness--well I do have the strap lashed on with silver duck-tape, which is only lovable in a punk DIY way. It also has an old "Die Kruezen" sticker on it--which is such an obscure old punk band almost no one these days has ever heard of them--from Minnesota, I think? No Wisconsin: close enough. They were a little goth, a little pre-grunge. I got the sticker in Seattle to up its cool factor. The whole thing's not as in bad shape as I remembered. It's not missing an entire machine head, but the highest string, and the weird bottom piece of metal (do you call it a part of the bridge? Each one is separate on each string unlike on any of my guitars. Surely we could find a replacement part.

However, I can't really picture Owen liking this beat thing, the way Luke does.

September 28: Band practice was pretty good--I think I should be grateful for being in a band that's been together so long we feel each other's sensibilities--like being able to stop on a dime when one starts to say (in music, of course) "ok. that's enough, this is where the story ends." That's a lovely feeling. On my suggestion we tried "One Of These Nights" --just because I like its chord progression, which prominently features Cmaj 7 bar chord. It sounded pretty damn good, I must admit, for a first run, and, thank you very much, I was the head guitarist on that one--(Not lead, but head--Ken did a decent lead on the fly, though, once he figured it out. Dick was great on the drums, but at first he objected to doing such an uncool song. Oh, well, I think it's pretty. The only down moment was the vocals--I hadn't tried playing it and singing yet, and that falsetto bridge is not for me--gotta find a better way..,

Now this was sorta odd. Ken got out his PRS today for the first time in a while, on the idea that maybe the hard song that hurts his hand, "I Feel Fine", would be easier on it. So he played for 20 minutes or so. Then he left it out--saying, it's really not any better, and I said, it sounds so much richer on the other guitar.

But then....I said? Can I try your PRS? I mean, it's weird, but I've hardly ever played that thing cos it's often packed away, Ken favoring his vintage Gibson these days. He said sure.

Uh. I think I practiced guitar for maybe 5 hours today. Two, with the aforementioned "OOTN", plus working out Joni Mitchell's weird chords in standard tuning instead of her, whatever -it-was- she- used--I've seen multiple permutations. The song I've been working on is "You Turn Me On, I'm a Radio'-- I like the lyrics--once saw her play it live with Charles Mingus' people at the Mississippi River Festival--good day.

But, then I picked up Ken's PRS---well, for about ten minutes I didn't like it---new sounds to get used to and all, but then I adjusted all the knobs and what-not until I got something I liked. Jeeesssuuus.

I can see what people see in this brand of guitar. I can't believe I haven't tried this one more often--it is so smooth and easy. Even easier than my Telecaster. (Which still whines a little, in spite of the flat wound jazz strings. ) I felt like my usual missteps were gone, my clarity of sound/--Money. So here's my first dummass thought.

Little Wing. Little Wing!! Shit! I can play Little Wing on this thing!!! ( So that's what I did for 3 or so hours. ) Ok. I once kinda learned it, in parts. First, from some you-tube video dude. Got sorta? the basics. That was 2? years ago? Then, got Yef to fix some of my atrocities, one morning before English, -and he gave me some new parts that stuck with me, like that little G riff near the beginning.

I dig out some old notes I had on it--major gaps in the notations. So I'm like, some guy on Youtube, best way to re-tackle this.

I find this guy--who to his credit, is probably playing very accurately. But--he is sooooooo tedious. His video on the intro? which is, on the Jimi Hendrix original- maybe 40 seconds of music--is like 21 minutes long. He spends about 50 seconds on each chord, no jive, which seems like it would be great on a complex song like this, except:

Spending that long totally breaks up the flow. If he regularly went back and put it in context, it might work, but he doesn't--just keeps plodding along, without putting it in time, which to me is the hardest thing about this song. When I got to the part where he was doing the verses, which I once knew, fairly decently, I just said, fuck this anal shit.

See, I'm not a stickler for imitating the original--I'm okay with capturing the spirit of the thing without a note-for-note memorial tombstone rendition. But with this guy, it was impossible. Oddly, his version was quite easy for me to follow, note for note, and made me feel fairly skillful, especially on the smooth as glass PRS. So I suppose I got a lot of new ideas about how to break chords up, make them a hybrid of leads/chords, ala Jimi. Which really is worthwhile.

So can I play Little Wing now? Well, better than before, but still, meh.

Oh!! There's a new biopic coming out about Jimi that I am quite anxious to see, focusing mainly on his London days, I think, and something about Keith Richards girlfriend at the time?? It's not in St. Pete yet, but soon I hope. I'm going to watch something I've been waiting for on New Orleans: Treme, tonight.

The thing is, Jimi, among a host of others, makes me feel fairly darned inadequate on guitar. :) Just heard the Fresh Air story about the Hendrix movie, and how Andre 3000 (from Outkast) thought the hardest part was 1) Imitating Jimi's NW speaking voice 2) Trying to look as natural as Jimi with a left-handed guitar.

UNBELIEVABLE!! Owen and I got my old bass to work!! Now, just need the replacement strings/parts. Like I thought, Owen thinks it's a bit too ugly, old and dirty...but, It didn't sound bad!

October 1: Back to back. Telecaster vs. PRS? After several days' comparison: Well, I have to say Telecaster, sorry. I like its sound better overall. Both are about equal for being easy to play, however, I suppose I'm more used to the wider spaces on my Tele.

October 2: Okay, I just got handed the responsibility to organize a new talent show. So, Coco one of my Chinese girls, have decided we are going to sing together, a Chinese song, one that they used during the '08 Olympics. It is so high--she sings high! So I gotta figure out what to do with my part. I may try to make a harmony in alto? Ugg, challenge...plus, the melody is not intuitive for me being on some Chinese scale. I might start with the guitar chords????? They exist on Internet.

October 3: Due to the long weekend, as I suspected, had a low turnout for guitar club yesterday. Only Peng, Jack and Luke. So of course. I had guest guitarists show up... bad timing, as usual. Luke suddenly got up and left, but I doubt he wanted to--his mother probably called to pick him up--he sort of hates this.

So we got a free mini-concert from two of the future greats. Man, some serious energy and chemistry, even when they're just messing around. I haven't actually seen them play together live (just on recordings) in a long time--maybe two years ago in old-timey guitar club? Adam wasn't nearly as good then, and Yef, well, Yef just continues to soar. His voice has vastly improved, and he's got that weird, shy -person-who-goes- crazy-on-stage dynamic. (Like Hendrix reportedly was) Well, I'm not so sure he's very shy anymore--I think that part of his life is done--I knew it would happen sometime, just as it did with me.

I really hope after school is done for them they find some way to play together--it would be such a lost opportunity if they didn't. Plus neither of them seems to have any other serious prospects for bandmates. Of course, I would love to get in the mix---I can't play guitar to keep up with them, nor would they need me--I'd just have to be some auxiliary piece. Unless Yef wants to share singing with me, or duet or...this is all nonsense anyway. But my argument is, I'm the creative bridge between Adam's punk-metal noisiness and Yef's post-punk goth gloom, since I like both, and feel both. It should be a good mix--the best ones have some odd mix that works better than one. So I'm just some creative thingy in there without a name.......words? lyrics?

But!!! I'm fixing my old bass!!!! Sam Ash just told me it would probably only be about $40 to replace the whole bridge/saddle thing. Cool--I might have a way in.....

October 4: Took my bass to Sam Ash and left it with the front desk, plus bought new strings for it--lighter--per my best music friend's advice. Didn't remember that bass strings cost something like three times what guitar strings cost, even for the same brand.

Now, this was a sort of flattering experience I had there--for a change. You know how music store employees tend to have that "cooler than thou" vibe with customers. So, I go into the guitar room, which I'm pretty familiar with, since 1) I bought my telecaster there 2) Ken's had repairs done there, plus we buy all sorts of guitar amenities, mikes, cords, etc. there 3) We bought Joe's Epi Les Paul there, plus the whole trade in routine we had at Christmas when we ended up with an empty box! 4) I have brought several Guitar Club kids there over the years to buy guitars and do repairs.

So I walk in, pick out the strings I want, note out loud that they changed the layout, start looking at the guitar cords, because Ken wanted me to buy him a right angled 20 footer. So, I find two that are kinda what I want, but they have no price on. So I go over to the employee's case to ask advice--this after I spent a few minutes looking and oohing over the new high end PRS's they have on the wall--I don't remember them having those before! Plus a really cool retro looking Rickenbacher--red and cream. I notice my usual guy is not behind the desk, and see a much younger guy--head toward him.

I think, Uh-oh, he's gonna give me the dumb old lady routine. Shows I'm not above stereotyping, because he's about late twenties, sleeve tattoos , black tee, super ennui air about him...So, I say, "Which of these are better? Can you tell me the prices?"

He says, like mr-in-the-know, as he checks the bar-codes: "This one.." pointing at the Pig-Hog I picked out. "It really has a life-time warranty, no jive, no complications."

I say, "Yeah, but this one," pointing to the 25-footer I  also brought over, "It actually says, right here, lifetime warranty."

He laughs with a twinkle. "Don't believe it--lots of hoops and red tape." I'm like, dude is flirting!

So I say, "Ok! I take your word! These strings, too!" And I proceed to tell him about my $40 purchase from 20 years ago that I'm trying to bring back to life. And how I recently plugged it it and it still worked!

He says,"Yeah, those are usually the best ones, those old beaters." Then he said my favorite thing: "You playing out much these days?"

Cool Guitar store dude thinks I'm a pro--how lovely. And yes, I have been paid to make music!

I kinda shake my head--"Nah, not lately." Thought about saying how our best venue just went belly-up, which is a fact, but instead, I just left it at that. We did have a gig that fell through due to drummer conflicts.

Anyway, he was extremely nice and made me feel special. AND! After I went to the movies--Great film, BTW--The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby:Them, although, I must say, I wasn't that impressed with the moody soundtrack, even though I suppose it fit the movie. But, wouldn't hold up for me as, say, an album to listen to..just trying to stay with the MUSIC theme here...

AFTER the movies, I was in such a good mood from my alone and independent travels of the day, and the weather turning crispy already!, I noticed, going home down Central Avenue, while observing how beautiful, young, and energetic old St. Pete is looking these days on a Saturday afternoon, that the Indie Street Market was going on...my first thought, oh! so that's where they hold it, gotta check it out some Saturday! 2nd thought...what the hell, let's go now; it's only 4 in the afternoon...

So, I park in front of the State Theater (old, old stomping grounds, Crislip Arcade, etc!), and walk over to the market. I can smell the reek of Patchouli oil half-way across the avenue.

It's your fairly predictable neo-hippie streetfest--odd music playing somewhere vaguely from an unseen source. Fifteen sets of dreadlocks. Lots of home-made simple, artisticky stuff, jewelry, leather bags, funky repurposed clothes, crocheted whatevers, buddhist-hindi-prayer bead icon necklace belt thingies, "craft" alcohol/honey/papricash-eesh/old world foodstuffs, lots of tents with creative-font names and exotic foreign names whose country of origin I couldn't quite place but sounded smart--yes, the millennials are intellectuals, and isn't that a good thing? Hmmmm.

Well, I liked the crisp-air friendly, anything goes vibe! Didn't see too much inspirational art, but I did buy some earrings from this sort of desperate old girl, who made kinda cool stuff--I bought these because the stones were this translucent robin's-egg blue that looked nice against the light of day--wound over with old copper--wondering if it's time finally to give my dead sister's earrings a rest, although I love them so!! She kept telling me, the second purchase is half price, and said, even if I came back later, and showed her the ones I bought, she'd STILL give me half off--

There was some dark haired, silly, woven-fiber wearing 30something, hawking? music? in the middle of the walkway, drunk as an ass. But in a lovable way--sort of set the tone for me. I almost wanted to say to him--hey gimme summa what you had, let's sing! But, I'm shy. He had lots of company, anyway.

So, I turn up Central, literally on the sidewalk in front of the most hipster bars and tattoo pars in St. Pete, all with their doors open and music leaking onto the sidewalk,--Fubar and the Local 662, ecc., ecc., and there's a dark haired, thin guy (my usual, Dustin Hoffman/Al Pacino/ NY type) selling books,with a small crowd of two. So I start looking at his books, which are all in excellent condition, and, holy shit, very cheap, and...amazing titles.

Obscure. Intellectual. Sexy.

He has: James Joyce, Earnest Hemingway, Steinbeck. Several! Michael Chabons, great poets, Vladimir Nabokov, Thank You For Not Smoking!, Anais Nin, a beautiful copy of Master and Margarita, (the one with the cat on the cover), Henry Miller--his instincts are so similar to mine...oh, my god, my head is swimming with choices... I finally grab Nabokov's Invitation To a Beheading and a Henry Miller I never heard of: The Air-Conditioned Nightmare:

(For the record; I paid a grand total of $12 for these two hard- to- come- by books: I would have paid 3X at B&N with special order for the obscurity, and shipping if Amazon!!) Just checked: Amazon $24.61 plus shipping. Same with B&N. Ok, so 2x...

I say: you must've been an English major. He says: no, but I worked for a long time in a bookstore, Borders, etc., as a teenager. (Later, I think, you did not get this taste from B&N or Borders!!)

I say, you have so many beautiful books I would love to buy, I can't choose! Some, I already have unfortunately (I cradle his pristine copy of Master and Margarita, which is much cooler than mine).
So I hand him my two choices, the Nabokov and the Miller--somehow, all his books have that flat appearance of having never been read. At least, not by me. Any book I've read, man, it feels my blood, I tear it up and mark it with my DNA.

I tell him I'm an English teacher. He says, cool, he's a writer, mebbe I could? He has some writings I might read? I say sure. Then I confess, actually, I'm a writer too. Because something about him tells me, he's not the lame-o, needs lots of guidance guy--just an enlightened audience-me.

He starts telling me about his books. I tell him about Kate in Berkeley, also working at a bookstore. He is briefly confused and thinks she worked in a bookstore here, he might know her? I am, to myself, starting to think, maybe I recognize this guy, from the past, some passing ships in a bookstore??

The wind is kicking up, because there is a cool front blowing in. He keeps telling new customers, all the books' prices are labeled (with these cute, tiny white, almost vintage typewriter-like tabs he put in the books) . But this cool wind is doing havoc to his neat little tabs, blowing them into the alley. I suggest ways to stack his books, against the wind, so the price tags, aren't lost--(I'm already thinking he sold himself short with me on the Nabakov because the tab blew away--he gave it to me for a fiver!!) We are somehow now in some kinetic conspiracy to keep his booth going strong.

I say...are you here every week? He tells me the fair's only once a month, yeah, but he's here, and if I decide I don't like the books I can trade them in.. then he shows me, sort of shyly , how he put Henry Miller next to Anais Nin , because , you know, they were lovers, and I smile, "of course", because I have read both. He confesses that Miller is his favorite author, with a quick, little temperature reading glance--My response is nonjudgmental, non-verbal warmth.

After I pay him, with a $20, for which he insists he has change for, and he does.. I say, I'll keep my hand close, so the bills don't blow away---it really is very windy.

Then he says, "Oh, yeah!" and he opens up this neat little pale leather case, almost the size of an I-pad, but too narrow---it is full of neat, old-fashioned, type-written sheets, (from a manual typewriter) approximately 1/3 a page of your typical 81/2 X 11 page: he gives me, carefully, three.

He asks/tells me: I'm trying to start a 'zine? Do you know what that is? He starts to explain, but I stop him...yes, I know. I'm an old punk rock girl--which he seemed to instantly understand. I tell him I know some kids too, who like to write--mebbe we should...???

So, to me, the amazing thing about all this is... you never know who's out there. You never know who can collaborate, cospiriate, connect, with you. What if I hadn't stopped? My day would be duller. I am mad I didn't get an e-mail, some sort of modern connectivity, but I have a feeling, I will find him again.

I read his little short pieces. They are quite full of energy.

October 6: Dammit! My new I-pick has already gone missing! I made it from my I-phone box from some gismo Adam & Yef brought for making picks. Something is weird.

Later: Oct 15--I find the green pick I lost months ago, under my couch. It's not a good trade, ye gods...

This is great for my ego, but also a cold dash of reality. Concerning my competion with the band boys. Got it admitted to me---"You are better with your right hand on guitar than me". Well. Those true confessions leave me with a dilemma ---now what? How do we all precede to a better place? This was so unexpected, I don't know what to do.

I got rhythm. I got music......

October 7: I just told Owen that Tommy Emmanuel was playing the Capital Theatre--maybe guitar club should go? So now he wants me to take him to another show, some guy named Andy McKee who plays that beatbox style--Oct 24. I kept hesitating, because something seemed off schedule-wise to me...now I figured it out--I'm supposed to go to Boca Raton that day. I'll have to tell him; he will be unhappy. I'd rather see Tommy E. Anyway, even though it's a little more expensive--too much going on right now.

October 11: Band practice--we need some new stuff: I am happy to provide. Besides the "One of These Nights", I am pushing Muse's "Feelin'Good", which is actually a cover of an old Nina Simone song. We're (I'm) using Muse's chord structure. The verse is easy: one of those descending bass line progressions: starting at Gm. The very short chorus is the tricky part for timing--switching the Eb for C then Cm, adding a D, then then no chord on the turnaround back to the verse, which has already started the Gm again. Like I said, tricky timing, and I gotta be impressed with the Muse singer's vocals (Matthew Bellamy) who not only can keep up with the great Nina Simone, but I will admit-- I no way can do what he can. But, it's a great song--great idea in a song, a song about what life is all about. I makes me--xa, feel good, over and over again, like a good song should. What it's all about.

Oктябрь 14: Owen does his afternoon drive-by practice on Excalibur--his favorite git-box. His pluck and beatbox song. Alex came in to audition--played me at least 6 songs including: Guitar 2000 with all those harmonics (that may be wearing thin on me, dunno, but it's still an impressive song) Pachabel's Canon--a very energetic and creative version! Then--wow! A song he wrote, for his girlfriend, no less--the best of the 6, in my mind. Boy's got a musician's soul, a bit. He can't decide what to play for the show--I say--definitely! That original!! He also volunteered to learn music for the vocalists--nice. He's hungry for stage, man.

As a general thing, I think most musicians play their own (that is, originals they wrote themselves) with more passion than they can ever give to anyone else's ideas. That's why I think all those journeyman, "great guitarists" who make covers or even more complicated arrangements of other people's work (Sungha Jung?) just never feel completely legit as artists because--well truthfully, the aren't--they are highly skilled laborers. VERy,very rarely, someone captures the soul of another's work--but it has to be so swallowed, cannibalized and regurgitated for that to work--it rarely does. I'll make a list of some that do, when I get my mind intent on that notion.

Good Covers:

Maybe Muse's "Feeling Good" is one.
Some of Nouvelle Vague's stuff?
Cobain's "Where Did You Sleep Last Night".
Zemfira, doing Victor Tsoi's "Каждую Ночь"...

I kinda like Morrissey's version of "Moon River"
Nirvana's "Man Who Sold the World" (Bowie)
Rammstein's "Stripped" (Depeche Mode)
Bauhaus' "Ziggy Stardust" (Bowie)
Mumiy Troll's "Somebody To Love" (Jeff Airplane)
Coroner's "I Want You (She's So Heavy) Beatles
The Melvin's "Interstellar Overdrive" (Pink Floyd)
Disturbed's "Shout" (Tears For Fears)

And where is my lazy Russian? Who knows? Dreaming about girls that don't exist....
October 15: Correction: do exist. And not lazy, this time.

October 16: I need new music...need it, need it--bad,bad....guitar club day.

Huh. Maybe I should write a song about my insatiable boredom with music.

Some alumni dude from California ended up borrowing Excalibur for some little show he was doing for lower school. Librarians said the lyrics were mildly titillating for kiddie music-- he gave me a CD (for Adults, this one, full of strange titles like ,"If Jesus Had a Gun' ????)

9 kids at guitar club this afternoon. In two waves. Can see that Alex's "Guitar 2000" song, after the harmonic extravaganza intro, is basically finger-picked chords. I learned: John Legend's "All of Me" is ridiculously easy with a few interesting timing things, but, hey. Hugo's doing well with it for a first song--but he's quite musical, a great little sax player!! Did the whole damned thing by ear on his sax with no mistakes and great feeling, doing what he calls the "groan" notes-- very Rock 'n 'roll. I like him a lot. I can't believe he's never seen the sax player in Стилаги. Just an 9th grader, but still a cool person, in my book. He's in charge of teaching the band's saxes to do improvisation. He's one of my kind, a real music lover. He already likes jazz. He hates his English teacher (not me-obviously.)

He taught me today: увидемся--"See you later" C-ya? See, his mother's Russian, (father's Columbian) he's fluent, although he's never lived there. Can't believe all the permutations of Russian connections I've had lately. The Mongolian, and Ivan, who is Russian by nationality, but was born in Spain, near Barcelona, who is keeping a great skeptical distance from me, unlike Hugo. (Later--I now realize Ivan, like all good Russian boys, likes me--he just has a very ironic, sarcastic sense of humor.) Yef is right--most of the Russians don't seem to have many fond or warm feelings for their mother country, plus it seems like many of them are starting to be of mixed ethnicity, like Americans. Only half-Russian. Interesting. Ivan actually speaks Spanish better than Russian, I think, although he does speak it. He told me that native Russians think he has a "spanish" accent, but they understand him.

He's sizing me up, because I've been extra hard on his class, trying to keep Owen (impulsive guitar player!) in line and interested in Shakespeare--keep bringing up--ok, you guys CHOSE to do a regular English class rather than ESOL--so here it is, suck it up!! I mean, I can teach all sorts of English stuff, turning on a dime, watch me fly!! They are all looking at me right now like I have 3 heads, but I can sense it will be a really good thing, in the long run. They are all really good kids, interesting people, they just need a little molding. But, it's challenging, for all of us. )))))!

Good day, basically, musically. Although I still need a new song to work on, myself.

October 18: Found my new song to work on, which includes a little surprise, and some music history. It's "Love Buzz" which is on Nirvana's Bleach. I was surprised to find out they didn't write it (sounds like them?) : it's a cover --the original being from 1969 by, of all things, Shocking Blue, whose "Venus" has always been my go-to first song for beginning guitarists. The '69 version is way more psychedelic than Nirvana's, and sounds like something Grace Slick and Jefferson Airplane would do--all Marrakesh Eastern sounding. The singer sounds a lot like Grace, and it turns out that they are Dutch. I didn't know this either. Trouble is, it's more bass than guitar --but I have my bass back! It won't be too challenging, I'm afraid, and then I'll be back to looking again....

October 19: Ok. It's Saturday Night. I'm bored. Dick's bored. Everyone else is old and tired. There's some big band thing going on in downtown St. Pete--Fubar, Local 662, The State Theatre, The Bends. 50-60 bands. We decide to do it, baby!! Sounds promising? Not so much. 99.5 % not so great. For some reason, there were few vocalists, and 2.5 percussionists per band. One band had five! percussionists! Two drum kits (can you believe we actually saw at least 3 bands tonight with dual drummers--wha?? I didn't hear a single lyric all night that I understood. Dick and I's running joke all night was--"Phil Spector". You know, the wall of sound? It's nice hanging out with Dick, who has similar musical knowledge with me, so we can make jokes about what influences --what bands, we think our entertainers and fellow audience members had listened to. We are both people watchers in a crowd like this.

  So much sincerity, so little music variety, so much hipster/punk posing, I almost couldn't take it------in each bar, there were 8 big scruffy, long, wiry beards (frequently red for some reason) sticking out five inches from 8 nerdy dudes' faces, 20+ plaid and flannel shirts, 65 or so tattoos, although on some people it was hard to count. Lots of black and chains to go with those scrimshaw looking tattoos--very exotic, but somehow not biker--guess it's the shoes, the asymmetrical haircuts, the tight jeans. 35 pairs of stretchy "skinny" jeans with the predictable baggy ass that dipped 3-4 inches below the natural crotch-line in the back, which reminds me of that old vaudeville routine Dick Van Dyke did in Mary Poppins with the penguins, (these were most frequently on stocky lead singers like the one with Tom Yorkish vocals), lots of black glasses at night, a surprising number of African-Americans! Looking very 70's-- particularly Sly Stonish 70s, only about five fedoras, surprisingly (too much a stereotype these days, although Tom Yorkish had one with a striped pirate boat-shirt and those pants), but 10 heads of dreadlocks per venue, 2 "naturals" and 20 man-bags. We laughed that all but one venue had a big sign banning moshing and crowd surfing. Insurance sez..

The last place we went to, around midnight, had a little tension in the air because apparently moshing was gonna occur. Um, Hipster Boys 'n' Girls? UR doing it wrong? First, you need a lit cigarette. 2nd--go into the pit, fists up, unless you are pogoing. It's dangerous in there. Don't stop to apologize to the guy you just pushed. Don't go in with your girlfriend so you can hug her, kiss her? at the end of the song. Nor your buddy. There should be bleeding, and bruises--this is why this was considered anti-social behavior. Do not wrap your arms around your girl from the back and sway to the music. You should look kinda out of it, scary, not smiling. Don't have a look on your face that seems to say, "Someone! Take a picture! I'm moshing!" Don't be surprised if you lose something you had on before you went into the pit--price one pays...PUMP! Those! Pistons!! See, I sat one layer away from the outer circle, and never so much as blinked--never got pushed, knocked over, sucked into the vortex..like I said, UR Doing it Rong.

"Karma Police/ arrest this..." crowd.

Heeheehee. It just occurred to me...haven't seen a true, braces 'n' boots skinhead in a crowd like this in years...no wonder there is no menace in the palace.

I was sorta hoping, silly me, when I go to something like this, that it would feel like revisiting the old days, the punk days, the 80s, even 90s, but I am disappointed. Sorry guys, you have not created the same feel. Well of course, I shouldn't have expected it. First, there's just too many people, too much drinking, too much advertising, too many TV monitors, too much good equipment ( saw 3 different Richenbacher basses, all sorts of Jaguar Fenders), too many people who look the same weirdness, too many rules! Not enough anarchy, and there is absolutely no threat, nothing to be afraid of there. It gives me a weird dissonance that I'm at the same place I'd been in the past (the State Theatre, for example), and it now feels so orderly, so ordinary, so-nonchaotic and conventional. Jannus gives me that same sadness.

This is funny, and practical!! Capitalism rules! My wristband, to get into all the different venues? Has a DUI/ Criminal Lawyer's name and number on it! Someone is thinking !! Holy crap! How'd I end up in the back of this police-car? What's this on my arm? Oh!!! Better call--not Saul, but Joe!!

So, my thought is, if you really want to do it right, you got to burn it down and start over. Get off of Central Avenue. Back in the day, it was broke down and Loserville, now it's the Mall! American Commerce at its finest! Go somewhere else, scarier, with no rules--make it yourself, for real. Sure, it's harder...that's the point. It's what we did. And you all have the Internet to help;)

October 21: I'm trying to be thoughtful, give the benefit of the doubt, to the new generation. Trying to walk in their shoes, figuring out what it is they want. About my weekend travels/\above. Maybe I just don't get--something--. The truth is, we were angry. But why? The War? Cos the 60's let us down? So close to the golden ring, we fell off and went to hell? The Hipsters seem intent on not being angry, to me. I noticed this many years ago in my daughter's crew--they are all very huggy, very complimentary to each other, espousing more love to each other than I ever heard in the 60's. We were all little pretend hard-asses.They are avoiders, blenders, rather than confrontationists. "It's all good!" "Be what you want, I support that!"This may be where their punk aspirations fail a bit. But, is that really what they want , to be real punk, or do they truly only want to be nostalgic for punk, in a sort of Proustian way? And why? As an intellectual exercise, historical--the history of music that went before. Is that all there is? What about changing the world? We were sending anti-messages--black flags to the larger world. Did we succeed?

Huh. Look at things.

Cause let's face it: the world I had as a kid in the 70's was fucked up, but this 21st Century has completely gone to the dick. 10 times worse, ten times more corrupt and heartless. Why aren't these guys more angry?? I'm wondering about the mesmerization of technology and social media, the false warm fuzzy, that's affecting this. I think about us , the Gen-X late baby boom, parodying the 50s bourgeois. The fifties were just a scary, pretend time. I think that's why I like those Cyriak photoshopped videos--he takes all that vintage stock 50's footage of housewives in the suburbs, in their narrow-waisted shirt dresses and pearls, scouring their stainless kitchens, andddddddd..explodes their heads with a thousand eyes and twisting jaws, turning them into the monster aliens they were.

Here's what I see the millennials doing. Instead of being angry--pushing change, they are wrapping themselves up in a cozy blanket of 60's,70's, 80's nostalgia, pretending--wouldn't it have been so lovely, sigh, to live back then? Let's just pretend we do!! We can re-do the clothes, and even mix them a little, cos gosh, I can't decide, which was better, the 60's or the 80's? If we pretend, maybe this big, bad, 21st Century will just go away and leave us alone with our vinyl record collection, living (as Jethro Tull said) In the Past. But you dudes need to realize what was actually hard about the past--just like your mosh pit has no edges, so seems your view of your favorite decades. From the outside, it might seem the youngsters are saying---okay, you go ahead, fuck up the world all you want--we're gonna hide in here, in our daisy chain wall-papered room, making a cozy drum circle, not bothering anyone--don't bother us, we won't bother you. Live and let live. It's all good!

Except that it isn't. Big bad wolf at the door.

I didn't do a very good job of sympathizing.

October 25: Went downtown to an art show for a friend--also saw two decent bands of a similar genre--related to our sound as well. Big-voiced, Girl singer, countryish, jazzish, bluesy musicians--probably better than last week's groups? Or am I too old and traditional? This was the other side of hipster Americana--I heard covers of Loretta Lynn, Lead Belly and Patsy Cline--(oh, yeah and Florence and the Machine). I was still just a tiny bit bored. Man, am I hard--I need to , IDK.

It was nice, that during the night, I saw several people who had seen our band play in the past, and they were all eager: when are you going to play next--it's been so long! Yep, we cannot get our act together, literally.

I need to explain more about my comments about my present guitar club, but I don't have time now.

October 26: Ok, now. This is hard, and most likely overly critical, and completely subjective, I know. It's just that, even though several of my new guitar club kids are really quite excellent musicians (when I was downtown the past two weekends I kept thinking how their guitar playing would have kicked butt against these). I will acknowledge several have much better skills than me.

Well, this is really my same old song against the mechanical, academic musicians. Which I think they are. This is mostly the Asian kids, who in large part have no real feel for my favorite passionate music: good old rock 'n' roll.

See, this is what I like to see: a musician hears a song: it can be difficult, 10 chords, complicated rhythm, elaborate melody, key signature shifts, or simple 3-4 chords, repeated fun refrain. Either way, musician feels like learning it, playing it, just for it's own sake--because he/she loves the song!!! This is the usually the way I'll take the time to thoroughly learn a song.

What sorta leaves a distaste for me is the ones who respond this way--wow, that looks hard! He must be an amazing musician, very skillful. I want to be like that. That's COOL!

I think I have a few that are like this, that seem to only listen to music for its academic exercise--sure, they are pretty songs, but sometimes they don't exactly have soul, if you know what I mean. I cannot make myself learn a song like that--I just get bored and lose interest. I don't really think it's lack of skill that drives this for me. It's more lack of passion. I really can't relate too well to these guys as musicians, as good as they are. I just sit and listen to them, sort of note how they do their techniques just in case I might want to try it someday for something different of my own.

I'm also not too keen on the note-for-note cover imitations.

I'm not saying I'm a great guitarist, or even an amazingly passionate one. But of the two, I'd rather be the second. And there are plenty of skills I wish I had that I don't--for example, being able to play super fast when I want to, like Adam. I wish I could just improvise leads to chords without a thought or mistake. I'm better, but far from perfect. I wish I didn't have to rely on my mood so much to play well. That kinda sucks, how inconsistent I can be.

My ear's pretty good, but I wish it were better. I know sometimes I lose important notes and rhythms here and there, have to go back to the source for deep listening. I wish I could read the treble clef better than I can, without squinting, hesitation, or pain. I especially wish I wasn't developing arthritis in my left index and middle fingers, but it's not too horrible yet. My notes/chords have gotten much clearer over the last 3 years, but I wish they were even more so. There are hard chords, unusual chords, I want to play with more ease. These things I will continue to work on, along with my singing voice and song writing.

I don't want to learn to play some other guy's difficult song at the expense of these things. Maybe if it taught me something I really want to know? So me and my boys, we're just going to have to agree to disagree. This is what I meant when I said to me they aren't quite pure musicians? I know that sounds harsh, but it's the only way I can think to express the differences in our approaches to music. In the meantime, I continue to miss the ones who are more like me.

October 27: I feel vindicated. Dennis, the maintenance guy who also doubles as my tech guy, who has a band and is a good guitar player--came to help me organize setting up, and without prompting, started singing Hugo's praises--The Russian 9th grade sax player!! I said oh, you noticed him too--Isn't he incredible! Such feeling for a kid, and told him my "All of Me" story. Owen was listening in, and I smacked him on the arm and said, see? You are wrong again! Because earlier he had been saying he didn't think Hugo was so good when he listened to his tryout. This is just what I mean about these Asian kids--less Ear Soul. BTW, Owen and co. went to see Andy MacKee and said it was great! But now, teehee! Owen's a groupie for Dennis, and followed him out the door trying to get him to teach him bass.......

I think maybe I need to buy a turntable needle again. I mean, it really has been awhile since I've heard real vinyl, and I bet I've just forgotten its sound.

October 29: Oh, so much to say, about my talent show dress rehearsal, which thank god! had many of the participants show up!! Some now soliciting me to play guitar for their song--more later about this--everyone superself conscious, especially the best talents. More about the Amer-Asian Emotional divide --tune in tomorrow when I'm less stressed and less tired. My favorite--Kowako's cuz Denise--damn, can that girl sing. And play. <3.

October 30: Night of the show--more later: wiped. It went very well. It was really an eventful two days in my music life: I am quite impressed with the amount of talent we've been pushing out in the ol' military school. Here's a couple of great things. For one, I'm favoring my boy Owen over Alex due to my recent experiences. BTW, Alex "won" the guitar talent contest. Not Owen...but I know, Owen actually put more into it, and got more out. As far as professional type experience for a future in music.

And, as Denise noted before she played: the moon was beautiful.

See, I always suspected something about Alex--he will take these incredibly complex pieces and kill them, practicing them over, and over. He has about five or six I regularly hear him play, some better than others. So, several weeks ago, he agreed to play guitar for Kollyne's vocal (a killer Adele song perfect for her voice--it would have been sweet with guitar): I assumed he had been dedicatedly practicing it, because I sent him the music awhile back, and when I asked him he always said yes he was practicing. Turns out this was a lie. He had no idea how to deal with this song: he needed me to tell him, but didn't want to admit it. I found that out today when Kollyne and I finally got him to practice--he's vain enough to want to be on stage as much as possible, but he's not very flexible.

See, I'm used to guys like Yef and Adam as my good guitar guys, send 'em a chart, they have it perfect, on their own, next time I see them.

I did notice that Alex does know how to chord, unlike a lot of the Asian guitarists. (Owen's finally starting to understand the value of it;) So, when we sat down with one of those Ultimate Guitar charts, he was like--ok, Ms. R--you have to show me what is Bm7. I'm like, woah, mr. super guitar--whaa?? I show him two different fingerings--choose which is easier to transition from G. Then, I even figured out my own slight variation that sounded pretty good and you only had to move one finger (this is the habit, BTW, I learned from Kowako--he was always looking for the slick way to play something--so good to have so many musicians influence you--you know?)

And then, he was pretty okay with the part of the song that had 4/4 bars of one chord, changed fairly easily--but when he got to a bar with 3 chords, he didn't have a clue what to do with it. Even after I figured out the rhythm and showed him. So he basically just gave up--said he wouldn't do it unless it was perfect, and he didn't think it would be. Said the melody was too unusual for him to do--well, it's true, Adele's songs have those qualities. It was a challenge. Honestly, I think if he concentrated on it an hour or so he maybe would have had it decently. But he didn't.

Contrast Owen. Owen jumped up, spontaneously, to play guitar with Nin's vocal, accompanied by piano. At rehearsal, Owen's guitar wasn't miked or plugged in, so he was faking the chords, only playing rhythm: I noticed he wasn't playing the real chords, even though I didn't actually know them. So I asked Nin afterwards (who actually plays guitar too)--does Owen know the chords? He said, no, would I please play for him? And he runs off to copy his chart. I looked at it and it didn't look too hard, so I said okay. Later, somebody walked off with my papers, probably by accident, so I had to recopy them, and Owen saw me doing it. He says to me, "What music is that?" I said Nin's--he says are you going to play it? I said, well, I could tell you didn't really know the chords, and once you're miked, it will suck. So he asks me to make him a copy--I say, hey, if you're willing to learn it, go for it. Then I went off to my movie night.

Fifteen minutes later, there he is, at movie night. I started the movie for the kids, then went off by myself to another room to practice guitar. Nin shows up to sing, and we work on it together. But then Owen finds us and says--do you know it? I said, yeah, about 75%, but I'll get the tricky parts after a few more times through. So he asks me to show him.

We work on the rhythm together. I get it first--he keeps throwing in an extra strum, and forgets the hesitation. But, finally, he starts to feel it. Then he came again today to work at it, for about 90 minutes. This is why Owen's in my corner now more than ol' Alex.. at the performance, he played, and I turned his pages. He kept the rhythm fine, messed up a few chord changes. I made sure the audience knew he only learned the song that day. It helped that there was piano to keep it going, cover up some stuff.

I had more than 94 hits on this website this week. Who is reading this nonsense?

November 4: Mi Dispiace, Owen. I steered you wrong yesterday when you were trying to work on the lead for "Sweet Child O' Mine." Sorry I am so..угрюмая (moody? I think that's right?) So moody about music..I don't want to learn a boring lead like "Sweet Child". Because, I know, what you really want to do is learn rock, in general....learning "Sunshine of Your Love", "Little Wing", or "Stairway" or "Sweet Child" is not going to get you what you want. I should have taught you the blues scale instead. And insist you practice it with the proper fingering...you will be better and faster at it than me in two weeks, tops. And Eugene's little blues run. That's what you need right now. Well, there's always tomorrow. I'm so glad, though , that you're starting to feel the rock in your veins. мой друг.

See, Owen's all hot to have a school band. I just learned, one of the coaches is supposedly good at drums. Owen wants to play bass (and probably guitar), me guitar, and he want's to use Ewing's poetry girls' writing for song lyrics. I like the idea, man, you know. This is why I have to get him more in an improv state of mind. Plus, I have no idea why I never considered him for Petrucchio in my play, but he may fit. I didn't give him that many lines, and he's certainly eccentric enough.

November 6: So what a mess in guitar club tonight. But a good kind of mess. I only had two kids, but it was like having ten they were both so desperate for my undivided attention. I was trying to teach Owen how to play two guitars together, but he just goes, and goes... no details. For a guy who loves rhythm, he just can't match one--it's very frustrating. He's worse than Ken. He couldn't do Susie Q, he couldn't match a shuffle rhythm. The other thing he was trying to get me to help him on was write music for a song from the poetry club. The extent of my help was to change C-D to Cm -Dm, because the subject is sort of grim. I love him for having these ideas, though.

The other kid, Hugo, who for some reason is perfect on Sax but overly loud on guitar...well, he has most of his John Legend song. Kid likes John Coltrane. But, the amazing thing I did with him, was--well, I played "Summertime" on guitar and sang, then let him follow up with a sax solo--totally improv'd and shit, he doesn't really even know the song--but he was perfect. It was killer. Best part of my night. Later, we took some of the talent show kids to an open mike in Gulfport. It was really nice. We should do that more.

November 7: Meanwhile, I'm still thinking...
These full moon's seem to make me do this.

Last night was cool for several reasons. First, it's obvious that our kids could slay at most of these open mic nights, and the atmosphere there was really nice, pleasant, unintimidating for the nervous. I almost felt like grabbing Denise's guitar and getting up there, although--I wasn't on the list. I also would have been an improvement over the regulars there, sorry to say, but. There was a husband and wife (I think?) playing a dead? friend's songs. The guitarist was okay, not impressive, and the wife had one of those shaky, but on key, middle-aged lady voices. There was a guy who played and sounded almost exactly like James Taylor--played "You Can Close Your Eyes" off of Sweet Baby James--I was singing the harmony parts under my breath. There was this flaky chick who just plain couldn't play or keep a beat, but obviously loved to write what she thought were quirky lyrics--her singing was weird, too. . One of her songs was called something like "My Purple Plastic Hippie Sunglasses"--yeah. She was better that the bleached British woman--singing and playing too softly-- who kept stopping and apologizing cos the song she was playing was fresh written. There was a young black girl who was a good singer, and sang her original, poppy song a cappella when her laptop failed. There was an older guy who said he was gonna play tomorrow on the same stage with his better partner (he said!) and he played old style, Django, Louis Jordan stuff with a percussion beat--I liked the song enough that I copied it in VK--good taste! He was the best of the night after Denise. I'm so glad Denise got a chance to redeem herself after freezing up at the school show. I think she has potential to make money off her voice.

Me.
I am feeling, in spite of all these nice musical moments: unsatisfied. Unfulfilled. I know I got more in me that I am just -plain- not- getting- to, because I don't have the right people around, the lonnnnnng playing around time for experimentation it would take to bring it out. Writing--experimenting. Buried so far deep in my soul, I wonder if it can be touched.

Some serious tosca.

  It makes me think-crazily,---- I always manage to stretch for the craziest idea possible, da? That this , the creative connection, is being withheld from me purposefully by the Grand Master Plan Maker. The planner has in mind a long term creative process. Something much bigger than the silliness I've made so far. Like tea steeping, like something waiting for a moment of perfect ripeness. Or, hopefully, several moments.

And I'm not really all that interested in doing the singer-acoustic guitar songwriter thing at open mic. I don't need that experience to avoid stage fright so much. Okay, maybe if I find the perfect song?? But, I like playing better with a whole band. My high comes when several instruments, ideas, voices meet somewhere up in the stratosphere and kiss the sky. That's why I'm here.

November 8: So, we had an extra band practice this week, because supposedly we got a gig at Cafe Dolce in downtown St. Pete--a place I like playing. We played there once before (actually our first public show) when it was a different name. It's a mellow place that might be right for our music, but I am disappointed once again that Ken vetoed all new songs because he doesn't feel ready to play them yet--damn stupid perfectionism. But he can make a lot of mistakes when he's not ready. (Grr.)

Myself, I'm ready to add 5 at least: the Tito and Tarantula, "One of These Nights" The Doors, Muse: "Feeling Good" , and even Radiohead "Karma Police" which I've been practicing the shit out of for the last two days. Denise thinks we should do "Importance of Being Idle", but I haven't even introduced it to the guys yet--back when we were working on the play, Ken seemed interested in how the music sounded, but not enough to try it himself. Besides, I don't think I would sing it all that great. I like playing it better than singing it, actually. If someone else wants to?

It took me and Dick high pressuring Ken and Bruce to get them to agree to add The Clash's "Brand New Cadillac"--which I think kicks, music wise, even if my vocal is not what I'd like. I can't even imagine trying to get these guys to agree to some of the ones I wrote. Also, I've been sneaking in more guitar playing, because I've taken to just wearing my guitar for most of the show, just slinging it around back when I don't play. Today I played more than I usually do on "Cadillac" -- I was originally instructed just to do that opening, muted E, but I've been doing the shuffle now too. And I can play most of "Steady As She Goes" and "If You Want Me to Stay" while singing now. Today I just started playing "Boots" without telling anyone I was going to, because it always sounded too empty to me, and Bruce said it sounded better, more full. I think so, too.

The truth is, I can play many of our songs, including many of the jazz ones, but I refrain a) to not mess up Ken, and b) the songs with harder vocals I'd rather concentrate on one thing. Of course, I can only do rhythm, not lead.

November 10: Ok, gig is on, plus maybe some of my guitar kids too. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Louie.

November 14: No one came to guitar club yesterday afternoon, even after at least three said they had urgent reasons to come--Hugo to work on his open-mic thing, for example? One of the football coaches said he wanted to come, to play Tom Petty "Freefallin"--I learned it in like 3 minutes--boring D-D4-A repeater. I said I'd teach him a slightly harder TP "Breakdown"--I like it better cos it has a short lead and sounds a bit more punk like TP's old stuff did. But, I stayed alone--short day for me! Good, cos I had a sort of rough day.

Later, Luke came by for his guitar which he'd left in my room all week, and said he wanted to do the open mike. I taught him "Karma Police" really quick, which he didn't know, but he gets rhythms pretty quick--said he'll practice it on his own later because he liked it. He'll come with Denise probably. We have some music taste in common, Luke and I, thank god. Said Hugo probably won't come after all. Wonder about Denise...

Nov 15: High, high, high!!! Loved our show, even though we could have had a bigger audience (it was very early)--the people that were there were very enthusiastic--suddenly a bunch of people were there for our last three songs, and they wanted more, but another band was supposed to come on. People said amazing things, including some homeless guy, who said, "That's it?" Ken explained another band was coming on, and he said, "Eh, they won't be able to top you." (Why should we imagine homeless guys tell us the truth? They seem to have nothing to gain or lose?--We gave 'em free entertainment...)
Two new people want to be in our band. Several people said to me, "Do your students have any idea that you can do this?" I said, well, 3 of them do now, cos they're here (Denise, Luke, and Hugo came along for the open mike--after an urgent text I got!!); they were all a little nervous, but did ok. Hugo played sax with us on a few songs. It would be nice to get some more organized arrangements with him--we just improv'd , which through us off a little, but only a little.

Nov 16: Daniel, who came to our show last night, and said he wants to play with us, sing harmony, especially, with me, texted me today. He says he knows how to do harmony arrangements, and some brass stuff, too. Cool. Turns out he's going to act in a local production of Footloose--playing Willard, (the oafish country kid, played by Sean Penn's funny brother Chris in the movie, which is a little odd since he's kinda ginger-nice looking)so that tells me he can sing, act, and dance! Maybe he can help me with school plays, but that could be awkward...

November 19: Ohh. Maybe Daniel can help me with the singing problems on "One of These Nights" and Blondie's "Call Me." Curious to see who shows for guitar today--haven't seen Alex in weeks. He got what he needed..(((

Playing guitar and sax with my boy for an hour and a half. I swear Hugo's the only guy who'll keep working on one song with me for that long...we are professional....someday.

Here's some weird cosmic diss-sonance. Just as I was about to go home from guitar club,kicking Hugo out at 5, the new football coach shows up, with his big egg-shaped head and a nice little (Mitchell?) guitar. Has a hard time making an A, cos he has those big, chubby guy fingers. Has a pretty nice touch, though. Taught him the blues scale, and, a John Legend song he wanted to know--tried to get to "Tangerine", but we never quite got there. His voice is really not bad: can you believe he sang for me? My world just keeps getting stranger.

December 1 & 2: Thinking about trying to master Jamiroquai's "Sunny"--it's a bit challenging. Just looked at the chart and fooled with the first chords--haven't done a serious turn yet. Would be fun to sing. I looked at the E-chord version: didn't like it. I don't understand their intro G to Gm? I can't hear that. Found a Ultimate Guitar one of the old original that is pretty good; it has two key changes. It doesn't match the Jamiroquai version, though. They are doing some sort of descend starting with E ? The original starts with an Em7 chord.

Dec 2, part 2: I wasn't really expecting this to be a heavy music day, but it became one. First, I pulled out my guitar, early, before 1st period, even, because I was semi-interested in "Sunny", as I stated earlier, which ended with me figuring out at least two, if not three, variations on all the chords for the first section, before the key changes. I probably messed around with that for hour and a half, maybe even two hours today, considering I continued to play a little, lightly, during SAT while kids did (or pretended to do) their practice test for the week.

I was just trying out all sorts of combinations, mixing jazz chords and bar chords with open chords, using variations of chords I made up or I'd learned either in Hendrix or J. Page progressions. I never got a sound I was totally happy with, but that probably had more to do with the rhythm I had trapped myself into. I also listened to probably three professional (and very different) versions besides the Jamiroquai --the really interesting one was the Rosenberg one I heard---found it on this site called Guitar.tube-- kinda like youtube exclusively for guitarists. It has some pretty intense and interesting things on it, but after my first hit on the site, it wouldn't let me play other videos or copy or repeat the one I watched. I suppose I have to become some sort of member and log-in, which I might try later, because it looks like a pretty rich site.

All of this must have sent out some guitar karma, because over the course of the day, three or four kids asked if they could come do guitar with me today, even though it was only Tuesday. I said yes: spontaneous guitar club is always a good thing in my life;) it was Luke, Hugo, Brandon, and a new recruit, Mansour. Also, 4th period turned into guitar time, too, because all the Asian kids got pulled into a meeting--leaving me with 3 to do nothing. This was when Mansour decided to ask me to teach him guitar. He did alright, but he's having a little trouble transitioning between chords. Well, I can occasionally still have that with some twisted 4-fingered, 4 or 5 fret stretch I run across...

I told him to pick out a song to learn: I would teach him after school. He picked a good one to start: Van Morrison's "Brown-eyed Girl." Easy-four open chords. I even figured out a light variation of the opening riff to work on. So Hugo came because he was excited to show me he had learned Legend's "All of Me" and was even learning not to pound the strings so much! He's a natural musician--he'll get it. He picked up "Brown-eyed Girl" quite quickly, including the lead, so that within five minutes he and I were playing lead and chord trade-offs: Atta boy. That's what I need in my life. Funny, how I can learn something like that in like two minutes, these days.

Poor ol' Mansour was stuck between G and C, but he made some bargain with Hugo to borrow his guitar in the dorm, and I have the feeling he's hooked. I also have this weird feeling I've possibly had one of my charmed positive effects on this kid who's been sorta lost for a few years. He's also surprisingly interested in Romeo and Juliet--I'm almost sorry he's going 2nd Semester. I told him his English is pretty good, and there must be someone who would want a guy who's fluent in Arabic and English--I have the feeling maybe someone in his family/ authoritarian realm is giving him a bum steer about his talents. I really sort of like him, even though he's lazy and likes to take the easy way--the two finger G, for example.

Luke came in, dropped off his guitar, but didn't much stay to play. Instead, he was all excited about drama--he wanted to talk to me about Cabaret and the fabulous Liza Minelli. (While pointing out quite strongly that this does not mean he's gay!) I was quite charmed by his enthusiasm, and told him my play was being held up by the lack of a real rock 'n' roll crazy guy lead to play my version of Petrucchio--he countered by saying he would be up for it!!! (yay! I need someone psyched to get me up for this!) Not only--he's seen the Taming of the Shrew--at least twice!! and--get this, his dog's named Petrucchio. (Pete for short.) Now if that isn't a sign an idiot like me can love, I don't know what!!!! On a sad Shakespearean note, the seniors don't seem to be having a good time with MacBeth this year--don't think teach is feeling' it. Now I have this weird fantasy of how I would be itching to teach Shakespeare--my big break! Imagining myself as the young teacher who never did it, but was dying to change the world by making kids dig Shakespeare! But, already had that life, so something new already...

Brandon came in to show me he's learned "Comfortably Numb" (which sounds surprisingly bland out of context without all the echo chamber voices, etc.) and "Enter Sandman"--Adam taught it to me last year, but I've already forgotten it... something else, too, but I forget--some classic rock thing--oh, yeah, G 'n' R's version of "Knocking on Heaven's Door". I like Brandon's taste, but not necessarily his instincts, if that makes sense. He broke a string on one of my knock-off Strats, playing the lead on "Knockin' " and offered me a dollar to replace it, although the other kids say he's richer than God, with his own boat. I tried to point out the math, that a whole pack o' strings cost at least $7, and I doubt they'd let me buy one. Then I said, well when you bring you're flying V later this week, you can give me your E-string off it...strictly no sense of humour, this one.

Much more promising, is Owen, still on a tear to learn bass!! and the funky type, for that matter. I played him "Sunny" he said the bass was too easy--but he didn't get to the key changes.. Then I played Wild Cherry's "Play That Funky Music White Boy" , and he was like--YEassss! That's what I want! Then he went off in the corner to listen to some mad bassist I could tell was really, really good.
We are gonna make a band. Some day. the trouble with Owen is he likes to imagine that he can play by ear, but for him this is really only rhythm..he doesn't seem to actually hear the notes right.

I figured out the two key changes for "Sunny". It's a good thing I played with all those chord variations, because it made it so much easier to figure out. Mostly they just go up a half-step each verse. This means it will be close to impossible song to sing and play, in band, because it will be hard to keep my place with all those changes, without looking. I can do one or the other, even both for a recording. But not simultaneously--I think. Too bad we don't have vibes.

Dec 4: Mansour is buying a $38 guitar--hesitation? Not sure he wants to invest fully in this hobby? Hugo and he came after school again to work on their songs: we made progress. Hugo doesn't like finger picking, and came with a new haircut and flower--he didn't leave it for me thank god. At home, I finally figured out the second string harmony for the short "Brown-eyed Girl " intro--some dude had a tab for it on Ultimate, but it was wrong: I could hear it. But, it was enough for me to add in corrections and get it right. Now it will be one of those dumb little guitar riffs one plays unconsciously when fooling around between serious playing. Jack, Hugo ,and Mansour came for guitar club officiale today--3 days in a row! Hugo and I played and sang an almost performance worthy duet of "Brown-eyed Girl". It's fun to play, I can see that it's one of those easy crowd-pleasing, energy songs you can really pump up...which is why I secretly hate it.

Dec 5: Uh-oh. Music dynamics, guitar club is about to change. Meier's back. I hear he was in boot camp. Wonder if he still has his Ovation. I still play "Ventura Highway" pretty frequently, which he taught me.

Dec 6 : Daniel is coming, tomorrow, to harmonize. Sunday. Maybe inspiring?

Dec 7: Daniel came--it was great!! We practiced a new song he brought--I need to work on the guitar a little--we got some good harmonies going. He worked on some for our regular band songs, too, and brought his trumpet to add to a few that were really cool, and might save some of our old rejected songs. He has a really strong baritone voice--he sounds a little like Dave Matthews, that shakiness in his voice, but he's about as loud as me. Our harmonies blend pretty well and fairly naturally--neither of us can go very high, though. He will probably come to our band practice next week.

Dec 11: Guitar club rut. Hugo has been a real pain insisting I teach him this One Direction sappy love song. But, it's a slow, picked ballad, and he hates finger picking. So he strums, awfully. He's also insisting on doing the capo'd -on -the- 5th version, and wants me helping him by modeling the rhythm, but, he took my extra capo and keeps forgetting to bring it back. It's such a boring song, and he over-strums it, speeding up as he goes. I keep starting him off playing to the MP3, and he loses the beat by the eighth bar--starts to play harder and faster. He's starting to get on my nerves, thinks he's in with me in a way that he is not. Thank god for Xmas break.

I got nothin' new for myself, except Green Day's "Holiday", which I can play two ways now--on acoustic with open chords, or on electric with power chords. Simple, fun, I'll be bored with it in three days. I should practice Daniel's song....

Dec 14: One of my favorite musicians once said--why can't I be you? Right now i can't think of a single person i want to be, that's alive. Ok. Maybe one.

Dec 16: Now I know another Smith's song, la-da-dee-da...
Dec 17: Ruined my earbuds (again!) taking Owen to Mad Music for new strings. They were hanging out of my pocket and I accidentally slammed them in the car door. I kept saying to Owen---what's that rattling sound? Turns out it was my headphones --just those old Apple things--I had a spare pair in my desk. I killed my 3rd pair of skull candies months ago. Mansour threw away his 38 dollar guitar, but Owen gave him another one--that's nice. He came to say goodbye--had the look of someone who didn't really want to go.

Dec 23: In L.A. met this eccentric Greek instrument repairman/musician. He liked odd old ethnic string instruments like sitars, balalaikas, bazoukis (I think that's how you spell it). He could play them well, and had some strange, but true, number theories about music. He had all these zodiac/hippie looking handmade posters all over his back room/ work room/ nap place, clockwork circles, planets and radiating lines. His shop was called Marina.

I call the back space "nap space" because he had this big old built-in bed in the corner with lots of mismatched covers and pillows, very Surrealistic Pillow Californian. The posters might be mistaken for Astrological charts at first glance, but they in actuality were representations of variant musical scales, I think. One had seven large spheres of different colors, with five smaller spheres orbiting inside their ring. No idea what it meant. He had a name for his whole music theory--that sounded Greek--этiохолоgy or something like that, I can't remember it exactly--shoulda got a card. He said to me, "You know, music is all about 12." And proceeded into this lecture about if you cut 12 in half you get 6 which is out of the scale, and then cut it again, etc.

I wasn't entirely sure what he was talking about, but I know the physics of how a guitar string works. His whole point was how infinite were the varieties of ways you can put tones together to make beautiful music (in one way he seemed to be talking about all the various scales besides the major,/minor, the pentatonic, dorian, mixolydian, etc. : I understand how that works, on piano at least, and in theory, on guitar. But in another way I think he was onto something else?) He seemed to want to stretch musicians outside the usual combinations of common, well-known tones , like the blues/rock usual thing. He proceeded to demonstrate this on this odd instrument ( I think it would be a bazouki?) that looks like it could have been made from a gourd, but was actually made from strips of wood. Some of what he was playing sounded old-fashioned, like Django Reinhardt.

Another person there showed him some interesting Japanese scale he was at first having trouble hearing--I think my ear was a little better , but I'm not sure...I asked him if he made the instrument he was playing, and he said no, but then went to get another one he had put together in his shop: it had a different sound.

All in all, another true blue music lover, and one who has found a way to live and survive creatively in this bastard world.

I am still working on fantasy bands: I have a new one with K's boy Mark. (They are so good together!) He's actually a quite good guitar player, and we have similar influences and tastes(Smiths) --he does lean a little more country than me, Hank Williams #1 seems to be on his radar lately-- so naturally I'm trying to impossibly recruit him into a band. Or--recruit him into an impossible band?? (I actually think he and Y could work together??) He has in the cottage an old generic classical guitar, and an electric Hamer, a hair-band late eighties style guitar (dark blue!) he says was his brother's--he demonstrated tapping on it for fun for me since I was talking about my show-off kids doing it.

Lastly, he has a homemade guitar his buddy made for him--with a strat silhouette and painted powder blue with what looks like house paint! It has a "kill" switch, which is now loose due to exuberant playing in the past, and needs repair. Sounds like he would use it to make some stutter guitar effects, maybe like that on and off sound Johnny Marr does on "How Soon Is Now"? Or at least that's what I'm imagining its use is. He has no amp, and K says he doesn't seem all that interested in looking for bandmates, but she wishes he would. I played a little on his classical--I think my calluses are going a little soft from this vacation. .

Dec 31, 10:13. Phrygian Scale. And Melismas. Think about it.

Jan 5: I learned Smith's "Half a Person" a few weeks back, and worked on it again today. I just don't like how I play it--the rhythm. I like singing it. Trouble with so much Johnny Marr stuff--you need all his set ups and effects to make it sound the same. I'm trying to figure out if he added the lead (it's not much of one) over the chords, or if he figured a way to do both? I just can't make it sound the same, although I can do my own version...it's just blah.

Jan 8: Too bad I don't have anywhere to play..having one of those great guitar days. Maybe I should write something. Stone Roses doc maybe inspired, but I don't quite get how to play the way John Squire does--I think it's all studio layering, really. They don't sound exactly the same on stage, anyway. He's good though--good ear.

Jan 9: Okay. This is a lasting trend--I have gone up a notch in playing somehow. Over the last 24 hours, besides practicing my usual stuff, I learned a Stevie Ray Vaughn riff--quickie but cool, I just suddenly felt it?? A Spanish-y song for two guitars--learned both parts, and was happy to hear myself do something interesting with the simple rhythmic part, and a two part Japanese song?? That one needs more work, but I know I could do either part rather easily with a little practice.

Jan 19: Been working on a song. Inspired by Night Watch. Starts with my idea of subway -noises -on-guitar, then segues into something to weep to next to a river in Zion. Make that Babylon.

"Half a Person" sounds much better on electric--my Telecaster. It's not bad--jangly and ringing, for Smith's/Johnny Marr stuff.

Jan 21: So, I've been debating with myself for years about guitarists like Steve Vai. There are things to admire, no doubt. He is skilled. I have other misgivings. Like, what exactly is he trying to say, what is his passion? I first saw him live in Frank Zappa's band, way back in the 80's, and he definitely stood out because he just has amazing skills. He was funny, too, and pretty young then. In Zappa's band I guess you gotta be funny. I thought he lacked a certain sensuality, though. I never feel an urge to listen to his music for any length of time. I have one album: it has songs like "Tender Surrender": I like that style of his best, when he's slower paced, more jazz styled-or if he's doing, say a cover of -say-"Little Wing". The fountains of fast-fingered stuff just, I don't know. Then, later, I saw a video that made me think I had been mistaken in that assessment, that I was too harsh, and he does play with sensuality.

But, recently, I watched him in a video where he's not playing, but talking about music, and I realized my first assessment was right. Going through the motions, looking for fame and fortune as one of the world's renowned guitarists. He's just hiding behind his skills, not really sharing his emotions. There's this sort of professional veneer to him that is just a hair off from true artistry. He's been told too many times how good he is--it's ruined his feel, if he has it in there somewhere. Or, he's afraid to show.

I always have to be suspicious of musicians who make clever titles for their instrumentals in an attempt to intellectually capture some emotion. He has one called "Erotic Nightmare"--now that on the surface sounds like an interesting idea for a song, but actually it's just an excuse to do some demonstrably difficult metal riffs that seem to have little to do with either nightmares or eroticism. At least it seems that way to me...it's got those streams of excessively fingered notes without really evoking a particular emotion, topped off with some simulated rocket explosions, going off without any rhyme or reason. Oh, yeah, somewhere near the end there's some broken glass, elephants trumpeting? It's like he wrote the song first, tried to get all Beatles, studio magic on it with random sounds, but it just doesn't work on any level to me. Seems like he wrote the song, then said, "Well, what will we call this one that sounds cool--um. What's rock n roll? Oh it needs Sex--no, let's make it erotic!! and hmm. What else, needs a dark edge for rock--how about, Nightmare? Erotic Nightmare!! Ooooh I like that!" Sorry, but I don't like this sort of thing.

Much better use of that word, is the Pixies, "Subbacultcha". The guitars in that song may not have the skill that Steve has, but it definitely is, to me, a little gem of art--evoking a particular feel, with better use of the word "erotic"---"She was looking like an EE rotic Vul-tcha.." and layered on with those great lines about the narrator's connection to the weird girl...."She was dressed in black,I was dressed in black" and "She was wearing eyeliner, I was wearing eyeliner.." Now that's a more erotic nightmare--it tells a little story)).

Also, I have to object to how Steve dresses--like a professional musician. Some guys seem like they never shook the school concert--wear a dress shirt, black pants--thing. You know, like those jazz guys who try to be all rock 'n' roll, but don't really make it--they iron their jeans or something, and get leather that looks too expensive, long hairdos that look too done. Ok, to be fair, Steve had on Motorcycle boots not too different from the ones I wear all the time. But, then he added the sort of ridiculous gimmick of putting a chain on that attached to the buckle and ran under the arch in his foot, for ??? Noise when he walks? The Good, Bad, and the Ugly? He also had late 70's looking expensive black jeans with ten excessive seams, which might have been okay with an old t-shirt or something, but he was wearing it with a nice, classy silk pressed shirt, and a tailored leather jacket. Honestly, maybe it's his Italian/New York accent, the big black ugly teamster glasses, but while I was listening to him, I kept thinking he sounded more like some sort of Guido businessman--perhaps from a mafia family--not a thug--more like the bookkeeper or something. Which is how his music sounds to me, SORRY, fans!! It's a little bit corny, somehow, posed. I know, I should shut the hell up, but..

On the other hand, he does come off as a fairly down to earth guy, not your classic rock mess. He's just not very edgy, I suppose.

Feb 2: I am so stuck on my new song. I think it's because I'm at a point where I want other instruments besides guitar to come in --maybe even orchestral-like-- and I have no garageband now to experiment. I may have potentially lost all my GB files, due to a ridiculous computer accident. I will know Thursday. I'm initially pissed, but then I went back and listened to the recording files I do have of the final product, and I'm thinking, small loss. The ones good enough as song material I should do over anyway because my production was absolutely terrible. I need some lessons in that or something. Vocals have way too much edge, while being muddy at the same time. The balance was awful--the only decent one, actually, was my first experiment-- the little spy thing I did-- because it used mostly the GB music, although I did add my own guitar/bass. The rest are an embarrassment.

Feb 6: Noveeya Krovb for guitar club--the Russian-Hispanic connection. Actually, guitar club was surprisingly full last night: Brandon, Hugo, Luke, plus Ivan and Franco. I spent most of the 2+ hours with Ivan and Franco, because they are just learning--well, Franco knows a few little finger licks like "Ghost Riders in the Sky". But also because they were both pretty disciplined and goal-oriented about learning. Unfortunately, everyone was feeling needy and all were pressuring me for attention..Brandon to hear some nice little lead he learned (on a different day I'd like him to show it to me), Hugo to teach him again the same song I already helped him with like 8 times--(he knows as much as I can teach--just needs to practice strumming), and Ivan and Franco the basics.

Ivan learns guitar just like he learns Romeo and Juliet: a million interruptions and questions until he thoroughly understands the most minute detail. It's a little frustrating, but I actually like that quality he has: he's genuinely interested in learning for its sake, I think. Plus I like him because he has a little sarcastic, edgy sense of humor. I said he was a little distant with me at the beginning--his nature to be standoffish, skeptical, but as I expected, I have grown on him. I notice he's come to class early a few times to hang out, and now guitar club. I played him some old Soviet Rock--he said he'd heard some of those songs, but they were old fashioned to him--his dad's music. He doesn't like Russian music. Most of what he wanted to learn was American pop--Ed Sheeran, Eric Clapton "Tears in Heaven"(I think that one counts as pop considering a young kid, ethnically Russian but born in Spain, has heard it enough to be able to sing it. Surprisingly sentimental songs for edgy Russian teenager. Musically, I kinda got through to him because he knew a little piano--ah, that is, nemnaga piano! He really didn't understand the concept of triads, chords, but eventually he picked up on it.

I have learned most of the foreign kids, including the Chinese, don't understand the C-D-E-F-G etc., notation system we use, but they do know doe- ray-mi-fa-so-la-ti- doe: The Italian. So we start there. Ivan wasn't satisfied with just knowing where you put your fingers--he at first had some idea the each string represented a letter and wanted to know why there weren't enough. on six guitar strings. Then I had to show him triads on piano, and how not all the strings on a guitar will be playing C at once, that the triad is C-E-G. He likes knowing the rules, but I think he may actually have a decent singing voice. His Russian genes show, cos his voice is pretty deep for a kid his age.

Franco is an even better surprise--I think he has good sensitivity and a genuine love of music--my kind of boy.. I especially like about him that he seems to be interested in his country's (Mexico) music , and he has good taste. He recognised the Baillando that Hugo was working on, and his taste gravitates towards the good Spanish classical style that I am becoming interested in as well. He needs work on strumming, although both these guys have a decent sense of rhythm, I think. They just need to practice strum patterns and build the muscle memory thing, especially Ivan. (His hand had that crampy look that beginners have after an hour and a half.) Franco also has a nice rich and deep voice and sang a song in Spanish while he was here. He's already interested in doing palm muting properly, and I could tell he knew he wasn't getting the nuances quite right, unlike Hugo who just charges on oblivious to how he sounds.

So I shouldn't have ended my day in such a bad mood with all this. But then, sitting in rush hour traffic in Tampa, getting rerouted through detours, etc., didn't help my mood. I feel better this morning. My Guitar Army grows.

Oh, yeah, almost forgot. My favorite thing that happened in guitar club. While I was waiting for someone to pull up some chart on a computer, I was fooling around with one of the songs I have written, the Таракан танца (Cockroach Dances) song. Ivan says to me: what's that song? I think I know it! It's Russian, right? I say, well, not really, it's a song I wrote myself. He said, oh, it really sounds like an old song I heard somewhere. But then I said--but you know, I wanted it to sound Russian (and old), so that's really cool that you thought it was!

XA--I remember when I was younger, having the sensation of hearing a Rolling Stones song, thinking it was like ten years old, and a song I'd known for a long time, a classic, and it turns out it was brand new, just released. I think it was "Waiting on a Friend" or one of those Tattoo You songs. The Rolling Stones and their instant classics....

I learned to play it pretty quickly..the opening has sorta odd chords that sound good together. Then in one of those odd coincidences, I learned another new song , "8 Miles High" with the same odd chord (C9, btw). The other thing that I would have never guessed is that the opening chord progression is exactly the same as "Riders on the Storm", but somehow they sound nothing alike. How does that happen? The Byrds must have used a telecaster like mine on that song, because on certain amp settings favoring the treble it sounds quite a bit like the recording.

Feb 7: Yeah, too bad for the Stones thet seem to have lost their youthful abilities. Old guitarists never die, they just get arthritis and carpal tunnel syndrome. Mine is flaring up again, with a new monstrosity--some kind of nerve tweak running along my finger bones --really sharp, like a toothpick breaking. I'm glad guitar is not my only musical outlet--I'm hoping this won't get worse anytime soon.

In the meantime my Russian friend is tearing up the MI. I think maybe he got their attention, his way. Go, Yef.

Feb 8: I FREAKing hate when I do this--last night, or really, early this morning, I dreamed up a new song--no, literally, in my dreams, and then broke consciousness for a minute, said to myself..oh, I gotta remember that... but guess what? ggggggggggg...

Feb 11: Band doesn't seem to get the feel of "Half a Person"--that is, bass and lead guitar don't. As Dick pointed out, there really doesn't even need to be lead guitar, but I don't want the distraction of playing while trying to reach the perfect tone/ cut offs/ lilts like Moz. All his songs probably should have a separate guitarist. I could/did do both, but it needs to be much better. Some people only play one way (sigh). Irritating.This one will probably end up in the trash heap, cos I see no effort being put in to save it. Save it for something/somewhere/someone else...

I'm revisiting "10 Years Gone" today--learned the intro a while back, but just found a slight variation ( a little easier), plus a sorta ok video on the rest. The guy doesn't name the chords, (probably cos they are this strange ones JP uses), and he kinda blows through the lesson to the part where he gets to play the song--he's not bad. I just keep getting lost in the details, but what an incredible song. It's like a tutorial on how to write a beautiful song.

Feb, Friday the 13th: Contrary to popular belief, not a bad day..except for the grandiose kid whose keys I accidentally stuck in his push button ignition))). I learned quickly to play "Yesterday" for a kid for his talent show vocal..also sold him on the idea of getting one of the Asian kids to play violin with it. The original has cello but I think any strings would add to it. The chord structure surprisingly has something in common "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?" and NP's "Farewell Letter".

I don't know if it's me or what, but all my acoustic guitar strings feel quite stiff. Maybe it's time to change them. Wish I could change out my fingers too.

Feb 16: Band practice was interesting, because we had Pat, my father-in-law, playing with us. He was trying to get me to sing harmony with him on some old song called Long John something--I never heard it before, and there was one note I just couldn't get, cos Pat's forte is not singing, and all the guys were too impatient to give me a second to find it on the internet and listen to it. I found it after: with Ella and Louis Armstrong--coulda got it easy if I heard it.

But, man, can Pat play harmonica!! He's really good, wish I could do that. He makes Dylan sound like a asthmatic goose. He also played with us on all the old standards particularly good on "Girl From Ipanema" and some of our stuff with standard blues progressions. He sat out on the louder rock stuff, but even got in on our new song "Sunny"--which we haven't totally got down cold, so he gave us a better ending. Funny how he and Ken don't really play alike even though Pat taught Ken. Pat's guitar playing is more fluttery? He does more notes, but they make more musical sense than Ken--Ken is better when he plays more spare--which he's been doing lately thanks to his teacher's advice. I've been toying with the idea of going to that teacher, to see if he can give some left hand corrections that will solve my carpal tunnel problems. Funny I don't get it from typing at all--just guitar and sleeping with my hand under my pillow, or something.

Feb 17: Been doing some research on Brian Eno and his work in electronic/ambient music. Interesting.

Feb 19: Nice guitar club time with Ivan, working on his Ed Sheeran song, and Denise O., doing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?" I feel really casual, and myself around her--great girl. Today we were comparing notes on song writing, and we've both come to the conclusion that chords are too easy--it's the melody that escapes you, makes or breaks your soul--kicks your creative ass. Denise and I are getting sort of scarily close--funny I hardly ever do this with girls.

Feb 23: Saw this great Swedish movie called The Sound of Noise. It just somehow seemed to represent something I want to do--to make music that is from some different direction. This guy writes a symphony, mostly for percussion. But he thinks percussion is just any kind of noise in rhythm, which I suppose is true. It has 4 movements that need different venues that double as instruments. I can only remember the name of the last one, called "Electric Love", but the other three movements take place in a hospital, a bank, and a parking lot of a concert hall. It is called Music For One City and Six Drummers. It is one of the most amazing ideas representing the value of music I've seen in a while.

When I looked into it, I found it had a connection to an older Italian writer/musician named Russolo, who wrote something called The Art of Noises. He had a pretty strong imagination, like figuring out that the world probably once was much quieter, back in the pre-industrial days--Machines changed our landscape of noise, so that we are always experiencing some sort of white noise that music must adapt to and override or bring in. Really interesting notion--I've often thought modern music just keeps getting more complicated, more layered, more texturalized--why performances that are live maybe can seem bland.

I keep thinking about the few times when we've had a total systems meltdown, like during a hurricane, because of a power outage, and how eerie and bizarre the silence seems. And Cool. So un-nervingly different from what we normally experience. Makes me think about trying to do music that uses that vacuum of silence as a counterpoint. How could you do it?
Is it really possible in our present world?

--Yeah, this idea might work perfectly with a new song entitled--"The Coat-hanger Man" Needs a lot of silence to work. Time turns to color.

Mar 2: I just got a new I-phone (6), and it has Garage Band factory installed, so I will probably be experimenting with that--first trying to figure it out. I might be able to use it for ambience, street sounds, etc. For "smart" instruments it has Drums, bass, guitar, strings, keyboard, then plain drums, keyboards, audio recorder, guitar amp--not sure of the distinction on all these. The guitar amp features interest me, since my amps at home don't have many effects--just a little reverb. There are nine different amps on my phone, all not really labeled as "Fender"or "Marshall' or "Orange", but you can tell what they are supposed to be by how they look. Don't know how accurately they sound like the real thing, or if there's a learning curve there--most likely, and likely one that I won't master, heheh.

Later--ok, I played around with this,for fun--worked out some of the basics. I made a little song with bass, drums, and keyboard. Em Am--nothing big. I'm having trouble figuring out how to send it somewhere, for practice--it's a truly stupid song, all Em and Am.

Вечер: I just heard the saddest, awwww. Тоска...this little boy playing guitar with a capo, a Nautilus song, "Кто Еще"--he's maybe about 15-16-- with a sad little greasy center-part to his hair. I fall. Young with depth of feeling, old knowledge. I had to find the original.

I listened. 10 or more times on a loop. This is why life has its beauty.

Mar 3: That Nautilus song is really sticking with me..bad. It is so beautiful. Words, too.

One of my old guitar kids who hasn't been around in awhile came in cos he now wants to be in the talent show--so he can sing a Maroon 5 song (by the letter). So I saw this as an opportunity to experiment with my cell phone garage band, to make him a sort of backing track he can sing, or even play guitar, to. (He does play.) It's only 3 chords, so I made keyboard and drum tracks for him. I made the mistake of making the piano first, playing along with the recording, but then I had trouble matching the drums. I waited till the kid left to finalize the drum loop selection, cos I could see he was gonna get all anal retentive about it matching perfectly with fills, etc, when I was just trying to match the basic rhythm. He probably wouldn't notice the difference when he hears the clip, anyway.

Anyway, I was having a tough time lining up the piano and drum measures, because some of the piano chords were just a hair off and were really bugging me. So I decided to redo the piano--easier than the other options--and after I did that, just playing along with the drum track, it sounded so much better--I only had to do one take.

Mar 5: Lost Owen today. And here we were gonna go see Tommy Emmanuel tomorrow in Clearwater. What a mess--so sorry.
Mar 6^: So we'll see if I can talk anyone into going to see Gogol Bordello in Tampa tonight.

Didn't go ..my heart was acting all fluttery and weird--scares me.

Mar 8: Here comes the song that's been brewing. The rhythm, and hopefully not the melody, is somewhat inspired by Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers' "I'm Straight": hope mine has more spaces and silences.

*******Changed my mind******************************

Didn't really match my thoughts...so hard to do.

Mar 14: Guitar Club was interesting and odd this week. Not the usual. Four of the Asians came into work on the harmonies in the talent show piece, an a cappella thing we just call "The Cup Song"--not sure if that's its real name. Poor Coco has a hard time matching notes, even when I'm holding them out for her. The whole thing is still pretty good though--takes very precise timing, and I'm pretty impressed with these kids working out the bugs by themselves in a very disciplined way. Also, I had no idea Joe Ye was such a good "boy" singer--I thought he was more the athletic, science math type. He was actually the best of the group.

Lessee--Hugo came in with enough attention seeking to possibly mess everyone up, like having to be told not to randomly play his guitar through the amp while others were practicing.

Franco came in, obsessed with the idea of singing Andrea Bocelli's "Con Te Partiro" a sad, operatic Italian modern classic. I love his point of view--he says his motive is to make everyone cry))). Hugo was trying to play sax with him, but in typical Hugo fashion when I tried to nail him down about what piece he was going to play, he vacillated. I tried to convince him to do a duet with me on "Baillando"--I would play the easier chords while he plays the lead--which he knows 3/4ths of...he said, no for a stupid reason. That I play it better than him. I still don't have the timing down right, which is why I need someone to do the chords!! He has trouble with the part that plays two strings simultaneously--that hung him up on "Brown-eyed Girl", too, which he otherwise got really easily and could duet with me. I would like him to learn it, let me fill in the chords, and let Franco sing Enrique Eglisias!! I could go easier on him and play the lead for him, but...naaaah.

Denise decided she's "over" "Brother Can You Spare A Dime", and was working on this odd heavy metal song by a band called Coheed and Cambria--it's pretty easy chords (she can barre) , but she was having trouble with some of the trickier notes--although the song is perfect for her voice if she's willing to put in a little work. Her other choice would involve singing to a recording, a trip-hop sorta girl named FKA Twigs--she always picks interesting things that I don't know. Funny then in one of those serendipitous moments, I find FKA Twigs listed as someone influenced by Bjork, who I've been re-listening to, and deeper in her solo stuff I found on a documentary about her.

Luke came in Friday, didn't play much but just wanted to tell me he's going to a school with a better art program next year. Vaya Con Dios, my friend. It's what's best for you--Turner's not your type. He also just wanted to pick my brain for more punk stuff, so I told him about The Dead Boys, Modern Lovers, X and The Decline of Western Civilization. Luke is a little immature or unfinished, is a better way to think about it, but he's got the right heart--he'll be a good outsider adult, and I think we will continue to be friends.

Some nice person close by bought me a triple pack of strings, and gave me some new kind of picks that I really like!! They are these thick black, rigid, rubbery things that feel like they zoom in magnetically, practically, to the strings you are targeting. Really good for me!! Not sure the brand--they have three bars like on cell phone charging, and the number 208, plus USA.

March 15: The Ides. Beware.

My favorite song now. On an endless loop. I can play on guitar. Know what it's saying in Russian. Can sing along in Russian, with a recording almost perfectly. Can sing large parts of it without a recorded prompt. I think it reflects my state of mind. Probably lots of other people, too, including the sad boy I first saw singing it. It says if you want to love me, love my shadow--turn it white. You are the one, if there is one.
Probably, in reality, there's more than one. Or, none. I like that it makes the distinction: if you WANT to love me, rather than "If you love me"--less обычны.

Если ты хочешь любить меня - полюби мою тень.
Открой для нее свою дверь, впусти ее в дом.
Тонкая длинная черная тварь прилипла к моим ногам.
Она ненавидит свет, но без света ее нет.
Если ты хочешь, сделай белой мою тень.
Если ты можешь, сделай белой мою тень.
Кто же, кто еще, кроме тебя.
Кто же, кто еще, если не ты.
Если ты хочешь любить меня, приготовь для нее кров.
Слова ее все ложь, но это мои слова.
От долгих ночных бесед под утро болит голова.
Слезы падают в чай, но чай нам горек без слез.
Если ты хочешь, сделай белой мою тень.
Если ты можешь, сделай белой мою тень.
Кто же, кто еще, кроме тебя.
Кто же, кто еще, если не ты.
Если ты хочешь

Mar 18: need a new song, need a new song. Song-song, song-song.
Mar 21: We just got a cool new toy-a very nice drum machine. Besides letting you practice to very clear, real sounding rhythm tracks, it has effects for your guitar that sound just like the real thing. So I can finally play songs I know with the proper alterations. Fun, fun- fun, fun. Wouldn't my guitar kids love to play around with this. Not happening.

Mar 24: I can do the "Кто же" song in Russian, if I have the lyrics in front of me. Hah, who am I gonna do it for?????? Two of the longer lines are hard for me to scan and play guitar in rhythm :

"Тонкая длинная черная тварь прилипла к моим ногам." and "От долгих ночных бесед под утро болит голова." It's funny that they come in the same melodic line in the song, and they make me forget to change chords at the end of the next line. But basically I got it. That's because it seems like otherwise I feel musically dry. I have ideas but can't get the energy to do them--I think it's these goddamm pills I'm taking--they sap my energy and I don't feel like usual high energy self. Can't wait ti go to the doctor's and get them changed next week. The rest of the people in my world seem musically dry too, or have just plain disappeared, like Owen. Oh, well--life's cycles--gotta find something to interest myself--сегодня! If I could get really ambitious, I'd try to do the Stochelo Rosenberg version of "Sunny"---yeah, right!!!!

Mar 26: Sometimes I love evenings where the universe sends me wonderfully non-random seeming music. I choose: Depeche Mode--Mephisto--Randomizer sends me:

Lumen--Детки
Агата Кристи-- Porvali mechtu
Buzzcocks--What Do I Get
Garbage--Supervixen
Агата Кристи-- Красная Шапочка
Gnarls Barkley--Who's Gonna Save My Soul
Wilco--Impossible Germany
School of Fish--Rose Colored Glasses
Агата Кристи- Ковёр Вертолёт
Lou Reed--Perfect Day
Nine Inch Nails--The Wretched
The Beatles--I'm Only Sleeping
Muse--Hoodoo
The Doors--Shaman's Blues
Fecal Matter (old Kurt Cobain)--Anorexorcist
Сегодня ночью--Сигареты и Кофе
Nine Inch Nails--Head Like a Hole
Psychadelic Furs--Love My Way
Stephane Wrembel Trio--Big Brother
The Clash--Brand New Cadillac
Sly And The Family Stone--If You Want Me To Stay (my favorite song to sing).

Mar 28: Listened all day to someone try to improve a rhythm, after lessons, of the same 8 bars of music--something that just comes easily and naturally to me. I feel, simultaneously, sad for them, and irritated. There is no way to help.

April 2: Well, thought I'd give myself a big challenge by learning Wilco's "Impossible Germany". I got it, with variations, in about a half hour--really, less. Damn.
It's pretty chords, though--Am7sus4-Cmaj7-Gmaj7 (or G if you're lazier) and Em7--I can do some of the lead, too--enough for improv, anyway. Booooooooo.

There are only so many things you can play without a band that doesn't want to play what you want--every song I hear I'm thinking--well with drums, a sitar, a fuzz-box, synthesizer, back-up singers.....I could play this. Do have a cool new amp--Vibrolux-Reverb tube amp--the real, antique thing. Should inspire something.

Apr 3: Got band to try a Brian Setzer song today--yippie-ay-oh-kay-aaaay. It sounded pretty good, I think, although leads need work. Vocals came pretty naturally--I'm a real gone cat.

April 7: Back to school. I have almost no regular guitar players in class. Peng and Jay, but they play alone. I learned the basic chord pattern of "Disko Partizani"--which is pretty easy--Cm, Ab, G--with a pretty quick, fun rhythm occasionally broken up with some Cs, Ds, and Fm. Or so the chart says--the Cs and Ds don't sound that great to me and mostly come during silences in the song?

Really in a terrible music slump--need to practice "Yesterday". Miss Owen. Owen tells me on Facebook last night he misses Excalibur .

April 8: Son sez: " I wish I was born in the past before music existed because it's all dreck. " Hmmm. some days you gonna miss me, boy. But his favorite is Death Grips. S oo whoo cares.

April 10: Working on Denise' Amy WH/Gary Moore song--quite a challenge, and although I like the song in general, I don't like it so much on guitar because it's soo slow I lose the rhythm. Slow plus complicated. I'm sure it will be fine if there's something to keep rhythm. 19 different chords if I do it all. I've got the first two sections fairly decent.

I should learn more Cure songs: "In Your House" --hard to like without effects?
Not true-I found a pretty nice little tab for the intro: мне очень нравится.

April 12: hee he. Working out how many songs I know (most can play, too) in A minor--lots. Doing this, I realized that R.E.M. borrowed two riffs in "Driver 8" from the Hollies "Long Cool Woman". Vary the speed a little , put it in a different spot, and it's almost unrecognizable. However, "Long Cool Woman" is in straight A major, not minor. Maybe that helps disguise it, too.

April 13: 3 Days to D-day: The Talent Show, besna version. Hugo came in and basically saved me in all his half-Russian egotistical skills. You know, over the last 5 years or so, I've grown to appreciate the ones with big egos. A new beatitude should be written: "Blessed are the egotistical, for in them life becomes interesting and full."

Anyway, I got all in Hugo's face to tell him Denise was counting on him to improve her song with a sax solo that involved tricky key changes, that even Denise was having trouble singing (BTW--Denise has actually taken singing lessons--a handful I know have--- I haven't??) So, Hugo says, can I hear the song--I say sure--and, play it for him. First, the karaoke version. Interestingly, he asks, can I hear the original vocal? I say sure. I gotta tell you that, for Hugo being the center of the AFA band, his instincts are all intuitive. When we're listening to the instrumental he says (much like I thought when I first heard it)--oh, god! there's like a weird key shift here--what is that? I'm like yeah, right, it's tricky--can you do it? That's when he said he wanted to hear the vocal. So I play it. He gets his sax ready-kinda messes up the first attempt. But then, I set it up again, and say--look, the verse section goes twice, then the key change.

The third time through, he nailed it perfectly--I swear to god. Denise better show some love. Here's what he says to me: so--ma'am .. (he still calls me ma'am) if you were judging the talent show, you'd pick me, right? I don't answer straight, you know.

April 15: Last night I tried Denise's Amy Winehouse song on our electric classical--yeah, I've broken down, and can play a classical guitar, finally, but I'd still rather use a pick. It sounded much richer on this guitar, so it's probably what I'll use for the show.

Had two long practices--4 hours! for the Talent Show, and really worked out a lot of bugs, even Nynn's song, which sounds pretty good when Denise harmonizes and takes a verse--seems to push up his confidence, or maybe it's just the better acoustics from the low ceiling in the Art Room. Daniel finally came and we worked "Yesterday" to death. Denise is vacillating again on Amy W.--intimidated to sing her, I think--but she sounds pretty damned good to me! She has two easier back up songs anyway, so I'm not worried. The poets are coming through, and Dennis my sound guy is pushing to have it in the Chapel instead of outside--fine with me if Mr. T doesn't get all..you know. Two boys involved told me his musical is starting to fall apart--he's just one of those fine arts teachers who has no touch for making it fun or creative, I am so sorry to say.

Hugo just plain pissed me off today--interrupting everyone else's rehearsals, and then demanding silence during his--what an obnoxious little half-Russian prima donna. I think he has the worst ego of any music kid I've ever worked with --so demanding of kudos. He may deserve some applause, but no musicians are gonna want to work with him if he continues to be such a pain. Plus, He has a weakness about listening, sometimes. Of course, he couldn't improvise so well if he wasn't a good, deep listener, but he has that problem where he needs to be the most prominent in the room, not seeing when he should back off and give others some room.
Like today--I impulsively had this idea for him to do a little wild riff to "Stray Cat Strut" on Sax--but when I was playing it on guitar, he kept playing improv over my intro rhythm, and I kept saying--it would be better to give it some space--let the rhythm develop, then bring the sax in that little break--well he wasn't hearing that. He just wanted to star. He's not a team player musician. He doesn't see the big picture of the piece, maybe he doesn't have a composer's heart, like I strive for, anyway. And Yef--in spite of his skills (and ego) Yef always cares about the big picture of how the whole thing sounds. Maybe the problem is Hugo's only half-Russian.

April 16: Talent Show went alright! Denise won, Hugo got second. I'm glad it went that way--they put in the most work and cared the most, plus it was good karma from the last show. Denise took the high road and did Amy Winehouse, and we rehearsed with mikes and decided the eliminate the key change, let Hugo solo over the same chord progression for a change-up. It worked really well, and nobody screwed up during the performance, not even duraka guitar player. Daniel had trouble all night hitting high notes on "Yesterday" (something I can do w/o thinking) and finally got it right-- right before performance. then he reverted back to his flatness during the performance--oh, well. I thought it was sort of a fluke he won the first time, anyway--he has a pretty good voice, rich baritone, I'd say? but IDK. It's a Choir voice, if you know what I mean. At least I didn't screw up on guitar.

BTW--I hated how that classic guitar sounded through the PA!! It made this horrible TCK! sound every time I changed chords. But by the performance I was kinda learning to lift off the strings a little more gently to avoid that. Still, I'm not all that anxious to use that guitar in public again any time soon. Uhh--I hear Mr. T is getting fired--fine by me, he's a little tight, as Jose would say.

April 25: Posted 2 videos on youtube (My first! YT congratulated me!) of our talent show--it's labeled ADMIRAL FARRAGUT TALENT SHOW:I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW and the second, lesser quality ADMIRAL FARRAGUT SPRING TALENT SHOW 2015, for anyone bored enough to be interested. I also put them on both my Facebook pages and VK wall. It's a middle clip of Denise's performance that also got Hugo's sax solo in, and a little of me playing the slow,slow guitar in the background. I got the clips from kids' phones, so they aren't great quality, and explains why they aren't of the whole thing.

Also posted a bunch of pictures of the show on the Farragut Arts and Drama page--I think I got everyone in, plus the program. I didn't put mine in, but I'm in the video.

Last night, one of my online friends told me he had been listening to my cover of BS/Patti Smith's "Because" and singing along! With his significant other. They were very nice in their compliments. That made me go back and listen to the different versions I'd made of all my old GB stuff, which I rarely do. It made me realize I liked the very first, instrumental take of "Mephisto" better than the later ones, not so much because I didn't like the vocal, but because the music just sounded overwrought and overproduced.

So maybe sometime I'll take this cleaner version and copy it to make one with a vocal. I also still want to make a GB of me singing/playing "Кто же" when I get the time. My Night Watch/vampire call song is nowhere near to being done, maybe a third done? I gotta figure violin into it and wonder if that can be done with digi-instruments in GB?

Actually, the "Кто же " doesn't need GB--simple video will do--vocals and acoustic guitar. Same with the other new song I'm learning--Terry Reid, "Seeds of Memory".

BTW------Terry Reid. Totally overlooked, great 70's musicante---(except by Rob Zombie...).
Check him out. And still alive, not a poor man's Tim Buckley. Oh. And. He was the first choice for singer in a new 70's band called Led Zeppelin. Roll over, Robt. Plant. And later? Deep Purple wanted him.

April 29: Ok, I may have made a rash promise--what else is new. I sorta promised Leo I would learn this Terry Reid song--"Seeds of Memory", and send it to him. Somehow it sounds like maybe it's about a Vietnam soldier--or any soldier, but that's the era it was written in. It has the feel of simple singer-acoustic guitar, but it's actually more produced than that--it has flute, subtle, sorta jazzy brush drums, electric guitar rhythms and riffs, some sort of wobbly weird upright bass, and pedal steel (I think--it could be a guitar with effects). And harmonizing. I'm s'posed to make up for this by myself...!

I thought I could just play it and sing with my acoustic. But it turns out to be a fucking hard song to sing. The guitar I got, I think, with a lot of effort, because it has a really strange, off-kilter rhythm.

For example, once I realized how complicated it was, I made a match recording of me just playing along while listening on headphones. When I played it back I realized how super slow it was, and how awful it sounds without all the production and extras. And impossible to figure out how to put in the melody. I mean, the bridge chord structure is pretty damned complicated.

So, I decided to just make my own recording without matching the original tempo. I had to go to school for movie night, and I took my guitar and laptop in case no one showed--luckily there was a mall trip so I got to work on this. I made a track with my acoustic in GarageBand, and realized I forgot my capo--the original needs a capo to match the recording. Great. one more complication for practicing the lyrics--shit.

I have a new version of GB, so I basically needed to mess with it some. In some ways it's easier, some not. I just decided to think of this partially as a learning experience. I went through every single guitar-amp combination to hear all the options. See, for some reason the acoustic I made didn't sound so great, so I wanted to "enhance" it I suppose--I kept hesitating, for example, between the mini-lead and the Cmaj7 chord at the top of the measure.

There was setting that said "experimental guitar" so I went for that, just thinking I would just hear what it was, but I ended up liking one setting: called the condensator. It gave me an idea, because I was unhappy with my guitar track anyway. So I made the old track a whooshy condensator track, but then when I tried to match the rhythm I thought, I should just copy it, the new track might fill in the spaces in the old one. So I did--two copies of the same track, one condensed with the volume severely reduced to avoid an overproduced sound (son claimed it still sounded so, but he's not my best ear), the other in Clean Guitar-Old Time Tremelo .

I liked it, but, the vocals are gonna kill me, especially now that I'm in a different key from the original. Just have to practice it. and drums. I heard they're more automatic in this version of GB, but I haven't figured it out yet...right now I'm downloading a 2 hr thing of new drum files that didn't come with the new upgrade. We'll see if I can find something subtle enough. I suppose I could ask Dick to just do it on the mike when we have practice--he could do it without even thinking about it much. Aren't you supposed to do drums first? I'm an idiot, but I suppose I could go drumless, or do some little percussion-y thing myself or on a loop. Drums. Damn.

Depeche Mode marathon while I'm writing this. Just listened to my two tracks again--I think I succeeded in mellowing the overproduced effect--could be fine with just a decent vocal, if I can figure out that bridge. Still like it. It has mistakes, but I think it just makes it feel less robotic--not a mess. Wish I had another ear to confirm. Don't want to bug anybody, though.

May 2: No. It sucks. Although I did remember, finally, that you can change keys automatically and universally in GB.

May 3: After band practice, I got Dick to do drums for my GB song I've been working on--better than trying to match drum loops. Still, it wasn't wonderful--the whole thing just drags without the great upright bass and flute embellishments that are in the original.

So, I was fooling around with beats, just because I was bored and desperate. I found one called Poolside I kinda liked, and suddenly had a brainstorm. 10 minutes later, with a poppier, faster homemade guitar track , I had a new version of my song. Good enough to send, anyway. If it was for something professional I'd probably redo the vocal--kinda winged the end without thinking or practicing so it could be better.

Getting good feedback from friends. ok. Is it honest feedback, or polite? Someday I'll do something better, I hope. That I wrote.

God save me from boyband loving guitarists!!! My only joy today was the dissonance in my head telling me--this stupid "1234" song reminds me of a better one--what is it, what is it////I hear Robert Smith's voice in my head somewhere--no, not "Boys Don't Cry", but close????--wait! I got it! It's "Friday I'm In Love". My ears again don't fail me--looked it up --same 4 chords, almost the same lead. Just the A and the G switched around for some verses.

May 12: So I took a guitar lesson, and had many of my weakenesses pointed out, most I suspected, like I don't focus too well on the accuracy of what string I'm playing with my right hand. and I curl my index finger when I play bar chords--I sit badly, of course. For single picking accuracy, a second position. I need to remove my pinkie from the pick guard which I learned from someone else somewhere, and, is good for some kinds of playing ? (Which?) I'm not sure. Palm muting, of course, which I think I'm kinda good at these days.

I need to not play between chords unless I intend to, yet keep the beat. Every note must be absolutely intentional. Also, I'm going to have to learn all the root notes, I suspect.

He told me I have potential, which I guess is better than the virtuouso teacher telling me to get out. He also said something about me having different strengths than K. He didn't yell at me about rhythm the way he did with him. He is a bit of a guitar Nazi--his favorite phrase is, "You weren't listening."

So, I've been practicing all this with a fairly simple song (with a slightly tricky rhythm, for interest to me): Cat Stevens' "Trouble". I had forgotten how much I loved this song, which appears at the end of one of my favorite movies, Harold and Maude. I really hate that I feel strange liking that movie still--but I fell in love with it when I was maybe 16. It never gets old--how love defies boundaries. I can sing this song pretty well: it's also my kind--sad and yearning. Тоска-- снова.

May 19: I made 2 little I-phone videos of "Trouble" and put them with my others on VK. I've sung this song better so I probably won't send that around-maybe I'll do it in GB. I was just fooling around today.

My GRs MOLD group (that is, Ministry of Literary Defense) is getting serious about making a multimedia self-publishing, promoting group for all our creative endeavors. I gotta admit, the group thing sorta pushes me to stop obsessing over perfection, and just make something. I have some other friends who I'd love to join.

May 21: Shit-I was just watching the old "Personal Jesus" video on youtube, and had this wild memory--I used to have the coolest punk pants, kinda like the girl in that video---tight, jet black with big silver western style medallion buttons all up the sides. Mine were pedal pushers, though, not super flairs. Damn they woulda been hot for any Robert Rodriquez flick. I also had some size 3 (!!!) black leather pants, but I hated wearing them--in Florida? Maybe in winter, if I knew someone with a Harley. I liked my black western pedal-pushers better. Why cahn't I still be me?

May 31: Just got a new guitar effects processor--It's a Yamaha Magicstomp box. It's not the II, but an older version , which I think is out of production. Someone said a new one costs $300--paid $130 for this. To me it seems like a helluva a deal for what it does. For one thing, you can plug it directly into the P.A. and avoid an extra amp, if space or whatever, is short. It has 99 presets for a crazy amount of different sounds, anything from clean, or warmed up jazz, to experimental space sounds to heavy metal fuzz/tremolo delay, echo effects, stereo effects--I must have played with this thing for like 5 hours altogether. I was most excited to find an effect that sounded to me like what Johnny Marr used on "How Soon Is Now?". I'm not saying it's exactly what he used --which I believe was some sort of gerry-rigged set-up using two Fender Twin amps, he said, but it's close enough to create the effect, to my ear. Each of those 99 presets can be adjusted for things like gain. I just kept hearing stuff--oh! that's like that Replacements'/Cure/LZ song, what's the chords again?

Anyway, it's the best cure I've had to my Telecaster's whiny, trebly finickiness, ever. Now I gotta make something((.

June 4: I worked out this little comping pattern, very simple for Gypsy Jazz--I think it goes with "Bistro Fada"--but I'm not sure--it seems too easy?? I'm thinking of asking my guitar teacher (I only get 20 min. per month!! perfect for me, actually) to teach me some Gypsy Jazz, if he in fact can do that style of guitar. I need something new--I'm dying of guitar boredom.

June 7: Two good film and literature inspired ideas for songs:

#1: opposing Stone Roses' "Driving South" which has the devil's phone number, toll free: 0-8-0 0 triple 6 0, that is 0-800-6660--still love that song. But only if you want to sell your soul, for guitar-ability, or a beautiful voice, or whatever.

My new idea is the opposite(? kinda?) courtesy of James Joyce's Ulysses. After seeing a girl he thinks has no navel, or a long think about navels in general (omphalos?), he wonders about putting in a call to Eden I suppose where the girls have no navels. Number there? Much shorter, and this is the 1920's, after all, where you gotta call the operator first, anyway: 001. That is, as Stephen says, ought, ought, one. "Hello, Kinch here."

Oh my god, I could write 66 songs from Ulysses' hilarious lines: "Cousin Stephen...you were awfully holy, weren't you? You prayed to the Blessed Virgin that you might not have a red nose..."

#2: La Dolce Vita: just music that creates that odd atmosphere. So..crazy, upbeat major chords (or maj 7?) with lots of energy, rock'n'roll, punctuated with dead stops or fade-out stops, a dark, dark bass that goes minor. Then back to crazy--3 times around? 7 times around for the story line?

June 14: Мое сердце is into something deep right now. Я испугался. It's bad --thinking my life should be more like books and films and songs. Am I really so worthy of complexity, subtly --I feel like I don't even relate to things like trips to the grocery store. I spend hours in my head--surface only for the plumbing--to keep myself alive--eating, excreting, washing, drinking, surface politeness to the family, who ah, well. --Keeping my mind going. Sleeping--sleeping is always good because it goes all- to- the- wall creative. My dreams, though, scare me--because they are so beautiful, so happy.

What is it--who said it? Ah, the very pedestrian Eagles---"I know my life, would look alright, if I could see it on the silver screen"--like James Dean. Who was nice-looking, but his acting never did that much for me.

Shit--I'm not much of a writer--especially not a songwriter. Oh, I'm great at initiating ideas--if someone held a gun to my head right now I could rip off 12 great song titles/ideas just from Ulysses. Ulysses, the album. Damn is that book inspiring to me.

Today, I wanted to write all about the misericord--because I had one of those uncanny coincidences--the same odd, unknown word showing up, on the same day, in two different places --Ночной Дозор and Ulysses. With two separate meanings, both deriving, I suppose, from the concept of mercy. Yeah.

The Ulysses one has to do with Catholic monasteries, but the Eastern Orthodox must've had the same thing, same notion--for days full of tedious prayer--hours, of standing kneeling, and standing with head bowed, seats folded up, there was this little wooden ledge built into the underside of the seat--the misericord--the mercy seat--that one could lean on to make it through the long hours of standing at prayer. Life--is bigger. Losing my religion. The humorous side is they were often a source of comic expression, with funny, even decadent or sacrilegious carvings --right in the church itself!!

In Night Watch it uses the secondary meaning, also medieval in origin--of a wooden,long piercing dagger to put someone, a knight, injured in battle or jousting or whatever, out of his misery, a mercy killing. You plunge it in the neck, and it's long and pointed enough, it should reach the heart and end things for good. Well I wonder if I'm really strong enough for that final blow in my life.

So here's a good trick--I pretend to be Morrissey himself, writing Ulysses the Album: I'm just messing around with ideas here:

Song #1: "For a Good Time Call Eden"

Song #2: "Favor Me with the Misericord"

---Oh, dear Brother John/
I feel a weakness in my knees tonight/
I've been standing oh so long/
in my devotion and love/
And I'm losing my religion/
Since you haven't been 'round/

so favor me, favor me please/
you see me sinking to my knees/
Favor me, if you please/
With the mercy of the misericord.

Yes, I wonder if I'm wrong/
Is leaning a fatal sin/

Song #3: "Prayer to the Blessed Virgin of the Red Nose"

Song #4: "Have You Been To Church?' or, alternate title , "I Need To Go To Church" or "Let's Go To..."
(I think this should sound something along the lines of an Irish pub song, with interchangeable lines filling in different places from around the world, and they needn't all be strictly churches, per say). However, I think those songs are kinda boring,: I just like the idea--so I'd mix it with something more modern or unexpected, at least to get its energy higher. But, the OOOHHHHHHHs can be drawn out like a pub song accompanied by accordion:

-----OOOOOhhhhhh, have you seen St. Pat's, sir, Have ya seen St. Pat's?
No, Ive never been now, I need to see St. Pat's.

And what about St. Kevin's Kitchen, you've seen St Kevin's Kitchen?
No, Ive never been now, I need to see St. Kev.

Ohh, and have you been to Christ Church, have ya seen the Christ Church?
No, Ive never been now, I need to see Christ Church.

Chorus: OOOOhh, but most of all, most of all, we must to Little St. Mary's
We must go to Little St. Mary's.

Have you seen Sacré Coeur, have you been to Sacré Coeur?
No, Ive never been now, I should see Sacré Coeur.

Have you been to St. Finn Barre, sir, have you seen St Finn Barre?
No, Ive never been now, I need to see St. Fin Barre.

Have you seen Saint Denis, now, have you seen St. Denis?
No, Ive never been now, I need to see St. Denis.

Chorus: OOOOhh, but most of all, most of all, we must to Little St. Mary's
We must go to Little St. Mary's.

OOOOhhh, have you been to Xram Xrista, have ya seen Xram Xrista?
No, Ive never been to Xram Xrista, I need to see Xram Xrista.

And have you seen Pokrobsky Sobor, you must go to Pokrobsky Sobor
No Ive, never been, I must see Pokrobsky Sobor.

Song #5: "Judgement Day"--taken from the perspective, like Mr. Bloom does, of someone long dead and buried, and looking for all his parts before he moves on .. on J Day.

Song #6: "Davy Burne's (or, What to Eat in an Irish Pub..) or "Plumtree's Potted Meats"

Song #7: "Reading a Book About Myself"

Refrain: Words, words, words/
Buzz. Buzz.

Song #8: "Misses Douce and Kennedy"
Song #9: Father Crowley and Simon Sing a Song"
Song #10: "What Perfume Does Your Wife ?"
Song # 11: "Shakespeare's Wife"
Song # 12: "Gerty Notices"

Gerty at Sandymount/
She's not a babysitter/
in her lovely blue skirt/
As the twins play ball and sandcastle.

Gert smiles her cupid's bow and laughs/
her eyes of witchery
suppress meaning
And she sadly notices..

His deep eyes make her/
Her skirts lift, one leg
to his romantic gesture/
as twilight becomes fireworks-o

They exchange glance
It is daring, sinful, shocking
But the others have left them alone
In their mutual lameness.

June 26: I'm in DC. Doing aging parental duty---pretty rough. Stuff I used to like is now a chore--everyone has become extremely difficult.

We played music on three occasions--Practice with my father-in-law's smaller band--there were six of us. A gig at a pizza pub, which went ok, but super slow for my taste. We have a party Saturday. All sorts of handicaps are symptomatic of this band--partial deafness, nerve damage, arthritis, memory-loss, leg-swellings, chronic slowness, and over-fuss. In hour long sets (our band in Florida usually does 10-11 songs per hour long set) we only got through 5, sometimes six songs. 2 out of 5 songs had major mistakes--not that the audience always seemed to notice. A lot of it was rhythmic. Forget about trying anything even a little tricky or new, even swapping out one instrument's solo for another was a challenge.

This band (I've seen them play almost 20 years?) was once super tight, energetic, so it makes me feel really sad to know they could deteriorate -- old musicians. never die. They just...?

On a plus note, I managed to sing harmony fairly accurately and with feeling on three songs, pretty much on the spot. Glad to know I am capable of that.

July 1: Singing with the bigger band tomorrow, I think..

July 3: Sang with an 9 piece band last night--drums, two guitars, bass, trumpet, two saxes and me--two brass members were missing, BTW. It was tough, cos half of the songs were not in my key. I faked my way through and did okay, I think. For a practice. Everyone was screwing up, anyway, and no-one seemed to have the same music. We had an alto and tenor sax, which was nice--those guys were sorta in their own little autistic world, telling inside nerdy music jokes?--apparently this might be a thing in the music world, by my experience. The drummer is old but very skilled.

But what is sort of interesting, to me, is how intimate you begin to feel playing music with certain people. Gary, the trumpet player, and I, were getting good bond going, listening to each other and working together. Now I feel like I've known him a long time. It's a very strange kind of intimacy--it almost makes you feel like you're violating some secret code.

Afterwards, the band told me they wished I could work with them more often, that I caught onto the songs much quicker and did more with them than any vocalist they'd had in the past. So I guess I'd have some sort of standing gig with them. But, then, I'd work on 'em to change some keys;).

July 4: This came up randomly for me on VK, and I decided it would be a great accompaniment to a fireworks display: Flaming Lips' "Race For the Prize":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs56ygZplQA

July 23: Saw a very talented band last night, Justino and the Difference, at last night's "22" Blueberry Patch show in Gulfport. Been maybe 20 years since I was there. Maybe this will kickstart my lazy music heart. You can see how long its been since I've written anything here about music. More later--gotta go walk.

July 24: I'd heard rumors about the Blueberry Patch for years, never was quite sure where it was, as it moved a lot and didn't really advertise in say, Creative Loafing. Because of the rumors of the place I was always a bit wary--despite what people assume, I'm not that crazy about hanging out with the moon-beam, happy hippie crowd--they kinda turn me off. Plus, I didn't want to get arrested for a contact high. (Now I know there is little danger of this.) But, the first time I actually did go to the BBPATch, it was with my crazy 2nd husband, who got around. It was in the daytime, on a hot summer afternoon. We actually got squired through the place by Dallas Bohrer himself, who hub2 ran into somewhere and struck up the usual off kilter conversation. Dallas then reminded me somewhat of Kris Kristofferson, with his hippie southern drawl--the musician,actor, Rhodes scholar hitch-hiker, writer, Renaissance man of the early 70's..you know, the guy who actually wrote Janis Joplin's best known tune "Me and Bobby Mc Gee" and other country staples like "Help Me Make It Through The Night".

Just because like Kris, Dallas was a bunch of things. Artist, apolitician, traveler, concessionaire, numerologist, salesman, law-breaker, botanist, social organizer, music promoter. Most of all, he got people to do weird things together. The Blueberry Patch then had just been overhauled. Since they were heavy into recycling waste stuff into art--before this was trendy, someone had appropriated a vast number of discarded pallets--hundreds, I imagine, and probably all free. So I guess a bunch of the BBP volunteers put together this series of wooden walkways and labyrinthian outdoor rooms --keeping intact existing trees, etc. and adding more mobile rare plants and other decor. It was pretty unique--each "room"was a little different, and with a mind to performance.

At its newest location in Gulfport, which is a karmic match, the Blueberry Patch's moving feast is celebrated on certain days by number, according to Dallas' scheme: the 1st, 7th, 11th, and 22nd of each month. Not quite once a week. The 22nd is especially reserved for bands the community likes. One band I saw and liked has a good local following at more traditional venues in Tampa and St. Pete: their name is Cope. I saw them once at the old Ringside Cafe before it was torn down for the new Trader Joe's.

Lesse--what does the Patch look like? First you walk through a gate full of odd signs and painting. Not actually graffiti--it's more Haight-Ashbury style. --there is tons of antique signage--prominent is an old Standard, or American Oil, lit-up sign from an old Highway gas station--huge and beacon-like. It even has the torch, which reminds me of my grandfather, who worked at the old refinery in Wood River, IL. He told us--if you ever see the flame out on the torch --a real flame probably 20 feet high--call the authorities, something's wrong. There's a cafe that you're not sure sells anything cos no one's manning the booth. But someone is cooking something on an oil drum barbecue behind it? People are sitting at tables making things from beads, leather, paper...ecc.

Wait, here it is:

There are large old oak trees sporting colorful crocheted stockings on their old- ladylike? trunks. There was a tent that made me want to start humming "Midnight at the Oasis"--mostly because it contained a life-size paper mache (I think) camel. Gigantic 50's style Christmas Ornaments that must've once been in Macy's or some high end department store. There is, near the entrance, a metal, rust sign that says "Free Air" which probably once had something to do with a car wash, but now had a different bohemian vibe. An old 3-D sign that was recognizable as one that probably hung outside a 70's era "Gap" ---anyone remember that old jingle?-"Fall--into--the --Gap.' No?
Well anyway, the BBPer's scrambled the white on red letters so they said "ELVIS" instead of "LEVIS". Under a head of something that looked like a cross between Santa and Elvis. Nice...

If you suddenly feel compelled to look up, you will find all sorts of weird shit hanging out of the trees, and not just mannequins and christmas lights. I looked up and saw this elaborate project; the skeleton of it was an old patio umbrella, the metal frame stripped of its canvas and hung high in an old oak tree--then dripping with some sort of layers of metallic beads--a little like what you might see from a beaded curtain between rooms in a beatnik saloon, only, possibly? made of hundreds or thousands of leaded fishing weights; among these were random shiny things with arms that looked like either stars or metal octopi, but on closer examination one could see they probably began life as aluminum or metal cans. Throughout the property were various painted or beaded or tiled or concreted art projects. There was even a live project going on next to the stage, plus a laser art display, more like what you'd probably see for sale at today's music fests like Coachella or Bonnaroo or Lallapollooza. Not--me..just seen pictures, youtube.

Gratefully, the entire property was also fitted with industrial size fans--really for a humid summer night it wasn't so awful to be there because of this, even with a crowd of 1-200? There were also nice benches in front of the stage made from hewed trunks of trees, and lots of well-labeled recycling bins for trash. I have to say, everyone there was quite respectful of the property, and not given to any orgastic excesses of substance abuse or unsociable behavior of any kind. In fact, there were young kids present, and, I wouldn't have been concerned about bringing mine, back in the day, (if I hadn't had my judgmental exHub1 breathing on me..)

But last night's band, Justino and the Difference, were like no local band I have seen in this area. They consist of a drummer who is capable of all sorts of strange funk and jazz rhythms , not just Rock 'n' roll. A similarly versatile bass player. And the two key members--the keyboard/organist with a 70's flair plus classical and jazz. And Justino. He doesn't look like much--if no one told you, you'd probably take him for a heavy death metal nerd. He has long spirally hair, big black framed nerd glasses, a round childish face to match his body. But, the boy can sing, and play guitar--he can sound like the guy from Jamiroquai (in other words, Stevie Wonder), Prince, Greg Lake, all of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and any number of other amazing funk and prog rock acts.

Besides some pretty clever and thumping originals, here's a short list of some of the kind of thing they did (if I can get my memory working properly): A Stevie Wonder instrumental "Contusion", and a song called "Blackest Eyes" from a band called Porcupine Trees that I'm now gonna investigate--Funky Heavy metal plus; a jazz version of Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" (no I'm not kidding--this was probably the best thing all night!) , A really groovy take on well-known Nirvana song that was mashed into a medley, I think with one of their originals or maybe not? Anyway, a song I didn't recognize; Emerson, Lake and Palmer's "Hoedown", which is actually a keyboard heavy cover of the Aaron Copland classical piece "Rodeo", and! to the crowd's delight, various breaks into the theme for Sanford and Son!! note- for- note perfect, minus the little harmonica riff. (Bet they can easily find someone to fill that next time--my FIL would love to.)

Anyway, great sense of humor, great choices, great skills, perfectionist professionalism--they seemed like students trained by one of those award winning public school bands--hardly any gaps between songs-tight,tight, tight!!! A real pleasure to watch--their first set was like 90 minutes non-stop long!!

They are playing some street fest with multi-bands at the end of the month, and I would love to see them again. Also Justino plays Ruby Elixir's every Sunday (where we once played an open mic--but I bow to the greater, greater talent!) Gotta go see that, too.

August 3: New song!!!!!

"Tinging Its Way Up the Tube" ---yes, let's make it with an Ian Dury flair! And maybe that percussion weird tinging from Men At Work's "Land Down Under"--Cheers, Ricky Gervais and your crazy laugh. Plus dummy Karl Pilkington...

Ting, ping, bap, puh ding, din....

Da, don' buy me more Tics
Got no more room for Tacs
I've 2000 boxes in my room
Racks and racks and racks-

I've put them in the kitty's litter
It smells a bit of peppermint glitter
Cat pushes them around
and then the end up on the ground

Get out the Hoover!!
Bring on the Hoover!!

Ting, ping, bap, puh ding, din....
Ting, ping, bap, puh ding, din....

Listen to the lovely ting!
Ting ting wing wing
Tinging it's way up the Tube--
Tinging it's way up the Tube--

Aug 8: Two weeks of band practice in a row. Plus, for the first time we made videos--10 videos, on my I phone. So now I've got 10 videos to obsess over where my voice goes off, stupid faces I make while singing, what angle I look fattest from....) I even went so far as to take the video on my phone, hold it up to my mirror, to prove to myself I am NOT that fat in person..thank you! Not to mention, I am the shortest little fucker on the planet. goddam. My hair looked nice). I suppose I gotta remember I look good for 50 but not 20. )))))

The rest of our band has no expression at all.

So I liked: "Black Coffee". "Brand New Cadillac". " Steady As She Goes"- -esp music, not vocals, even though we screwed up the solo. " Ticket To Ride" . "Ipanema"--but I shoulda done more plain Astrud style. I actually do sing better on the jazz stuff than the Rock stuff. Dammit tall.

Ok :/ Down By The Water I sang weird somehow--too growly, in places. All day long, too growly. It's a crutch for when my voice feels weak. I got to watch over emoting. "Daytripper-ok." "Hold Your Head Up" but we haven't played it in months--I called it cos I know Ken likes to play it.

Disliked, surprisingly: Danny's All-Star Joint--ugh, oversinging. "Train" was so-so. I always thought these were two of our best...maybe I'm in a critical mood.

"Sunny Afternoon" was so bad I delete it.

I still like it better when I play guitar...hides my stomach more. Mostly I think anyone listening to my voice for this long would just get sick of it; I'm sick of me definitely. Wish I had someone to sing with.

Funny that Bruce had to play my old punk bass for these last two practices because his isn't working. Funny, funny. It really did okay!

Our band is boring. Sssskkkyyyychnnnneeeeeee.

August 13: Worst music slump I've been in in several years, and the longest. Can't get seriously interested in any song to work on--fooling around a bit with Duke Ellington's "Mood Indigo", which is one of my favorite jazz songs--but kinda weird for guitar--I used to play it on piano, and Radiohead's "Knives Out" which also matches "Paranoid Android' in chord patterns. This to add to my "Karma Police" which I have more or less perfected for just acoustic play--be better with a full band, but..

I've just plain given up on getting the band to try new stuff, which is probably bad timing, since Ken has decided to work of his blues/rock guitaring..not that he's' picked any songs to work on for band, or, god forbid--Write one!!

This morning I listened to some silly little videos I posted of me playing--wow, I used to be much less accurate in string sounding. Ah, well, who cares. Those were usually early attempts at new songs I was hot to learn or write, so they were a little buggy, anyway. Wish I felt as creative as I did then. I can barely find a song I even want to listen to...(

My main creative outlet lately has been writing short stories instead. Not on here.

Aug 14: We like the magic stomp box so much we bought a second one--which is in shinier, newer shape and has the CD the other is missing. Ken's reading up on it--something to do with bending and sustain? That sounds promising.

I saw the David Foster Wallace movie last night (commented on it on my "Dragging the Statue oL" post). I went all by myself, as usual, cos no one else was interested--story of my time on earth--no one interested in what I'm interested in. The soundtrack should have been much better, and I was anticipating it being better--it started with a Brian Eno instrumental (I think that's what it was, I'll double check for posterity). By the end, though it was all heavy-handed with Tom Waits stuff, you know, Tom Waits, the go to singer songwriter -storyteller for literary types. I'm just kind of sick of that obviousness. I'm surprised they didn't throw in a whole mess o' Leonard Cohen as well.

Because, well, the story is about a Rolling Stone writer interviewing the most famous representative writer of the rock 'n' roll generation (mine). The soundtrack should've been more diverse, although they did occasionally namecheck, oh, let's see Keith Richards, and, oh, Alanis Morissette played a big off-camera part as a potential DFW fantasy girl. (Funny, he gets the name of her song wrong, which RS guy corrects). Ordinary guy cred. Hmm. This sounds like a job for--Tracy What Songs Would YOU have Used in the Soundtrack!!!??? Get back to you after I finish something else.

Ok.. so.

Soundtrack for DFW.

Here's what they used--freakin' Danny Elfman.

01. Intro – Danny Elfman

02. Talk to Jan – Danny Elfman

03. Sunlight Bathed the Golden Glow - Felt

04. Perfect Circle - R.E.M.

05. Room of Books – Danny Elfman

06. Minneapolis – Danny Elfman

07. Reprise 1 – Danny Elfman

08. They Don't Know - Tracey Ullman

09. Our Lips Are Sealed – Fun Boy Three

10. Going Sour – Danny Elfman

11. The Tour’s Over – Danny Elfman

12. Mall Of America – Danny Elfman

13. Walking the Dog – Danny Elfman

14. Invasion – Danny Elfman

15. The Shoe – Danny Elfman

16. The Big Ship - Brian Eno

17. Here – Tindersticks

18. Reprise 2 – Danny Elfman

I keep the Brian Eno. "The Big Ship." That's it. Lose all Elfman.

Supposedly there's some R.E.M. in there, but I swear to god, I don't remember a single REM song, and I'm a decent fan. I even saw them live in the late 80's when they weren't so punk any more. Michael Stipe also did his time in Illinois, which is why I'm down with some R.E.M.

Turns out--this makes total sense to me, given his Illinois roots and age. He liked R.E.M. a lot, and Nirvana. So I'd add stuff from that album Green, and "Marigold" plus probably at least one more Nirvana. Pink Floyd. The older stranger stuff. "Saucer Full of Secrets", maybe.

During the Alanis Morrissette section of the interview: Julee Cruise's "Mysteries of Love"

August 24: Yay--new band teacher is youngish, with long hair-looks kinda Hispanic, Southern Italian? But is he cool? Creative? Willing to help with my projects? Boo-- TF swooping in on him right away. ... I need to maintain some distance from that. Hopefully Luke will help set the record straight with him.

August 25: Talked to the band teacher. Not surprising, he's not too well versed at military style marching band. He says he has experience teaching kids guitar--weird. All these years, never had that in a band teacher. He says he knows nothing about drama, so guess no toes to step on there! I saw him playing on youtube with a girl with an interesting voice. At one point they were doing a somewhat fingerpicking version of Bob Dylan's "I Shall Be Released." But, that's a song I learned when I was a kid--super easy 3 chords. A-Bm- C#m and back down again. Or, E-F#m-B#m.

I have this sinking feeling, based on the videos, that he's not very experienced. The songs had nice warmth and emotion, but lacked tight rhythm. He asked me what songs we worked on in guitar club, and I said anything the kids wanna try. He said he usually taught "3 Birds"--Marley (see what I mean?). Told him my go-to beginners' songs--"Venus", Iggy Pop-"Passenger", CCR, "Brown-Eyed Girl" "Tangerine","Teen Spirit " and SOTW, Ac/Dc for headbangers... I think he's just one of those nice little nuevo-hippie boys. We'll see. Could be interesting. Be cool if he has a nice singing voice.

September 7, 2015: Ok, school's breaking up my musical ennui a little. Lately I've learned Procol Harum's "Whiter Shade of Pale", finally finished learning the last parts of LZ's "10 Year's Gone"--cool song to play--, and relearned, after forgetting it, that Argent: "Hold Your Head Up" song, so that I can play it for band. Owen should be coming back soon, so I have some youtube channel that has some lessons for that percussion-y kind of guitar playing he likes--I have a hard time getting that. Luke for some reason has a new obsession with, of all things, John Denver--"Rocky Mountain High". That's a song I used to know how to play when I was a teenager, so it can't be that hard--sorta that semi-finger picking country style.

I already have 7 for guitar club-1st day. X is kinda pissing me off cos he offered to help too, since he's trying to get out of track, but then he made up a whole list of rules that implied guitar club was more for teaching beginners--I said, nuh-uh, that gets rid of a lot of my regulars. We decided to compromise by making his room a secondary venue for beginners--hope he doesn't mess up my fun vibe.....he just doesn't like the noisy kids. I'm afraid he's going to chase some off by being too formal. Jack W is all into making a real band this year for any talent show we might have--totally cool by me! Also have at least two international kids who are interested in making their own electronic music--I told them to join guitar club too. We'll see what happens.

Ken's lessons are paying off--his tone is much improved, and even better, he's losing all those extraneous notes he loves to fill in his leads--apparently his teacher gets on him about that as much as I do. Or more, but of course he listens to him...I'm trying to pick up some spare tips vicariously, since it's probably not going to work out for me to do lessons.

Sept 13: Guitar Club 7.o (I think) I think my first one was 2009 or 10, but those are pretty sketchy years--This year? Honestly, I don't even want to talk about the betrayal, and not from kids, of course--I WILL not let it happen, you'll see. 9 kids signed up, already working on talent show ideas with possibly several bands, eh, how's that for progress?

I have had two weeks of mental hell since school started, compounded by several friends going off the deep end so that my own nervous system is in pretty rough shape. I started out blaming myself for causing some of it, but about two hours ago I discovered something that seemed to prove--no it's not me, and none of this has a logic I can see...so I'm cutting myself a bigger, guilt fee break than I was. Continuing my old methodology that worked so well (though long patience) for my relationship with my daughter: be still, silent, and myself: eventually it will become clear, my worth, integrity, despite everyone jumping to ridiculous conclusions.

Still, my bad mood persisted, enough that I stayed in my pajamas, all day, in bed, and finally even my s.a hub came up to the bedroom to say, are you all right, are you sick? He sorta knew the majority of what I was upset about because I told him, and for once his face seemed semi-sympathetic, even if he didn't say much. I've been working all day through my mental pain; tried a number of distractions--sleep (didn't really work, auto--, reading Dostoyevsky--only got through 5 pages, although he seemed in similar mood, eliciting understanding from a friend--most helpful it turned out, due to a similar happenstance, writing to my English Writer buddies about Zerkalo--eh, meh. Eating the steak hub cooked me--kinda helped? but why, I dunno--food is rarely my go to drug.

Late evening--finally something clicked. I see on Netflix streaming!! Oh brilliant! The Last Waltz!!
I actually saw it in theaters 1978, when I was at QU, when it originally showed--was mesmerized and high for days on it. Then, it was re-run at midnight movies, then on MTv, then VH-1--so I've probably seen it like 6 times. Since then, Robbie did a solo act. Levon Helm was brilliant in Coal Miner's Daughter, became famous for the spontaneous rambles in his barn/studio/venue that I am sooooo hot to  replicate some day when i retire!! Has a daughter who did a tribute album..

But now it's probably been ten years since I saw the movie. I think Levon Helm just died, right? Watching it, I can't believe how young they all were then, and already thinking of hanging it up and retiring--Garth Hudson is the only one with even a touch of any grey in his hair! The other odd thing is how trashy and ghetto-y San Fran looks in '78--wow. Not like that now--too bad--leaves a little elbow room for the poor creative types. (i'm presently looking for airline tickets for Thxgvg). How did I never notice how arrogant RR is? How did they all ever survive Dylan?

Watching them now, I realize none of them were particularly great musicians, (exception may be the organ player and drummer) , at least skill wise. They all have odd voices, like Dylan. Robbie's not much better than me at guitar-- not terribly clear or innovative. But there's something about their group spirit, and they wrote some great songs, great lyrics. Great spontaneous collaboration--i wanna get good at that!! "THE WEIGHT?" That song will go down in history. It sounds like it was written 200 years ago, during the Civil War, or something. I will fix your rags? What the hell does that mean? )) "Ophelia" is another great one and "The Night They Drove Ol' Dixie Down"... Virgil Kane is my name---When you look at all their expensive instruments, you know their folksy persona is sorta a joke, but still. It worked. They managed to really get some sort of handle on a true America--better than these silly hipster American bands do now. Goddamm it worked so well, I wonder if a hundred years from now people might think these songs were actually written during the Civil War.
I love the part where Levon talks about them naively booking a room on 42nd Street in NYC, Times Square, back in those squalid days. Funny.

September 17: Update: I had it out with X, told him not to make me a party to his self-promoting BS--we haven't spoken since and today is the first guitar club since that blow up, so we'll see how it goes. He threatened to "split guitar club in half" to which I just said, no. Talent Show is kinda slogging along: Luke's considering some old Arlo Guthrie moon song I never heard of, Nynn volunteered to help rather than play, Jack and Peng are working on a song that features two guitars, called, I think, "Dreamscape": it's one with a pretty, music school-style "jazz-rock" melody and some fairly easy power chords with distortion to liven it up. I talked Emy into drumming for them. I've got my old hip-hop dancer, Alex, and the girls might sing. Myles wants to do stand-up, but that will need to be vetted.

On a positive note, the new band teacher is pretty cool, and mentioned he would like to come up to the guitar club (I had to stop myself from typing my guitar club) and see what we do, hang out, maybe play with us a little. That's great--that's what I've always wanted in a music teacher for my guys...even if marching band isn't his thing. He seems like he's taking a mellow perspective on school: hope they don't kill him.

September 21: Guitar Club went okay--I silently sent over the new kids to X and worked with Peng and Jack on Talent Show stuff--really, they just did it themselves--
This weekend I taught, or retaught, with a little more rhythm and depth than I once had, myself some Band songs, "The Weight" which is just one of those songs every guitarist should know how to play, IMHO, and "The Night They Drove Ol' Dixie Down". Ken's been treating me pretty badly during band practice--getting sick of his control freak. Even though I learned to play the guitar parts of songs, he doesn't want me to.

I initially was hot to learn this bluesy rock thing Leo sent me, but it's pretty obscure and has a strange rhythm pattern I can't find anywhere. It's by Willy de Ville, who was the lead of the old Mink De Ville band that used to play CBGB's. It's a pretty cool sounding song, ironically called"It's so Easy", which I think is kind of a taunt, because it's not really? The taunt comes from a sort of simple bass driven rhythm-- mostly only two notes, hammered on? I can't get it for some reason. It's vaguely like ZZ Top's "La Grange", which I can do, but still can't get this.

So...just sort of randomly clicked on a youtube video--Best of:Siouxsie and the Banshees . Wow. Bad music spell busted.

Now I've listened to most of these songs separately in the past , but it's a whole n'other experience to hear all the great ones piled on top of each other. So it has been a grand night to remind myself what a music lover I can be on a good night, just getting lost in the ambience. Sometimes those Best of albums can defy the odds. The only great one missing that I know is "Like A Swan". But the ones that send me into the dream world I love are "Cities in Dust" and "Face to Face". "Cities in Dust" is about the unlikely topic, for a rock song, of Pompeii, after the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius. Those weird preservations of death, right in the moment--saved for posterity. That just happens to be a topic I've been fascinated with since I was, like, 9, and read a story about it in Reader's Digest--both horrified and fascinated, that something like that could happen. SS seems to have felt that too, judging by the intensity of her song.

I see some similarities between Siouxsie and Zemfira and maybe Bjork--they all have beautiful voices and dare to do weird things with them. The production on Siouxsie is better than most of the stuff from those punk days--reminds me also of the inventiveness of Depeche Mode. I'm just wondering how those songs were put together. The song writing. Unfortunately, there's not much guitar for me to learn, maybe just for punctuation. I would love to cover these some day, with the right people.

September 22: I thought I was done with this last night, got bored half-way through the 2nd time, but I'm back again tonight, this time with the lights further down. In the right mood, it's magic, when you have the means to let it just wash, with no other distractions.

September 23: YES! 6 months later, my Dylan/Biltmore article is finally going to be published!! The publisher was having all sorts of issues getting the actual newspaper up and running. I'll post the link here when it's finally live.

Here it is, but there's only one story on it right now, and Panutos' pic with an Ybor cigar--I'm sure that's to support the local enterprise;)

http://epiphanytampabay.org/?page_id=5

2:45 pm: Yes!! YES!! Even better! My Chinese rebel with 10 Million personal causes is finally back! Owen! OWEN! OWEN! OWEN! He just came to see me, straight from 5 hour's interrogation by Homeland Security.... Maybe this year will get better now. (Later--he's already being a pain.)

Ok, line it all up. Coming soon: Article published. Oct. 2 Sam Ash trip/Duty. Oct. 6 Talent Show. Oct. 9 -St. Augustine trip. Oct. 24--Band Gig. Nov. 6 --Public Image Limited concert at State Theatre. Nov. 20--Trip to San Fran/Berkeley. Gonna be a busy two months.......

September 24: Guitar Club, full. There are now 13 members. I have no idea if any went over to see X today: I'll ask the kids tomorrow.

I had Peng and Jack, practicing their TShow song. Shang who I brought my bass for--he wants to learn, and he really stuck with it for two hours: I was impressed. He plays clarinet, too. I wasn't entirely sure what to teach him, since I'm no bass expert, but showed him how to tune, which fingers to put where, gave him blues guitar scales to practice, which I figured had some bass application as well, which he worked on for a long time. How to hammer-on. Showed him the "Smoke on the Water" intro. A little James Bond twiddling. Watched a couple videos for right hand techniques. I bet he'll pick it up fast, wants me to take him to buy his own bass.

Oscar came and hung out, messed around with various things and sang. By the way, their little band is complete: drums, two guitars, piano, vocal, plus they want Shang to learn the bass part if he can, but it's not integral to the song, really.

Nynn came and randomly started 10 different songs, the best of which was Norman Greenbaum's (such a NOT rock 'n' roll name)"Spirit in the Sky" which I had no idea was so easy if you have the right fuzz effect. But we were missing all that weird outer space echo. I'll have to try it at home on my Tele and Magicstomp.

Koko came by to practice the Beijing duet with me--glad we're getting a second chance to do it. I have to sing in Chinese which I'm really bad at, but since the notes are so high you can hardly hear what I'm singing anyway.

And I feel really bad that this girl Johnelle came for a first lesson, and I didn't get a chance to get her started before she got discouraged and left. It was just bad timing what with all these other guys I have to work with for the show in two weeks. I'll have to hunt her down and apologize.

A little fun and pleasure in life.

Owen and Luke didn't show. I'm beginning to worry about Owen; he is showing signs of not connecting too well to reality. He just wandered in here from Christopher's class, looking for a I-6 charger. I doubt that's an accident on moy tavarish's part--he's getting rid of him the way we used to all plot against the annoying ones by sending them round to every other teacher for "the Board Stretcher", which of course doesn't exist, but maybe Hercher's got it????

September 30: I've had kids come in to do guitar club every day this week, as many as six on Monday and Tuesday, today four. I think Peng and I together have figured out the lightning fast solo he wants to do in the talent show, as part of the band piece. We were having difficulty because the only music we had dropped every string a half step, meaning we have to keep transposing notes because they didn't want to do it that way. I was trying to figure it out by ear since my music note reading skills are rather limited, especially with those weird Asian websites--in Chinese, no less. Finally, I had two breakthroughs, one today , one yesterday. Yesterday I figured out he was using a major scale for the solo, and taught Peng that quickly.

Today was better, though, cos we couldn't figure out why it sounded like so many notes if it was just scale--it didn't help that the solo was weirdly in the background, hard to hear, with organ and other guitar louder.--Stupid game music, which is what it is. Anyway, I suddenly had an epiphany--he was playing the scale, but only in threes, then dropping back to the second note, going forward 3, back one, forward three-all the way through. It's like a music school exercise. In can't do it fast, but I hope Peng can, decently by Tuesday.

Oct 1: Still getting new kids in guitar club. Crazy. Starting to wish I could read Chinese. But! Through a bunch of weird gyrations, I was actually able to play a Chinese song, once we found a Western chord chart, and I could play along with the recording, to get the rhythm.

October 3:

On my weekend duty, took 6 kids to Sam Ash. Bought--2 packs of cheap electric strings, 3 of acoustic strings, one snark tuner, two bags of ordinary neon green Dunlop picks for Guitar Club, a capo, two $200 Yamaha guitars, one stunning $3oo limited edition red acoustic Epiphone (on sale for $200) , one beauty of red S.U.B. series (by Sterling) bass, one red locking strap, sheet music, 4 gig bags.

Oct 6: Wiped. Talent show went much better than expected. I was afraid I wouldn't have enough acts, but three different kids got up spontaneously to perform, which made for a rather weird, but kinda cool night. My boys who practiced every day the last two weeks won 1st and 3rd place, for different performances. Owen, one of the "jump in at the last second" played really well and won 2nd. Some weird kid I hardly know got up and did impressions and sang "Mack the Knife." I was pretty happy with the entertainment value of the whole night, even if we didn't get to perform this time under a haunted moon.

Oct 7: Monday--8 kids show up for guitar club--we takeover the band room, until 5pm. Tuesday--Talent show day--we rehearse in the band room from 2:30 to 4, then move to the Chapel at 5--practice till showtime, then do the show, which lasts until 8:30. That's a lotta damned music in my day--no wonder I'm tired. Thinking I can catch a break after the show's finished. Нет
Wednesday: Five fuckin' kids show up for off-day guitar club!!! Wha??? It's mostly the new guys who just spent hundreds of dollars on guitars, so who am I to turn them away? I not only that, in the last few days, while I've been working on the show, I unlocked my room for them, so they could work on their own, so they were itching to ask me all sorts of things. Here's a cool thing--some chinese song they love, the first song they want to play--exactly has the same chord pattern as "The Cranberries' "Zombie"--so I congratulate them on their taste, and have an easier time helping them with their weird Chinese music..

Oct 8: Four, of mostly the same kids, today. Frankie's starting to get the feel of that Chinese Zombie song, and those acoustic Yamaha guitars we bought really have a nice sound, for the money. I spent more than 45 minutes trying to figure out what Jack's electric is, (he didn't bring it, and can't remember the brand)--I'm trying to figure out what he should be able to get for a trade, cos that damned thing sounds rank. He's a much better player than that guitar makes him sound: the high E has some sort of tuning issue, and his guitar has one of those stupid locking nuts--what a pain--I hate how that guitar sounds, and his cheesy amp doesn't help--although it sounds decent with his acoustic. He definitely deserves a better electric guitar.

Oct 12: Cleaning out my VK music garage. I have too much in there--so much I hardly listen to, repeats, things that were a whim. So hard to get to the ones I put on there long ago (general favorites) that now are difficult to be reminded of. I have like 2700+ files!! Also making some folders for like things.

So I've been listening to this folder I sort of impetuously made: the theme is Reading Music. Which really, I have a hard time putting my two favorite activities together. I thought it would turn out really messed up, but I really like it a lot--been listening to it for over an hour and a half. At first I thought I'd only pick kinda mellow instrumentals, but I thought that might get kinda boring. It is mainly instrumental, but if a song had words or singing, it had to be somewhat nonsensical, super-repetitive, or at least not something you'd be drawn to listen to the words so it would distract from reading. Well, I just read three pages of fairly difficult Russian ( a lot of new words in this new section, for some reason!) So it worked. Some of the choices are really quirky and silly. From obscure jazz to Klaus Nomi to pretty guitar to electonika. Some weird covers.

I love to do dumb things like this which will mean nothing to anyone except myself--just a little piece of art, from my hollow heart. I guess the unifying theme is something that sort of drones..with or without words. I think my favorite choice in the whole file is "BBC", from the film ACCA..it's really drony AND quirky..it goes "Vaah Vaah Ess" about a million cool times. Also, I just love listening to the Russian in it for some ridiculous reason. It is followed by this song I posted long ago and forgot about in 2700+ song drownings--called "Fangela" , no need to figure out the words..just a good sonic counterpoint to Vaah vaah ess..or it was last night, anyway. The band, BTW, is called Here We Go Magic. I missed my calling as a late night weird DJ, like Madame Psychosis. Next comes Ry Cooder...

October 14 : BJÖRK.

"Possibly Maybe"

your flirt finds me out
teases the crack in me
smittens me with hope

possibly maybe probably love

as much as i definitely enjoy solitude
i wouldn't mind perhaps
spending little time with you
sometimes
sometimes

possibly maybe probably love

uncertainty excites me
baby
who knows what's going to happen?
lottery or car crash
or you'll join a cult

possibly maybe probably love

mon petit vulcan
you're eruptions and disasters
i keep calm
admiring your lava
i keep calm

possibly maybe probably love

October 19: Gig this weekend: McNally's. Hope we get some good recordings. We recorded practice this weekend, (K's new I phone) and even I thought they turned out pretty good. I toned down my singing and didn't smile during "Brand New Cadillac". Less guitar mistakes. I just gotta watch singing more directly into the mike when I play guitar--need to remember to reposition the mike. Kowako played the Bends last weekend, and I missed it!

October 21: Some of my kids are interested in doing a play version of Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride. So I watched it for the first time--it's okay. I like Tim Burton, but I like other things he's done better, even though this won awards--WTF? Maybe that's the point, like it's TB watered down for Broadway potential. I can kinda see the show in my mind, but am I excited enough to do it? I'll have to write it. My thought is to cut the 1 hour 17 min movie to like 30 minutes. Can it be done?? The songs are all meh...although there's a pretty piano duet and a jazzy sort of Tom Waits-like N'Awlins thing that is sorta cool. It's all Danny Elfman, BTW, who is sorta predictable to me. I found all the sheet music online, and a bonus is the Chinese kids could probably play it and would probably like it. Maybe I need to make The Great Compromise...(( I have this horrible vision that I will make this in a sort of half-hearted way--and everyone will love it. I know where this leads. But it's something creative? Нет SAT?

October 24, 2015: Our best gig yet, and on our home turf, McNally's! Our last McNally's gig was so-so, but this one kicked, I gotta admit! The beginning dragged a little, with Ken's "nice" songs, but Bruce Wisely called for a change-up, and that got everyone going--we got applause --enthusiastic! applause ! after almost every song. We also had requests to repeat two songs (we did one). I saw McNally's regulars who usually leave after dinner, stay. We actually played through the second set to the third without stopping because it was on! Again, complete strangers came up to tell me what a good voice I have, what a great singer, etc.

It's one thing to have people you know say it, but some little cute hipster girl who was sitting in the second room with 7-8 young guys made a point to come tell me how good our band was, and especially how great my voice was. When she came up, I was just putting on my guitar, and she said, Oh, I couldn't see you in the other room, you play guitar too? And sing like that? That's amazing. Well, that of course, was very nice to hear. Carol told me she especially liked me swirling my beer bottle around while I was singing, which I thought was a funny thing for her to say... Oh, yeah, we successfully did both "Sunny" and Blondie's "Call Me" without fucking them up. And! "Brand New Cadillac" went over really really well.An old student from 1999 came with her hub.
Dick bought me a shot of vodka afterwards, Здоровье!

October 25, gig post-mortem: McNally, without our asking, paid us for the gig!! Always like to say, paid-by-the -venue musician, not that it means that much.   A friend posted FB pics, unfortunately not while playing. (And wisely some pics never went public--uck, uck, sideways in green-blue Frankenstein light! ) The only person who didn't complement me was my spouse--perhaps because of his new weird polyester suit he bought from some downtown old mens' shop. He spent the night directing a lot of attention to it. You know, I used to find his eccentricities amusing, but now they just seem sad. If he was his old self, it woulda been different. Dick apparently went out afterwards to FUBAR, and although he didn't invite me, I understand--he just texted me about it in the middle of the night. Or the morning, I guess. Some crazy punk kids hanging themselves from spiderwebs and such--and here i stayed awake till 1am watching some 70's movie. PIL soon

November 4: Learned an Ed Sheehan song "Thinking Out Loud", I think it's called--I don't know the words, and his songs are less than memorable for me---some nice basic rhythms, I suppose. It's to teach Owen, he likes it and wants to learn it--he's being funny about learning new music and coming to guitar club, even though he's no longer in sports. Rough year for him, I imagine. But before school, during class, he's always begging me to let him play. Might have to ease him back in.

But for myself, I'm working on a song with a trickier rhythm that uses more complicated chords. Russian of course, by an old band called Чиж и Со .. that maybe a sort of English-based transliteration joke, I think--since it makes more sense in English as Cheese and Company. They have a lot of singer, songwriter, acoustic based kind of tunes. The one I like, and am working on, is "Еду , Еду...." It has a refrain with a nice rhythm that goes "Еду еду еду еду я ... " : fun to sing. Sounds like; yedoo yedoo yedoo yedoo ya...... In English that translates to " I Drive I Drive I drive I drive I"---which of course doesn't sound so great. Actually it's funny that google translate will say it's "Food, food, food, food I" ...but I figured it out as Drive because it make sense with the rest of the song, which i kind of a driving around road song--going through different parts of a country. Pretty, and nice song--tricky beat--not a typical rock beat. The drums in it are really weird to follow.

The silly "food, food, food ' lyric reminds me of this equally ridiculous story my Italian grandma used to tell me over and over about my just -learning- to- talk, baby-self: supposedly when they took me to Catholic mass, and Everyone was going to communion, and I was less than two and too young : hadn't yet made my First Communion, I would get all restless in the pews waiting and try to go up, telling my gma, "ME food! Me food!" , and point at my mouth. Somehow I figured out what they were doing up there....at least part of it .

I also later remember really tiny kids demanding from their mothers to open their mouths when they got back from the altar to "show" what was in there. Funny memory.

November 6-7: I'm quite wiped out, but I gotta tell about my evening. I had heard that Public Image Limited was incredible live--well, it's true. They get this hypnotizing drone thing going--play the shit out of the metronomic drums, crank up the reverb on the vocals--and ol' Johnny, he's just a clockwork showman. What a tight band, and band leader. Wearing a pantomime prison outfit. What a character. He actually sussed out some love for us ol' worn out punks, even though he tried to call us Tourists at the beginning, and told us to fuck off. Good old Johnny Rotten. Even if the stole riffs from Lucifer Sam and classical music. So glad I saw this.

We ended up with an extra ticket that we tried to give away--I texted everyone I knew with cool music taste: Adam, Luke, Bruce, for example--but it was too short notice. We finally gave it to some old Oi guy with crazy long white hair and shaved sides--true blue punk to the end!, a skirt and Big Ol' Doc Martins--the old hobnail type. Then somehow the ticket ended up at the gate : cheers all around.

Afterwards I ran into Justino, from the Difference, and told him I loved his band at BBPatch. We also talked about our mutually favorite student.

Nov 9: This Friday, gonna see Blue Oyster Cult. On a concert roll...Ken's even going. AND..

Here is why I like myself. And why I don't like being under anyone else's control. So, took Joe back to school last night, told him I'd take him out to dinner. First, we were going to go to this place in Seminole Heights = Ella's Folk Art Cafe, which turns out to be super trendy, and so it's packed at 4 pm on a Sunday. We are told it's a 25 minute wait for a table. Joe is making faces--it's not the wait --it's the vibe. Joe smirks at me: fat old ladies -with- tattoos- hipster place Ok, I get his point. So, we go into plan B action, looking for some Korean Chop Shop Joe googled, sounds promising, but we can't find it.

Then I get a brainstorm. Skipper's. We should go to Skipper's Smokehouse--it's somewhere near USF. I'd never been there to just eat, wasn't sure if their food was good? I'd been there for shows really, and ate whatever was around that night--weird Chili cook-offs and nosh bar stuff with beer?

So we go and it's the first time I've ever been there that it wasn't crowded. I've always found the wait staff there a tad uppity, like with a jaundiced eye to the WMNF crowd. But when it's usually really crowded, I imagine it's stressful for the staff--so they get testy. I suppose that's better than the pie-eyed moonbeam hippie happiness one might expect.

Well, the food was amazing. We got tons like we were some restaurant critics checking the goods. We got good wings, burgers, beans and rice, calamari, veggies, fish spread, some weird slippery sea thing that was good--it all was good. Some of it they gave us free, cos they made too much, and hey, why not give it out! Around 5 a band started playing on the big stage--you were supposed to pay their cover to listen, but you could hear them quite well in the un-airconditioned dining room. The Mighty Mongo and the Bank Robbers, something like that. They were pretty interesting, actually, playing originals, an odd but poppy vocalist, some electronica. Not the typical MNF singer/songwriter/Acoustic dude with sappy lyrics. --Too bad we had to go. I shoulda come back, but KPR, again...((( I was worried the place was too hippie for Joe--he didn't remember us taking him and K there as a toddler for Trout Fishing In America--but he seemed to think it was pretty cool.
And so cheep--$30 bucks including alcohol. This wouldn't have happened if YKW was around...

I think Joe and I have a new tradition for St. Leo transportation days.

November 19: When I come back, I need to change strings on all the classroom acoustics--they are so rusty and stiff. That and get ready for the new-coming play. Dammit. The only thing the goofy kids are interested in is a musical, so it's starting to feel like My Fair Lady will be the thing. DAMN it. Victorian costumes. Elaborate sets--at least three. Teaching at least two Brit accents--9 actors minimum. Rewriting, or piecing together parts. Singing. Teaching singing to stiffs. At least I kinda know the songs, more or less.

I'm on the recruit. Can't I just put it on in my mind the way I want?

Nov 30: Music...muse...music...muse..music muse music.. Is there anyone who cares about me the way I care about music? Muse?

Dec 3: A hot sweaty December is fucked. What am I doing here? Oh, I know, being a good parent. El Nino. pssssttch. I am swallowing every single feeling I wish I could express freely. It's ruining my music instincts. At least I got to have a week away. I am also trying to avoid being stabbed by people who might thrash around in their sleep in submerged anger. Grand Marnier....moya lubovnitza........but you know what? There is a light, and it never goes out...right. This is not my house. Anywhere, I don't care.

Dec 5: We just got another gig next week. Is it terrible for me to tell this truth, even under these seemingly positive circumstances? Some have reached their apex. No names. You can't get great with a limited love of music. Can't just keep repeat/learning the same old stuff. Especially if you are supposedly carrying a band, or think you are. I suppose you can get technically better. Why is it you can listen to some play all day, enraptured, and others--well, that's fine, when's your break again?

Our group dynamic, on some levels, is really shitty.

Maybe it's partially my fault for being in such an ugly mood. Feel all my creativity is squashed. I'm not liking any of my books (except Russian Day Watch! but I can only do so much of that per day). I'm sort of fairly interested in my play, but not over the moon, anticipating wasted work and little recognition. Movie: I haven't seen a movie I've really loved in months--all these PC, outliers of society sort of things: Wolfpack, Tangerine...there's got to be more to creativity than just making the outcasts of our culture empathetic and acceptable. A bunch of my writer/reader friends are all into this zombie stupidity: trying to make it sound all intellectual and what not--humanity's fears, the pending apocalypse , the dehumanizing of enemies, an allowance for smashing humans reverting to non-humans. I feel none of that -- I'd rather hide from the zombies than smash them--let them cannibalize each other. Why don't they, by the way? I think that's why I'm gravitating towards the fantasy realm--it has more potential depth than this.

Ok, how about an anti-zombie song? How would that work? I don't have enough knowledge of the genre to make it work, but how much could be involved? Dead girls, rotting flesh, blood, cannibalism, bones and rags--by the way, why are all zombies dressed in rags? They didn't die in the grave right, they were made into zombies by other zombies? Correct? Does their rotting flesh rot their clothes, too?

It's coming..here it is...

No Hammers

I don't want to believe you're a zombie,
Why don't you take off that rag/
Here, here's a new frock from H&M/
Be your old self again.

Do you enjoy being a fright
Are you following a trend
So it makes life exciting
Adrenaline shooting off again

Sex is old, even the same gender kind
Serial Killers were fun for awhile
But the world ending!
Something to bring on the shivers!!

Want some soap? wash off the blood
I think that wound'll heal
if you stop running around getting dirt in it
Your eyes? Can you focus?

Are you sure it's human flesh you crave?
Now come on, Behave!!

I shared this with friends, they suggested a a rockabilly style, I countered with a Stevie
Ray Vaughn shuffle...I think mebbe I'm heading towards ripping off Southern Culture On theSkids. Somewhat appropriate.

Dec 9: I got this idea for a song whilst walking home, listening to Depeche Mode's "You Should Be Higher". I hope it's not a flash in my pan.
It would be called, "World Without a Song".
No, not some cheesy thought about how grim the world would be without music. More like an ironic statement that the world makes it's own music without trying to. Part of the plan. Like if you take just any random, unmusicky sound. All you have to do is repeat it. Voila

Dec 11: Should record this new gig for memory's sake: The band got asked to do a Christmas gig at McNally's, for their annual Xmas fundraiser for toys for kids in the neighborhood. Last year they gave away something like 20 bicycles! So, had to quickly learn 3-4 Christmas songs, which we practiced with Bruce last night: "Jingle Bell Rock", "Santa Baby", "Rock Around the Christmas Tree", and I think the last one is "Christmas Time Is Here"The Charlie Brown jazz one--I like it best. I used to be able to play it on piano, but now it's been so long I'd need to work on it again, now that Bruce has taken the keyboard away to sell.
I was having a little trouble with the B part of "Santa Baby" when I did it cold, but I think I got the phrasing now. Been listening to a few versions, just to reinforce. Thought these would be easy to play, but they are not! This is when Ken's jazz and formal music training comes in handy, as he can figure out some odd jazz chords better than me.

Dec 14: The gig was pretty good, decent sized crowd. An underaged girl inadvertently changed our name--she and her father sat there all night listening to us. She was an interesting looking little pixie--cute face-one of the few that can pull off those hipster horn-rims without looking silly. Her dad looked like a grey hippie, but more intelligent than the usual . They were the people giving me some inspiration all night. It's nice at a gig when you have that, someone to sing and play to, who seems to mirror back a positive vibe that's not too gushy and touristy. Like they're actually listening.

Well, the girl's a bit of an artist, and she drew a picture of us as dinosaurs. I''m not sure if that was a commentary on our song selections, but I don't think so--she seemed in her own universe. I got to be a pterodactyl, BTW, in the dinosaur picture, and she somehow made it's wings look a bit feminine.

On the bass drum she wrote "Tracy and Thicknology". As far as Dick and I are concerned that was a message from the universe calling for a name change. So much better. Tracy and Thicknology.

Dec 20: Nice day in music. A few days back, one of my old students, who is now a professional musician, who's played all over the US, Europe--the latest place was Istanbul.. anyway, he sent out some message on Facebook that he was going to be home for a month and was looking to play locally, if anyone knew anyone... So I messaged him a bunch of ideas, Blueberry Patch, the downtown bars, Justino as a connection? the Hideaway, the Witch and Ale..the Betty Foxe Band.
So today while I was shopping for Xmas stuff and listening to this Russian podcast, I see this newsfeed item on FB--from Dave H. saying he was playing in 1/2 hour at the Witch and Ale with Betty Foxe Band! So I raced home to tell Ken, and we went downtown, and there he was.. honestly I was surprised --he was so much better than the BFBand's guitarist, and frankly better than the last time I saw him--he just keeps learning and getting better. He's quite the showman, really. It seems like he was trying hard not to upstage Betty's band, who maybe were tired or something. There was a nice size crowd, too, standing room only. Dick responded to my text and came with his son, Kurt.

Later, I was reposting a picture of Dave at the Witch, when one of my sister's friends posted, isn't that the guy in the video? Around the World? I had no idea what she was talking about, and explained how I knew Dave--then suddenly he pops up with this video--it's all these people around the world playing that old Grateful Dead chestnut, "Ripple". And there's Dave in it along with Jimmy Buffett and David Crosby, all playing it together through some headphone magic. Dave's playing some sort of weird ethnic instrument like a lute or something, shaped like a gourd, with 4 strings. So of course, since it looked like an easy song, one of those C and G dominated things, I hadda go learn it, "Ripple"which makes 2 songs I kinda learned today--SRV's "Pride and Joy"--(well, I didn't learn the whole thing, just the shuffle parts , but I've finally got them right after years of just half-assing it. )

Dec 27: Last night Dick talked me, Gina his wife, and son Kurt to go to Skipper's Smokehouse in Tampa to see the Rev. Billy C. Wirtz, a sort of degenerate old hippie, recovering drug addict who plays pretty good boogie-woogie piano and rips off old 50s/60s blues and boogie dudes like Joe Turner and Jerry Lee Lewis to write his own lyrics which are self-deprecating in the hillbilly way, and dirty in the cracker way --probably he's most like JLL in style, but with a sillier, more pun driven sense of humor. Not my thing, but ok for an evening's entertainment. Supported by good ol' Ronnie Elliot, rich boy pretending to be redneck hippie--at least having the awareness to point out the complaints about the untuned state of his guitar. He sang two I've heard in the past--the homage to Jack Kerouac's "Burn Burn Burn" and that weird David Lynch-like, dark surf thing that excoriates Dick Clark, Chubby Checker, payola, and the twist. Maybe his only good song. Surprise guest was Steve Connelly who I knew from the 80s with The Headlights--the band that introduced me to Deloris Telescope. Poor ol' Steve--he's a good guitar geek--pretty talented in his day, still with some chops, but boy has he slowed down-- He kept looking like maybe he was gonna take a nap in the middle of his solo on his red Stratocaster. In, fact, when these guys all got on stage for their big rock out finale (without a drummer, which would have maybe helped a lot?) We kept egging Dick to go up, but there was no drum kit): anyway, they played so drony and slow it felt like nap time at the retirement home--sort of sad. It made me feel kinda bad in the end.

Turns out Steve Connelly has some sort of serious, chronic illness. No wonder he looks so bad. Went to Chattaway's last night to watch one of the Public school teachers' friends play guitar and sing. He only uses his thumb and two fingers, no pick--says it's tiring to get through a show. I bet. He did all covers of mostly old 60s/70s singer-songwriter types: Dylan, S&G, John Prine, Doc Watson, Bruce Cockburn, Townes Van Zandt, etc..he dug pretty deep and did some pretty obscure stuff. It was nice, mellow.

Jan 4, 2016: Damn it when I see these things. Jars me into my ambitions. Reading an Italian book : Elena Ferrante-My Brilliant Friend. Epigram is from Goethe, Faust.

The Lord say: Therein thou'rt free, according to thy merits; The like of thee have never moved My hate. The waggish knave least trouble doth create. Man's active nature, flagging, seeks too soon the level; Unqualified repose he learns to crave; Whence willingly, the comrade him I gave, Who works, excites, and must create, as Devil.

I am to take away from this, that the devil serves a higher purpose--to goad us into action --to keep us from comfort and sloth. And is the source of creativity--damn the consequences.

Wow. I am unimpressed with my sloth.

And God has my quality: easy boredom.

January 10: Last week I taught the Skeletal Piranhas (Farragut's Asian dominated Rock Band with the typical rotating drummers--Joe R. played this time): Thursday I taught them to play the opening for "Enter Sandman" by Metallica (they never heard of it) as an intro for the basketball and soccer teams for the pep rally Friday. Hey, a gig's a gig. The only really tricky part to that song is the drums, and the fact that the intro's so long it makes you lose count where to put in the power chord riff.

Luckily, Joe's a pretty good listener for drums. Plus, the band teacher let us use the band room for practice, and he was there to help Joe. Turns out he's pretty good on drums! Good thing, cos I'm useless, except maybe to say, Now! He pointed out to Joe that the poppy cymbal crashes came on offbeats. Anyway, at the pep rally they sounded pretty good, except the people on mike kept asking them to stop and start at random times without giving us clear directions. I was proud--they're getting some tough skin about playing in front of crowds. That's good. Shang especially got it quick.

Oh, yesterday. Thicknology practice. We actually tried two new songs!! Stones' "Get Offa My Cloud"--so fuckin' easy, c'mon, K... and surprise Natalie Merchant "Wonder"--not a song I love, but anything, anything, that shakes loose the foundations...

January 11: kind of surprised by my own reaction to David Bowie's death. Been listening to every single song I have on my I-Pod, the brand new album, and that song "Lazarus" is just, IDK, a cold burn, I guess hearing it now. It makes me feel stupid that I had actually heard it earlier this month and thought, sort of dismissively--that's great, Bowie still has it--but didn't spend much thought on it. I was busy. Here in front of me is a master of how to make rock your own--art your own.

I'm not as surprised by my own reaction, though, as the rest of the world's. It was on the front page in big letters, like it was for Lennon. And he was shot, and younger! There are hundreds of brilliant, interesting and thoughtful articles all over FaceBook. I can barely concentrate on school today. Kids don't feel it much--only two even mentioned it. Surprised, though, my Piranha bass player, Shang knew the song "Moonage Daydream" when I played it: it's kinda obscure, but he heard it in a movie soundtrack--Even knew the first words :"I'm an alligator!" And Adam--Adam seems sort of where I am somewhere.

I impulsively sent him the "Man Who Sold The World" chart to his VK account. Then I later tried to play a decently and surprisingly easy song (for a Bowie): "Moonage Daydream" (just chords) from Ziggy Stardust. Couple hours later, I see Adam post that he just taught himself that same song! That's cool, and makes me feel all warm. The other that was nice to learn, surprisingly quick was "Win".

Jan 12: Bowie is still everywhere--we may have a whole week of this..ok by me. I've seen some amazing things. A Scandinavian church that played "Space Oddity" in its bell tower.

And I was encouraged to go back and look at that "BlackStar" video I posted on VK before Thanksgiving. So eerie--it especially hits me that I thought it was great, but confusing, before, but now it it is so clear to me.

Thanks to my friend Bex, who pointed this out. He's trying to call--invoking, conjuring, the next Great One. Another crazy artist. So beautiful.

Some of those images: the ritual skull. the scarecrows who look more like they are giving funky birth than being crucified--or maybe both, because that's what happens to great artists, right?

And for some reason I was completely entranced by the skeletal remains being ported to the black star--suddenly the image went double on me, and I realized a second image that the "Blackstar" was. It was Bowie's eye--the damaged one that was permanently dilated. Maybe it came to me so clearly because I went to the eye doctor today and got dilated so I was seeing halos everywhere.

Somewhere in all this mess of Bowie deluge I read that he went back and thanked the kid that hit him who did the damage--because it gave him such a permanently eerie look.

Something about this is changing me.

Jan 17, 12:22am--A Tutorial on how to write a song.
by, David Bowie.

(This is from a 1976 Playboy interview by Rolling Stone favorite, Cameron Crowe. I love Cameron Crowe. (BTW: I wonder how old he is during this interview--Almost Famous makes me think of him as perpetually 17 and innocent, but he stands up to Bowie's arrogant pressure pretty well. ***one wiki search later***Actually, in real life, not Hollywood, he's two years older than me. So he was 18-19? when he did this interview? Interesting that he apparently didn't know who KRAFTWERK was then--bet he does now. Did you know he was married to Nancy Wilson from Heart? I didn't-- She's a pretty kickass guitarist- for a girl ))) He uses the royal "We" in this article.

BOWIE: Yes, well, that was before the telegram. I’d much rather listen to him [Elton John]on the radio than talk about him. Let’s do something else. Want to write a song?

PLAYBOY: Sure.

BOWIE: All right. We’ll call the song Audience and it’ll be about rock ‘n’ roll. All right? I’m gonna say, “Led Zeppelin is solid. They make you like a wall.” [Writes it down] Quick. Give me the name of an artist, someone in rock.

PLAYBOY: How about Stevie Wonder?

BOWIE: Good. “Stevie Wonder is growing and you love him most of all.” [Writes it down] He’s sort of the golden boy, everybody loves him. Who else? Name a good songwriter.

PLAYBOY: Joni Mitchell.

BOWIE: “Joni Mitchell has our hearts.” [Writes it down] She does, doesn’t she? OK, let me get my guitar. [Looks at what he’s written and begins strumming and humming softly] All right, here we go. [Sings] “Led Zeppelin is growing, erasing our minds / They make us feel stony, they make us go blind / Hey, Stevie Wonder, there like a wall / So good to lean on, the hardest of all. . . .” Isn’t that a nice little tune?

PLAYBOY: Is that how you wrote Changes?

BOWIE: Naw, but that’s basically how I wrote most of the Diamond Dogs album.

PLAYBOY: What happened to Joni Mitchell?

BOWIE: She’s good enough, she doesn’t need me crooning about her. You see, of course, there are no rules to my writing.

I heard that one of Bowie's famous songs was written by cutting words up and randomly pulling the order out of a hat--I forget which one. AND--I remember, in the golden years of 2011-12, I tried to do the same, but got shamed by my guitar tzar into thinking this was a foolish idea. I used the words from Paradise Lost---ha! Also WMNF told me today that "Jean-Genie" is about Iggy Pop. They had a great show alllaboutbowie today. I'm glad I'm not the only one having a hard time with this. It seems contagious.

January 20: When I had weekend duty Saturday night, I got a chance to talk with a pretty cool Peruvian kid who's reading Catcher In The Rye with me, which he loves and laughs in all the right places. He told me earlier he makes his own electronic music, and I tried to encourage him to come to guitar. Well, he finally took me up on it. He's got some drumming experience, so he got the concept of rhythm pretty quickly--he likes some sort of Peruvian folk music with guitars and pipes called medicinal--it's not difficult, and I taught him the basics of one of his favorites for about an hour today after school. I had already tried to learn the only Peruvian song I know: "El Condor Pasa"--but he never heard of it. It's a little trickier than his song because it mixes single notes and chords and requires better timing than I'm doing with it--I keep hanging up for a second on the G's--trying to figure out which fingering works best. It's mostly open chords. It's that old Paul Simon song that goes, "I'd rather be a hammer than a nail...yes I would..". I always heard it was an old Peruvian folk song, (he stole, and got sued for) but maybe not.

Jan 23: Band practice today was pretty interesting, more like what I'd rather a practice be like than how we usually practice. Usually we: 1) start with instrumental "Blue Bossa" 2) then start taking turns picking songs from our 30+ repertoire (and I do mean REPEATOIRE) --usually starting with Ken who always picks "Autumn Leaves" first. From that point practice usually only varies by me and Dick picking the more modern rock songs, while Ken and Bruce call for the "nice" old jazz songs. Ken and Bruce support each other, then me and Dick. It is full on retarded. I pick The Raconteurs or Sly Stone, Ken picks some old Frank Sinatra, Bruce picks "Misty" to piss me off, he thinks, Dick picks the Clash or the Decembrists.

But, something's changed. Part of it may be Ken's finally starting to feel more comfortable doing rock on his PRS, and everyone's been pumping him up about it, and deservedly so--he is getting better. Last week we kinda went into an impromptu version of "Get Offa My Cloud" without too much fuss, except we had one chord wrong. Good enough that we tried it again this week, only looking up the missing G#m to get it right...

So here's how practice went different this week. First, me and Dick have been texting each other all week fantasizing about the band doing various Bowie covers. I'm telling him, as we go--well, I learned "The Man Who Sold The World" two years ago (I did with Adam, during SAT class--we used to play off each other across the room, тихо....). He wanted me to learn "Queen Bitch" from Hunky Dory--and I did. I also learned "Moonage Daydream"--again oddly, in sync with Adam, what's up with that? "I'm an alligator..etc, etc.." I learned the very Johnny Marr-like chords of "Win", but don't have the structure of the song down.   Let's see, I've known "Rebel,Rebel" since picking up guitar again this decade, although I would need to practice it more to commit it to muscle memory.
There's probably about 5 more I would really love to try. "Bewlay Bros!!"

So, (and this is not unusual--me playing outside the repertoire before practice, trying to pique interest, w/o luck), when the guys showed up for practice, I was playing all these Bowie things on my Telecaster on the Magicstomp setting "Metal Dust". When Dick showed up, I made him come over and listen, and played the main parts of Moonage and Queen Bitch for him--for some reason he was more impressed with the Rebel riff--but Dick--nonguitarplayer---- for once, it feels like this might go somewhere??

So, in the middle, Dick suddenly says--hey, something, something, some broadcast he was listening to...etc..."Folsom Prison Blues"! He was trying to say it's like our Train song. Yeah, Dick, but like 10x simpler....Johnny Cash is your basic 1-4-5, alternating bass of C&G--but ok!! a new song! And Ken and Bruce start improvising the train hummmmmm--sounds not too bad, but they are fucking up the turnaround. So I look it up on Ultimate Guitar, say it's a straight blues E-A-B thing. So they more or less work it out. I'm saying, let's really try it. My dad played this damned song on our tape deck in our family station-wagon for a good 4 years of my life--all the way to California and back--I know every word by heart.

Here's where it fell apart. I go--"Ken. You can't improv the riff at the beginning: every country boy in the world knows it by heart." But it becomes apparent he doesn't know it. So I try to show him, pick up my Telecaster, feel out the notes, in 30-40 seconds I have it perfect. Da-da-da dum-dum da dooong da. B-B-B-Eb -G (or F#)(with a wicked bend)-E. Bruce-beta male, the f-ing no balls, chauvinistic alpha male supporter, says--"No, that's not it." Ken says that isn't right, it doesn't go with the chords. I'm like, whuu?? Then I look at the U-Guitar site that gave us the chords in the first place--I say--look! the tab's right here--it's saying exactly what I said!!! But they had already decided to block me out.

See, this is the bullshit I have to put up with, and once again I want to curse myself for knowing the sounds of more music better than the supposed "educated" musicians around me.

Ken finally says, stubbornly--No. I'll just have to study it myself. (I'm thinking to myself, are you kidding me? Study this super basic...ok, whatever. Anticipating Yet Another Song he refuses to practice in lieu of working out "Black Coffee" which he's known for 4 years--for the millionth time....) Or-how 'bout let Tracy play it!! She knew it right away!! No? Oh, I forgot they weren't admitting I had it right---(thebullshitthatcontrolsmycreativelife)......

So, they decide to start (sigh) "BLUE BOSSA", and I go to the bathroom, cos they don't need me for that one, (even though I know how to play it--but it's true, my chording doesn't add anything--see? I know what sounds good w/o my ego!! Unlike..) I come out in the mood of the dead. Of course, because they realize they've gone too far, they want me to pick the first song. So I deadpan: "Summertime." Ken says, good pick! Cos he thinks I'm gonna pick some black metal or start a fight. I sing it decently. When it's Bruce's turn he rather transparently asks for a song where I play guitar. To pacify me. (see, they know they're wrong, but won't say it out loud.)

Someone says--Hey! That Rolling Stones song we did last week? We try it, and actually improve it from last week. My vocal gets praise, when it's really just talk singing,memorizing Mick's cadence from decades of listening to this song. The tide is turning...

Then, MIRACULOUSLY! when it's Ken's turn he said, well, you know, Tracy's been practicing David Bowie songs all week, what if we try one?

Now--I've been practicing songs in Ken's presence for years,and all he does is show irritability--not acknowledgement, so I'm like in a state of disbelief--are you talking to me??? Ken's never been a Bowie fan, and I was all alone in mourning, all week. Well, except for Dick. And Adam.

Since he doesn't know the song's name, he starts telling this story to his only friend, Bruce, about how he watched this brilliant old Saturday Night Live clip of Bowie playing the song I was learning, in some suit so stiff they had to carry him up to the mike to sing. Somehow I realized he was talking about "The Man Who Sold The World". Amazingly, a year or so ago, I had printed out the chords and lyrics, and had them in my book. I say, well, it's kinda tricky on rhythm, not straight and easy.

Ken says--just play it, will follow you. I think 'he knows the riff.' So that was it. He saw the guy in the video and figured out the riff. OK! Except, he didn't know where it went, and didn't know it had two melodies, not one.

Then we had a time figuring out the intro, which has several measures of Dm and F then a full stop with the vocal beginning a capella. But, with maybe 5-6 tries we finally got it. But then that Chorus riff.... always in the wrong spot.

The thing is, we will get it. We tried too hard not to. Something has changed. Good-good.
BTW--that SNL episode was epic. Klaus Nomi sang back-up to Bowie, and Bowie wore one of KN's weird stiff B&W cartoon suits. And later, a all-union, young leninist communist's lady suit, while singing "TVC15"--there's a song to learn!! The last was a brilliant, marionetted Bowie doing "Boys Keep Swinging". There were three musical pieces, like there used to be in the old SNL days--1978 or 79--seen it listed two ways, but either way, I probably missed the original airing. Those were the days I was too busy enjoying life to watch much TV, even epic SNL--I was probably in someone's dorm room, listening to, IDK, the Sex Pistols.

Jan 30: Good band practice again today. !! First, K practiced both "Folsom Prison" and "The Man Who Sold the World" , especially the Bowie, all morning, before practice, even with me. Now that's how it should have been all along. Apparently he decided he really liked it, and he worked like hell to do the chorus riffs--and nailed them. I can sing Bowie pretty good too, from a tone standpoint--I always figured he's pretty tight in my range. But what I have to work on is the spirit--I mean, it requires simultaneously coldness, artifice, passion, and extremity. That's quite a trick, boy.

"Folsom Prison Blues" kinda sucked, really. We tried it at every key after I said the first version maybe was too low. But changing didn't help--I love how B thinks he can tell me stuff about singing. I really like him less and less the more I know him. He kept insisting on trying every key, after I said that wasn't working--he just never wants to admit I have even half a clue about anything. I don't like C much either--she has a personality like my sister--always feeling the need to give advise where it isn't wanted. (Ha! I bet I know someone who would feel this is ironic coming from me...I'm working on it..) Her obsessions with Westerns, her bossiness with B--which I'm sure is the main reason he takes it all out on me, but is wimpy about it and always deflects it as "support of K." Who-frankly, is so stubborn he needs no support, trust me. There's something to B, though, passively causing a lot of the conflict in the band. If he would just tell K no at appropriate times. But he's a yes-man--bandwagon personality.

The guy in the band I really feel sorry for is Dick. The two other guys never take his suggestions seriously, always giving him the --"leave that to the professional musicians, eh?" attitude. "Only the drummer"--if you think I'm imagining this, well, you should hear the shit they say about him when he's not there. The thing is, Dick has some of the qualities I have--he's a much, much bigger music fan than Either K or B--and he's got a living interest in music, meaning, like me, he's always looking at new music, looking for ideas, not frozen in the past. K-B may know more about the science of music, but they together probably know about one-fourth or even one-fifth of the music me and Dick know. And since they rarely know the songs he's talking about, they just dismiss 99% of what he says. Smugly, I might add.

It sort of disappoints me to finally realize K has been playing me for years on his music knowledge--he led me on for years--letting me think he knew something even when he didn't, by not saying anything about a band or song . I suppose he realized being with someone who knew music was important to me, and he didn't want to mess with things, but that's a weakness he has, to never admit when he doesn't know something. It was "the strong, silent type's way". You know--this means too much for me to talk about-- or some such thing I was projecting onto him, and he let me think that. It didn't help that he stonewalled with the same trick with bands he DID know--like Minor Threat--I saw it in his record collection and went, aha! But then, well, he pretended to know lots of other stuff, including Bowie, even pop music, lots of British stuff, Post Punk like The Pixies, Sonic Youth, punk and new wave that wasn't DC punk, lesser known Bob Dylan and other classic 60s/70s artists...and, in fact....

One barometer is that somehow he never watched MTV back in its Golden Years, the 80s, so he missed a lot, boy. It's almost strange, some of the stuff he never exposed himself to. All that British white boy electronica. He doesn't know the 50's 60's R'n'R my parents exposed me to. Well, I get that, how you can miss some of the boring repetitive popular stuff, since I don't know a lot of the new pop people. Like this morning, I hear on the radio--"Today is Harry Stiles, of One Direction, Harry Stiles' Birthday.." And I think, oh, so that's who Harry Stiles is..

But he missed some good stuff.
What I have finally figured out is, if it wasn't in his original album/CD collection, he probably didn't know it very well. He had heavy knowledge of Beatles, Stones, Deep Purple, BOC, DC Punk..

He did the same thing with movies. But once he latched onto that Holden line--"I hate the goddamm movies" he's let the cat out of the bag on movies. Pretty much all he likes is Star Wars, Star Trek, LOTRs, Harry Potter, Brat Pack,  and British comedy. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. The occasional odd art movie. He watches all of those, in rotation, every year.
Music has been harder for him to fake. Haha--fakebook. But he does know a lot more jazz than me. Or did..

But--practice is loosening up, getting more creative. So I mustn't complain.

The guy whose musical knowledge really impresses me is this Russian, Boris Grebenshikov (БГ ). He's one of the old Soviet Rock guys, one of the original dissonants, founder of the band Aquarium, extremely prolific, with the kind of variety of influences that I can admire. I love his band. Yef told me about his podcasts, and sent me the link on VK, and it has given me hours of pleasure. Most of it is American and British music, I imagine because he wants to give an education in RnR to his countrymen? He really has deep knowledge--even if he does has some obsessions that don't quite agree with my tastes, like Jeff Lynne from ELO and the Traveling Wilbury's--I like him very much, especially in ELO, but I don't think as much of him as BG, given the number of times he appears on his playlists.

  BTW--he does a podcast every month, and I'm going through them chronologically, from the beginning. I'm only up to about 36, and the last one, the David Bowie tribute, is something like #558. (I listened to some of that). Now, the broadcast is in Russian, and each episode has a theme.. it might be new music that's come out, or the music of a particular genre, artist, era, idea or place. Sometimes half the trick for me is figuring out his theme, and I'm not always successful. Today I was, but it was tricky. The title of the podcast was something like "Guitar Gandaras" : now as far as I can figure out, Gandarov is not a real Russian word--it won't translate in GT, and it isn't in my dictionary. At first I thought it was some sort of Eastern religion reference--he is kinda hippie age. I could hear him saying something about Carlos Castaneda. But listening to the podcast, I figured it out. Boris is an artist/ poet. He's borrowing Gandar from the LOTR--he meant, "Guitar Wizards". And the podcast was full of guys like Hendrix, electric early Beatles, Asian guitarists, god-Clapton, all playing magical strings. It's been one of my favorite shows.

I can tell Russian Boris somehow got a lot of the same influences I did. Probably only slightly harder in Soviet Russia than in conservative 60s/70s Illinois..xaxa. well, he's maybe a generation older than me--a true hippie age, but those were the people I strived to follow in my formative years. But the giveaway is how he heard some of the pretty obscure stuff from those days: the Leon Redbone, Gentle Giant, Richards Brautigan and Thompson, Robert Fripp, Fairport Convention...I like how he finds pretty obscure selections. He doesn't stick only to rock. I had maybe 3 Leon Redbone albums in college, saw him 2-3 times, but he found a song I never heard, and a great one! I don't know the name but it was about his new girl, who wasn't Rosie, who ran away, but she was ok and passed the time..

I think he feels the same thing I do...there are skillful guitar players, but they aren't necessarily wizards. A Wizard at guitar has some sort of magical touch for timing and note placement instincts--that sounds much more mathematical than I want, but years of lessons, speed, and practice cannot bring it.
It's the magical "it".
Few are lucky to possess it. Not me!!
Like old John Mayer? He can match Jimi note for note--he might even fool me once in a while on the radio. But he does not have the magic touch. He's good, he's skillful, no mistake in that. But...Boris picks Marc Bolan--no guitar --uh---professor? But..my kind. Intuitive wizard. Course, you can be skillful, and a wizard, if you are very, very careful with your knowledge, forget it, and listen to the stars.

Feb 1: Listened to an old 2001 interview of Bjork by Charlie Rose. Never realized he was such a great interviewer with interesting ideas. Bjork must be a tough interview in a way. But she said interesting things. At the time she was making one of her really good albums: Vespertine. I looked it up, it means what comes alive at night--great name. She describes her approach to music this way: she spends time being "anal"--collecting sounds and music ideas that fit her idea. But then when she goes in the studio, after she's already written the music and melodies, she just sings spontaneously, usually in one take. Wow.

Just got all this new input on the instrument Mellotron...sort of devastating to know so many of the beautiful sounds of my life were done on one finger on this strange instrument. Beatles, King Crimson, Oasis, the Band, Moody Blues--I still can't believe that bit about the guitar on "Bungalow Bill". I like how the musicians who used it talked about it, however, as if it had it's own temperament and soul. It sounds like it does, in my favorite songs, to be honest.))

Feb 6: My music life, a study in contrasts.
So the happy side first: I unexpectedly got access to my favorite guitar player's latest acoustic work. Just a joy to listen to. I am so happy to hear him sounding so --what do I want to say? Relaxed, but just-- think I want to say, enjoying himself. It's skillful, knowledgeable, yes, but really what is so much more important is you can feel how much he loves the music--it is so contagious. So contagious, I don't know what got into me, but I impulsively offered to buy his old guitar, the one he used to bring to my classroom, since he's got a new one. I'm rather appalled at my bravado, but, he said ok. Let's see if he really wants to part with it--but I would love to have that guitar.. it's my size, it has good action, or did, it's better than any of my low-end cheapo Fender acoustics, including Excalibur--somehow I have 4! which, if I sold, I could get one decent acoustic--but then, there goes GUITAR CLUB for my selfish purposes.!..Back to my desires: there's something about passing on the vibrations of a guitar that has been well-loved. I know why Cobain wanted Leadbelly's. Plus, if he ever wanted it back, he would know where it was. I kinda like that idea. But, Quid Pro Quo--I'm not a total push-over;) . It's one bad point is it doesn't have a cutaway, and I don't think it has an electric plug? Mebbe wrong on that..But I rarely play high up anyway....Wilco??

Cut to two hours later...getting ready for band practice. K is all wound up. Dunno why. He was fairly friendly last night at dinner. Sometimes I wonder about his medication... he's rather stridently asking me for the chords to "Get Off Of My Cloud"--the Stones' song we worked on and forgot to practice last week--I reminded him about it at dinner. I say, I dunno--It's pretty basic--pretty sure it has A and B...I was busy doing something else. He could look it up himself, but he has this distain for internet "tabs" and chord charts--he doesn't mind if I look them up for him, but he won't look at them himself. they aren't "correct". So , within 5 minutes I pull out my computer to check for him, and say, yeah, it's E-A-B. He's like, it had a G#m? I say, I don't remember playing that, and this chart says: E-A-B-A. He says, no, there's something else in the chorus. So I look at the chart again and say, ok, there's a D there in a turnaround, nothing big.

I really don't care cos it's not exactly a brilliant guitar song. Something we coulda done in Guitar Club in the old days, for kids who could barre. But k's on a tear. He's already on his guitar, making racket. He had gone to his lesson, which maybe wound him up. (I kinda still wonder why he has sort of subliminally given me the message that he doesn't want me to take lessons with his great teacher--I think maybe the rivalry is too comparative? --I thought it very interesting that Brad said to K--hey! why don't you guys work on stuff together--that would make sense! Which said two things to me: 1) I'm good enough to practice with the great K, and 2) Duh-- I've been saying this for years--why don't we? The answer is, K can't handle that, except in small, controllable doses. Here's why:

So, a very short time later, while I'm trying to eat breakfast, he says--come listen to this: this is how it "really' goes in the chorus, and he gives me this pompous look and plays E-G#m-A-B. I'm like okay--what? What are you changing it to? Cos, I can hear it (it's actually fine either way--not exactly guitar rocket science). So, he he mocks me, says I'm being hostile-- does this really ugly Female bitch impersonation falsetto voice two octaves above his normal voice--"Wha aya changin'..? " Which is kinda stupid, because my voice is not probably higher than his--he's just trying to stereotype and belittle me. And he repeats--because this is how it "REALLY" goes...I'm like ok, just tell me the chord you added, because two weeks ago I didn't play it that way, I'm pretty sure. It takes like 4 minutes and a lot of stressful bullshit where he's playing AT me--I'm saying, just tell me the chord you added, I'll play it !! {jay-sus, sotto voce} . Which was the before-mentioned G#m. Honestly--it doesn't matter; there are decent charts playing it both ways. It's the drums that make that song anyway, so get offa my cloud, dude. I'm so sick of male ego...

My response to all this : тишина. I don't know what to do when he goes to this overblown place. I don't want to be anywhere near him. I made no eye contact with him all practice, but did my job competently. But I do zero to set him off, just avoid all confrontation. When we got to the Bowie--still getting worked out--there was an effort by all to work out the bugs. I was simultaneously singing, playing rhythm, and calling out the chord changes while singing! and he was sort of missing the timing--it is a hard song, I admit. But harder for him than me, can I just say..mr. professional-educated musician? I just listen to the song, which maybe you could take the time to do??

It is a stone cold fact that my h. has never once said he was sorry, about anything he's ever done to me, and he won't for this. He doesn't even "get" that I don't like him repeat-flicking this stupid redneck stiletto blade he got (and needs a concealed weapons permit for--hadda take a class), which he keeps next to his-side-of-the-bed. Is it strange that I feel more threatened than "safe" with this thing around?

Sidenote: all these songs I thought were so cool and cutting edge growing up are just E-A-B... but that's okay: it's the alchemy.

And now for the agony of my soul: all the great, great concerts I am missing this spring in SF because of my life responsibilities--my hope is, they will all be back again, да?? Maybe I can sneak in one..

February 20: So, about a week ago, I stumbled upon this archive on openculture.com,  of 120 Minutes, the one consistently cool MTv program that also lasted the longest, from 1986 to 2013? Really? So the website says. I probably quit listening to it a few years after Kurt Cobain died, I'm guessing, and even then sporadically because I had a "real" job and a baby and a husband who wasn't a night owl like me. Yeah, that killed it for me, cos there was a good 10 years of my life where I kept the TV on all nite on low-volume while I slept, a habit I picked up from an old boyfriend. My now- husband put the kibosh on that; hates any kind of noise while he sleeps, which is ironic since he makes so much random noise himself. I'm pretty quiet, in contrast--never been told I snore, maybe when I have a cold, which isn't often, and when I have a night of deep sleep I often find myself in the morning in the exact position I started the night in. I've been getting insomnia more frequently, though. I'm a white noise sort, myself--grew up with fans, train chugs and whistles, barge engines rumbling from the river, the cars hissing by my windows--I still like that.

So, I really wish this 120 Minutes  still existed now, because I would still watch it, maybe like I did then, (when I'm alone) with the volume turned down, but regular glances up when they flashed the record info like MTv did--you know, that little corner blurb that showed he Artist, Name of Song, Record Label. My heart would leap when I saw someone I loved, after 45 minutes of different but so-so. But now there's a certain nostalgic flair to it all. I just watched this video of some strait R'n'R band called Bang! that's trying to channel Van Halen so hard it's funny.

I was really excited, at first, thinking this archive was actual video footage of all the old 120 Minute shows, because the first one was--good ol' JJ Jackson, one of the original black MTv VJs, who sort of looked like he could have been one of the older J5 brothers with his hairdo, but who actually had quite deep musical knowledge unlike any popular media person I'm aware of today. He made interesting musical history commentary, and had good taste, and not just "historically black" . Of course, the video quality was 1980's level--no HD,much bigger pixilization, or whatever you call it. We knew nothing else in 1986, so it was fine then, but looks terrible now.

They also had great guest DJs like Lou Reed and David Byrne and...

But it turns out not all the shows archived are that in the moment--some are just compiled from the playlists--although they frequently have VJ commentary, even vintage commercials--for Sam Goody's, the old chain record store, for example--New LPs $7.99 then!! Wow! But, still, I think it's a pretty cool way to relive the 80s and 90s. Something tells me beyond that it might not be so good, since around 1997 pink alt turned mainstream blue--sorry, I am referencing an obscure song: Husker Du's "Pink Turns To Blue"--which I sorta imagined was about some rebel dude watching the love of his life go stone cold dead from a drug overdose..... am I right? Mebbe research interps of the lyrics......BTW, Husker Du's were one of those music videos that made my heart wake up from a dead sleep. LATER-- don't need any one else's ideas--I just revisited the lyrics. It is definitely about a sad Drug Angel.

Feb 22: it's Raining music.. besides my new ideas (TBA), new instrument, new originals from friends, McNally's just called to gig us Saturday. Cool, I guess. Also I just heard a dynamo new band called DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979 (Leo sent).. Let's see if they hold up to repeat listens, but they have a dark, mashed up sound of grunge, 70's metal, Robert Plant Like Vocals, Chili Peppers funk, and modern weirdness--like if the Black Keys were a little more rock and expansive...

Feb 24: God, do I love this guitar.   I kinda adapted my own version of "Little Wing" on it that's based on the original, but doesn't follow note for note--why not? supposedly Jimi didn't follow a set pattern every time. I think can make it sound better if I just feel around it using his basic voicings and half-bar, half solo patterns. I know there are people who play it better: by -the- note of the famous recordings. They sound more like Jimi--I don't. It's still a beautiful arrangement no matter how you do it.

I don't think the Death from Above guys are holding up with me...not for the last few days, anyway.

Feb 25: I just looked into the dark recesses of my computer and realized I already wrote something called "Nocturnal Interruptus"--a poem, though, not a short story or song.. Well, a poem can become a song. It's a bit more intense than the SS version. Man, my poetry always seems to go to an intense place--where do I get those ideas? Maybe Mayakovsky influences...

Guitar Club today--do you know, my guys have only missed one day this entire year (not counting when I was on field trips): the one day was when we had a mandatory basketball game after school that I stayed for because some of my students were playing, plus it was raining buckets. Usually i have the same 6-7 come, but today some of those were at tennis and other sports events. X-man came over and we tried to find something we both liked: settled for Rush: "Closer To the Heart" which he already knew and forgot, so of course, he picked it up pretty quick. Me, not so much. A) I don't like fingerpicking so much B) well, y'all know how I feel about Rush--the song isn't that hard but I was having trouble getting the rhythm of the strumming/picking pattern. ..even with the new guitar the strings weren't ringing clearly. Maybe I should get a new set-up to lower the action. You know, I hate committing myself to something like this--probably my entire problem--gotta love it to work it. But, I'm feeling some kind of compulsion to fix this and get it. I was already better when I got home, but not perfect in timing.

We also tried to play a few blues tunes together, but even though I went through the parts of "Red House" and "Love In Vain" several times, he wasn't feeling my rhythms at all. I even sang and he was off. I must be getting fussy.
Looking for something Killer-Diller to get me back in the game.

Feb 28: Well. I think I have chosen my Cпасибо song. Just not sure yet about my approach to it yet. Oh, yeah, I finally did the Rush intro--just took some muscle memory to put it into my "boring songs I know" file... as I knew it would be--know thyself sayeth Socrates.

I've been watching this Nick Cave documentary in pieces over the weekend--the way it's made, it doesn't matter if you break it up. I have mixed feelings about his music--some is just amazing, like that "Red Right Hand" song that Renata L. used in her movie. I really like THE BIRTHDAY PARTY, which I think was severely under-rated (Aussie Punk?) Probably didn't have an American clannish gang following it like it should. this doc, though, has gallons of wisdom about the creative process that I can really appreciate. Inspiring, really--makes me want to quit my job that much earlier and leave this sterile life I've been seduced into.

Why do all these random strangers call me on Skype? I've got like 15 stranger males, and one female, all of which I have declined, some have tried several times--their titles say "General" and "Dr." I wonder if that's true, and makes me more inclined to think they are boring. My only crack in the lining is that strange documentary I listened to (not really watched, it had no video--with the taped "letters" of these two ordinary people who kept up a emotionally life-affirming affair for something like 15 years--the kind of thing where they bared their souls in a way that was restricted in their "real" lives. What a messed up race we are, but it's nice to know some of us get it out...

It would be fun to make up songs about imaginary conversations with them (the Skypers).

ah--we played McNally's last night--only good it did is where it revealed our weaknesses--I played "Boots Are Made For Walking" with the Tambourine around my neck when I wasn't playing the completely lame easy chords of E-A and G-E--then played tambourine during the pause for the crowd's pleasure--it got the best applause all night, if that's what you're there for--not that certain people would admit. B showed his wimpiness by refusing to play Bowie until all his "important" people left (only like 5 in the room including his wife, who had to be told several times what "That song was!!" (TMWSTW)--and then of course she went on some big yuppie tirade about how timely and great it was for us to honor Mr. Bowie and his DEATH--she bores me with this trivial chat, you know..grrr. ) Not without good reason B had demurred playing --he f'd it up worse than in practice, unfortunately, which may make him gun shy for next time. I think it's because he doesn't really know the song (his wife doesn't recognize it--see what I mean about their lack of musical knowledge?), didn't bother to listen to it to learn it , has been pretending he knows it--and train-wrecked the last third of the song even though I was calling the notes to him. Dick, on the other hand, could play the fairly tricky drums with lots of dead stops--from memory, because he knows the song.
But this was cool--one of McN's regular waiters, who probably keeps asking for us to come back? Came to listen to us on his night off, and sent me up a free beer on stage to inspire me--it did!

It is cool for me when sorta strangers tell me I'm good rather than people I know--they don't have to..

We made a grand total of $20. So tired of this bilge. Not the money: the lack of passion.

Mar 3: It's official--my fingers are cracked and cut, not exactly bleeding yet, but I can feel the power coming through. I've just relearned "Half A Person", and I'm playing it slightly different from before, which allowed me to figure out somewhat that cool little jangle Johnny Marr does at the beginning--I had thought it was two guitars, but it isn't, it's just smart playing. He's fucking amazing. There's like three variations of one "note" --i can't even explain it or know what to call it. Pretty proud of myself for figuring it out--I didn't use a chart or tabs, just my ears.

Also, working on a Russian song which is amazing me a different way--again through deep listening. When I improvved the little opening lead, I was amazed to learn how many extra notes my brain had muddied it up with--the original is totally stripped down. I gotta repeat to myself--simplicity wins the day..

The chord charts are of little help except to give me a baseline of where to begin. Sometimes simple is so hard--the timing. She's brilliant, I must say. Funny what you learn walking carefully in another's steps.

Mar 5:---AND! Learned the four (sorta) chords to one of my first and favorite Russian bands--not surprisingly-strange chords. I'm really trying to decide which song to learn from one of my other favorites. So many to choose from...agagaaaa....

One day later--no, I've got it. Абсолютно.

Mar 6: Epiphany time--so I remember reading a while back that Johnny Marr played with Modest Mouse---blah, blah.. I slowly have gotten won over to being a fan of their silly greatness. Love the song about Bukowski, for example--it's just brilliant on 3 different levels. I only have one of their albums on my I-pod which I never remember the name of--I think of it as the "Balloon'"album--because that's the graphic on the cover, and the writing is too tiny for me to read the name (it's actually called "We Were Dead Before the Ship Even..." I don't know the rest, because , well I pods don't tell you all of long titles...) But! after a couple of listens I had to admit it was music I was drawn to, even if it has hipster disease. But so what!!! Good music is good music. So come to find out Johnny Marr is playing guitar on three of my favorites on that album, "March into The Sea","Dashboard" and "Fire It Up" --yeah kinda hits--reason for that! Well, now I gotta listen to more of it better because of ..well, you know.

Mar 11: So yesterday was guitar club, and Owen was all fired up to learn a new Sungha Jung song called "Gravity". But when he started working on the tabs we found, it sounded terrible, and I said: "Look, it's in some alternate tuning. And the tuning was extremely strange, not just dropping a half-step or anything like that--it dropped everything 5 notes !! That's too weird, and doesn't make sense, but it sounded kinda cool. So I notice, on the video Owen pulled up, it said something like "Sungha on a Lakewood Baritone Guitar." I never heard of this--I said, Owen, I think this is some special kind of guitar--It makes no sense to use a regular acoustic this way. So we look at Sam Ash and Martin and Taylor websites: sure enough, there is such a thing as baritone guitar, tuned just like the tabs said: B-E-A-D- F#-B. I let Owen tune my old Fender that way to try it, but then I thought, you might get a similar sound by just dropping the G string in standard tuning to F#? It kinda worked--at least we could play together, but it wasn't as deep.

So of course, now Owen wants a baritone guitar, but they are like $3000 (if you insist on Taylor or Martin, which Owen will). I found a couple home-made ones on e-bay for Owen--they have this ugly extra-big machine head in place of low E... Dunno if Owen wants that. Now he wants to go to Sam ash to try one. Alvarez makes a cheaper one--not keen on them due to my early guitar ownership problem, but maybe that was a anomaly. Ken has an Alvarez classical guitar that sounds okay.

Mar 19: I was feeling about as bad as I could feel after a depressing, uninspiring dinner....what did I do to deserve this life? (How can you live with someone so long and experience so much and have nothing to say? I say plenty to other people). So, I knew there was a Bowie Tribute thing downtown at the Local 662, a fairly interesting bar downtown--Dick was goading me to go. I shoulda felt bad? No why, should I feel bad? But , I didn't, and went--only the depression, really was holding me back. Played "Coffee and Cigarettes" on the way there, in an attempt to excite myself: even took "the good car" to confirm my sense that I deserve this.

Thanks to god I went--how great was this show! Strange crowd that started out uncomfortably young, but aged as the night went--in fact, all the die hard crazy dancers at the end were well beyond their 30s-40s!! Let's hear it for old rockers keeping the faith! And staying weird!! I was expecting some lame Bowie hits, but almost everything was in the badass good category--from every era of Bowie, odd, and some challenging choices. One band played a B side from Low! The Eno stuff--"Subterraneans" I, think...
This was especially a good surprise because the band on stage was promising to be a prog-rock finicky thing of Jack Black laughability--doing a half hour of boring sound check with all their Long curly 70's perms and yelling at the sound guy indignantly while strumming an amped, out of tune classical guitar--I was thinking, who are these pretentious losers, and Dick said--they better be good, after all this..
Well, they were!!!
The strangest part of the night was the Bowie stripper (??) She was a very noticeable flamboyant member of the audience, in a black Ebony studded Bowie frock coat and Labyrinth era platinum fright wig. She suddenly got on stage gyrated strangely to an obviously rehearsed "Let's Dance" and stripped down to tassels and a sequined bikini bottom--plus she was probably my age!! People threw dollar bills at her, and I took her picture with Dick, but it didn't come out cos the flash didn't go off right. I danced myself, like I haven't in years. Even the bumper music was good--Depeche Mode and Pet Shop Boys--Echo and the Bunnymen!

Here was what they played:

--A regga version of "Suffragette City", with the guitar playing some sort of modified melatron-like effects

--"The Man Who Sold The World" with a trombone solo

--"Fame" and "Golden Years", with some little black-haired hipster nerd doing that 3 octave run that is usually a vocal, on guitar (but he did it two times too many for my taste)

--Subterraneans, off of LOW , as I mentioned..

-- this really old thing off Space Oddity:.. "Memory of a Free Festival"

--"I'm Afraid of Americans" the thing Bowie did not long ago with Trent Reznor --yeah, me too!! Afraid, that is--help!!

--"Lazurus"--No shit! So freaky to hear someone else sing "Look up here, I'm in heaven"--the whole place went silent for a second then burst out in a cheer. And it was nice that they made that the last song of the night.

March 23: Still practicing my 4 songs for my newest project. Still love my new guitar--the strings aren't that bad, really, maybe I should keep em a while longer. My left hand fingertips are so calloused they have little white edges peeling up--hardly have any feeling in them. Noticed my carpal tunnel has not been acting up lately--Knock Wood. One thing I've noticed about that guitar: it hardly ever goes out of tune, even though I keep it in the bag when I'm not using it. Hasn't lost its weird smoky-sweet smell.
Also, I think my playing in general has gotten more consistent. I mean, I used to think I had good and bad days playing, but now seems like I can play equally well on any given day..well, somedays I feel the rhythm of songs much more when I dig into it. But that doesn't have much to do with making mistakes or sucking. I'm getting to the point where I feeling fairly confident that I can play almost any song with ordinary chords/bar chords.

A song that is somewhat challenging to me, presently, is Modest Mouse's "Dashboard". Mostly that's because it's Johnny Marr playing his usual five million hammer-on/pull-offs with different fingerings on the higher strings. I have tabs, and it always takes me longer to work out tabs (when they're complicated) than any other way. I have to get to the point where I can intuit the feeling of the rhythm. Shhoot, I gotta go practice my Cheese song before I forget how--haven't played that in awhile!! Damn it--completely forgot--gotta go relearn--bye! Ye-edooo.

счастье бога---I got it back/\, although not sure I can still make it through the entire song like I once did. For some reason the Dm fingering feels wrong, but I don't think it is. Always faster to pick up the second time--at least I can still do the rhythm pretty good--good ol' muscle memory: my friend--I should write a song to you..

March 26: Band practice today. Minor thoughts. I was a bit passive aggressive today, by calling for my 1st song: "The Man Who Sold The World" to highlight to Bruce that he didn't know what to do with the 2nd half of the song AT ALL!

Probably this all started because I was trying to show Dick that I had learned the basic idea of "How Soon is Now?", based on the video he sent me--funny he didn't recognize JM was playing that in the video--eh, drummer--, then an Oasis song I told him about, from the Noel Gallagher video he sent... I knew really pretty well-- you know, "The Importance of Being Idle"--

Well, ..K's reaction? rather than listen with interest to what we're doing? NO! Just play louder over the top of me!!!! Louder is better, bumper stickers should be issued! Well, Bruce, just kisses Ken's ass and has no idea what Dick and I are trying to do, which is expand our repetoire..

Underlining this point was the fact that here Bruce was, supposedly Mr. super-professional musician man, Mr. know-it-all, our seasoned man, and he doesn't actually know (I mean hasn't heard of it, not the notes) this Bowie song, one of the more famous songs of a famous 20th Century musician, Bowie, even famously covered by Nirvana on MTv Unplugged, not even enough to even fake it through the chords. After we've done it like 5-6 times, even live ... (see, our band dynamic supposedly runs on the premise that Bruce is the professional musician music leader of the band--he tells us what to do! What works..etc). He spent most of the song staring at my Tele fretboard intently, trying to figure out what I was doing, which, honestly, wasn't anything too tricky, just F-Dm-A7-Dm and repeat...

Once, he actually told me the chords I put together in one of my first songs I wrote 4 years ago "Don't work together..." I beg to differ....)

I know he doesn't want to admit that he doesn't know this song, and that's part of my evil plan to shame him into finally learning it properly. All he fucking needs to do is listen to it properly, for god's sake--K too. What pisses me off is these are the people who discourage me from playing guitar on their masterpieces...I know almost all the chords to all their goddamn songs, BTW..even if I don't play them at practice.

Now for good news. K really seems to be learning from that teacher of his and is stripping his leads to the basics. I noticed today in one song he just let dead air hang in a place he used to overplay terribly, irritating my finer sensibilities...yeah, go! Like the Rolling Stones used to say--Hang Fire!!
Очень Хорошо.....

Synchophantic Bruce tried to get on my good side by giving me first choice on songs (please, I'm not that pleasant>>)) which is why I nailed him on "TMWSTW". Later he tried to flatter me about my rhythm guitar on "Ticket To Ride" ----see, I did two subversive things to the control freak (K) while he wasn't paying attention: I changed the setting on my MagicStomp effects pedal to something called "80's R & B" which had some sort of bottomy reverb/mild echo on it--cool sound, I really liked it, but it was a little louder than usual. Too bad..you could actually hear my guitar for once in the mix (maybe because --subversive act #2-- I turned my amp up...)

So, to me, and Dick, apparently, this made the song sound awesome, better than ever, and I could really hear myself, for once, I thought my rhythms were the perfect counterpoint to Ken's little subdued jangly leads. I waited for congrats at the end, but K went all weird, I think maybe because my rhythm, oh nevermind, I'll just tell you what he said...

K: That sounded terrible.
Me: Are you kidding? I thought it was amazing, the best we ever played!
D: Yeah, I thought that was really really good.
K: There's something wrong on the setting of your guitar...
Me: You mean, because you can actually hear it? I was pretty pleased with it, to tell the truth. Changed the setting to this 80's R N B thing--really like how it sounds.
K: No, it has some kind of bad sound on the high end--very annoying..
Me: High end? The whole setting it pretty bottomy, really. Here, let me show you.. (I play A-Asus2, then the whole chord progression-, using that effect--it still sounds awesome.) Problem? I don't hear anything?
Dick: Sounds good to me.
Me: Bruce, what do you think?
B: Well first of all you are playing that rhythm absolutely perfectly--soft, not jamming it (this is more of the flattery part I mentioned earlier) just like it should be... (notice it's a total non answer for choosing sides in the controversy).
K: No, you playing is really great, no problem there..
Me: Then what? The setting? (I decide to throw him a bone) Can't you tweak the tone on the setting with one of those three little dials? Is that what's bothering you?

So, K minimally fiddles with one of the dials--says, that's better, isn't it? I agree just to end the whole thing and let him save face--can't tell much difference except maybe it's a little muddier. Like when you're at the eye doctor, and they ask, which is clearer, #1 or #2? Sometimes not all that different.

Me: Sounds Great. ( Thinking to myself, that I am no longer counting on these dudes for my evaluation as a musician... K just wants to be loudest.)

And when I think about how these guys treated Yef that one time...

Next time: I'm playing guitar on "Sunny Afternoon", with my capo to match k's key change--whether he likes it or not. Fuckit, life's short. AND, I played all of "Sunny" today, all of "Steady"...
And at the end I told Ken he sounded great today. Because he did. Has nothing to do with the other. Except for me to know how people do...

March 29: I've spent the last two days goofing around with my Garageband, recording parts of a song (EN). As usual, it took me most of one day just to find a drum loop that worked, since I didn't want to bother Dick to do live drums on my stupid little project. He wouldn't like it much, anyway. I considered doing sorta reggae style drums, very muted. But then, decided I didn't want to totally copy, and none of the reggae stuff was inspiring me. I finally settled on some straight up, very plain rock drums, and added this weird synthy, very muted wubby bass with hardly distinguishable notes--more for texture than anything. I can always cut it if it's too much. Also some shakers, but just for one set of verses. I'm kinda learning you often have to use really plain clips in GB if you're trying to match existing music, I think.
  I guess if you start with something of theirs and build on it, that would be different.

Usually, I just do bass on one of my bigger acoustics and stay on the low E. But, I do have my electric bass now working if I think that's the ticket, although that would mean dragging out a lot of other equipment for this mess--may not be worth it.

So today I recorded pieces of acoustic guitar--the whole point of this adventure. Went to my classroom and had the usual problem of muddiness when recording with the drum track playing for rhythm. I thought it would help to turn all the other stuff off, but it was still mud. Then I realized what was going on, and tried to record with just the metronome--that was a timing disaster. Finally I figured out the most obvious (duh) thing, which I probably had figured out in the past and forgot--use earbuds, dummy!! Also, I read a recommendation that you should use the voice track for recording acoustic--I didn't use any other effects then. So, I recorded two or three of the guitar tracks separately to avoid timing problems--worked fine, although there a few places with some minor surface noise thingies. I had propped up my laptop and surrounded it with my beanbag chairs to dampen any noises--not sure if this helped, but this is the clearest acoustic recording I've made yet...

And then my favorite part--to get in another live instrument on the solo, I snuck into the band room, figured out the solo on these cool wooden vibes someone bought our band--I've been wanting to play them on a real song ever since I noticed them in the band room!! Wasn't sure I could psyche myself into the mood, but I did, and now I have a little live vibe solo on my recording.

Tomorrow, maybe, vocals. I was already singing along on playback, but not ready yet for the recording. Have to decide if I want keyboard, which the original has. Thought about these little slide guitar flourishes that might match up?

Also got a potential gig in Seminole thru St. Pete College--sounds like Dick might be too busy to do it. On a Sat Afternoon. May 14th.

Ack! Everything's too loud! Need to mellow it all out with some filler stuff, or something. The vocals will help?

March 30: It's ok, not too loud. It was the vibes only that were too loud, so I mellowed them out with a vocal effect called Orion.
Then. Spent 3 hours making an electric guitar chorus track for the end, and it was a volume nightmare--even though it was crazy loud in the room, it wasn't loud enough on the recording, and I couldn't figure out why. I was being lazy and didn't put it through the PreSonus audiobox thingy I used before to record electric guitar on some old stuff. I wasn't sure where all the cords were and didn't want to mess with trying to figure out what attached to what. I knew it would be a cleaner sound cos it somehow goes right into the program, but this recording is fouled a bit already, so who cares.

I had started out using the online suggestion for acoustic recording on the live instrument program, to use the Male Vocal setting, but that one wasn't loud enough--you could hear it but much more quiet than the acoustic? Weird. So, I switched to the acoustic guitar settings--there is no electric guitar settings--they have their own separate part of the program that needs that audiobox I mentioned. The acoustic was even worse. Finally I just used the "Basic Track' setting with "no effects", and suddenly it was loud as hell! I had to back off all the volume controls I'd raised--on the amps, on the master track, on the individual track, on the MagicStomp effects pedal I was using...

I started out trying to use the setting "Jupiter Ray" on the MagicStomp, and it sounded cool in the room, but the effect wasn't getting captured very well on the recording--I wanted it to work a little with the space-agey feeling the Orion thing gave my vibe track. So, since the Jupiter Ray wasn't doing it, I upped the ante to #45 preset: "Phaser Fan" which makes all sorts of crazy noise--apparently too much! It wasn't bad while I was playing, but on the recording it had all sorts of shrieky high end almost like feedback--nah. I have to sing over this part! I backed off the dials, and finally made a decent recording, once I faded out the end, extended the drum/bass tracks to match. Still, I thought it was a bit much so I tried out some GB effects on that track--found one I liked, made a really strange muted ness that worked: it was called "Lunar Bounce", and given the subject of this song, I took to the idea! I just added the effect after the recording was made, no need to redo it live. Studio magic!

Now I really like the whole thing, mistakes and all. I was going to try to do vocals today, but I need a break from this for a bit! Also I know I need to put in some drum/high hat fills in a few places, for segues and to make the drums sound less repetitive. And maybe, if they work out, to cover up the stupid surface noises that somehow got on the recording--there's 2 or 3 on the acoustic at the beginning.

Sure takes a lot of mental energy to organize all this stuff...(worse things I could be doing). Also, while I was messing with that Jupiter Ray setting, it sounded pretty good to do a few random C chord strums in the right places over the acoustic guitar--mean to go back and fill a few of those in to make the 2nd chorus a little different.

Most work I've ever done to prep for a vocal track--eh, the song is worth the effort--deserves attention! I wrote all this down just to remember some of the steps and missteps involved.

March 31: Project is done-- just in time for April Fool's! just added it to I-tunes. I'll test it to see if it will send anywhere from there. Vocals went pretty smooth, although I had to redo the second half because I forgot to make a crucial melody change in the 2nd chorus. Also at that point changed from Girl Rock vocals to Basic Female vocals or whatever it's called because again it had too much echo/reverb effect--everything in GB sounds like it's from the bottom of a well to me. Oh well, do what I can with what I've got.
I wanted to add a few flourishes here and there, got in my little drum filler at the end and the subtle C strums I wanted for the second chorus, but then the program started giving me trouble by saying i had too many tracks and it was stopping in the middle of playback. But it saved, and went to I-tunes, so I suppose I shouldn't worry, but didn't want to overdo it and screw up the whole thing. I already thought I did that when some random keyboard thing I did made the regional editor come on, which made me accidentally learn how to cut out the worst surface noise the acoustic track had.

But then all sorts of weirdness started to happen, so I quick saved the whole thing and then tried to undo some of the mess the edits had done? Luckily I saved it at a good place--the playback wasn't going back to the beginning, and I was afraid I had accidentally taken it out! But the saved version had everything I'd done, so no panic. So much to keep track of when you get fancy??!!

April 1: Perfect day for sending out my mess. Last night I hated it again and tried to add some bass, but it all sounded terrible. Wanted keyboards too, but didn't get to it.

This morning I listened to a really bad you-tube of Victor Tsoi's original, and for some reason that made me feel better about the sparse bass-less sound of mine. He didn't use a bass, just one acoustic, one electric guitar, used the acoustic for rhythm. Maybe that's why bass, other than a single drone , doesn't seem to work on this song. It was cool, but like I said, made me feel better about my terrible GB production. No doubt it is terrible. Anyway, listened to mine again--decided it wasn't as awful as I imagined, and put it out there.

April 2: Oh wow this is so weird and nice! I sent my new Russian song to Soundcloud, just in case I wanted to send it, resend it, have it in another format--well, it was up only 10 minutes when two RUSSIAN! people made good comments! (I think) on my track--one is now even following me--a girl. The other is a guy, and I'm trying to figure out what the comment he made means. ..word I've never seen? But--probably this is some soundcloud thing to get people to post stuff.

April 4: A reminder today of what music means: I randomly picked an Aerostat podcast today, and it turned out to be all the best Nautilus Pompilius songs. Perfect timing. Then, the next post had Tom Petty with somebody doing (Doc Watson's?--or is it just traditional?) "Shady Grove" --beautiful. The podcast it was on was called Сила Музыки--the power of music. Yup. I need a man like Bohrees.

April 9 (: spent a quasi-horrible night at Grad Bash (tm) at Universal--disgusting , heavy beat, electronic/rap/reggae/reggaton -whatever- it -was- they- were- playing- music blasting out of loudspeakers all over the park like some sort of 1984 nightmare parody. The concert was some chick names Jesse J-I'm sure she'll be the next Disney Princess ala Britney Spears. At least I got to see the Harry Potter stuff and do the ride, even if it did make me a little queasy.

And Butter beer--I had Butter beer. Pan. and I were entertaining ourselves by telling stranger children that buying it required an ID that proved you were 18. Were amused to see them presenting IDs to amused vendors. Panuthos rather brilliantly hijacked one of Jose's rambling stories about New Jersey's 3.2 beer to explain away the 18 vs. 21 age requirement--it's beer with a lower alcoholic content! (Butter beer actually has no alcohol, and a five year old can buy it, but the strange thing is, it has such an odd, unusual taste, it's easy to convince the inexperienced that it has alcohol. I suppose it helps that it takes some kind of sugar to make alcohol, and a lot of kiddie, girlie drinks are very sweet. In fact, I might fancy a Butter beer with a little infusion of real Rum...might be good. There's a recipe for BB on FB; sent it to Mark. The recipe shows it might have a smidge of likker--rum extract.

Practice today went pretty well in spite of my 4 hour sleep deprivation. We continued to improve our new songs--even got a handle on the Bowie song that has been eluding us. Sometimes I think I sing better when I'm out of it--less self conscious, I suppose--somehow during Bowie and Sly Stone I was doing some sort of eccentric David Byrne style vocals--just weird instrument imitations, etc.

April 13: all sorts of pandaemonium with my play--I could care less about the music, it's dull pap.
Interesting sidenote--another random person liked my Soundcloud Russian song post: "Кашдую Ночь"--honestly I just posted it there to send it more easily to friends if I felt like. This time a girl--looks like she's a young musician, with an English name? Is the liker. The world is odd: why would she listen to it? But names are deceptive. The one I want to comment has not.

April 19: Went to Record Store Day--bought a bunch of cheap CD stuff for a buck--stuff I thought the band might be interested in-, and stuff that was just a good deal, like Nine Inch Nails' Downward Spiral with that wicked song "Closer" and a CD of some of Quentin Tarantino's songs from his soundtracks: Dick Dale, Chuck Berry, Urge Overkill, that Blasters' song "Dark Night"(probably my main reason for buying it) the film Fargo, and for some reason a bunch of edgy country things: Hank Williams, Asleep At the Wheel, Steve Earle and Richard Thompson (he's from that old English Renaissanc-y Folk band my friend Carrie Calcaterra used to like). Actually, I started listening to him again because I found this song on VK "I Misunderstood" --he's a great songwriter--because I mistakenly thought he was the guy who did that "If I had a Rocketlauncher" song--which is actually Bruce Cockburn, who has a sorta similar voice and style. But Richard wears a beret, and is an interesting guitarist, for someone who relies heavily on his acoustic.

But really, I got interested in Richard Thompson once again because my new favorite music muse--Boris Grebenshikov, devoted an entire show to him--damn, I wish my Russian was more refined so that I could understand the subtleties of what he is saying in his podcasts. I can tell it's pretty deep stuff--very creative choices. When I listen to something he highlights that I know extremely well, say, the Smiths or R.E.M., I almost can feel what he is saying, where he's going . Today I listened to one called: Алиса в Зазеркалье and at first I thought it would be about the old Russian Rock band Alisa (except he tends to favor American and British classics--because I think he's on a teaching mission to Russian music lovers) --but as I listened, no Russian, all old T-Rex, obscure Syd Barrett era Pink Floyd, Donovan, Procol Harum (which was started by my guitar hero, Robin Trower), Incredible String Band---by the second song, I realized the title had some grammatical variation on Mirror (zerkalo), and this was a musical tribute to the one and only, trippy, Alice Through the Looking-glass. Such perfect choices--man, besides mining into the British only method of being strangely childlike and eccentric--mad, really. So, I think maybe I'm going to put my Catcher in the Rye lovers (period 5--my easiest, most literary class) on Lewis Carroll, for the last few mellow? weeks of school.

April 23, 2016: Now Prince. Well, to me, even though I posted 7 of his songs online, and went searching, and found, and spent my morning watching, his completely unavailable-in-America- since- 1987 greatest concert film, Sign O' The Times*, I have this feeling. Prince is not David Bowie, 2 me. I liked him. And crap, the man was talented, that Sign O' The Times proves that beyond a shadow of a doubt. I say in the Michael Jackson vs. Prince stand-off? Prince, all the way. But something emotional, doesn't connect. Same with Michael--both of them are just too much aware of their native born talents. Man, how's that for a tough thing to deal with--being TOO talented to connect. This tells me something about my own taste, my own ambitions and desires--I'm certainly not as ambitious as they are--I can't make my show my entire life. I do admire Prince's bucking the system, his persona. But for all his sexual energy, I don't find him entirely seductive. It seems like a game. He gets all sorts of kudos for his guitar playing, but a whole lot of it is just style , rhythm, and bravado. His taste is gooood though, boy. He has good instincts and cool lyrics--I like what he says about life and the purpose of it... like his rebellion against the music industry. But his shows--so much product--sexual product.

* not so tuff, it was on VK (like 3 posts).

I also watched a doc, last night, about Levon Helm. The anti-Prince. All down-home tradition and plain-spokenness. Funny, he did "In The Pines" on a mandolin, but not in such a dark minor key as Cobain. I played along with him--he started in E, not Em. (I forgot he was in the movie with Sissy Spacek where she sang it on the porch--hers was more like his , and I wonder if he had a hand in that being in Coal Miner's Daughter.)
  I guess Robbie Robertson ruined The Band. Don't think that home jam kinda music would have kept America's attention for much longer anyway. But they had their moment, and Old Levon had a good life. I wouldn't mind it, but I wouldn't have taken so many drugs....xa. Still want to replicate his Midnight Rambles in the barn I plan to have in my salad days, soon...

May 8: "I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not: I gotta find this clip. Apparently Chevy (is that his real name? There's nooo way.) who was the original Weekend Update Newscaster, back in the glorious days when I was watching SNL on my belly, elbows on shag carpet: well anyway, he made this one-liner joke: " --An item about the Peanuts bird Woodstock. He's getting replaced by a bird named Altamont, who will beat the other birds to death with a pool cue." I probably didn't get it then.

May 22: Dream induced music, the best kind!

Lessee, Inspirations:

The Who: "Emminence Front"
Trance music, Portishead
Reluctant musician

Song:

I might pretend as you wish

That I am a powerful sorceress

Hitting you : shest, shest, shest

forced off a path, out of control

Accio. Engorgio. Fidelius.

Cursed проклятие over you

you hear inspiration and make finger shapes

Unaware it comes from my breath.

As it should be. Давай...

Accio. Engorgio. Fidelius.

Incendio.

more later..

May 26: Official last day of school. Clean-up Tomorrow...

Cool article about the "physics?" of music chills:

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2016/05/getting_chills_when_listening_to_music_might_mean_you_re_a_more_emotional.html

Why is it that just walking into a music store gives me a rush? I took my new (to me) Taylor to get it a "new set up" -- mystifying guitar jargon to me, but I tried to act like I knew what I was talking about..
The guy was very nice. I told him I bought the guitar off one of their old students who's gone to better things. He said, those are nice, valuable guitars, did I know? I said, yeah, I looked it up what they normally go for. He said I "stole" it, when I told him how much I paid for it--explained, friendly ties, etc. Thanks,thanks, большое спасибо, to my fondest good брат. What a lovely thing again. The guy at Seminole said someone had messed with it, the neck needed straightening, and it had electric strings? He said he'd try to make the action better and put high end strings that would last months longer--said he's make it sound really nice for me. Круто. $59

I asked him if Justin still gave lessons there--he said no--he's too busy. Then I noticed someone was singing scales in the back --I said, "You guys give singing lessons? He said the teacher is in 3 tribute bands: Deep Purple, Heart and Styx. I gotta say, this all got me started thinking about taking some kind of lessons again, voice or guitar again? to get out of the music rut I'm feeling coming on. It is summertime. But I gotta figure out how and when (and even where!) I'm gonna travel.

May 28: Guitar sounds great--well worth the $59; played it for hours today, even learned a fairly hard old early 70s song I've wanted to try for years: Emerson Lake and Palmer's ""From the Beginning"--great song even without the synthesizer part. I only stopped to do band practice on my Tele.

Jun 5: Been listening to all sorts of weird stuff I'm finding from various places--some might stick or influence me--most is too weird. I might like some of Pere Ubu, for example, which is a band I've heard of for years, but never gave more than whatever is the hearing equivalent of a glance.

My newest ridiculous music adventure, though, is buying my dad a guitar for Father's Day/his birthday (close together). Spreading the joy--I found a great deal on a Yamaha starter online. One of my kids in guitar club got a Yamaha when I took him to Sam Ash this year--his was maybe a little better model than what I got, but this one supposedly listed at $360--right. So now my dad's all excited and nervous about it--in a state. Says he's too old. Well he learned the damned clarinet just a few years ago--that had to be a lot harder. He plays piano so much I figure his fingers have to be flexible enough, and although his fingers aren't that long, they're fairly thin--better for guitar than the fat ones! I already picked out some easy E A D songs he'll recognize: the Beatles, Elvis, Johnny Cash, with basic versions. When he gets those I'll teach him "Stand By Me" and "Venus" if he has decent rhythm. I'm going there in 2-3 days with Joe. Joe can practice long-trip highway driving. If nothing else, it's nicer for me if there's a guitar there to kill time when I visit.

June 9: That $99 Yamaha sounds damned good for the price--gonna be my top recommendation for inexpensive guitars. Been teaching Dad--he's good at some things , worse at others. He kinda gets the big picture but has trouble with finger placement, both memory wise and physically.

Jun 13: Quite surreal, teaching my dad to play guitar. I think he may get it someday, if for no other reason than he's so anxious about it. If he ever gets past the urge to strum retardedly..you know, like people do who play air guitar in time with some stupid idea that they think is the rhythm, instead of the real rhythm. Today he randomly said, let me hear you play "Copacabana", and to humor him I looked it up, and it's something like 12 awful chords that sound terrible as guitar music--not a fan. Now suddenly he wants to learn Buddy Holly songs--much better idea.

My mother has always said he and I don't get along because we are alike---please! I am hopefully much more charming in my crazy space than him--he's just anxious and anal retentively annoying in pushing himself on everyone to relieve his anxiety. I am CERTAIN I do not do that. It occurred to me today--after hearing my mom say this for 40+ years--she just means I'm not as easygoing/a pushover as she is. Hah! But even she is getting crotchety and pushy in her old age. Lord, what we all have to look forward to.

July 1: Some weird music stuff happening..Bruce, of all people, has hooked up with some old New York punk people...a guy who once played CBGBs regularly. The band was Sonny Vincent and the Testors--and various people in the band connected with a number of the seminal punk people--people from the Damned, the Dead Boys, the Velvet Underground...aggh. So tomorrow he and Dick are gonna do some experimental play with these guys--how did I get left out!! (Colorado plus boyz club.) Well, and the fact that they need a rhythm section more than a singer/rhythm guitarist. Today, when we had practice, I played all of Sunny alone when K messed up, even while I sang it too. So, he's gotta start to think. We solicited the new owner of McNally's--K said I was the best singer in town. That was surprising.

I've been listening to weird stuff for me--a story about "most sampled recordings" got me listening to my least favorite music--rap/hip-hop. Can't believe how many went to the same obscure source material for samples--interesting. I like the rhythm of rap but not too keen on the lyrics and attitude--all that macho posturing.

Then I watched a doc on Jaco Pastorius--realized a while back that I saw him play live at MRF with Joni Mitchell--his bass sound is unmistakable. She was going more jazz and doesn't play school chords, like him. I think it was 1979. I thought I was listening to an upright bass, but it wasn't. It was really the first time I really paid attention to the bass player, and after all these years I recognize his sound. His life was sad--ending homeless, and bizarrely killed by a bouncer at a Carlos Santana concert.Robert Trujillo from Metallica produced the video. There's an amazing sequence in the film where he literally cuts off all the frets from his bass because they were getting in the way of his sound. Boy.

July 5: K is out of town, and Dick, Gina and I are gonna go see Modest Mouse at the ol' Go Axe Gary Dome (now my favorite outrageous corporate name, but it's already been changed to Mid-Florida Credit Union something or other--guess Gary didn't keep up the name payments or retired fat or something..) I don't love everything of MM, but they have several really great songs, including the Bukowski one, and a lot of the album We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank--which has Johnny Marr!!. Well, I was kinda hoping for Marr playing our show, which I think is probably the longest shot in the dark , unless he happens to love humidity at the worst time of the year--hey Johnny doesn't a Florida vacation sound good right now, what with Brexit and all? Get outta town! Sounds like the Red Rocks show was dammned good. Let's hope for this one, too. We get them at the end; the other band, Brand New, sounds kinda cheesy GreenDay punk, from the small amount I heard online..I bought a new sundress for the occasion, pretty hiipified.

July 7: Speaking of new punk, ala GreenDay and BN, I have some new ideas about why this new punk really isn't like the old--context is everything. I'll explain more tomorrow: it's almost 1a.m. here.

Morning! Ok, about that new punk--I think I know why it irritates me so. First, no one is claiming those early punkers were outstanding musicians--out of context some of their stuff is really rough to listen to, (although others got to be quite listenable!!) therefore my argument is you had to understand the spirit behind it to feel its groove. Yes it was raw, and sort of sent your nerves up for that reason, which is also encapsulated in the fact that it had so much ENERGY! That was its main joy and attraction, plus the big FU it was giving to corporate rock and the whole music industry...you can feel it, even today. I don't necessarily want to see those same old guys, then, do some sort of mercy tour today--FLAG IIII? It was mainly great in context and concept.

Think of it this way--the story behind John and Yoko's first meeting, at least in myth, if not true. John went to Yoko's exhibit, climbed a ladder and found a piece of paper on the ceiling with the word "Yes!"--some sort of performance art piece that makes the viewer part of the art. Now, take that piece of simple paper out of context, and claim it as a piece of art. On a wall by itself. No. Нет. That "yes"out of context is Green Day. Ok, you like the sound, the idea, the attitude of punk/hardcore. But can you do this out of context? In an air-conditioned indoor stadium, selling T-shirts and corporate made CDs--big light shows. Ok, so you co-opted the Mosh pit idea-big deal. Every, every thing about it feels wrong. I'm glad some of my kids are open-minded enough to listen to some different sounds besides auto-tuned divas, but this really isn't totally a fulfilling experience, is it? To me it's a Sham. There is no way you can reproduce the energy and feel of those days--neither can the new psychedelic kids, but at least the best of them try to blend it with something new. I'd go with new, with just a nod to the old punk days. Which , of course is much harder much more creative. That's the point?

July 10: Modest Mouse and some emo band called Brand New--first, Brand New, whose crowd was extremely young, tattooed and dyed, somehow Christian looking, with lots of same-sex pairs? Their songs were full of silly cliches, both of the word and punk music variety--a few weren't too bad, but their light show was trying to give me a migraine. They had some sort of multi-videos going in an attempt to be artistic, on the back wall of the stage. Kids in the audience were singing every word. I felt like I was in a foreign country. I think the nadir of the evening (for amusement I was trying to find their lyrics on my cellphone) was some song they had probably written 16+ years ago about the sad hospitalization and death of a classmate, so full of corn and over the top emotion it was hard not to feel hard. I can understand the impulse to write a song like that, but if you're still playing it almost 20 years after the fact (I was shocked to find this band had been around that long!), this seems to be on the verge of playing with the crowd's emotions. Yuck. A band that's been around that long should have the insight to at least evolve somehow in some direction.The sound in that arena is--no other way to say it--lousy. My least favorite local venue. Although, Dick said Depeche Mode sounded great there--maybe they brought some sort of acoustic panels to compensate?

When Modest Mouse came onstage it was like the professionals had finally arrived. Their lights (although intense) didn't intentionally go into the back of your eyeballs, and, even though you still couldn't understand what they were saying when they spoke directly into the mike, their sound had much more depth and nuance. I guess it's not entirely their fault that they picked the Ask Gary Dome to play--I suppose it's the right size for their crowd--they sold out a day or two before. As we were warned , the lead guy Isaac Brock fussed about the sound on his guitar and switched guitars midsong a few times. He often seemed to have a hard time feeling the sound at the beginning of some songs, like "Dashboard", one of their 5! encores. But once he got into it, he was an energy machine--he's a good showman--played rhythm, lead, and sang!

There wasn't too much to his leads, which was fine with me, (the band is very hook oriented) but I sometimes wondered if maybe the other two !! fellow guitarists didn't feel a little unrewarded--he was the center of everything, and didn't even introduce the other maybe 8-9? members-people kept going on and off stage, seemed to play multiple instruments, including lots of techs coming and going so it was hard to keep track. He maybe did mention some band-mates at the beginning, there was something about birthdays, but I couldn't understand much of what he was saying to be honest. The band was great, tight, and worthy of clearer sound. There was the now-standard two drummers, plus a third percussionist, bass, two keyboard players, a trumpet or fluglehorn of some kinda brass that's in several of their more well-known songs, a tuba, some other sort of electronic device I couldn't name, a pedal steel?, and prominently featured, a girl on electrified violin--some of her stuff in studio versions seemed like they were done on a keyboard. There was a smoke machine--couldn't tell if it was malfunctioning or done as humorous punctuation, as it tended to send up a random smoke-signal like clouds at times.

They are a quite quirky band with an interesting sound. Dick and I were a little disappointed that they didn't play more stuff we knew--they seemed to have saved this show for the most obscure of their catalogue if you compare it to what they played in Red Rocks and Miami, etc. But, still, I heard 5 or 6 I recognized--was hoping for "Bukowski" which they seemed to play at every other date on this tour--"Dashboard" was awesome, though, and not just because it's well-known: they really showcased that song and put everything into it. They're definitely an encore centered band.

July 23: We have a gig at the new McNally's/Pesky Pelican Aug 13. Right as school's starting. They have had a lot of live music already, but mostly solo acts. I wonder if we'll have Bowie ready by then.

For myself, I've been honing ELP"From the Beginning", and learned a coupla ways to play "16 Tons" (tried to get the band to do it, but they don't feel it, really), and learning a new band's song "Los Angeles" by the Rosewood Thieves--they have a number of great songs! One of those new Beatles-sounding new bands, but some of those are good! Another of their songs sounds like a "Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite" from Sgt. Pepper's: it's called "Diamond Ring" and has that strange circusy calliope sound like Mr. Kite. Vocals, too are Beatlesque. Dick's deep into summer doldrums, I guess, and has been sending me music hand over fist--one that inspired me was Radiohead doing the Smiths' "Headmaster's Ritual"--well, you know I love that one, so I've been working on it, and man is it a bitch!! Johnny Marr, you rascal of eloquence!

It's taken me a few days, but I think I have a cheap facsimile of the intro down--the rest is just hard to remember because there are so many chords, and, in typical JM fashion, little pattern of discernible repetition . I can do it if I look at the chord chart, but I was really having a time with the transition from verse to chorus--what the U guitar thing said didn't work to my ear--the transitions between chords just didn't work, and with the vocal? Na. Finally i think I figured it out--the G# you play at the end of the verse, you have to keep playing, replacing the Cadd9 that sounds terrible, but then finish off the first line of the chorus with E, as if you have replaced the Cadd9 etc with the G#. Then after the E, you can go back to the rest of the intro for the 2nd line of the chorus, then continue through the rest just like it is in the intro. I watched videos of both Radiohead and JM playing it, and they don't seem to be using the open position of Cadd9 like the chart says, but something way up the neck, like maybe the 8th fret position? I'm still working it out. I think it's the hardest Smiths I've tried to do.

Июль 31: good for K--he's cleaned up and reorganised our old computer porch where I used to do all my computering before I got a laptop...it was a disaster, and now it's usable again after throwing out a lot of obsolete stuff and other trash. Always liked that space. He made a little mini-studio with our drum machine (I gotta work on utilizing that instead of those dopey GB loops) that can hook into a GB ready laptop to do various musical things-- like practice playing over rhythm tracks. That's not so much a thing for me, but anyway it seems to have inspired him to practice more and work on his guitar skills. He made a chart for himself for "Man Who Sold The World"--and I have to admit, it vastly improved the tightness of the band's playing--also, hooray! he made the chart from the recording! I made him a similar, much easier one (for an easier song--Talking Heads' " Heaven", which I've always loved). We played it spontaneously at practice one day--yes we're getting good enough that sometimes we can do that!--and it didn't sound half-bad! But K wouldn't do it at a gig unless he had a proper chart, since it's not a song he knows well. Anyway, I''m kinda getting psyched for this gig we have at the new Pesky Pelican, aka old McNally's. Some of the band stress seems to have lessened lately--Dick and I tried to work out the drum/guitar intro for "Headmaster's Ritual", but I don't think he knows that song off the top of his head--it is a complicated one, and I still haven't really done it all the way through--no way its ready for prime time.

August 9: Getting ready for school again tomorrow......Been listening to music as antidote. Behind the curve as usual, I am listening to the Fleet Foxes' debut album, which won all sorts of kudos. I'd heard it before--I might have it on my IPOD? Anyway, I see it's draw. What sucked me in this time was this great song "Mykonos". (It now has that haunting familiarity). In that one, the vocals have a strange combination of Bruce Springsteen and Jefferson Airplane's Paul Kantner. Usually they sound more like just Paul with a little Grace thrown in. Sometimes a little Neil Young.

So I pulled up the 2008 award winning album. Apparently "Mykonos" was on a special Japanese release of the album. Tricky. And what I came to find was the reason I wasn't overwhelmed by a whole album listen. The music is good, with interesting ideas, pretty. Nice lyrics. If I listened to individual songs I would like several of them. Together is too matchy-matchy, though.

I blame Production. I see this being a fault of several indie/alt bands looking for a sound. The whole album is drenched in this hollow echo effect--every single song. Instead of matching the effects to any particular song, they just universally put this echo sound on everything, I guess deciding it added to the retro, Greenwich Village Llewyn Davis effect of their sound. It's good for one or two songs, but a whole album full of that just starts to sound muddy and repetitive. I'm now curious to hear something of theirs without the echo. The first song on the album, about the sunrise comes closest. Note to self, cos I can fall in love with reverb and echo effects.

August 28: Learned how to play "Roxanne" (The Police) today. I remember trying this long ago and thinking it was so hard. Not so anymore. Gotta play it strumming up, reggae style. Got it good enough to play in band practice, I think.

September 1: Tropical Storm Hermine Day: no school. My friend Bex sent me a duck themed video on facebook from a band I'd heard of but never listened to: Lemon Jelly "Nice Weather For Ducks", an amazingly happy song that struck my mood right and sent me on a bit of a Lemon Jelly binge on VK. One song, called "Pushy" sounded to me like it had clips from that old British doc following some kids through their lives every 7 years (7Up, 14Up, 28 Up, etc.) It's a fascinating doc I love, and it gave me the idea to write a song using the words of my favorite upper, Paul, who has this incredible bittersweet little speech about marriage and greens. I think I'll just use his own words, call it "Paul"--the trick is to make music that captures the bittersweetness.

Sept 17: My Russian student Georgy gave me some bad news that VK was going to start shutting down music files. I think maybe that's old news from two years ago? They had a major music files shut-down for quite a few hours this week, but I think that may be more related to this new interface design they launched. I hope. I can't believe how much I've come to rely on that site for instant access to music I've heard about--it's my heroin, if that's not a hyperbolic statement)).

That with duolingo going glitchy on me for a few weeks, but that seems to have corrected. I've been trying to test out of the levels rather than do the lessons, just to see what I can do cold. I'm stuck at the 3rd level--seems like I either do something stupid like not noticing a negative, or a очень, or I get the word order wrong: У меня нет или У нет меня? See, still not sure. The ones I really get pissed about are when I translate to English and they say my word order is wrong when it isn't!! Dumb program..But. My ear for hearing is getting much better, probably due to listening to so much Russian music and Boris Grebenshikov's podcast at least 5 times a week. Sometimes I don't even need to use the slowdown feature for the oral translation. I almost always have at least a general idea of what the sentences say, even if they say I'm not perfect with the grammar. Still have trouble with grammar endings, particularly in the prepositional, instrumental, etc.."end of the sentence" cases. Still don't know all the odd verbs, but have the common ones fairly well. И стилл кнош И'м нот реады фор фулл он цонверсатионс шитчоут лоокинг лике ан идиот.

This week, I could almost follow the podcasts in Russian about Crosby, Stills and Nash and Emerson, Lake. and Palmer (his podcasts on supergroups)--for example, I learned from BG that Greg Lake had been in King Crimson, which I hadn't known! (Did I mention I've learned to play ELP's "From the Beginning"?) Also, I'm realizing that BG is sometimes taking his Russian chit-chat fairly directly from Wikipedia and translating--this one, at least. Gave the same info in the same order, etc. No biggie--the man is a powerhouse of activity--sometimes I wonder how he does it all!! Stole a band from a friend who only posted briefly then removed or lost the file--good 80s sound : Durutti Column? Early 80s, Manchester, related to Joy Division and Simply Red, my sort of sound. Female vocals remind me of the Cocteau Twins. The guitarist is very good and has my last name...

Sept 22: Am I in one of those kinetic energy balls? A bunch of creative spikes converged on me today. First, tomorrow American Stage is coming tomorrow for a workshop. 2nd, one of my graduates just got the lead role in a student movie at his pretty decent big ol' state college. My favorite guitarist is still on, (!!) kids are joining guitar club, and well, the vibes are inspiring. There was some great, meditative music on Aerostat 221, which just happens to coincide with my play's Baker St address. This is when my world feels right. I learned to play the Grateful Dead's "Ripple" the hard way, (I say, once again, I'm not a fan, but it seems to be one of those songs every musician should be able to pull out in a jam), and tomorrow I have a creative music meeting at 3:30 that's been in the making for a while--new band teacher w/ some drummers, my Tele--no planned music--what will happen?

Sept 24: Well, my jam wasn't too hot-- honestly wasn't sure what to expect. Didn't know if we were going to just make stuff up, or try to do covers--turned out covers were the expectation, so I wasn't really that prepared. Especially since I don't have a deep number of heavy rock covers I can do without checking what the chords are. I would have rather we had some sort of prep. First I spent like 20-25 minutes trying to figure out why my magic stomp pedal wasn't working. It turned out I had unthinkingly plugged my guitar cord directly into the amp, bypassing the effects pedal--stupid! 2nd, the drummer brought his 4 yr-old daughter who was cute but super crabby and in need of a nap, and was complaining in a super-whine how noisy we were! And yet she wouldn't go to the other side of the room to listen to her songs on headphones (she wanted us to listen to them, of course!) haha. So we were pretty distracted, and the band teacher didn't show--don't think he's too into this idea. Or, he's in the family first stage of life, which is cool, and important, of course.

Also, drums weren't so intuitive--he's not like Dick, which, really, just made me realize how great Dick is. I suddenly became very self-conscious that a lot of the stuff I know, that I don't play with the regular band, is very slow, melancholy, and not rock drum friendly.

Drum dude kept suggesting: Beatles? Steve Miller? Eagles? Van Halen? (yeah, right!!)Well, most of the Beatles I knew were either too hard or too slow for him. Rolling Stones? Alt-tuning, dude, didn't bring my tuner downstairs, and besides, don't know any off the top of my head--lessee, "Get Off of My Cloud" features A and B but, what else? Gimme some time to figure it out...no? ok let's move on. Here comes need-a-nap-girl again...If I had my music book?? I started to do "Ripple" which I recently figured out but realized in the first measure it wouldn't be his jam. Course, none of my Russian stuff!!

Finally, I said, what about The White Stripes? and I launched into "Steady As She Goes" (not technically WS but close enough), which I could do in my sleep, and it was pretty damn good off the starting line--he liked it. ( he didn't know the tune I think, just felt it). Then I suggested old stand bys like "Susie-Q" and tried to get him to do the Clash--either "Guns of Brixton" or "Brand New Caddy" but he wasn't feeling it--also said the beat of "Pride and Joy" was too hard for him . Bowie--no way! he said, "you know some really hard stuff, I'm outta practice!!" I played that repeating riff for "Personal Jesus" for him, even sing it a bit, but he said--no, don't know it. In the meantime, I was playing terrible, anyway, without my usual good well known groove beat backers--bass and drums. We had no mike for singing. I wasn't used to playing my Tele sitting down, which I had to do because of all the cord constrictions, so it felt awkward. I finally found a sweet spot by hanging my guitar down low over my right side, but by then it was too late--nap girl absolutely needed to go.

After they left, I decided to take advantage of the fact that I had the acoustics of the band room to myself, no one to complain about whatever awful noise I was making (like I would at home) and I started experimenting with the effects pedal in a way I rarely get to do. So, I started doing all sorts of weird stuff, and was really beginning to have a fine old time. I think the best was when I found some sort of deep 80's echo/reverb that I played my Nightwatch/Subway song to, (does it have a name? Probably "Ко Мне" ) and it sounded really, really good that way! Usually I've only played it on acoustic, but this had a profundity that had been lacking. Then I found some sort of rubber-band sounding, space age thing at U70 (that's the setting, this thing has like 200 settings) and tried my Cock Roach Dance song with that, and oh, wow! How amazing it sounded--I played it over and over.

Then just went through some other stuff I've been practicing on various settings, and thinking to myself, too bad I wasn't in this mindset when the drummer was here---but then I heard a noise in the room--someone was in there with me!! It was the maintenance lady who sweeps up after the day's over. She was just sitting there listening, and suddenly I was embarrassed of course, and stopped. I asked what time it was and she said almost 6! I had been playing by myself for like 2 hours, and it seemed like 10 minutes. She said, actually I was listening to you upstairs and wondered who was playing--thought it was one of the kids. She seemed very tickled, and offered to help me carry my equipment out --telling me how much she loved Zep, Janis, Jimi..I said of course, me too, cos we realized we were exactly the same age, and congratulated each other about not looking it. (She wears those Daisy-Duke jeans shorts women our age shouldn't, but honestly, she can carry them off not too bad. Too bad she bleaches her hair so harshly--but she is sweet. It felt like a moment, us together.

So, drummer dude had asked me to send him 5 songs so he could look 'em up and practice for next time, and I made this list for him (based on his earlier suggestions):

----Steve Miller "Abracadabra"
----Rolling Stones' "Paint It Black"
---Eagles' "Hotel California"
---The Hollies "Long Cool Woman"
---The Dandy Warhols' "Bohemian Like Me" (mostly cos it sounds just like a lost Stones' song.

All of these either I already knew or learned pretty quick this morning in about two hours. I shoulda added in a few simple Tom Petty songs I know, but I'll just bring them up if the opportunity happens.
September 30:

Too busy to write these days!

Not much going on with me musically this week--learned "Jingle Bell Rock" both melody and chords because a new kid in guitar club wanted to learn that. I have three really steady kids, two of them coming every single day of the week after school, but since they're both beginners they are at the basic levels. I have several others that come in when they feel like it--plus Owen of course.

Yef has had a couple music events in SF--I'm glad he's getting to play out, he needs that. He told me it's making him want to start his own band. My analysis is the people he played Bowie with were ok, competent, I mean, but just didn't have the energy the songs needed to really sing. The other group was a long established, it seems, Russian group in SF, and although it was probably fun for him to do, it wasn't HIS music, if you know what I mean. He needs to be the leader of his own thing: I am certain of that. I hope he can find that. I can almost picture him at the center of some big amorphous musical collective--kinda like the ones from the 60s like Zappa's--except maybe not so orchestral? What I mean is a group with a few central players but others who come and go, depending on the needs of the music. Anyway, that's a cool ambition.

Oct 1: the good time of year is coming! So I did some musical matchmaking--I hope it takes. XX
Band practice today: the usual boring rot. Nothing new, except a weak attempt at Velvet Underground's "Rock N Roll". One of those--so simple it's hard to make it sound good things. A/B/E. I fucked up "Sunny" royally today--completely lost my place on guitar and even screwed up the vocals until I just gave up and did vocals only--then I sang it better than ever. Br pissed me off--quite easy for him, really--by asking K if he's the one who "found" Sunny for us to do--of course it was me--I knew it for months before they even tried it. (probably proof is in this blog somewhere..) To give K credit, he gave me credit. I don't get Br--is he really so intent on male hero worship, or is he just a dumbshit, or what? I'm really beginning to dislike him quite strongly, and his wife, forget it.
Today he asked all of us in general, ever heard of Planter's Fasciatis? So I'm like yeah, I had it, and I cured it myself w/o a doctor. Told him to wear the right shoes (it's why I wear those ridiculous Harley boots--the two inch heels are mandatory), and there's insoles you can buy at Publix. Sorry, but I couldn't ignore the initial eye-roll, you-fuckin'-know-it-all attitude he gave me ----once again, I apologise for being a woman who knowsstuff (jesus). He really has a problem--very unpleasant.

Oct 5: Two days ago saw the best live show I've seen in years: The Dandy Warhols at State Theatre (and only 22 bucks!) Besides doing some great pop- post punk, the Dandies, who still look awfully young and charismatic even though they've been around awhile--they took the devil's ageless pills---make some great, dream-trip atmospheric music. Too bad the acoustics at State are a little rough, but you could still feel the Buddha vibe --it's something kinda Floyd-like, but their own thing.

It just feels like they go into this state, and pull themselves into it inside out, like the audience is so distant, through layers of cloud and smoke, while they just take the notes and effects to some droned out untimed space ....it was kind of an experience. I wasn't really expecting that--I thought they'd be some sort of deadbeat cocky slackers living off their old tunes, but they are still a living breathing band that can reconstitute a well worn tune into a new state of existence. That's quite a gift, I believe, to relive old material in such a way that it almost feels like a newly born song. I don't know how they do it--I had no idea that those trippy extended things like "Mohammed" and "Godless" were their standard issue. It's been years since I went to a concert and absolutely loved every song, felt in the moment with them, regardless if I'd heard them before--I think I only knew 3 or 4 well.

Dick and I had the same reaction at practically the same time--I wanna be in their band, soak up all that creativity and radiant atmosphere. Ye. The lead singer/guitarist, is just one of those guys (his last name is Taylor-Taylor, haha, dunno if that's an oblique joke!) he's one of those guys who is effortlessly cool--no pretense, no grandstanding--he just IS. And here I almost didn't go, due to Monday.

Oct 13: So, learned a few Dandy Warhol songs: they are pretty easy in open chords but with a lot of energy. I learned "Bohemian Like Me" (sounds better with a 2nd Fr. capo--A/C/G/D)--best part is the drums and whoo-hoos. Band did it pretty easily. The other is "Get Off"--slightly more complicated pattern because of the one beat each C/G thing at the end of each measure. It Goes-Am/Am/E/E-C/G (repeat) DDDAm-GGGE-C/G. That's it. Kinda fun--maybe boring soon.

Have two new learners in guitar club--had 5 kids here Wed (and Mon and Tues) but none today, the official day--just as well, been helping Owen with his college essays. He's in a super bonding mode with me lately--think he's feeling distant from his present English teacher. He has this crazy idea he came up with today to start a factory in Africa making plastic (not latex) condoms, to help this poor village he taught in this past summer--apparently a life changer for him. Not the old self-absorbed kid (at least not completely)).

Oct 27: Been watching a Tom Petty doc. Tom Petty had a moment in my life, when I first moved to Florida, late 70s, early 80s. Back then you couldn't swing a barnyard cat without hearing Jimmy Buffett ad nauseum. Sooo tired of him, so quick. Tom Petty was the other Florida antidote. North Florida has always been more appealing to me: he was from Gainesville. He swooped in on the tail end of the British punk scene and carried something of their snottiness, but an American version. Back then, I thought of him as punk, probably because he hadn't done any of his best selling albums yet.

He kinda looked like a kid who got beat up a lot, harbored some serious father resentment. He seemed like maybe he had had rickets, or asthma or something when he was a kid, and pushed it out of himself by sheer willpower, like Teddy Roosevelt. Shining through his white oversized teeth and blond shag. Anyway, his band logo, the Heartbreakers, looking like one of those old fashioned love tattoos with the heart and arrow, and a banner with the band's name, really was a cool idea. Oh yeah, the arrow was a flying V guitar. It was so cool to me I broke my rule against band T's and got one at one of the many shows I saw of him in Gainesville when my sister-in-law was in school there.

Those are good memories, of crisp fall road trips in old beater cars to catch a Tom Petty show, his home base. In the beginning, he was only big in England and Gainesville, so when I talked to my people in the midwest they said, you're gonna see who? They were all still stuck in the disco/stadium rock days of Gloria Gaynor, the Commodores, REO Speedwagon and Styx, (both bands that have permanently evaporated from my nervous system). Tom definitely had an edge they didn't have, a hungry and bruised look in the eyes--he had a weirdly artistc redneck Florida style. A little bit of leather, a scarf, punk jeans, retro guitars--he coulda been the rocker of Faulkner's Snopes family.

He only seemed Southern by default, and there was absolutely nothing country in his sound, in rhe beginning, just plain, straight, throwback passionate rock. When REO was rocking the stadium trying to impress us with bland harmonies and the typical 3rd verse lead--up on the 15th fret!!! ooooo! Tom was scaling back, like the punks. Leads in his songs more often came at the beginning of the song, were based on open chord progressions, and rarely went past the fifth fret--that made it sound more like something more ancient, from Link Wray or Roy Orbison (who he later played with in the Traveling Wilburys with other rock gods George Harrison and Dylan).

Petty was a badass, particularly with the record industry, and Stevie Nicks, who was a much bigger star than him. (Hah! She stalked him to be in his band, which echoes some things I've done, ah, how-how-how-how!!) He told her the Heartbreakers didn't have girl singers, (and in that TP stubbornness he was probs right) but in the end he relented and wrote her a few songs, some that he ended up liking so much he kept for himself. But the best one was "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around", which I convinced OUR band to do, and right now is the one I look forward to in practice, it's so simple that it's brilliant Em -G-A with a few funky breaks of C-D-G and a brilliant use of a drony, plain A (unlike Stevie, I sing AND play the sucker, but unfortunately have no Tom to harmonize with nor trade lyrics with....) I am a bit grateful that there is a clip of some studio time when Stevie and Tom, in moments more intimate than sex, are working on the intonations of one line of the song--one I myself have a spot of trouble with--HE is giving a tutorial to HER about how to sing the line (!!!!) and he's fuckin' right, it sounds better that way!! I better go listen to that part again...

Jimmy Iovine--says he loves girls singing guy parts--mebbe I should....;)...what's his address in LA?

One more odd comment. So today, I spent some time in guitar club (3-4 participants) trying to get the two newbies to try to play together, " Susie-Q's" parts....(remember the old days when that was almost impossible, even with Y))!! So, one kid could reasonably do that little walk down lead down the blues scale. So then I tried to find someone who could do the E7 rhythm part on the 5th fret. The kid could make the chords and sound them ok, but, he couldn't even begin to do the rhythm. I tried to simplify it for him about 3 different ways--none of them took, and this is a pretty intelligent kid--he speaks more languages fluently than me!! So, suddenly it dawned on me--you know, I'm pretty good at rhythms. Sorta intuitively, and it's really, really hard to break down for someone else what I'm doing. (learned from Kowoko, I guess..))

NOV 10: so much more fun to talk music. Last weekend went to a show--WMNF British Invasion. Skipper's is starting to feel a little homey to me despite the geriatric boomer set that really love to block up other people's shit--what is it with that self-entitled generation? Not all of them, of course, but the worst of them, yikes! Skipper's is half falling down; the "table" of 2x4s in front of mine was leaning so crazily someone's drink ended up pouring all over the guy at the next table . The first band turned out to be Gina's students! They were great, although you could kinda tell they had recently and quickly learned the songs --but it was sort of awesome to see young kids doing it--old bluesy Fleetwood Mac from back in the Peter Green days--"Can't help it 'bout the shape I'm in--can't sing, ain't purty and my legs are thin..."

Afterwards they came over to talk to Gina, and I asked them, confess, how long have you known those songs? They said a couple hours, which tells you something about their music abilities. Had to wonder who put this act together! The rest of the night, once the silly people with ukuleles, bad voices, and acoustic guitars were done, was filled with amazing arrangements of Beatles, Cream, Procol Harem, and Pink Floyd--damn it, need to figure out which Syd Barrett era songs those were! I made some videos for FB, but my phone really didn't do justice to the richness and vibrance of the sound--I was truly psyched, and I wasn't expecting to be. Several of the players who were in multiple acts were from my golden days of bar-hopping in Gulfport, the beaches and St. Pete: Steve Connelly and Ricky Wilcox, to be specific, and a 3rd old timer--forever young and hip with a Johnny Marr black haystack hairdo--Robert Wegmann, a musician I'd always been curious about, but had never seen. He was great doing prime Beatles tunes, and I told him so. Good musical choices all around, all night. I thought the Girl singers doing Dusty Springfield and Zep were only okay in a broadway, showoffy kind of way, but still pretty decent. Just not my kind of singing....can I say this? That Jewish broadway diva style....((

Nov 24: Found a cool movie on Amazon Prime about Joy Division's coming-up days, or more specifically, about Ian Curtis. It's called Control. I was expecting it to be a bit more introspective, existential, but it had an odd, sort of 3rd person take on Ian, probably because it was based on his wife's writings. According to her, his suicide came from him not being able to choose between her, Debbie his wife and their daughter, and some Belgian girl journalist Aneek that he also loved who always ended up on tour with them. IDK--his lyrics hint at something darker, and his bookshelf, (shown in the movie, too). Still, a rather atypical music biopic, worth the watch. The guy who played Ian was the same one in On The Road that I didn't particularly like, but that was more the writer and director's fault than the actor's. The band in the Control movie actually played and sang the songs and did a pretty good imitation. It did make me think, imitating Joy Division is much easier than actually coming up with the ideas for the songs as the original guys did, since it was such a unique, if minimalist, sound.

The movie makes you sort of compartmentalize songs like "Love Will Tear Us Apart" into this bipolar split between the two women, but I think the lyrics say more? More about the length, confinement, and claustrophobia of relationships.

When routine bites hard
And ambitions are low
And resentment rides high
But emotions won't grow
And we're changing our ways
Taking different roads

Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again

Why is the bedroom so cold?
Turned away on your side
Is my timing that flawed?
Our respect run so dry?
Yet there's still this appeal
That we've kept through our lives

But love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again

Do you cry out in your sleep?
All my failings exposed
Gets a taste in my mouth
As desperation takes hold
And it's something so good
Just can't function no more?

Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear up apart again

Before I found it on Amazon, I found it on youtube in Italian, so watched about a half hour that way. Got the basics, but there was a little subtle existentialism I missed in Italian. Also--had heard about this, but the movie brought this home repetitively--Ian was epileptic, like my first husband, and wonder if this fueled his depression, too. All that focus on control, which I know, from personal experience, that epileptics feel constantly eludes them. The movie makes the argument that Ian seized immediately before his suicide, which gives another dimension to his motives. He had a previous attempt, using his copious medications as the death card. I think he wanted out of more than just a complicated love triangle.
Almost forgot this tidbit mentioned in the movie: source for the name Joy Division? Some WWII Nazi slang for a concentration camp whorehouse. Their original name was gonna be Warsaw--I'd guess from the Bowie/Eno song on Low--had to be a major influence on their sound and melancholy. Early in the movie Ian has Bowie posters plastered all over his room, his first date with Deb is to see The Spiders from Mars, and Low is playing in a significant scene in the background. Sam Riley is not horrible at playing Ian Curtis, but in my imagination he was such an unworldly figure--almost like Ziggy S., that it was kinda weird to see him walking around in a semi-normal life, trying to be a rather bad husband and father.

So, I've been digging further. Read an interview by Natalie, Curtis' daughter, who by now is probably in her late 30's--- and her experiences being involved with, and seeing this film. She also thinks it was good, but also thinks it ultimately misses the mark by focusing on his relationships with women and avoiding his mental illness. I was sad to know that Annik Honore, the Belgian rock journalist, band promoter --besides Joy Division she promoted Durutti Column, Cabaret Voltaire, and Front 242--is also already dead, from cancer. Sad. It is interesting to note, that, the world calls her Ian's mistress, or girlfriend, and the movie portrays Ian as being romantically conflicted between the two...not sure how accurate that is, more of an easy conflict to portray for story-telling w/o depth.

Annik claims it was a strong, but completely platonic relationship. I believe her. Why? Her explanation that Ian was always heavily incapacitated by his medication, and it made him incapable of..you know. Why do I believe this? I had the same experience. Husband #1--but he had the audacity to blame it on me, again and again, which is cruel. That was the kicker. Had I known then what I know now, but... who can reverse time? Later, she had two children, and died of cancer young--well 56--young to me, this year... Life can be so sad in all it's forced limitations.

Here she is--for some reason i connect with her best: http://joydivision-neworder.blogspot.com/2011/02/ian-curtis-and-annik-honore-dazzling.html

I also have this odd skepticism about Debbie's clean, "motherly" portrayal in the movie--she never yells or accuses or says a negative word. Then there's her childbirth scene--really bugs me, having been there twice. The baby is born, and instead of collapsing in exhaustion, or awe at seeing her child, she immediately tries to make the baby latch on to her nipple. Ok, first of all--that takes days--(boy film-makers, take note). Babies don't come out wanting to eat, they are traumatized by what's happened, haven't learned of "the comfort of the breast"yet--it needs to be learned. And----sorry boys! there's no milk there yet! It takes a day or two of stimulation for that to begin--why some people give up. And, interestingly, the next "overbearing oppression of marriage and babies scene for Ian" shows a sea of bottles and formula. If she was breast-feeding, why all this?? Something is off.

Nov 27: Txgvg vaca is over in the morning--agh. Well, another X-mas one soon in heavenly California. Freedom!!!

So, remembering that Seminole Music is open on Sunday afternoons, I took a chance and brought the Taylor acoustic to get the buzzing fixed that was driving me crazy. Funny how having your guitar go bad has such an ill effect on your playing confidence--well, I guess certain types of beat players don't care...me, I can't stand to be even a little out of tune. I have a hard enough time sounding decent even when everything is perfect, what with my bent left index finger and my who-cares-what strings-I'm playing-it's-a-chord right hand pick-strumming...I know, I'm working on it... only the last 4 on all open DDDDDs!!!!!

So, turns out the weather or something put my neck out of alignment, and I had them put new strings on again, but this time had heavier ones go on, in case the super light ones contributed, and the action isn't quite as low as it was, but still, it sounds much better again. Also the machine head on G was loose. So now everything stays in tune easier. The guys there always make a fuss over this little guitar--again the counter guy immediately sat down to play it some (he's got a whole storeful of guitars to play, geez! But no Taylors....guitar geeks))). Then the other guy played it, even with the buzzing! Anyway, they said they'd try to have it in a hour if the store didn't get busy with customers.

In the meantime, they start having this total geek-out trying to name a lick some 60+ year old customer with long grey hair was playing--one said Procol Harem, the guys said some ol' blues guy, I forget. Then they got into this one-up about only steal from the best! No, that wasn't it--it's stealing if it's from one writer, but it's research if it's from more than one. Then my guy, who had already popped all the strings off my guitar, launches into this diatribe about Jimmy Page (my hero!) and how, if you look at newer copies of Led Zeppelin II, the credits on "Whole Lotta Love" have been changed to include Willie Dixon, along with the LZ guys. He even knew which lyric was Willie's and SANG it!! Pretty damn good bluesy voice, too! I just sat there smiling: love this kinda stuff. But I wish I'da had the forethought to say--what about the Lemon song?!? Did they give Robert Johnson a credit too? or Howlin'Wolf!!?

Instead, I just played dumb girl and said I was going shopping if they needed me.

But when I got home, I hadda check my copy of LZ II: nope, mine's too old. Credits only Page, Plant, Jones and Bonham. )) The guitar sounds good again, thankfully, because I started working on two new songs. One for band which I don't particularly like playing: Leon Russell's "This Masquerade"--like the song, tough to sing with a really odd key change, but the guitar chords are kinda meh alone--needs a second guitar to sound okay. Has a similar walk-down as "Summertime". I sorta have the lead down too, but not to perfection. It's not my song, only for singing. Ken's pick, but I want to do it justice.

MY new song is the "Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill" from the White Album. Easier chords, but not a piece of cake, esp., that Spanish guitar intro. I have a tab, know the notes, can't get the super speed and timing. Suspect it's G. Harrison. It repeats which is what makes it hard. The chords are just silly and fun, and sorta counterintuitive. Enough to keep it from being a bore.

Sofia: good stuff/good connect. More later.

Dec 6-St. Nick's day: Listening to Don McClean got me thinking about the "Waters of Babylon" song again. I think I learned the chords a while back, but that wasn't satisfying. The original is on a banjo or mandolin or something--fingerpicking. So I found a tab--worked my way through it. Took me a while. But think I'm getting it--just have to practice it for speed and sound accuracy. Sounds more interesting on a 6th fret capo, if you get it on right. I think it will be one of those songs you won't forget, once you learn it. Heavy on finger muscle memory.

Dec 9: New rich vein. BAD WEATHER, the American Album. Don't forget and stay alive --you idea, you!!
Throw in the concept of the demiurge in there somewhere--the demiurge creates the bad weather.

Dec 10: Got band to try "The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill". It needs work, but what fun!! Did Bowie with a Brit accent--liked it better that way (that is until I hear a recording of it, I bet). Recorded Talking Heads' "Heaven" but don't think it's publishable, unless I cut a short bit out. I like that song a lot too. Probably more than the audience will. Sang back up on half a song at PP last night, but the mike wasn't picking much up--plus I was a little buzzed. Can't even remember what the song was--Allman Bros or something?

Dec 15: I am tonight listening to two major music moments: Lou Reed's Berlin (the live "opera" filmed by artist Julian Schnabel --had no idea how sad and soul-stirring that musical idea was--how many famous musicians were involved. A second musical moment was finding a doc on the Manchester band, JoyDivision, and how it started feeling its hypnotic mojo. Not high quality filmwise, but it captured them better than the biopic Control. One of the narrators made a brilliant commentary about Joy Division's contribution to punk: Early punk screamed "Fuck YOU!"--Ian was saying, "I'm fucked."

More real. The Zen school of producing. "Make it more yellow"> sure--I wanna do that. The film said they created an interior landscape of a science fiction Manchester. ))))))))

Dec 26: Oakland, CA-- missing my guitar, been unable to sing properly for the better part of a week week, due to sickness. Oakland feels prohibitively further from SF than I would have thought. Still, I've managed to make plans there 3X including going to SFMOMA tomorrow.

Grabbed a book for the plane before I left: Rip It Up And Start Again. Katie actually told me the song source for the title--a band called Orange Juice. It's about the Post Punk years, and I agree with the author that those years were significantly more creative and vital to music than the "real" punk years. Or, I've often thought, it's just a false limit to say it was all dead so soon, in what, '77-'78? Sometimes it almost feels like the arbiters of punk declared it prematurely dead just so they isolate the rest of us as "not really there". What other music movement has this sort of aborted trajectory? Did anyone ever make a big deal about when the British Invasion ended, with a hard and fast date? It is somehow symptomatic of the silly insider status that's always haunted punks. Were you in or out? When were you in or out? (Poser.)

Stretches of the book were a little dry, but I've actually filled in a lot of gaps in my knowledge of that time--roughly '78-'84, according to the title. I've especially learned more about the NY No Wave scene I pretty much missed, some of which Dick knows better. Learned also it was much more avant-garde and often bordering on silly, in a way I find somewhat uninteresting. It reinforces that I was on track to never get too excited about it. James Chance, Lydia Lunch and Teenage Jesus, DNA. Throbbing Gristle maybe had the most interesting concepts--still, I will never be a regular fan. The movement seemed to be into contradiction for contradiction's sake. I liked the section on the British early scene better--which were heavy on political roots, esp in the blue-collar cities of the North.

Jan 3, 2017: deep into this book and realizing how important, how unsung was John Peel. Enough that I want to pay tribute to him.

This all started, perhaps, because I noticed my British friends seemed to have more access to independent music than we did in America. What I mean is, their mainstream music programs, whether on radio or TV tended to give more exposure to stuff that would probably be treated as underground in the US. There's the obvious things, like all the Mancunian bands like The Smiths, Joy Division, The Fall, Oasis, Stone Roses were sort of mainstream--listed as #1 on the pop charts for example whereas ordinary people rarely even heard of them here (unless you happen to be a music fiend). For example, I thought I was choosing something pretty obscure when I wanted to use The Flying Lizards' cover of the Beatles' "Money", or the Special's "Ghost Town". To my Brit fans these were ordinary and overplayed. Wow--songs I only heard by accident.

So, reading about the history of radio in Britain partially in my post-punk book, partly from other sources, I put together how English people my age had a quite different music experience than I did in the US. Ironically, this was due to heavy regulation of the airways, via BBC 1-4, plus the radio equivalent. Not totally different from CCCP restrictions--England in the 60s resorted to "Pirate Radio" which literally came from offshore ships avoiding restrictions from land-based stations, and the BBC's monopoly on the airwaves. I suppose they thought they were giving their youngsters better quality "non-rock", but it also had to do with circumventing record company's licensing practices, so in a way it wasn't much different than the problems we have nowadays with internet pirating.

Radio Caroline was one famous example of a real Pirate station, and Radio London another, where my man John Peel DJed in the late 60s. Then he got a very popular show on BBC radio, where he seems fairly unhinged--it must have been very freeing to listen to him in those days. But the part I most liked about was how his situation allowed him to play virtually anything, and he did. He was famous for being amenable to actually listening to thousands of tapes that audience members, newly hatched bands, unsigned musicians, local favorites sent in. What a gift to the music world. And he was not unknown to play such stuff on air--very cool. He championed a lot of bands who later became famous because of his wide audience.

Wish we had him now. There's something online called John Peel's Record Box that's supposed to be random 45s of some of his favorites--many we all have probably never heard of. His all-time favorite was supposedly a song called "Teenage Kicks" by a band called The Undertones--pretty typical garage rock stuff. He also really promoted The Fall. Adam would be glad to know his bud Charlie Feathers makes the list several times. But in his day he went to bat for both psychedelic music, punk, and later many post-punk bands. Not to mention he sounded like a cool guy. Maybe some dangerous?

There were supposed pirate (unlicensed) stations in the US as well, in SF and other places. I suppose the "Mexican" station in American Grafitti was supposed to be like one of those. And that old song "Mexican Radio"--eating barbequed iguana ....And that guy in Pump Up The Volume. But mostly commercial radio ruined the idea once again--I think we had a local station in Tampa that called itself "Pirate Radio" for a decade or so, but it mostly played the usual pop top 40 rotation, maybe from rock charts, but still. Not the same thing, and full of obnoxious commercials--that was about the time I permanently turned off commercial radio and never turned it back on. I think that station was 95 FM which now plays hip-hop. I had to look that up to know it--haven't listened to it in a million years.

Jan 17: I must be fairly serious about my new idea because I'm not spouting the details here in public)).

Feb 5: New gig, new gear. Had to get some multi-guitar stands, because every chair in our house these days has been taken up with a guitar.

So, we got this new rock hero guitar--a brand I kinda distain. Ibanez, but it's only a maybe==it says Ibanez on the headstock, but the whole thing has been customized. The neck is ???? You can play as high as the 24th fret for real, and the last four are grooved out--why? I dunno, some guitar geek thing. The neck is very thin, even thinner than my Telecaster. It's body is soooo damned ugly--lime green, yellow, florescent pink and black psychedelic swirls. Ugh. Looks like it lived at the corner of Haight and Ashbury way too long, in a tie-dyed explosion. Honestly, if I saw it in a guitar store, I would have never even picked it up--it looks so stupid boy toy. Also, it has those locking machine heads for the strings, which I have no idea how to operate, but supposedly they rarely go out of tune.

It has a whammy bar, and that is partly why I am having to severely adjust my playing. Bar chords, my former nemesis, (crooked index finger?) sound just fine for me on this, but open chords, if I don't play super light? Sound way out of tune. Open-C, a chord I've played unfailingly for 40 years, sounded shite, but bar chord C was crystal. Weird adjustment for me. Too much pressure makes everything bend out of tune, but hard chords are much easier.

I wanna be pissed about how much someone who has access to my bank account paid for this monstrosity without asking--the price makes it the 3rd most expensive guitar in my house, including the vintage antiques. But, I've had so much fun, I can't complain, and I got an unusual apology, and I've sort of laid enough claim on it that it cannot be considered a single person's--ahem-- possession. This is tricky, cause I do lay sorta personal claim to my Taylor--even if I do make allowances for use....)))

So, this is the strange thing I've noticed. Keep in mind, the majority of my daily playing is done on acoustic. This comes from some notion I got long ago that acoustics are more challenging, that if you can play something on them, it just makes it easier to do it on an electric--particularly my light little Telecaster Holden. Well, this monster--maybe it should be called Frankie for the ugly Boris Karloff color, is pretty damned easy to play--except for that over bending problem I mentioned on open chords that make them sound out of tune if you hold too tight. But, on the other hand, I played Ebdim with relative ease--good trade off. And something about this guitar--just puts me in the mind to experiment with sounds and chord combinations, esp. whole bar hammer ons an pull offs.

And here's something really odd. I pretty much use my Tele exclusively with effects because of it's trebliness, ( hated by me), especially on the higher strings. I've learned to use particular settings that sound decent, like the Brit '70's and Vintage Clean, Chorus, maybe "Womanizer" --perhaps Ping-Pong and a couple odds ones on certain songs. The really crazy echoes and spacy things just sound too much, too loud, too distorted, on my Tele. But this guitar--lots of the weirder setting like Jupiter Ray and the various flanges and phasers, just sound awesome and clear, if weird. I spent about 25 minutes playing that old song (still a fave after all these decades!!), "the Rumble"--it's so easy, but sounds so cool. Dsus2 and G, 3X, then a Dsus2 and B7 for the turnaround with a little riff at the end--with all that tremolo/vibrato, if you time it right, anyone can sound like a rock star. Jupiter Ray, all the flanges and phasers--incroyable!!!

Also, probably because it has 5 pickups (two humbuckers)--every setting sounds sooo different--so , that makes for a lot of experimentation right there. So weird to finally have to admit to myself how much knowing technology is so integral to making good sounds--something I hate to admit.

So, I like my (our) ugly little overpriced? customized guitar with a stupid carved-in grip, a feature I never understood in guitars. I also learned quickly to play the old Blues Bros./Taj Mahal tune, "She Caught the Katy", fairly quickly today, even though it has a jazz chord I never played before, and Ken gave me a simplified changeup if I switch up the Eb for Eb7...he's still good for sumpin', that boy.

Feb 15: Basically learned RHCP's "Under The Bridge" because Luke said something about it. The Ultimate chart didn't seem to say much, so I watched a video, but he was one of those slow ass tedious dudes with a silly nerd voice that you know would forever keep him from being a rock god. I used his fingering, but fell asleep for his lesson. Every comment in the comments section underneath was complaining how hard it was, how as one said "I hate this song now. " I was pretty much in agreement, and it didn't help that he went straight into his slow ass lesson without showing how it should sound first--by the end I had completely forgotten what the song sounded like. So I gave up, more or less. Then, decided one last approach --listened to the original, then went back to the Ultimate chart. Strummed through the chords--used bar chords rather than what it was showing--not bad! And not hard, really, except the opening is a stretcher for me on acoustic. So now I kinda like it. I'll be sick of it in no time, though.
My fave RHCP's I've ever learned was "Knock Me Down", but it's been so long I think I mighta forgotten chunks of it--it changes chord patterns a few times. That seems to be a weird thing they do that I'm trying to decide, Does it work? Either they're innovative, or just don't follow the usual progressions and don't care if it follows any logic, and since their singers aren't all that accurate it hardly matters. They always have awesome backup singers, tho.

Feb 24: Creative Friday. several strands. I've been talking to Adam, trying to get him motivated for music again. He posted a really good guitar piece on instagram in response. I wonder if we really can do some music at spring break? He's got good instincts, man. He had a name for it, but I don't know if he has words. Something like "Paradise Obscurred", I think? Well, if he doesn't have words for it, I have an idea--I just read по-Русский this horrific passage in Crime and Punishment or Преступление И Наказание.

It's Raskolnikov's Dream--he is dreaming he is a child walking through town with his father. They run across this group of drunken fools in a cart, trying to force this poor old nag to gallop with maybe twenty of them in the cart. The owner of the cart and nag is showing off for the laughing crowd, and becomes disgustingly abusive to the poor horse, whipping it, then getting more violent as the horse tries to do what he wants, valiantly surviving horrible blows from various objects until it finally submits to death. Just awful, and Childe Raskolnikov rushes over to kiss and hug the poor dead thing while his father tries to drag him away. He says weakly, it's none of their business, the man can do what he wants with his property, which is exactly what the ugly drunk keeps saying . The crowd has mixed reactions; some laughing at the stupidity, others egging on the violence, and a few saying he should go to jail, he's not a Christian, etc. as criticism. But none helped the horse. I think this has amazing potential for poetry/song. It's gut wrenching, and somehow seems to echo something i'm feeling about my fellow man, so cruel.

Still wondering what's happening with my old songs. Also wrote a silly thing in our writing group, so juices are up!

Alt-Wrong. I like the name. It reverberates past the obvious critique. I haven't felt so solid with a name since--? --ever.

Crazy times dredge up the creative. The personal and political.

March 5, 2017: Did my last Weekend duty of the school year, with interesting results. I had to drive a bunch of largely hispanic kids to International Mall, at approximately the time the one radio show I occasionally listen to , WMNF's Schlossy's 60's show. He's good, a real rock historian of sorts--the 70's show is in the next slot--both usually good, often with a surprise song I've never heard. I humoured them into let me play it, saying I'd give them an extra precious hour at the Mall, plus they can listen to headphones anyway!! Well, here goes the weird thing. He was not playing well known pop 60's music, put something more like prog rock with long guitar solos. They groaned that it was "old" music.

So, instead of dismissing their pov as ignorant, I kinda started listening through their ears. It doesn't hurt that I agree generally about tedious guitar instrumentals and solos--punk's effects on me, plus having to listen to melody driven solos in our band's systematic regular pattern (vocal, guitar solo melody-vocal)--which i am sooooooooo tired of, no matter how much leaner said guitarist is getting.

But, thinking about the kids' opinions, the next generation of music's audience, it sounded especially tired and dry of life. On the way home, I let them pick the station, which was all bouncy with rhythm- highly produced, but-not horrible, although I joked about some of the auto-tuned vocals. They laughed, so maybe they do get it. So here's what to take away from that.
If we're gonna rescue music for the next generation, they expect high production, and clarity (I think that the muddiness of the old stuff was some of what they objected to.) Bounce and Energy. The vocals could be more experimental. Rhythm has to come from something more complex than the basic rock 'n' roll bag of tricks, which sounds stale and dry. Guitar is cool, but it's got to be fresh, not too melodic, with innovative uses. Formula is definitely out the window.

Interesting to think about.

Mar 21: Skulking around on facebook. I can't believe how many lame ass musicians there are whose parents or somebody paid tons of money for them to do music school. (Banging my head on a hard, wood, floor) Why is life like this? Why didn't I......? ...everything's homegrown for me. And why am I so lazy? I can run rings on these, if I put in the effort--but that sounds horrible on so many levels. Maybe it's just sad that god puts the desire in so many.

Mar 24: Ok, got myself all in a tangle over this concept of "A shuffle".. Or Blues shuffle, if you will. Well, I never got technical (or music school) about it, just thought I figured it out from watching other people--recall Dave Herrero referring to one of his music buds as "the shuffle king." So I figured it meant doing one of those I IV V blues progressions--not chords , but single or double notes reflecting a blues scale: Stevie Ray Vaughn's "Pride and Joy" being the ultimate example, but others kinda used similar patterns, like the White Album version of "Revolution". My mistake, according to the music geniuses, is thinking that "Long Cool Woman" by the Hollies, and "Brand New Cadillac" were the same thing--they kinda follow a similar pattern on guitar,but don't "swing". Apparently shuffles are more about the drums and some sort of non -strait thing in the 4 beats--I dunno how else to explain it. Ken tried to explain it to me by using two horrible examples of Stones songs that sound almost alike, because the time was too fast--sometimes I dunno if he wants to teach or win. My counter was--Link Wray's "Rumble"--that swings, right? Is a shuffle? He says yes and I am vindicated...I Not sure about this other drummer I tangled w/ on FB. Dick says he's never heard of a shuffle beat, although apparently he can do it instinctively. Ken said he was doing it at practice.He requested two particular beats from Dick and Dick provided both. When he did it I could hear the difference, the shuffle thing has a little extra pulse at the end of the beat. This must've been why Ken got all up and insulted me (and Bruce) at practice. Later, this made Ken go back into his interior (probably knowing he was "off"), but we all went out to dinner together, where Bruce did his usual fawning over Ken. But I realized he has an ulterior motive in this..he doesn't want to talk about his past....there's something missing about his father...??

Mar 26: I am waking up so happy on a beautiful Sunday, because last night I solved a 4 year old problem---"Gimme Danger". I had my own version I've been playing for maybe 4 years. Yef came in early one AP morning, grabbed a guitar and showed it to me, and I was all like--I wanna know that!!So he showed me the opening 4 chords: the trick is the Em9 at the opening, followed by Dsus2, Cmaj (the easy, two finger version) and finally Asus2--those chords just sound heavenly together. I was in love with that song (although I occasionally forgot it was Em9 and replaced it with Em7 another of my favorite chords. But Em9 is definitely right, sounds perfect.

Haha, I remember how much I struggled to figure out the fingering of that Em9 that first day with Yef. Now it's like old school butter--probably due to the similarity to the opening of another favorite Russian song of mine: N.P.'s "Кто Ешё" ... Funny how I gravitate to the same chords over and again.

Anyway, the hard part was never those opening chords, although I sometimes would forget them if i went too long without playing it--what I was having trouble with was the little fill line after the E5 hammer on power chord--I was trying to do it by ear, and I came up with something that sounded sorta okay, but I knew was not totally right. It didn't help that the original is in tuning that drops half a step, so that you can't do it by ear note by note. I couldn't find a tab or tutorial I liked..there was one guy on line doing it all in barre chords but his "tutorial" was just to play it slow, no chord names or anything--he probably didn't know the names either, I'm guessing, Anyway, I thought he wasn't totally right because it seemed over complicated--I was pretty sure the original was done mostly in open chords--it fits the Stooges simple genius style.

So, after watching the Jim Jarmusch doc on Iggy and the Stooges, I got inspired to fix my mistake. There's a super-slow, almost grungy version of "Gimme Danger" near the beginning, and I was freezing it, with my guitar in my lap, trying to match the sound point by point--and repeating my frustration because I didn't feel like changing my tuning. So, I got lucky--I watched the barre chord guy's video again and decided not to do it his way, and lo and behold, next I found an Ultimate guitar tab that had probably been there all along, but version 4. I had been starting that fill with a hammer-on on the 3rd fret of the low E--this tab said it was the 2nd fret. I tried it, at first it sounded wrong, esp on acoustic, but then I realized it was right, and as usual, the trick was to be more simple--my ear was filling in notes that weren't there. My bad fill kinda just broke apart a hammer-on G, and C or Am, but it always sounded like too many notes or something. The right way is this: HO F# (2nd Fr-6th String), HO C (3rd Fr-5th St), HO E ( 2nd Fr-4th Str) then: Either Open G (3rd Str) or C (1st Fr-2nd Str). They can alternate, plus a little pinky finger hammer on the 3rd Fr, (1st Str G and neighboring D on the 2nd str) to stir up the mix. And, I think, the hammer ons need to be subtle, hardly there, so it really only sounds like 4 notes. Anyway, it's better than what I had, and I even tried it on my Tele with lotsa 70's Brit fuzz--that helped a lot!! Now if I had someone to play that center cymbal steady cow bell sound I think I'd get the shivers it should make. so happy. I should try it on the Ibanez, but I think Williamson had a Les Paul. I really like his sound. Next, "I Need Somebody"--I do, I need somebody to play with on a more experimental level....work this shit out without all the ego drama.

The longer I play, the more I realize how one little extra note just muddies up the whole mess and throws it off. Those little fill notes, that get you from one bar to the next, that bridge gaps, are sometimes the holy grail of demarking merely good and great music.

April 2: now that my school show is over (and worked out!) I can relax a little and do my own music some again. Gnarls Barkley led me to two places today: of course, "Crazy" which isn't that hard on guitar, especially with a capo. Vocals will be a challenge though. It's one of those songs that will make you think you can sing it great when you do it along with the vocals in your ears on headphones. Take 'em off, it gets hard--but I love it. Heard a girl do it too--works. Then I listened to Gnarls' cover of Radiohead's "Reckoner"--also outstanding, but way harder to play on guitar. Like a lot of Radiohead guitar, it's full of odd chords that feels like they were made up on the spur of the moment, with strange rhythm. I've got the beginning.

April 8: got the boys to try GB "Crazy" today, and I think it is very doable, in spite of all the frustration of making charts with Ken--why is he so non-intuitive with music?? Now after we made the chart with the lead on a simpler Am rather than Cm as the opening chord? For me it's simple as pie to change--I can already do both keys...Ken? If we do it starting in Cm, it forces me to do falsetto like Gnarls, which isn't my best feature. I can do it, but why? in Am I can sing it perfectly. Plus it's easier, if we're gonna try to get this for our gig in two weeks. Why does K always like things that are more complicated? Ego. (Isn't there a pill for this...?? ))))

Haha, but I did get one thing over on him today that he's gonna hate/regret. After more than a year of him dominating the ambient music in our house, I got him to confess to the secrets of his Apple TV/sound system domination. See, he had somehow, "accidentally" cut off all my methods for playing music through our various sound systems. The Bose speakers? Why aren't they working? Oh, he must have accidentally unplugged the system when they put in the new refrigerator--that's why my Ipod won't work anymore through it. Why won't my laptop access the same bluetooth++Icloud player record library we have? Oh, I need to download all the Amazon I-Cloud music files to I-tunes like he did....fuck.

Uh, isn't there an easier way? No, the Amazon Music App for Mac doesn't seem to work anymore-- he got lucky to do it a while back when it did work.

Really? Oh look! I got the app on my phone instead ! Well, would you look at that--there's all our 1500 albums ready to play--test one? Hmm. "Frank Zappa, "Cosmic Debris". Check. The elusive Gnarls Barkley? Seems to be playing. !! Can I turn it down via my phone adjustments? Dude, I got it. But do I want to? " I remember when, I remember when, I lost my mind..."

So I think I broke the secret band code at practice today. A "good" song choice (according to K) is one that features a good Ken lead. A bad one? Doesn't. I'm amused that for some reason Bruce has finally caught on to Ken's ego, and is, actually, occasionally challenging him. The thing is, we have plenty of songs that go bad only because Ken fucks up his leads. They are boring, generally, although he is getting better. Today he did maybe 4 that I was pretty impressed with, one even on one of his boring jazz standards. They better pony up since he insists on them being a feature of every song.
And he's so hard on me making the tiniest of mistakes. Jesus--he makes 10 equal mistakes at every practice. Bruce is usually awesome, with occasional flub. Dick too. Me, my vocals are always spot on, and if I might say, the occasional "voice in the wilderness" when all others have lost their way. I every once in a while lose a guitar part--less than him--or even Bruce. But. I'm not playing harder leads--are leads harder? For me they are, some people seem to intuit them. Once I have a song vocally, I rarely lose it --so much so that I actively look for ways to play with the timing and other sounds just to keep myself interested. That's why I want to play guitar in addition, so I don't get bored. More and more I've just been playing while singing--just jump in w/o asking. I'd love to see Ken try that.. Ken was objecting to me doubling the --I call it shuffle--on Brand New Cadillac with my Brit 70's pedal setting--I know because it overwhelms his but sounds better, more powerful. this week he didn't say anything--the bend I do on that last G bass note is the loudest, gnarliest thing in the room, cannot be denied. Plus my vocals have been getting more demented, more out of control the less I care..

April 24: Good practice Saturday. We're ready, even with Gnarls. Ken's loosening up, even if he has his same stale, uh.."jokes". He still plays overly loud when I'm trying to socialize with the rest of the band--I mean , this really is my only social life...

Bad news on the hometown front--the entire block of good band bars is going--new real estate rising. St. Pete is succeeding, and I'm losing--maybe the band venues will come West, to me?? Gentrification, that evil witch that snuffs the spirit out of many a town.

I'm seriously contemplating the ultimate challenge--writing my own music for my next play--never done that before!! With a few cheats, like the Notre Dame Fight Song, "Bailando" which I kinda learned last year-- 8 songs, maybe on a theme. I'm going to start recruiting. It will be good practice for the thing I really wanna do someday--when I'm ready, and the right ones come round......))

also today I found these interesting online guys teaching really good Led Zeppelin lessons based on the mixolydian scale. "Good Times, Bad Times" and "4 Sticks" --good stuff to learn--fills my bad gaps.

Key of Malta

Monday, June 11, 2012

The Food of Love

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